I'm so so so sorry that I haven't posted in over a month, so so so sorry, take this as me bowing at scraping if any of my lovely readers are still here. 

Please say hi!!! 

I'm so sorry, I been really busy.

Also aware that this isn't that long. But I hope you love it. 

North's POV: (from Sang returning home)

Baby has adopted two children it seems. I'm not entirely sure where they came from? Or why they are here? but they are practically glued to her side.

Corey knew they were coming, Baby vanished for three hours. Just as we realised that she was gone she came back. Or at least as I realised she was gone; Luke knew, as did Corey and Gabe apparently. But they didn't f*****g tell me anything!

Now she's back with two children. Cass and Damien. Both of whom hardly say anything. It's the first time I've woken up and had the, I guess terror affect me (the terror that Sang won't want me). That I've got truly annoyed with my lack of sight. I hate not being able to communicate with someone, with children, children that should be chattering away, enjoying life, not being silent and so still I can hardly feel the air move around them. Children should not be like that, they should be having fun, causing trouble. Lord knows that Luke was causing trouble at this age, I might not have known him then, but the stories are interesting... to say the least.

Plus, he continued to cause trouble for years after, when I did get to know him, get to be one of the ones his mischief affected. What am I saying, he has never f*****g stopped!

The thought makes me smile, for a millisecond then I smell Sang coming closer to me. I hate that I can't read her expression right now. She comes up to me then stops, waiting for me. I can hear someone breathing from by her leg, one of the children, the younger one. The girl. Cass. The one I cannot read at all, because she doesn't speak damn it! The completely silent one, who seems to have learnt that Sang means safety, home, peace, love.

Smart child!

I like her already; I just wish she wasn't terrified of me.

Sang is still waiting in front of me, Luke hovering right behind her, his hard to hear but not impossibly so. Everyone's breathing pattern is different, so different, it's the easiest way to tell them apart. My hearings always been good. Now it's next level. Though somehow Sang can still, if she wants to, sneak up on me. Not that she has. We did a test with her and Luke to see if I could locate them in a room if they were trying to be quiet. For the first time, when I was focusing, I could hear Luke. It was so strange to suddenly be able to hear my creepy ninja brother. I wish It didn't have to be like this, but it's fun to catch him out at his mischievous s**t.

Yet Sang. Nope. Nada. Não. Ochi. Nothing, still. I think she knows how frustrated I get when I can't hear her, because she always makes sure to break her perfect silences for me, makes her breaths a little louder, scuffs her feet a touch, like most people do.

My hand comes up, a second later she rests her cheek there, my thumb swipes across her cheek, feeling her face again. My vison might be gone forever, but I will never stop loving the feel of her skin under my hand, never. I will never stop loving her scent. You don't have to see to love. She turns her face to kiss my palm, silently asking for forgiveness for not telling her.

I can never not forgive her; I love her too much. And it's not that I really think she did anything wrong, in fact I know she didn't! I wouldn't have let her go, despite Cass and Damien needing her. I know that makes me a bad person, but I couldn't, I have this need to know where she is at all times.

Knowing she was off the reserve, out of my reach, would have killed me. I don't know how Luke managed, knowing she was somewhere that she could be taken from us. Somewhere she could get hurt, injured, killed.

Taken from us. She could have been taken from us, how are they so calm? How? We could have lost her. For God's sake she went to the bloody hospital that Sean works at, how the f**k are they all so calm? My fingers tense on her face and she obviously feels it.

Her hand comes up and cups the back of mine, rough and solid. So there. So safe. Right in front of me. I can still hear the child breathing by her leg and Luke slowly shuffling closer. Her other hand comes up and cups the side of my face. She still doesn't lean fully in, every things a choice, something that was taken from me when they took me. Something I am well aware she will never take from me.

I do choose to though, so I lean in, for just a second, brushing my lips across hers, feather light. I move back an inch and she follows me, the tiniest bit. To which I give her one more gentle kiss before pointing up.

"Yes, Corey and Gabe are waiting." I wince knowing that it hard for me to get up her crazy way to the top floor. This is one of the only things she hasn't changed though. She's left it, it's like she can't see me suffering for those minutes it takes me to climb. The others do, they ask if I need help, which I do, regularly, every time I have to say yes. It almost physically hurts to admit that I need help. Other things I've just found have easy options, without Baby havening to ask, the doors have soft beeps on them if they are open, each bay reads me the medical information of who in there if I just ask. The amount of work that Sang and Corey have put in to creating the programs, even if they are just modifying pre-existing programs to suit my... needs. My disability.

Disabled.

I am disable, or that's how the world will view it now.

The word haunts me. I am going to struggle with simple tasks for the rest of my life. Outside of the reserve, outside of this safe space I am going to be judged and people are going to be prejudiced against me. If Baby ever... not that she would... I don't think she would... but if she ever kicks me out, ever gets tired of me, I don't even want to think about it.

The climb hurts though, it hurts that I have to ask for help. Baby doesn't ask, but she lets me struggle more in a way, she waits until I need her. She never makes me ask and does give me much help, she might give me a pointer, direct one of my hands towards an easier rope to grab, but she still hasn't given me an easy way up.

Today is no exception, she helps the small child up beside me and occasionally gives me directions. She catches my wrist one time and guides my hand back to the rope it should be holding, her grip strong and sure. I can hear her whispering to Cass, encouraging her to climb on with Jess. Kota's sister's breathing is coming from Baby's other side, the small girl makes no noise, but I guess she nodded or something, because Cass's breathing moves off with Jess's.

Sang stays next to me. Calmly by my side, a steady support.

"Out with it." It shocks me, a lot, I know she's good at reading people, but I thought I was hiding this well. I really thought I was.

"With what?" I hear her sigh. Then she tugs gently on my arm, guiding me sideways to platform that I didn't know existed... one that would have caught me if I had fallen.

"North Star..." her voice is so sad, "I want you to tell me, I lo...I need you to be honest with me!" I hear her words, but they don't really register, did she almost just say I love you? But no, she didn't she cut herself off! Which means she didn't. No. She won't. Why would she? I'm me.

"What Sang?!" I wince straight away, I hate shouting, now anyway. She breathes sharply and I can practically hear her flinch back. I just glad that I can't hear any of the others now, the last thing I want is someone to witness this. This is the moment she kicks me out, I can feel it. Why did I just shout, directly at her no less. I hate myself right now.

She brings herself back so quick. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Does that mean she doesn't care that I shouted at her? Or that she trusts me? I wish I could see her beautiful face right now to see what it's saying. I hate that I can't see! I haven't before, not fully but in this moment, I hate it!

My cheeks are wet.

Great just f*****g great, so I can f*****g cry. My ruined things on my face can't let me see, but they can leach water. How is that fair?

Hands brush my cheeks wiping the tears away. I flinch back, I don't deserve her. I think it hurts her more that flinch away though. Can I do nothing right? On reflex I grab her hands.

Which on second thoughts I shouldn't have done. Fast movements and being grabbed. Her two hates. It makes my tears drip faster down my face, but she doesn't pull away. Despite the fact all her muscles are locked tight.

"Sang, no, please, Baby, I'm sorry, I hate this, I hate not being able to see, I hate having to rely on people." I can't voice that I'm scared she'll let me go and send me into a place I can't survive.

"North Star, we love you." She doesn't even hesitate to say it. "We are never-ever going to let you go."

"But you have so many other better options, better than me, healthier than me. Now you have more family you have Cass and Damien to look after, you can't look after me and...." I gesture helplessly around me, trying to encompass everything that she does, everything she won't be able to do if she keeps letting me drag her down. I can feel words spilling out of my mouth saying all these things, my words tumbling over each other as I try to get them out

"Shut up. Just stop. North, please stop. Why are you talking like this? I literally just said we love you. You are not a burden, you do so much around here!" I open my mouth, I can practically see her face, flushed slightly pink as her words speed up. "No let me speak." My mouth snaps shut; she is not normally this demanding. It's f*****g hot. "Who else has the aura or protection that you illude, that somehow puts the animals at ease! If the reason you are opening your mouth is to say I do as well, then you literally just said it 'I cannot do everything' I am well aware. Well, I am now. It took meeting Jess and then all of you guys to realise that I can't do everything. That I can't do as much as I want to without help!" She lets out a slight cough, this much talking is bad for her throat, I still don't know what happened to it. Before I can tell her to stop, she keeps talking. "You are part of the people helping. Not hindering! That's a weird way to say it, but I hope you understand!"

Sang does not lie.

It's a real fact.

Even when playing pranks, she technically doesn't lie. It's like she physically can't. I don't know what s******d hurt her with lies, but you don't just develop that devotion to the truth without something happening. Normally something horrible.

My hands are still holding her wrists captive. I don't know where everyone else anymore, all I can focus on is the feel of her skin and the sounds of her very quiet breathing. Which has become a slight pant after her impassioned speech.

"I love you." The words slip out my mouth. Like they are the most natural thing in the world. The muscles that were gradually relaxing in her arms instantly re-tense. I catch the minuscular hitch in her breath. For a moment I don't think she's going to say anything back. Then I realise I'm right, she doesn't 'say' anything...

She just kisses me.

Hard.

And I just know. 

Thank you for getting this far 

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