" A Lass?" I groaned and shifted. The far off voice got louder. "Lass?"

I tried to speak out but my tongue felt stuck to the roof of my mouth. I groaned again and I searched for the source of the voice in the darkness that surrounded me. My eyes stayed glued shut and the ringing in the back of my head felt like it would split my skull in two. I flinched as something cold and wet splashed on my face smelling faintly of alcohol. I tried to move but I was paralyzed somehow.

Who? What?

I felt sluggish and fog seemed to gather behind my eyes even when my vision cleared. I finally croaked out a feeble hello. "Hello? Who-"

I yelped weakly as large hands gripped me, hauling me in an upright position, the air smelled faintly of pine wood and green apples. I blinked away the piercing rays of intrusive sunlight.

My eyes focused and unfocused the strain throbbing loudly about my head. My glasses? Where are my glasses?

Feeling about me I nearly cried out in alarm at the sudden touch of wet blades of grass; the dewy earth crisp and damp. Questions began to pile up in my head like overdue paperwork. I squinted painfully around but only globs of splotched colors danced around in my vision. I sighed "If only I wasn't as blind as my grandma."

I sprawled out in earnest and began groping around for my blasted glasses.

"Aha!" I triumphantly grabbed something shapely and thin, my slender fingers patting them down. I brought the object so close to my face I could lick it. "They are my glasses!"

I pulled the hem of my shirt and began wiping the lenses, not that it helped much as my clothes were damp and stiff with grime.

I carefully placed my glasses on my face and looked about. I bit back a scream.

Tall maple and pine wood trees thrust out of the ground and grew so thickly and large that the light was nearly cut off on the forest floor. Mossy stones and boulders jutted out like earthy statues. The canopy of greenery was so flushed and dewy it looked almost delicious. Ripe nuts and fruits bore down branches and bushes.

The chirping of insects and yowls of creatures sharpened as I processed my surroundings. The beams of golden lights danced with the shaking of the trees and finally in the middle of the clearing I somehow found myself in, stood the most manly dude I had ever seen. A scruffy beard brightened by the sun grew untamed on his chin as well as his wild hair only partially pulled back with streaks of gray. His face was dark and hard with pale lines I could only guess were scars, the face of a worker.

His clothes were weird and unusual like a D&D themed cosplay. A sheathed dagger hung from a strap at his waist. Hard leather arm bracers covered most of his forearm and a bow was slung over his mottled forest green cloak, the faint glimmer of a sword peeking out on his left hip. I gulped as he stared at me intently with his steely gaze. "Ye ok lass?" His voice was deep and rough, sending shivers up my arms. I didn't know anyone could speak that low.

"U-um yeah?" as soon as I had said this a sharp painful sting sliced across my head and I gasped sharply, instantly clutching my head and curling up. Pricks of gathering tears threatened to spill over. I clenched my jaw and willed myself to sit up again.

Blinking through the tears I looked up at him a bit sheepishly. He grumbled "yeah, sure you're ok." He scoffed and then stood.

I yelped to high heaven when he scooped me up in his sun-beaten arms and started walking to who knows where. I thrashed and then cried out in pain again, "what the- what are you doing!" I groaned through another throbbing headache.

"Hush lass! Stop kicking and screamin' you'll hurt yourself." he held me tightly like one would a baby having a tantrum and rocked me a little as he continued walking.

I realized it was futile as he swaddled me in a fuzzy blanket of some kind that smelled of unwashed animals like a dirty burrito. Though I'll never admit it, it was relaxing in a way to stay in such large strong arms, even if one was being captured.

It didn't take long to come to the edge of the forest, the sun now beat down in full force over our heads and I was soon glad I was still damp. The cold sweeping chill was a welcome. I gasped, rolling hills of the brightest green I'd ever seen stretched on, patches of shade cast by large robust clouds, the grass waving around with the wind like a rolling sea. It was so magical, I couldn't believe it. It was as if I had stepped into one of those surreal photographs of nature that seemed too perfect to be true. I squinted in the sun and peered across the lush grasses, what is that thing? A building?

A castle...?

I just stared dumbly. This can't be happening can it? I mean... No. were probably in the Old Country where castles are just old historical places and nothing more... The strange man continued walking, unaware of the war raging about in my head. At some point I must have passed out because the next thing I knew I was lying in the most uncomfortable bed in the world.

"Where the crusty fuck donut am I?!"

The itchy bed groaned under my weight and I bolted right out of it. "I hope this bed burns." I eyed the spread quilt and coverlet with suspicion. "The pillow looks yellow, like it hasn't been washed since World War 1. Yuck." I shuddered and looked around the room muttering about the importance of proper hygiene. I presently spotted my glasses propped up dejectedly on a small stool by the bedside and promptly put them on.

It was a homey, cozy little room but it was odd. Light pooled into the room through the thatched tatilic looking walls, tall and narrow. Everything looked handmade with little to no colors other than natural ones. The chair and wooden table in the corner, covered in some sort of cured animal skin, a half melted candle in a bowl and dried flowers in a woven vase made of rushes.

The floor was of packed dirt and weaved rugs of pale earthy colors covered around the bed and at the front of the carved door. The air was musty and smelled of dried spices and burning wood. The light from the window barely reached around the small room and most of the room was bathed in the half light. Curious, I walked around inspecting all the handcrafted items.

"Is that real bear fur?" I had just grabbed a pile of brown furs off the foot of the small bed when the door was thrust open. I squeaked and jumped staring at the intruder.

"Oh my, you're awake." The stout hardy woman tutted before yelling out the door, "the Lass is awake Ollie!"

The far echo of the man answered, "alright Isolda, I'll be right there!"

The short chubby woman with pale brown eyes and graying hair pulled back into a tight bun looked me up and down, tutting disapprovingly. I reigned in the snarky quip at the tip of my tongue as the odd man from before entered the room, ducking a little so as not to hit his head on the door frame.

"Sit down on that chair there lassy and I'll take a look at yer head."

I startled and looked at my person and to my horror found I was not in my usual clothes. A cotton tunic fell loosely over my shoulders and some sort of brown leggings bunched at my ankles. I touched my head and lo and behold a bandage encircled my skull. I opened my mouth to say something or probably scream when he spoke hurriedly, cutting me off. "My wife here changed you, yer clothes were filthy and ya couldn't very well stay in those awful clothes. I bandaged yer head though."

I clamped my mouth shut and merely nodded before quietly walking over to the chair and sitting down.

The man named Ollie, as I didn't have anything else to call him, tentatively unwrapped my head bandage. I winced a little as he tenderly inspected my apparent wound. His breath fanned across the top of my head as he peered in concentration, humming and muttering to himself softly. He began applying a sticky salve that smelled sweet and rebandaged my head tight. "Alright then lass don't touch your head and I'll apply again every morning. But first let's head to the kitchen where we'll discuss just that."

I gulped as he headed out and beckoned me to follow. When I hesitated, he chuckled, "you're hungry aren't ya?"

In response my stomach answered him and my cheeks grew warm. I stuttered a bit, "y-yea"

He smiled, his eyes the color of polished wood twinkled in amusement and then he left, with the door wide open in invitation.

What in the world is going on and where the hell am I?

Not really with any alternative I simply decided to join them for breakfast.