Capricorn
Chapter 3

The Capricornian Personality
Positive Traits
* Good organizing skills
* Cautious and realistic
* Hard working
* Diligent and thorough
* Fearless
* Calculates risks but takes them when necessary
* Is an admiring spectator
* Has high but realistic standards
* Conventional
* Concerned
* Gives sound advice
* Loyal to tradition
* Respects authority

*

Adena slowly opened her eyes and groaned a little. Her head hurt. She rolled over and saw Taye lying beside her, his naked back facing her. She wondered what time he finally decided to come home last night. Then she gasped, looked at him, and looked under the covers. Why was he naked?! He tended to sleep in his birthday suit, but never in January. This is New York City. The HIGH today was 19. She looked down and saw that she was naked as well. It was all coming back to her now. Damn it! They were supposed to talk, not...

'What got into me last night?' she asked herself and saw the glass of wine still sitting on the vanity. She rolled her eyes. This is why she didn't drink like that. She sat up but paused. This conversation could wait. It was early, and he was sleeping.

No, you didn't say anything yesterday, and look where it got you.

She had to deal with this now. "Taye?" she asked him," Taye? Wake up," she said.

Taye groaned and looked at the clock, a little past 9 am. "Dena, it's Saturday," he whined.

"Where were you last night?" she asked him.

"Inside of you..." he said with a little laugh.

"No, I mean when you weren't home...where were you?" she asked him. She didn't think that was funny; that wasn't supposed to happen. He didn't deserve to be inside anything of hers until she knew what was going on.

"I was out with Damien and everyone," he said, still trying to go back to sleep, not facing her.

She leaned over and shook him, "Taye come on, look at me. I'm being serious here."

"About what? About where I was? I can't go out?" he asked, getting irritated. This couldn't wait. It was such a life-and-death question that he had to be awakened from his peaceful sleep.

"But you are always out, Taye, not out finding a job. But out partying," she said. "And I need to know with who?" she said. Maybe this wasn't a good time. Her head hurt. It was early. She didn't even brush her teeth. She could tell he was irritated and knew a fight was brewing.

"Is that what this is really about? Me being fucking unemployed?!" he asked her as he finally turned to her and sat up. There was no point in trying to go back to sleep now.

"No, it's about a lot of things! How you're never home...how you're always..." she said and then stopped. She had the words yesterday, she knew what she wanted to say, and now she couldn't think, "The lipstick!" she yelled out. It was the first thing she thought of, and it was the elephant in the room.

"Huh?" he asked her. Was she still drunk? If so, why couldn't she be the sex-crazed drunk that she was this morning?

"I found lipstick on your shirt," she repeated. There, she said it.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" he asked her.

"Oh, so you don't know?" she asked him, getting frustrated. Wow. Now he wanted to act stupid? Couldn't he just come out and tell the truth? Why couldn't he just come out and say it? "Fine, I'll refresh your memory," she said as she got up, went into the bathroom, put her robe over her, took the lipstick-stained shirt out of the hamper, and threw it at him. It hit him in the face. "There," she said, standing before him with her hands on her hips.

"Dena, I don't see-" he said as he inspected the shirt and stopped.

"Hmmm? What is it, Taye?" she asked him, "Ketchup? Blood? Hot sauce? Paint?"

He sighed. Shit. Where the fuck did this come from? Why was he stupid enough to miss it? For a split second, he wanted to make up a story. She supplied him with a few good excuses. He went out to eat, and it was ketchup or hot sauce. One of his boys got into a fight, and blood got on his shirt. Paint? No, she wouldn't believe anything dealing with paint. He looked at her and saw the look on her face. He could see her boiling up and about to explode. No, no lies. He was caught, and now he had to deal with it. She wasn't going to let it go. "It's...lipstick," he mumbled.

"Excuse me? Huh? Come on, Taye! Be a fucking man and say it!" she shouted at him as her emotions boiled over. "Say it. Say it again because I don't think I heard you?! You've been caught. Don't even try to fucking lie your way out of this one. I'm not stupid, and I know you, Taye. I know when you're lying, so be straight with me. BE. A. FUCKING. MAN. AND-"

"IT'S FUCKING LIPSTICK!" he shouted back at her. "OK!? YOU HAPPY!? YOU HAPPY, MISS DETECTIVE?!"

Adena stared at him with wide eyes. There it was. What she feared most was happening now, and there was no turning back. For a split second, she wished he had made up a story and used an excuse she had just given him. He went out to eat and got ketchup or hot sauce on his shirt. If he was out with his boys, maybe one of them got into a fight, and he got blood on his shirt. Hell, he was playing with watercolors at 2 am. They were all ridiculous, but they were all better than this. They were all better than the truth. She wished he had lied for the first time in her life. Once the words came out of his mouth, she didn't know what to say, and he knew he was in trouble. She couldn't believe it. He cheated on her. He cheated on her?! 10 months of marriage, the death do us part vow, and HE cheated on HER!?!

Taye sighed; there wasn't a perfect way to say it, but he didn't want to yell at her. This wasn't it. She wasn't supposed to find out like this. She wasn't supposed to find out at all. "Look, Dena-"

"No, save it!" she said as she went to the closet, took out some sweats, and threw on a sweater. She had to get the hell out of here. Her head was spinning, and the room was too. Her whole world was spinning out of control.

"What are you doing?" he asked her as he quickly slipped his boxers on, as she put on some sneakers, "Where are you going? You wanted to talk, let's talk about this," he said to her. He now realized that he had to stop running. The betrayed and hurt look on her face was killing him. It wasn't supposed to get this far, but they were on the outs for way too long. But the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. He fucked up. He knew it. He really fucked up.

"Don't worry about it," she said, not looking at him as she put a hat over her head, put a scarf around her neck, picked up her phone, and grabbed her purse.

"Of course, I'm going to worry about it-"

"Oh? Oh yeah? NOW you are worried about me?! About my feelings?!"

He sighed; he deserved it. Everything she said he deserved because she was right. "Dena, don't leave. Let's talk about this, please-"

"Now you know how it feels to be left alone, don't wait up," she said to him, then slammed the door behind her. He sighed; he had never seen her this angry, but nothing this bad had ever happened to them. He's never hurt her like this. He rushed out of the bedroom as she slammed the front door behind her. He shivered. He was only in his boxers. It was January in New York City, and would probably flurry again. He was sure the heat wasn't on, and the hardwood floors were freezing. But none of those things were as cold as she was right now. And it served him right.

Just let her go. Let her breathe. Let her sort things out. He just had to wait. She was right. It was his turn to wait for her to come home. He did not doubt that she would come back. She was angry, hurt, betrayed, disappointed, heartbroken, all of the above. However, Adena was always level-headed and very mature for a woman in her early 20s. So she would come back. It was only a matter of when...

*

In astrology, Saturn is the planet of fate, time, sorrow, caution, and wisdom, and Capricorns embody every aspect of this planet, which is also said to be the most beautiful planet of them all.

*

Adena rushed out of their apartment building and made a sharp and immediate left. Adena stood against the brick wall of her building to catch her breath. She tried to digest what had happened, but it was too hard to swallow. She took a few shaky breaths, and a cloud of smoke billowed out every time she did. The high was 19, after all. Once she could almost breathe normally, she walked, just walked anywhere. Then she started to run, and she kept on running. Wouldn't it be great if you could run away from your problems? Literally, well, technically, she could. So she jogged.

She jogged as people walked by her, going about their day as usual. This wasn't normal. This couldn't be real life?! She wanted to cry and scream, but she couldn't do that here on the crowded sidewalk with all these strangers around. How embarrassing. They would throw her right into a mental ward. But she just couldn't believe it was true. Taye was being unfaithful. Was it more than once? Was their marriage over?

"No," she said quietly, answering her question. Divorce was out of the question, and she hated the word. She sighed, slowed down, caught her breath again, and then her stomach growled. Standing in front of a pizza shop, she went inside. She didn't have her usual bagel and warm vanilla tea.

"How can I help you?" they asked her.

"Um," she sighed as she tried to catch her breath. She looked up at the menu, but she couldn't focus. The words blurred together. "Um." She inhaled and then exhaled. All she inhaled was the classic smell of authentic New York-style pizza. "Pizza," she said.

"Like a pizza bagel?" they asked her.

"You don't have pizza? You're a pizza shop."

"We do, ma'am, but it's barely 10 in the morning-"

"I don't care. I'm starving. Can I have a pizza or not?" she asked as nicely as she could. Why did she have to spell everything out to everyone she talked to? Either she was crazy or surrounded by idiots.

"Yes, ma'am. A slice? A pie?-"

"A slice," she said as she searched in her purse for her wallet.

"Toppings?"

"Just cheese, please. How much is it? I'm in a rush," she said. She didn't know where she was rushing to, but she felt that if she didn't keep moving, she didn't know why. She just needed to keep moving. Her heart was pounding, her mouth was dry, her ears were ringing, and she was starving.

"Anything to drink?" they asked as she put money on the counter.

"No," she said, and she practically snatched the triangular-shaped box out of their hands and left as quickly as she could. The pizza had just been made. It was hot, and she practically burned her mouth as she stuffed her face as she walked. Mmmm. She was sick of pizza. They ate it almost every night because Taye didn't like to cook. But it was heaven to her right now. It was very greasy, and she devoured it. She looked around as she walked and realized she was far from home. Where to now? Where to go now? What should she do now?

She should go home, whether Taye was still there or not. She didn't shower, she felt disgusting, and she must have looked like it too. She stood in the middle of the sidewalk, a no-no in this city. Keep it moving or-

Someone walked quickly by her, their shoulder bumping into hers, with no apology. New Yorkers don't apologize because she should've known better. "Yo!" someone shouted, and she jumped back as someone zoomed past her on their skateboard.

Get a hold of yourself. You look like a tourist, and that was a no-no, too. Pickpockets love tourists, especially lost tourists. Tourists are so enamored with everything around them that they don't notice their whole wallet, phone, or both disappear, which is the last thing she needs right now. As much as she didn't want to, she should go back home and face the music. She had time to think of what to say, what to do. She started walking, she wanted to walk quickly because it was freezing, and she thought she saw a flurry or two, but she also wanted to walk as slow as she could because she was dreading what was coming next.

She picked up the pace. At least she would be warm. For once, she hoped that Taye wasn't home. She didn't care if he pulled a disappearing act again, which was a first. Then she slowed down and felt her stomach turn. Oh no. She ran to the street's closest trash can and threw it up.

*

Saturn, Capricorn's planet, is often called the great teacher because it is associated with the life-long task of gently working out our fears and overcoming them.

*

"Ugh," she groaned as she bent over the trash can. She took a few deep breaths and wished she didn't because it almost made her vomit again. She stepped back, realizing she was still holding the pizza box, and tossed it in. She dug in her purse for anything, gum, napkins, perfume, to make her feel less disgusting. She found a small pack of makeup wipes. Good enough. She wiped her face and mouth and wished she didn't. The cool moisturizing cloth welcomed the below-freezing temperature and practically made her face turn into an icicle. She tossed the wipe in the trash can. She smoothed down her jacket and inspected herself, hoping she didn't get anything on her clothes. Luckily, she got to the trash can quickly and had perfect aim.

Wow, why did she throw up? Her head still hurt, but she couldn't tell if it was a hangover headache from all the wine last night or what. But hell, who eats pizza at 10 in the morning?

Taye.

She sighed. Why did she eat that greasy shit? With all the stress, it didn't make for a great combination. She knew that. She knew better. She sighed again. She had to get it together. Just because her world and her life were falling apart didn't mean she should fall apart right with it. She can't. She started walking again at an average pace. She walked by a building, and a sign caught her eye.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! DO YOU WANT TO GET RID OF THE DEAD WEIGHT WITHOUT GOING TO THE GYM? NO SWEAT. COME IN NOW FOR A FREE DIVORCE CONSULTATION. THIS YEAR WILL BE GREAT. WE PROMISE!

Wow. She didn't even ask for a sign, but God gave her one. A literal one. They were closed; however, it was a Saturday, but it gave her an idea. She got her phone out, walked inside the Starbucks several doors down, and sat on a small cushioned loveseat next to the window. She started to text but stopped. She called them instead.

"Hello?"Kim asked groggily.

She usually felt bad for waking up her best friend, but she wasn't thinking about that now. "Kim, I need those phone numbers."

"Girl, what?"

"You said you were gonna give me some referrals. Send me your top 3. ASAP."

"Oh," Kim said as she sat up in bed. "Adena? What did Taye say? What happened? I didn't hear from you last night-"

"I don't have time. Text me the numbers, ok?" she asked and hung up. She sighed and stayed seated, trying to keep herself warm. Her foot tapped impatiently as she waited for Kim to text her back. A few minutes later, she did. "Finally," she said as she tapped on the first phone number she sent and called them immediately.

Another text came through as the phone rang. She looked at it for a split second.

Are you ok? Call me back please!

She shook her head. She didn't have time to chat. She sighed as the number went to voicemail. She left a voicemail anyway. She then looked up websites and email addresses and left several more voicemails. Though she wasn't moving, she had to move forward and get ahead of all this craziness that was happening to her. She needed to get her control back. She hated surprises because of things like this. She hated being unprepared and not having a plan of action.

But she did now.

*

When a typical, mature Capricorn makes love, it is lovemaking at its very best: to Capricorn, there is no separation between love and sex. They know they have found the right person by instinct, nothing more, nothing less.

*

Taye sat on the couch, lost in thought, barely watching the flat screen tv in front of him. Old school Saturday morning cartoons were playing. Like Adena, he couldn't think straight, either. His mind was filled with a shit pile of thoughts. A slideshow of their whole relationship played in his mind on shuffle, too, random memories coming back to him out of order. Some he forgot, and some he could never forget.

He wondered if it was terrible of him to daydream about the incredible sex he and Adena had last night while she was out running around the city heartbroken, but he couldn't help it. He and Adena hadn't had sex since last year, technically. Before you raise your eyebrows too high, it is the start of the new year. Last year was only a few days ago. But now that the shit had hit the fan, he felt like a year had flown by since.

However, at this very moment, his mental slideshow switched back and forth between last night and the last time they had sex. He couldn't help but try to compare the two, but he couldn't really. He felt like he had had sex with two different women. Last night Dena came back. His Dena. But he couldn't remember when she came to bed with him. The last time they had sex, Dena wasn't there. Adena was. If you're confused, sorry. He didn't know how to make it make sense, but it made perfect sense to him.

The last time he had sex with Adena was on Christmas Eve. They decided to open one gift they got each other and the rest on Christmas morning. However, Taye was in a bad mood. Getting fired right before Christmas pretty much ruined everything. He was also known to procrastinate. He waited until the last minute to go shopping for her. He hadn't done it at all yet. He was on a very tight budget. He couldn't give her what she wanted. He couldn't even give her what he wanted, and since he waited until the last minute, he had slim pickings to choose from. He ran around many stores, trying to find something to give her. But either he couldn't afford it, it was sold out, or it was something he knew she wouldn't like at all. Before he knew it, he had a couple of last-resort gifts.

"Sir, we are closing in 10 minutes," an employee told him, and his eyes bulged out of his head when he looked at his watch. It was almost 11 pm. He was out of time. He looked at the giant teddy bear and decided not to get it.

"Fuck it," he said, frustrated, as he left the store. He looked into his bag and wondered which gift to give her tonight. It had to be something nice but not as nice as the ones she'd open tomorrow. According to these gifts, he should go ahead and give her both of these tonight as far as the rating goes. Save the best for last.

She deserved so much more than he could give her, which stressed him out even more. He felt like an absolute failure. He accidentally found the big bag of gifts she had got him. Some were big, some small, and all perfect gifts wrapped by hers truly. What he had couldn't compare. She was going to be so disappointed. Why did she have to splurge on him anyway? Was she trying to win the best girlfriend award or something??

No idiot. That's just how she is. She loved the holidays. But this holiday was different for both of them. Now that he was laid off and in search of work, they had to cut back A LOT. So much so that he was ashamed when Adena had to work 12-hour days to pick up his slack. Despite what Adena says, he has been looking for a job. He sent his resume to so many email addresses that he forgot all the jobs he applied to. No one was hiring, or they would pay him minimum wage, which was a waste. Working off minimum wage could barely cover one of the utilities.

To make a long story short, Adena must have also been so stressed out about him being laid off that she told Donatella. At the art gallery's Christmas party, he and everyone discovered how broke he was.

He'll never forget it. Donatella raised a glass of champagne and said she had one more present to give. She gave all her employees envelopes filled with goodies for Christmas. Cash, tickets to whatever their heart desired to see, and gift cards. She went all out. She was showing off, and it irked him. Each employee had to open their envelopes in front of her and everybody, and she would smile smugly as they jumped up and down with excitement, thanking her. He rolled his eyes with each gift revealed. Finally, it was Adena's turn. Save the best for last.

And that's what she said. She told everyone how Adena was her favorite employee, which knocked the joy out of her other employees. "Now I know sometimes I can be a Scrooge. Actually, fuck it, I'm a Scrooge year-round," Donatella said, and everyone laughed. He rolled his eyes because she was absolutely right. "But for this girl right here, I can't be. It's the holidays, and when you see someone in need, especially someone you know or employ, you must show them your appreciation. Adena has had a hard month. The heat in her poor apartment broke during one of our coldest winters. A very close family member passed away, and though I gave her as much bereavement as she wanted, she barely took it. Now, Adena is a hard worker. But she had no choice because, on top of that, her husband lost his job! Wow, huh? So who's the man now?" she asked with a laugh.

WHAT?

This bitch was drunk and out of fucking line. The whole room side-eyed him or pretended he wasn't there. Did she just say...? Others murmured and laughed nervously. The smile frozen on Adena's face was no longer genuine. She smiled wide like Donatella didn't say what she said, saving face. She caught his eyes, and they were pleading, 'Baby, I'm sorry.'

But the embarrassment was too much. It was too late, and the damage had already been done. He downed the champagne he had, turned around, walked out, put his empty glass on a waiter's tray, and took the champagne bottle off it instead. "Wait. Sir!" the waiter called after him, but he didn't stop. He needed it. He couldn't get out fast enough because he heard Donatella yell into the microphone right after he got his coat. "...I'm also going to pay her rent for the next 90 DAYS!!!"

He didn't remember much after that. All of a sudden, he was home. He thought Adena would leave as soon as she could and catch up with him. But no, she stayed and sucked up to Donatella, knowing he was upset, AND helped clean up the party. When she got home after midnight, he had finished the bottle of champagne by himself, and well, you could guess what happened next. No sex, a heated argument.

Sound familiar?

So back to Christmas Eve, he walked down the street, dreading going home with poor excuses for presents, thinking of the worst Christmas party he had ever been to. He saw an old woman selling bouquets of roses. He barely had enough, but he decided to get her one. Once he got home, he tried to hide the presents he got for her. She smiled sweetly as she saw the roses. "For me?" she asked.

"Of course, baby, Merry Christmas," he said, and she kissed him.

"Ok, can I go ahead and give you your gift? I have been DYING to give it to you all night. What took you so long?!"

"We can wait until tomorrow, babe; we don't have to," he said.

"Oh no, please. I've been waiting alllllll day, too," she said as she got a small box from under their small Christmas tree. "Here, please."

He couldn't say no. He opened the gift and gasped at what he saw. "Whoa! Are you serious?"

"Yes!" she said excitedly as she jumped up and down, "I knew you would love it!"

"But...how?" he asked, taking two tickets out of the box. They were box seats to see the Brooklyn Nets play against the Los Angeles Lakers. He loved the Lakers ever since he was a kid. He was obsessed with Kobe Bryant. Shaquille O'Neal. Lebron James. Even his favorite colors were purple and yellow.

"Let's say I did an exchange," she smirked.

"Dena, I saw the bag of gifts you got me and these on top of that...these tickets alone are hundreds of dollars each-"

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. And don't worry about it," she said.

"We're on a budget, Dena," he told her.

"We'll be fine. I sold something to get them. I didn't have to spend any money."

"What did you sell?" he asked and glanced at the tv and the small entertainment center it sat on and was relieved to see his Xbox was still there.

"Really, babe? I wouldn't sell your Xbox," she said.

"Dena, what did you sell?" he asked her. If not the Xbox, she had to sell quite a few things in exchange for these tickets. Nice things too.

"Taye, why does it matter?!"

"Because this is a big purchase, and we promised each other to talk about stuff like this before spending-"

"I didn't spend money! I sold the tickets Donatella gave me," she said with a frown as she crossed her arms. She looked down, not looking at him.

"Adena..." he said. Shit. WHY. WHY did she have to go and do that? "The front-row tickets she got you to see Hamilton?" he asked. "You sold those?"

"Those are the only things we have in exchange for these. I got a good deal."

"Adena..." he said, sighing, "You've wanted to see Hamilton since it came out." She was obsessed with the show. She did a lot of musical theatre when she was younger and did it at Columbia. She scraped and saved to try to see her favorite Broadway shows, but many shows have come and gone, and she couldn't afford them or was too busy. She wanted so badly to see Hamilton with the original cast that was on the soundtrack she played nonstop, but most of the original actors have moved on to other projects and were recast. It saddened him that he couldn't give that to her, and he felt even more like shit when Donatella got her those tickets ON TOP of everything else she gave her. She's spent thousands on Adena; it pissed him off and made him uncomfortable too. That was way too much, especially for her favorite employee, who she loved to boss around.

"I'll be ok," she said. "It's Broadway. More Hamiltons will come through here, and hopefully, I can see those."

"Yeah, but they aren't Ham-"

"Stop making me feel bad!" she snapped at him. "What is wrong with you?!"

"There's nothing wrong. I'm not trying to-"

"I would think you would be happy to see the Lakers. They're your version of Hamilton. And now that you had to know how I got them...I would think you would be grateful!"

"But you didn't have to"

"I. Wanted. To!"

"Adena, chill. Ok? I'm sorry," he said, pulling her in for a hug. He hugged her tight, but she didn't entirely return it. "Thank you, baby. I love it. I just wish you didn't have to sacrifice..." but he stopped. "I'm grateful."

"Ok, my turn," she said quickly, changing the subject. She covered her eyes with both of her hands. "What did you get me?"

He sighed. Fuck. "You got it already."

"No, I didn't," she said, her eyes still covered. "Come on, Taye; I hate surprises."

"Babe, I got you the roses," he said.

"And...?" she asked with a laugh, but he didn't laugh with her. She opened her eyes. "Taye?"

"I got you the roses," he said. He didn't want to repeat it. It was bad enough the first time.

"Oh..." she said, finally getting it, "That's it-"

"That's it!???" he exclaimed. WOW. "What the fuck, Adena?"

"You know that's not what I meant, Taye-"

"I know they're not Nets tickets, they're not thousand-dollar roses, but it's all I could afford!"

"And that's fine! Taye, I was trying to say-" but she was interrupted by their bedroom door slamming. She sighed. "That's not what I meant," she said. She knew Taye would be on a tight budget. She was prepared for that. But that's why she went a little overboard this year. She hoped seeing his favorite team, and everything else she got him would help him forget about budgets and being laid off. But it only made it worse. "Merry Christmas," she mumbled as an alarm on her phone told her it was midnight. She went into the kitchen and got a vase. She unwrapped the roses, trimmed them, filled the vase with water, and put them in. She inhaled the smell and put them on the counter close to the only window in the kitchen. She turned out all the lights and noticed he had left the tickets on the coffee table. She put them back in the box under the tree and went to their room.

Well...anyway. Wow, he went down a rabbit hole of memories from last year. They talked it out some more, but they both still felt terrible. It was late, and they didn't want to make it worse. They both gave up and went to bed. He couldn't sleep, and he tried to make love to her when that happened. He hoped it would tell her he was sorry and grateful again. He could tell she gave in to it because he wanted to. He could tell she didn't enjoy it at first, but when she said, "Hurry up,"...something happened or didn't happen? He didn't know how to explain it, but it made him feel empty, like nothing. It was a lost cause. He was tired of fighting. He was tired. But he never thought that she was tired of him in that way. He doesn't even know if she meant it. Though it was all he could think about, he didn't confront her. She never apologized, either. He never initiated again, and she was so tired every night that all she did was sleep.

Until last night...

Last night she initiated it. Last night she didn't want it to end. Last night she felt amazing. Last night she wanted him. Last night she said his name over and over. He loved that. Last night it felt just like it used to be how it was supposed to be.

"Right there, Taye. You feel so good, Taye. I love you, Taye...Taye...Taye..."

"TAYE!"Adena shouted, and he jumped out of his thoughts into reality. He looked up, and she was standing in front of him. She seemed tired of saying his name more than once to get his attention.

She was back.

*

For some people, sex is a release, a satisfying basic need in life, but Capricorns want to reach a state of total satisfaction, not only for themselves but also for their partners.

*

https://youtu.be/IP4V3TTC3fw