Chapter One - Flashbacks

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Location - Roadhouse
Year - 2000
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Alanna Winchester sat at the bar of the Roadhouse with a bottle of water in her hand. She watched her husband with a careful gaze and a small frown. A smile graced Deans face as he patted his younger brother on the back. They were both playing a round of pool against two other hunters and Sam had just hit the eight ball causing them to win the game.

"Alanna?" Ellen asked as she sat herself down on the stool beside the blonde woman. Alanna turned her attention towards the brunette and raised her eyebrows in question. "I am going to go off on a limb and say you haven't told Dean yet."

"I don't know how to, Ellen. I am terrified of, not only, his reaction, but of dragging a child into this life." Alanna sighed as she ran her hand through her hair.

Three days ago, Alanna had found out she was pregnant while Dean was off on a hunt and she had called Ellen in a panic. Tears had been streaming down her face and she just needed advice and comfort from someone who she views as her mother.

"We have discussed this, sweetheart. Dean will be fine and if he gets mad, he will eventually come around. You weren't the only one to make the child, he's involved just as much as you. The boy loves you, Alanna. He will want this just as much as you do."

"I understand what you're saying, Ellen. I really do, but that doesn't make it any less scary. I don't think I will be able to handle it if he left me or even mentioned doing so."

"He wouldn't leave you, hun. He loves you too much and you made too much of an impact on him to even think of such a thing." Ellen said with a smile as she placed a hand on Alanna's shoulder.

Alanna smiled back and began to speak until she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist. Dean placed his head on her shoulder and smiled at the two women. "What are we talking about?" He asked with a happy tone in his voice.

"Just telling Alanna about the Roadhouse and embarrassing stories of Jo." Ellen was quick to lie.

"Embarrassing stories of Jo? I wanna know now."

"No, he doesn't!" The blonde yelled from the other side of the bar as she handed a man a bottle bud-light. "No one wants to know, ma."

All three laughed and Ellen playfully rolled her eyes at her teenage daughter. "I got to get back to work. You two have fun." Ellen said as she got up and walked to the back. "Ash! Cut yourself off before I do!" She yelled before the door shut. Alanna and Dean looked over to see the man slowly putting down a bottle of beer.

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Location - motel room
Year - 2000
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Alanna ran her fingers through her hair as she paced the cheap motel room in a panic. Dean and Sam had left to eliminate a vampire nest nearly an hour ago, so she did not have a lot of time left. She needed to make a decision now. It was either tell Dean, or never tell him at all.

In a rush, the blonde grabbed the notepad that the hotel left on the table and a pin. With tears in her eyes, she quickly began to write.

"Dean, I am sorry I had to leave like this, but I couldn't take it. The hunting and moving are too much for me. I love you and I always will, but let me go, please. Tell Sam that I love him, too. Goodbye, Dean. -Alanna."

That was the quickest lie the woman could come up with. She quickly wiped her face, but the tears did not stop as she stood up and packed her duffle-bag with everything she needed including her weapons and her fake credit-cards.

Alanna swung the bag over her shoulder and walked out of the hotel room. She took her key to the man upfront and told him that her husband or brother-in-law would be by to pick it up later. The man was confused, but didn't question it as he just nodded his head in agreement.

Alanna left the building and took a deep breath as she wiped the rest of her tears away and began to walk down the road. She planned on hijacking a car later on down the road around nightfall, she was not about to risk being caught in broad daylight, so walking was her only option.
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Dean Winchester walked up to the hotel room two hours later and knocked on the door. He and Sam waited a few minutes before knocking again.

"Is she asleep?" Sam asked in confusion when his sister-in-law never opened the door.

"No," Dean shook his head. "She never goes to sleep at this time. She has bad insomnia." He explained as he knocked harder than before. "Alanna!" He called.

"I am going to get the spare key." Sam said as he walked towards the front office. He walked inside and the man looked up before holding the key out. "Thank you?" He said in confusion.

"The girl left about two hours ago and said that you or the other one would be by to get the key."

"She left?" Sam asked as his eyes widened. "Why did she leave?"

"Listen, I didn't ask for her life story. The girl was crying, I wasn't going to slam her with questions. She just left the key and went off on foot."

"Which way did she go?"

"I think she went left, but I cannot be too sure. Is she going to be okay?"

"I am sure she will be fine. Thank you." Sam said before her left to go tell Dean what the manager had told him.

"Dean! She's gone."

"What?" His brother asked in confusion as Sam unlocked the door and pushed it open.

"The manager said that she left around two hours ago while crying. Did you two fight or something?"

"What? No, we didn't fight. What do you mean she left, Sam?" Dean said in a rush as he checked the bathroom for his wife. "Where did she go?"

"I don't know. The guy said she took a left on foot." Sam explained as he bit his lip and looked at Dean with a sorrowful gaze.

"Well, what are you waiting for?! Pack and let's go find her!" Dean raised his voice as he slammed his bag on the table. At the force, a sheet of paper fluttered off the table and onto the floor.

Sam picked it up with a frown and read it over. His frown slowly deepened as his eyes filled with tears. "You need to read this." He said as he handed it over to his brother.

Dean frowned and he slowly grabbed the note out of Sam's hand. As he read it over, his face twisted in pain and he felt as though his heart stopped. With tears filling his eyes, he stuffed the note into his pocket and grabbed his bag. "Let's go find her, Sam." He muttered as he made his way out the door and to the Impala.

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Location - Kaysville, Utah
Year - 2000
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Four months after leaving Dean, Alanna had moved into a town in Utah. She was always a small town girl, so she expected that a place like Kaysville would be the last place Dean thought to look. So far, she was right. She managed to lay low and buy a new credit-card and phone. She ditched her old one in  Colorado so that the brothers couldn't track her.

She was now five months along and it was easily noticeable. Her neighbors had warmly welcomed her and many have asked where the babies father was and why Alanna was alone. She came up with a lie that was only partly true, but they all bought it. Well, aside from one woman.

This person was named Beatrice "Trixie" Miller and she lived in the creme colored home across the street. She and Alanna had instantly connected over being single mothers. Beatrice's son was named Jordan and he was only a year old when Alanna moved in.

Trixie came over nearly everyday and, as a matter of fact, that was where she was now. Sitting on the front porch swing with Alanna as she held a can of coke in her hand. Jordan sat in the grass and played with toy cars as the women watched him and held a conversation.

"How come you barely talk about him?" Trixie asked as she took a sip of her drink. "Your husband, I mean."

Alanna sighed and shrugged. "I prefer not to, it hurts to think about him." She said as she placed a hand on her stomach.

"It might make you feel better. Getting it all off your chest and telling someone about the man you loved." Trixie said as she pushed her brown hair behind her ear and stole a quick glance at Alanna before looking back towards her son again.

"Well," Alanna said and took a deep breath. A smile graced her face as all the memories of oldest Winchester came back to her mind. "He was amazing in all ways possible. We met at a crappy hotel we were both staying at. He helped me get my chocolate bar unstuck from the old vending machine. Long stay short, we began to date and we kept in touch over time. A few years later, I went on a road-trip with him and his younger brother. When I was nineteen and he was twenty-one, we got married. It wasn't a huge formal wedding, an old friend of his married us, but it was perfect for me.

"A year later, I found out that I was pregnant. I was terrified and panicked. Three weeks later, I left without telling him a thing. He didn't look like it, but he was just an over protective, sweetheart. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn't want our baby to grow up on the road, so I left."

Trixie was staring at Alanna with wide eyes by the end of her story. "So he doesn't even know he is a father?"

"No, and for the time being, I want it to stay that way."

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Location - Kaysville, Utah
Year - 2000
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Alanna tossed the covers off of her body as she trudged down the hallway to the kitchen. She pulled open the fridge and sighed as she grabbed a jar of pickles and made her way to the bedroom after grabbing a fork.

Alanna grabbed a pickle out of the jar and sat down against her headboard with the fork in her hand. She took a bite and looked over the phone on her nightstand. The urge to call Ellen had been pulling at her heart for almost a week now and she couldn't hold it back anymore.

Setting the pickle back down, she picked up her cell and pressed in the number she had grown to memorize. It rang three times until a familiar voice answered. "Roadhouse, Jo speaking." Alanna panicked and quickly hit the end button before putting her head in her hands.

Why was she so freaked out over calling the Harvelle's? Jo was like a little sister to her and she viewed Ellen as a mother. It should be so simple, but she hasn't spoken to them in several months.

Meanwhile, Jo stared at the phone in confusion. "Mom!" She yelled across the crowded bar. Ellen walked over and raised her eyebrows in question. "Someone just called, but they hung up right when I answered. Do you want me to wait and see if they call again?"

"No, you get back to work and I will answer it, if it rings. Don't worry about it."

Alanna took a deep breath and sat up before calling the number again. It only rang once before the call was answered. "Roadhouse, Ellen speaking."

After another deep breath, Alanna spoke. "Ellen? It's me." She said and cringed at how dumb her reply was. Ellen probably already forgot about her by now.

"Who is 'me,' sweetheart? I know a lot of people. I am going to need you to be more specific."

"It's Alanna. Alanna Winchester." She muttered with tears in her eyes.

It was quiet until Alanna heard Ellen take a deep breath through the phone. "Alanna? Where the hell have you been?! Everyone has been worried sick and looking for you! We thought you died!" She nearly yelled.

"I know, I'm sorry, but I had to leave. I didn't want my baby growing up on the road and into the life, Ellen. They don't deserve that."

"Well, couldn't you have called sooner? Could you have at least told Dean how you were doing. Do you know how many times I had to comfort a drunken and upset, Dean Winchester? I lost count after ten."

"I'm sorry." She apologized once more with tears running down her face. "I couldn't tell him, Ellen. He doesn't even know about the baby. He doesn't even know he is a father."

The older woman frowned as she heard Alanna crying through the receiver. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in a hug, but she couldn't and it broke her heart.

"It's okay, sweetie. Listen, it will all be okay. I won't pressure you into coming back or into telling him, but please call me from time to time. We all miss you."

"I will, I promise. Will you keep this conversation a secret, please?"

"Of course, I won't tell a soul." Ellen promised. "Well, I might tell Jo and Ash, but you know that they won't tell anyone if I force them not to."

Alanna gave a small laugh, "I love you all. Tell Jo and Ash that I miss them."

"Will do, talk to you later, hun."

"Bye, Ellen."

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Location - Hospital
Year - 2000
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As the doctor laid the baby girl in Alanna's arm, she gave the woman a smile. "Should I call someone for you? The father, perhaps?"

"No," Alanna shook her head. "I'm alone, but thank you."

The woman nodded before leaving the room and allowing Alanna to spend some time alone with her new baby. Elizabeth Mary Winchester was born on October Eleventh, two thousand at three-twenty p.m.

Alanna smiled down at the child in her arms and let a tear roll down her cheek. How could the baby look so gorgeous after giving her such intense pain. She would never understand, but she would never come to regret the decision of keeping her baby.

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Location - Kaysville, Utah
Year - 2005
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Trixie and Alanna watched as Elizabeth and Jordan played with cars in the living room. The two women were sitting on the couch as the children sat on the carpet. Six-year-old Jordan was making car sounds and a five-year-old Beth pushed an orange car around in circles as she too made noises.

"Has she ever asked about her father? I remember Jordan asking me when he was four. He asked why he didn't have a dad like all the other kids."

"She has. I showed her pictures, but I don't think she quite understands it all. She is just so young."

"They don't at this age. They will when they get older. You will have to sit her down and explain it all to her, but we will cross that bridge together when we get to it."

"Yeah, I am dreading that day, but I know it will come. She will grow curious and start asking every question she can think of."

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So...I hope this is better than the first time I wrote it. I began this story when I was like fourteen or fifteen, so hopefully it is better. I also suck at where to put commas and apostrophes so I apologize for that.

Have a beautiful day/night, loves.

Rewritten on: Feb. 26, 2021
Republished on: March 8, 2021