NOAH

"Uh honestly, nothing"

"Nothing?"

"Nope"

she slightly tilts her head and looks at me funny. Oh god, I bet she's thinking something like what a weirdo, I mean, that's what everybody else thinks so I wouldn't blame her. 

I go back to looking at the view ahead of me, though it wasn't like I could see much in the darkness of the night. I could slightly make out a distorted face in the water, my face, as the moon continues to light up the water below me. It just stared right back at me, it looks disappointed. I frown, taking off my earphones and shaking my hood off my head. My hair's a mess, I'm not wearing any shoes, and I'm in my pajamas. But honestly, I don't really care at this moment in time. 

I lean back, stretching my legs out over the edge, and sigh, as I look to my left I notice that the girl is still, for some reason, staring at me. Maybe I should just leave, she was here first after all. 

"Do you want me to leave?" 

She blinks, hard, as if she didn't know what I was saying, so I say it again.

"I said, do you want me to leave"

I wait a moment but there's still no response.

"Look, you were here before me, so I wouldn't be mad if you say yes. I don't really know my way around here but I can still find somewhere else to go"

She looks like she heard me this time.

"Uh, no, you can sit here if you want to, it's fine. It's not as if I own the place anyway"

"You sure?"

She nods;

"Yeah"

I just nod back, she seems a woman of few words.

I go to put my headphones back on, but before I had the chance I hear her speak.

"So, are you new around here then?"

Oh, she wants to speak, okay. You can do this she's just another person, no biggie.

"Yeah, moved a few days ago"

She stares off ahead of her and replies with a small "Ah", then stops speaking. Okay then?

After waiting a while, I decided to put my headphones back on as I assume she's not going to converse anymore, it was a bit of a relief, I'm not gonna lie. I struggle to speak to people, I just don't know what to say, don't know how to act. Even a small conversation like that scares me, as it's something I could just so easily fuck up. I wish I wasn't like this, I would give anything to be able to speak and act like a normal person again, it's been a while.

It's fucking draining, being like this. Not being able to talk to people without a small, but loud voice in the back of my head telling me to shut up so I don't embarrass myself. To shut up before I accidentally slip up and start to talk to somebody enough to trust them again. Trusting somebody is just something I can't do anymore, it's never been in my favour. I wish I could just drown them out, the voices. They aren't very nice company. It's kind of like having these 'friends' that only you can see. But they're toxic, and they're always trying to tear you down. But for what reason, I do not know. 

Why does it have to be this way, does it actually have to be this way, or am I just making myself suffer. It's kinda like I'm all I got, yet I'm my own worst enemy.