It’s been a few days since Simon called. I’ve done a good job of spending as much time as I can with Louis without making the other boys suspicious.

But I still can’t get the thought out of my head that we’re not normal best friends.

I’ve been laying awake and watching Louis sleep in my arms, as we’ve fallen into a sort of routine. Each night, he waits until I’m all tucked in before coming and asking if he can sleep with me. Each night, I invite him to stay and we fall asleep cuddled in each other’s arms.

But last night I couldn’t sleep, and not because I was too busy watching Louis. My brain hurt from all the thinking and hiding I had been doing, and there was no way I would be able to sleep without having nightmares.

I’d decided that maybe what I needed was to tell somebody what was really going on. Maybe it would take some of the stress off my brain and allow me to relax for the rest of the time I had with my Boobear.

Today, when Louis asked if I wanted to go swimming, I told him I was tired and was going to stay inside. He didn’t question me, just went out and dove in. The only other person who stayed in was Liam. I figured since he was like our dad and all that he would be a good person to talk to about my messed up emotions.

“Liam? Can I talk to you?” I asked nervously.

“Sure, Haz, just give me a second.” He finished folding his swimsuit and neatly placed it in his bag. “What’s up?”

I bit my lip. “I don’t really know, to tell you the truth…”

“Well what’s wrong, then?” He asked, his eyebrows creasing slightly with concern.

“I don’t even know where to start,” I told him honestly, “It feels like everything is wrong right now.”

His eyes filled with pity and he pulled me down next to him on the couch. “Is this about the situation with you and Louis?”

I nodded. “Kind of.”

“Why don’t you start from the beginning, wherever that is?” Liam suggested.

Taking a deep breath, I told him. I explained everything from how comfortable I’d always been around Louis, to how our friendship worked, to all the emotions I’d pent up inside since that first meeting with management. I told him about the strange pangs in my chest, the loneliness, the tears, and the cuddling. He just sat patiently, occasionally nodding his head or murmuring to show he was paying attention.

I ended with the phone call and strange feeling I’d had last night that we weren’t normal best friends, letting out a relieved sigh. It felt good to finally tell someone and not carry the burden of my thoughts alone.

Liam had his knuckles to his temples, rubbing lightly and muttering. He seemed to be deep in thought, so I waited for him to look back up at me.

“So you’re scared of losing Louis and you think you aren’t normal best friends?” he clarifies.

“Exactly,” I confirm.

“To me it kind of sounds like Simon was suggesting you have feelings for each other, Harry… do you?”

My mouth dropped open. “You think I want Louis for more than a friend? You’re crazy!”

“Based on what you just said, it sounds like you do, Haz. You get jealous when he’s close to someone else, want him with you forever, and you can’t act but everyone thinks you’re in love with each other. Think about it.” No. I was not gay and Louis was my best friend. I thought Liam was on my side!

“What happened to all of us are here for each other, Li? I am not gay! How many times do I have to say it? I was just thinking that maybe Louis and I have a special connection that Simon shouldn’t be messing with!” I snapped at him, frustrated.

“Calm down, I was just trying to say that you should consider the fact that Simon could be right. You’ve thought of everything except that, so why not consider it at least? You’re the one who wanted me to tell you what I thought was going on,” he explained.

I put my head in my hands, copying his earlier position. “I just don’t know, Liam. I don’t know what I’m doing or what’s going on anymore, and it’s scary. I want my best friend and normal life back; all this just feels wrong.”

“It’s not wrong, Harry. But can you at least tell me why it’s impossible that you have feelings for Louis?” he asked curiously.

“I just can’t! We’re best friends, and that’s why we’re so close and comfortable. We are not a real couple, Li, we’re doing a publicity stunt.”

“Is it possible that you’re not letting yourself think you might like him because you’re afraid of what everyone will think if you’re actually gay as opposed to faking being gay?” He questioned.

Why would he ask that? “The whole world except the five of us and management already think I’m gay; why would I be scared to admit it if I was gay? It’s not like much would change at this point,” I grunted.

“Because it would be another big change. Pretending to be gay and in love with your best friend is one thing, but actually having those feelings might be overwhelming.”

“I swear to god, if you imply one more time that I love him-“

“Okay, fine, I’ll be quiet,” he agreed, “If I can ask you one more thing.”

I thought about it. What could one more question possibly hurt? “Okay, deal. What is it?”

“Are you in denial of the fact that you and Louis might actually be in love with each other and just not know it?”

He’s already asked this multiple times, I don’t see why he has to ask again. “For the last time, I do not have feelings for him!”

“But could that just be your automatic response? Could you be denying deeper feelings inside yourself, Haz?” he asked.

“No. I know what I’m feeling and it is NOT love!” I groan, feeling another headache coming on. “Thanks for listening, Li. I think I’m going to lie down for awhile, my head hurts.” I stand and move to the doorway.

“Any time, Harry, any time. If you get any more insight on what you’re feeling, come let me know.”

“Oh, and could you please not tell the other boys about this? I want to figure it out on my own; I just needed to unload before my head exploded.” I requested.

“Of course. Go get some rest,” he said. I smiled at him before walking down to my room.

I thought some more about what Liam had suggested. Did the odd feelings I thought just meant an extra close friendship mean something more? I didn’t know what being in love felt like; I hadn’t actually been in love with any of my girlfriends. Nothing else I thought of fit my situation, but I could keep thinking. If I fell for Louis, this mess would be more complicated than it already was.

Our relationship wouldn’t be a fake to me. I’d crave more and more of him until others started to notice I felt something more. Management might force us to ‘break up’ or Louis could hate me. After all, we’d promised to be best mates forever. Mushy emotions ruin that.

Groaning, I tug my fingers through my curls. Why did this have to be so complicated? Everyone else can have a simple love life. A guy gets a girl; they fall in love and live in happily ever after. Why did my life have to be filed with all these doubts and uncertainties? Why did Louis have to be a guy? Why did management have to put me in this position in the first place?

I rolled over to face the sheets, letting my body relax. I still had about four days left to save my relationship with Louis. He was still mine for four more days.

Suddenly a hand was on my back, rubbing in gentle circles. My skin was soothed by his touch, giving away his identity.

“Boo,” I mumbled, rolling over so I could see his face. His eyebrows were pinched and he looked concerned. Was he worried about me?

“Hey Haz, is something the matter?” He asked, his glowing blue eyes staring into my emerald greens.

“No, it’s nothing. Lay with me?” He kicked off his shoes and pulled me into his chest. I snugged in closer and felt a sense of belonging.

“Why are you spending the day cooped up in here when you could be enjoying the nice outdoors? We don’t get breaks like this often, you know.”

“I was just doing some thinking and resting. Besides, we still have four days to have fun.” If only he knew what else it meant. “Did I miss anything?”

“No, just Zayn acting like a stuck-up model as usual,” he laughed. Wrapping my arms around him, I sighed deeply. “Seriously Hazzabear, is something wrong?”

“I just want to spend time with you. Can we do that? I mean, hang out just the two of us? I like this. It’s…” I struggled to find the right word, “Peaceful. Like how we always used to be.”

“Sure we can, Hazza. I didn’t realize you were up here missing me. I’m still your Boo, forever and always. Best mates ‘til the end,” he recited our old friendship statement. This time, something felt different. I didn’t feel the usual happiness when he said forever, just a bit of emptiness. Was I craving something else from him?

No, Liam must just be getting to me. “Until the end,” I mimicked.

He shifted to pull the covers up over us, curling up protectively around my body. “Love you, Lou,” I whispered faintly, thinking he wouldn’t hear me. “Love you too, Haz,” he answered as I buried my head in his neck.

We fell asleep just like that, cuddled in each other’s arms.