theo

I sat up in the darkness of my room, pushing the sheets off of me hastily. I blink twice, an attempt to somehow clear my thoughts. I couldn't sleep. How could I?

How could I sleep, knowing Alana is in the room only a short walk down the hall?

I wanted to go to the guest room where she was probably fast asleep. Not with the intention of doing anything, of course not. I just wanted to talk to her. It had been five days since I kissed her.

I kissed her. I repeated in my head. It was still hard to believe. I wasn't lying when I told her she had no idea how long I had been waiting to kiss her.

I've always felt something towards her, and she's always hated my guts. I don't blame her. Whenever she's around me, I don't think, I can't. And I say stupid shit that makes me look a total dick. And I am a dick.

The amount of times I've replayed the moment in my head. Was kissing Alana a mistake? For me, nothing had ever felt so right than the feeling of her lips on mine. But like I said, I don't think when she's around me, and now I can't help feeling that she didn't want to kiss me. That she doesn't feel the same way I do.

I thought back to Reece's party. I feel so many different emotions at the memory of that night. I didn't drink that night. I had planned to, like I had done at all the parties I go to, which are a lot. I don't remember most of the parties I go to. They usually always follow the same pattern; I get wasted, some poor girl will throw herself at me and well, you get the idea. It's pathetic, but I've never known any different.

But when I saw Alana that night, I wanted to know different.

Alana looked stunning, and I couldn't take my eyes off her in that velvet red dress, which hugged her every curve and made her eyes sparkle the most captivating shade of green. Don't get me wrong, she'd look beautiful in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, but it was more the confidence radiating off her that was so attractive, like she had finally realised how beautiful she is.

Of course, she also attracted the attention of countless other guys. She wasn't the type of girl who asked for attention, so she most likely didn't care to notice the lustful eyes of a number of indecent pricks. But I noticed. Instead of my usual antics of counting how many shots of God knows what I could down, I was counting a list of noses I'd need to break later, as Alana had a good time on the dance floor, completely oblivious to the looks she was receiving.

For the millionth time, my mind takes me back to that night, my fist unconsciously gripping my bedsheets as the memories come back, carrying all the emotions with them.

• • •

"Shiiit, who's the chick in the red? I would love to have her dress in a heap on my bedroom floor tonight." Dylan points across the sea of mingling bodies, but I immediately know who he's referring to, and apparently so does my fist, since it has this powerful urge to connect with his face and stop him from looking at Alana in that way for another second.

His action of pointing in her direction has sent him off balance, stumbling slightly into my shoulder. He's drunk. And he's my best friend.

Why the fuck am I feeling like I need to punch my best friend for something I've said about other girls countless times? Since when have I been one to respect women? I shake my head.

When I look up again, my eyes instantly searching for her, I don't see her. For an unexplainable reason, my pulse jumps.

Fuck sake, get it together Theo. She's probably just gone to get another drink.

She's had enough alcohol tonight, I argue to the voice in the back of my head.

My feet move on their own accord towards the kitchen, where I had seen her earlier tonight. Something came over me, and as always, all thought fled my brain at the sight of her. And I got too close to her. 

The kitchen was occupied by a handful of girls and boys, but none of them were her.

Before I knew it I was taking the stairs two at a time,  reached the landing and smacking open each door that I passed as I paced down the hall, not giving a fuck if I saw anyone getting it on inside the rooms.

Unless it was her. Then I would lose my shit.

A commotion came from what I assumed was the bathroom, and within a few strides I stood before my worst nightmare.

The look on Alana's terrified face was enough for more anger than I've ever known to fuel my veins, and I completely lost my shit. Not even a second had past before I was on top of that bastard, wanting nothing more than to rip his limbs off so he could never lay a finger on her again, fuck I would even rip his eyes out so that he would never have the pleasure of even looking at her.

It wasn't long before his blood had repainted the bathroom tiles and I had been pulled off of the prick.

"Theo, get the fuck out of here before the cops turn up, your parents can't get you out of this one."

I can't even remember who said that, but cops were the last thing on my mind. My eyes scanned the room and found her slumped against the wall, passed out with tear streaks still impressed on her skin. Immediately I shrugged off my jacket, draping it over her shoulders.

She mumbled incoherent phrases as I carried her to my car, which I would have laughed at if I didn't feel sick to my stomach.

Alana once again fell asleep as I pulled across her seat belt. I frowned at her innocent state. How did I almost let that happen to her? What would have happened if...

Don't go there. I push away the sickening images. That fucker.

My hand gripped the steering wheel hard enough to turn my knuckles white under the dim street light which seeped into the car. My head whipped over to check on the unknowing, sleeping girl beside me every few seconds, scared she might slip away from me somehow.

I stared at the wall, wondering what the fuck to do now. I had laid her onto her bed, now feeling empty without her curled up asleep in my arms.

Was I supposed to take her dress off?

That velvet thing could not possibly be comfortable to sleep in.

No, that would be creepy and I doubt she would be okay with me doing that, so I just unclipped her heels and pulled the cover over her.

There was no way in hell I was leaving, she was clearly alone in this house and I was not going to let her wake up in the morning scared with no one around, and what if that asshole finds her? Nope, not a chance.

I kicked off my shoes and set up camp on the floor, stealing one of Alana's pillows. I knew I would not be getting a wink of sleep tonight, not with all this adrenaline still surging through me, ready to unload on that prick of a human at first sight.

"Theo?" A small voice interrupted my vicious thoughts. I searched for her green eyes in the moonlight but her eyes were shut tight, obviously asleep.

"Yeah?" I whispered, careful not to wake her completely.

"Sleep don't floor. Come bed."

I know she wasn't even capable of thinking in her state, but I just really wanted to be close to her, and I knew in the morning she would go back to hating me like always. Maybe this would be the only time I could ever sleep next to her.

I pulled off my shirt, only because I hated sleeping in them, and gently laid down on her bed, as close to the edge as possible, so as not to freak her out when she awoke sober. And in those few hours I had the best sleep I have had in a long time.

• • •

I ripped the sheets off of me, striding out of my bedroom door and down the stairs to the kitchen, opening the faucet hastily and then gulping down the cool contents of the glass in seconds. The autumn nights were still hot, and the water cooled me instantly. A second glass later, I was on my way back to my bed for round two of Theo vs Sleep.

I was too scared to wake Alana by switching the hallway light on, so I had to search for my room in the pitch black darkness, but fortunately it only took me a few minutes of feeling the walls to finally locate the door knob.

I softly closed the door behind me and hoped for the best as I walked aimlessly in the dark.

"Fuck!"

A pain like no other pounded my toe, instinctively I lifted my knee to grabs hold of my aching foot. Fucking furniture.

"What the fuck!" This time the cursing wasn't coming from me. What the fuck?

A light suddenly illuminates the room, clean and without clothes strewn everywhere. A room that I now realise was obviously not mine.

I release my awkward hold of my foot and stand up straight when I meet the wide green eyes of Alana, who is holding up her phone as if it were a weapon, ready to throw it at me at any moment.

"Shit. Sorry. Uh, goodnight." I awkwardly make out and head for the door. "Sorry for waking you. Wrong room. Sorry."

I reached for the door knob, but my hand halted midair at the sound of her soft voice.

"I wasn't asleep."

I slowly turned around. Saw her long legs slide out from under the blankets as she swiftly sat up, crossed those legs. I swallowed at the sight of her in my black t-shirt, it drowned her small figure.

"Oh." I struggled to formulate a normal sentence. "Me neither."

She giggled. Her laugh was silky, like i imagined her legs felt. "You sure you weren't asleep? So you were awake when you just accidentally came into this room, huh?" Her unconvinced smile was distracting and it took a while for her words to actually hit me.

My neck felt hot, was I blushing? I had never blushed before. The thought made me feel even hotter.

"No, I swear! I mean, yeah I was awake, but the lights were off. I didn't want to wake you." I brushed my hair back, pulling slightly. Hoped she couldn't tell how much she affected me.

She laughed again, bit her lip. My own itched to feel hers. She definitely knew, it must be written all over my face.

She cleared her throat lightly, drumming her fingers against her thigh. I stared at the ceiling.

Oh. Right. I should leave.

I turned, sighed as I reached for the door knob a second time. I was mad when my fingers wrapped around the cold metal before she made any attempt to make me stay.

"Good night Alana."