I'm not a kid." I used to say,
"I got it."
Words I said more than once since I was fifteen.

But it didn't made you stop worry.
About me,
About my future
About my safety.

I was troubled
And I still am.
But now I'm not a kid anymore,
Not since you left.

You left me here with just your last words stuck in my mind.
"You're not a kid anymore."
"You got this."

But I don't and God how I wish to take my words back so they'll stop hounting me,
But they won't.

You left me here to become independent but I don't want to.
I want you!

I want you in my life cause you became everything I need.

Because who is gonna watch our favourite tv show with me?
Who is gonna help me pack for collage even though you don't want me to leave?
Didn't.

And you didn't want to leave me either. Leave all of us and our plans.
You had to.

And people say that it's God's will but fuck God.

And Fuck the doctors who could have help you but didn't. Fuck people who said that you will be fine. Fuck me. Fuck me for knowing that you are dying and not saying anything. Fuck me for writing book about a girl who's mom died when I was eleven.
Fuck me for withing to die.
Fuck me for telking you that I hate you.
Fuck me for being difficould.
Fuck me,
Fuck me,
Fuck me,
Fuck me,

And fuck cancer for taking my mom away...