I wake up the next morning, somehow in my hotel room. I look to my side and see a little note with a smiley face drawn on it, like last time. I smile.

I dreamt about last night. I had the same dream over and over, that Seth took me to the top of the hill, and we sat there forever, gazing into the view. We also talked a lot, about WWE, about our families, about our problems. He told me a funny story and I laughed, I told him about the time when my brother Joshua went to hospital and I cried, then he put his arms around me and told me everything was going to be okay and that there's always a Plan B for everyone...

Then he almost kissed me. Like yesterday. I thought he was going to, but he didn't.

I don't know why I thought he would do that yesterday. I don't know why I got butterflies, why I closed my eyes, why I almost even slightly...
...wanted it to happen.

I'm stupid. It wasn't even a date, it was just an outing. To clear my head.

I guess I felt that way cause I haven't kissed Mikaze in a long time. If anything, my sexual needs are not being met.

I check my phone - no messages, no notifications, nothing. That probably means that the press didn't find me and Seth yesterday. I breathe a sigh of relief, but then I feel kind of sad in a way that I didn't take any pictures, cause all I have left are the memories of Vegas.

It's 7:30 and the sunlight is pouring in through my windows. Technically this is 'going home day' so I can do whatever I like, but most of the wrestlers are staying in Vegas for Dean and Renee's party tonight.

Crap. I'm in no state for a party tonight.

I gather my bright hair into a messy bun and brush my teeth. Since I wake up at 6:00 almost every show day, I can't help waking up early even when there isn't a show. Still, it depends whether 7:30 counts as early or not. For me, it's hella early.
I'm about to call my friends, but I remember that I'm still not on good terms with Bayley. Or at least I think she hates me. Even though I know I will soon, I'm not in any mood to make up with her yet. I reckon I'll talk to her at the party tonight.

I slip on a baggy shirt and leggings and head downstairs for breakfast.

I was right - most of the wrestlers have stayed behind for the party. In the canteen are The New Day, Finn Balor, Sheamus, Cesaro and Dana. I wave to them and head straight to the salad bar; I know, I'm crazy with this whole salad for breakfast thing.

"Sasha!" calls Xavier Woods to me. I turn around.
"Sasha, we didn't see you coming home on the tour bus yesterday," he teases, and the rest of the group 'oohs' and 'aahs' in response.
"I went out," I reply honestly, not really knowing how to answer the question. I chuck in a nervous laugh in the hope that they might leave me alone.
"Right. The thing is, we also didn't see a particular other wrestler on the tour bus yesterday, and we were wondering-"
"If he was hanging out with you!" cries Big E.

Ahh crap. I should have foreseen this. Obviously people would be suspicious if both me and Seth go missing.

The group suddenly go silent, and that's when I realise another person has entered the room.

My husband.

"Sasha?" he says. "Can I talk to you?"

I look over to the rest of the guys, who probably feel as awkward as I do. Xavier Woods bites his lip; Mikaze probably heard everything he just said.

"Sure," I say, a little nervously, taking my salad and following Mikaze out of the canteen. He takes me up the elevator and all the way to his room. When we get inside he closes the door behind him.

"What was all that for?" I ask. "Couldn't we have spoken downstairs?"

"Umm...no." My husband looks a little anxious. He starts pacing up and down the room. I don't really know what to say.
Then I remember he's flying back to Boston this afternoon.

"Have you packed, then? What time is your flight?" I'm trying desperately to break this ugly silence.

"Yeah, 2:45," he says, picking up a bunch of his clothes and chucking them carelessly in a suitcase. Clearly he's very distracted. I don't know why he's called me here.

Suddenly he stops what he's doing and turns to face me. "How are you?" he asks.

"Fine," I say, raising my eyebrows. I know that's not all he wants to ask. He's distracted for a reason, and I want to know what's on his mind.
I wish he'd just cut the bullshit. "Look, whatever you want to say, just say it."

He's taken aback. "I just want to know how you are. You're my wife, after all."

Then he looks away from me. "Even though you haven't been acting like it recently," he mutters under his breath.

"Excuse me, what?" I say, pissed off. God, can we not have a conversation for five minutes without him trying to trigger me?

"Sasha, I think you know what I mean."

"I swear to God, if you are still not over that photo..."

"It's not even about the photo anymore!" he's partially yelling now, and this scares me so much my heart jumps. "Tell me where you were yesterday."

Shit. I...don't know how to explain it.

"Tell me!"

"I was with him, okay? I was upset that I had a fight with Bayley, and then Seth offered to take me for a ride to clear my head. He was only trying to help me! Look, he's certainly not in...love with me or anything." This makes Mikaze shudder.
I'm actually confident that Seth doesn't love me. At least, he's never told me he likes me.

"Huh," scoffs Mikaze. "Help you indeed. That arsehole never leaves you alone! And you, just playing along with him..."

"Don't call him an arsehole, Mikaze. That's a rude name for someone who's actually trying to understand my problems."

"Okay, okay. We'll forget him for a minute. Did you see yourself yesterday, then? How you were when I walked into the backstage area with Bayley?"

I want him to say it. "How was I, Mikaze? Go on!"

Then he takes a step closer and I can never expect what comes next. "You were all over him," he snarls, his eyes narrowing. "Every time I see you you're with Seth freakin' Rollins. Here, at the airport, on the news, and all over that flipping billboard!"

He's mental. He's paranoid. But at the same time, he's so blunt that I don't know what to say or quite how to say it.
Mikaze doesn't stop there. "You don't see it, do you? You're delusional. You've forgotten that you're mine, Sasha."

As he says this he grabs my wrist tight, almost to the point where it hurts me. I struggle to break free.

"I don't...belong...to anyone!" I say, finally managing to hoist my hand from his grip.

"Oh yeah?" says Mikaze, in a tone that he's never used before. I feel like I don't recognise my husband anymore. "Then what does that ring mean on your finger, Sasha? Does it mean nothing to you?"

I look down at my finger, at the shiny silver ring with the little diamond in the middle, and that's when I realise what it means. It's not just wrapped around my finger - oh no, it's wrapped around my body, my head, my heart, and all the freedom I once had to do whatever I wanted. It's keeping me locked and bound. Locked and bound from going to bars at night, from visiting exciting places with amazing people like Seth. I may have gained Mikaze as a husband, but only now do I realise just how much I've lost.

A single tear starts to roll down my cheek. "Maybe...this was all too soon," I whisper to myself.

"Huh!" laughs Mikaze. "Too soon, indeed. That's not what you said when you married me. In fact, you said you were the happiest woman on Earth. Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

I look up from the ground into his eyes. They've turned red with fury. "I gave my life for you, Sasha. That's what the ring on my finger means. What sacrifices have you made for me, huh?"

"I don't know!" I cry, confused and angry. Then all of a sudden I feel upset. What happened to my husband?
Why doesn't he understand? Why do I not feel comfortable around him anymore?
"I don't know. I...just need some time."

"God," says Milaze disapprovingly, looking away from me and shaking his head. "You always need time." How dare he?
I feel the anger start to boil in my stomach again, and I hope for his sake that he doesn't say another word.

He looks back at me again. "Sasha, all you needed to do was stay away from Seth. But no! You insist on being such a-"

"Such a what?" I finally gain the courage to yell back. "Such a what, Mikaze?" He doesn't reply. "Go on, say it! Such a flirt, or a slag, or an attention seeking whore? Is that what I am to you, Mikaze?"

We're looking straight into each others eyes, but with indescribable rage instead of love. For a moment, there's silence between us, then Mikaze steps back.

"I don't like this, Sasha. I can't do this anymore."

"Mikaze..."

"It's either yes or no, Sasha. You stay away from him or stay away from me."

The answer should be obvious. I should give my life to Mikaze. I know I mostly just love Seth as a friend but...something tells me that Seth would never speak to me the way Mikaze just did. Something tells me that Mikaze has never made me feel the way Seth makes me feel, and can never do so. Out of all my heartstrings that are bound to Mikaze, one of them is still holding onto Seth, telling me not to let go, telling me that it's not too late for me to gain everything back.
To be happy again.

I've stayed silent for too long. "You've made your choice, then," says Mikaze. "See you in Boston."

A few more tears come streaming down my face as I realise there's nothing left to say anymore. I storm out of Mikaze's room and enter my own. Then I collapse onto my bed and start to think.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I am delusional.

Maybe I'm delusional for thinking that I loved him. Delusional for rushing into marriage without knowing who my husband truly is. Delusional for giving my life away at 23. I've had this thought before, but I've never been so serious about it.

I've never been more sure than I am now, that I cannot love Mikaze.
No matter how much we try, no matter how much we make up after our constant bickering, we can't force ourselves to be compatible.
It's only now that I realise that our relationship didn't break down.
We were never right in the first place.