NPOV

My mom raised me as a christian boy. Hoisted me in neat, grey costumes and dragged me every Sunday to church with Bianca on her side and my hand tightly clasped in hers. 

"Behave,"

She used to hiss when Bi and I fought over who got to lay a coin in the scale of the priest. 

Behave.

My hand shakily caresses the thick sleeve over my arm. The skin beneath it prickles under my touch. I quickly drop my hand down again.

If I ever was a believer,

I sure stopped being one now. 

"It's not that far anymore." Will assures me as we keep walking silently side by side. My shoes are already soaked from mindlessly stepping into puddles but I don't really care.

"Cool." I answer solemnly before stepping on another wet leaf. As if I haven't walked the road to his house for over a zillion times. As if I don't know every bend and corner by heart by now. 

No,

God is a prick who's awaiting in the heavens for a fistfight with me and for the sake of all the unsaid business, I'll sure give him one. 

I think with every line cut in my wrist, he slowly seeped out. I think I gave him alcohol poisoning and threw him back up bit by bit. 

Mom always said He was in a lot of places. 

I glance at my side to see Will's curious blue eyes already looking back at me and quickly advert my gaze. 

But he sure wasn't with you the day that I lost you.

And he surely wasn't with me every day after that.

I startle when a warm hand clasps around my shoulder. 

"Geez! I'm sorry, you seemed quite far away for a moment."

Will looks as equally shocked by my reaction as I am. I look at him, mouth going dry, tongue getting heavy, not a word able to form on my lips.

"What's wrong?"

everything.

"Nothing."

His brows furrow in that abnormally handsome manner of his.

"You're lying." 

"I am not." I grit out between my teeth. 

"Yes you are! what's wrong?"

I look away from him, to the side where the old bike is locked on the streetlamp for almost nine months now. The old thing is rusted on its place, barely held together by Duckt tape and spite. 

"You're doing it again!" 

Will's blond curls move right back into my view, blocking the sight of the pathetic bike behind him. I'll never get used to the shivers his blue eyes give me. 

"Doing what?!" I nearly growl while adverting my head away from him a second time.

His hands grip my upper arms and hold me in place as he turns me back to him. 

"This," I feel my heart beating in my throat as I watch his face, only a few inches away from mine. 

"You can't even look at me anymore. What have I said that upsets you this much?!"

He tries to laugh out the words but I sense the fear underneath it, his eyes darting all over me as if he's searching for an injury. The itching on my wrists gets harder. My hand twitches and I quickly pull myself out of his hold. 

Frustration is gripping tightly on every part of my body as my inner voice begs to get out all these thoughts, to gush out all these words...

Please don't think this is you Will. It's not, it's really not. I don't hate you.

It's the opposite really, 

but maybe for you that's even worse.

"Nothing!" 

I rub my hands tiredly through my face.

"It's really nothing Will, I'm fine, I'm fine, I promise." 

I drop my hands back to my sides and stare at him without blinking.

It seems to throw him off guard a bit. I tend to have that effect on people, lying really isn't that difficult as most people think. Just form the words they need to hear, say them and don't budge.

Something of doubt flickers over his face. 

"You'll tell me if something is wrong, won't you deathboy?" 

I nod while ignoring the nausea that nickname brings with it. My lips tightly pressed together. Will still believes he heard Piper say it to me and copied it from her but he doesn't know that the only living person who'd ever called me that is in fact, him. 

"Promise me." 

I roll my eyes with a snort.

"What, you want me to swear it on the bible?" I respond sarcastically. 

A small smirk spreads over his serious face. He reaches for his pocket before taking out his phone and unlocking it. 

"I have the bible app, so if you want to swear something to me, this is the time." 

I cross my arms;

"You're really making me do this?"

"Hey, if you want to go to heaven you'll have to do as you swear. Shouldn't be a problem if you mean it, right?

We stare at each other for five silent seconds.

"Will you're bi and I'm gay, up isn't the place we're going." 

The huffy laugh that follows from him is almost too precious.

"Well since I'm bi maybe I can stand in the doorway, half in heaven, half in hell, best of both worlds you know?"

I can't help the laugh that bubbles up from my throat. He sticks the phone out for me to hold while trying to keep his face as deadly serious as possible.

"Swear it on the bible app Di Angelo."

I take over the phone with slightly shaking fingers. I hold my hand over my chest and give him a wide smile.

"I swear it."

Nice job Will, letting an atheist swear on the bible.

"Good, you won't break a promise that you made on the bible now, would you?"

He smirks with that daring gaze of his.

Will, I've broken every possible promise I have ever made.

"Never."

And with that I hand him back his phone. His eyes linger a bit too long on me so I quickly try to advert his attention. 

"Why on earth do you have a bible app on your phone though?"

He looks at me with wide eyes and shakes his head.

"Sorry what we're you saying?"

I feel my cheeks heating a bit in embarrassment. 

"Why do you have a bible app on your phone?" I repeat while trying desperately to keep my Italian accent of the sentence. 

"because," he shrugs cheekily, "Summer likes it when I read it for her before bedtime." 

A sharp pain pierces through my chest, I try to form an answer but my lips won't move. Will must have taken my silence as confusion and quickly glides a hand through his hair with a faint blush.

"Oh sorry, I probably haven't told you yet but Summer is my little sister. She's very nice."

He frowns at his own thought. 

"I mean, she mostly is, she has been acting out a lot lately. Says she misses p-pudding p- pudding pie or something?" 

My eyes widen.

Pudding pie.

In her little play kitchen. Will wasn't home. We sat on those green plastic chairs, with all her stuffed animals around. She poured me imaginary thee as I sat with my knees almost in my neck and I asked her if she wanted to make some pie with me. We messed it up completely and it fell like pudding on a board. We both had a stomach ache afterwards from all the sugar she had poured in it when I wasn't watching.

When Will heard the story, he was rolling on the ground in a laughing fit. Ever since then, Summer always begged me to make 'pudding pie' with her whenever I came over. 

"Yeah anyways, she's a good kid, you'll like her."

My voice is impossibly small. The nervousness tightens around my neck.

Summer.

How could I have forgotten?

What if she's home and sees me? 

You can make a lot of people keep a secret, but a five year old, not so much.

"I-is she home then?"

Will shakes his head, "No, she's at ballet class now."

I release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"And your mom?"

"At work."

We walk towards the dead end of the street and Will's face lights up at the modern house surrounded with pine trees. 

"We're here!" 

he announces with a wide grin and arms spread open. 

I force a desperate smile on my face but I'm barely able to hold back the tears that are burning behind my eyes.

"What a nice house." I choke out.

He grins enthusiastic; "Thanks, my mom decorated all of it." 

He sprints towards the entry, jumping over the three little steps leading up to the front door. The grass is so tightly kept that I can't help but stare at it. It's so brightly green, it could have been artificial grass.

I used to love this house, adore this home with all the people in it, it's so indescribably weird to be back here after all that's happened. 

"Are you coming?"

Will aims a soft smile my way but it takes only one look at my face to distort into worry.

Nathan's voice is everywhere around me. With every step that I take closer to the front door, his words get sharper, more frantic, more honest. 

"You're the reason for this, you're the reason for all of this, for pain, for blood... Look what you've done, look what you've done!"

His cold fingers digging in the soft skin of my arm as he waves the new cuts before my blurring vision. Tears streaming without ending over my cheeks;

"I'm sorry! I'm-I'm sorry!"

"Hey."

His voice is merely an assuring whisper. I gasp softly as his fingers hesitantly lock with my own. He glances down at our intertwined hands, a furious blush creeping over his neck and shoulders. 

"Is this okay? Thought you needed some help there."

He looks up at me with big blue eyes. The noise slowly drifts out of my head.

"Sure." 

He smiles sweetly before his grin returns. 

"Alright! Time to show you mi casa."

Before I can roll my eyes, he's already pulling me towards the front door.

"What do you think? An MTV, welcome to my crib tour?"

I groan dramatically.

"For the love of God, please don't."

"What's that? Did I hear a yes?"

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