Deja vu
NPOV
I want to write a happy story.
I really do.
I want to tell you all about the time I lost the love of my live in the smoldering sea of ashes. How I was beaten down by it but then rose, like a phoenix from the ruins. How I stood up, dusted that charcoal off of my knees and held up my head. How I fought. For myself, for him...
I didn't fight. If anything, I made snow angels in the black ashes around me and stayed there until the scorching rain became unbearable. Stayed a little longer. Told myself I'd get up from it tomorrow, I'd fight for him tomorrow.
I didn't get up tomorrow.
Or the day after that.
Or the day after that one.
I choked on his memory and died. He wasn't there to fight for and after a while, I wasn't either.
Happy stories...
I look down at the rippling water before me.
A happy story is like putting your hand in the cold water and hoping it stays dry when you take it back out.
It won't happen.
"Can I join you?"
I stay quiet while staring with unfocused eyes at the white flickering of the sun. The chirping of birds fills my ears as the unspoken stretches between us. My vision is engulfed with the swirl of water. I don't budge.
"You know I'm just going to sit down even if you say no, right?"
Even though he said it, there's no squeak of old sneakers walking forwards. A bitter smile plays around my lips as I glance back over my shoulder to see his patient face carefully examining mine. Will.
"Then why ask?" I turn back around before he even gets the chance to answer. I don't want to look into his blue eyes, I just want to drown in the blue before me.
"I want your permission when I break the rules."
I can't help the painful laugh that escapes my bruised ribs. The happy sound morphs quicker into silence than I can take a breath.
"What rules?" I ask without adverting my eyes from the tiny flickers on the greenish water. Will takes a few quiet steps forwards before dropping down into a cross sit a few feet away from me.
"You know, the Nico Di Angelo rules." he says while dipping his fingers into the pool.
"And what might that be?" I ask with a quick glance sidewards.
Will puffs out a breath of air in amusement before looking back at me. "Well for starters it's, don't talk back to him when he's in a sass mood."
I shake my head with a slight smile, "Lies, you always do so."
He just ignores me and stubbornly rambles on; "If he glares at you, act as if you're actually scared of him. That's it! That's what I mean!" Will laughs as I catch myself giving him a disbelieving glare. I turn my head the other way.
"That's absolutely no rule."
"It sure is! Then, don't put a painkiller in his hot coco."
I bury my face in my hands to cover my smile. "That's not a rule, that's common knowledge."
"And last of all..." His voice dies out as if he just realizes what he was about to say. I drop my hands from my face to look back at him. He's swirling circles in the pool with his fingertips. His eyes never leaving the hypnotizing motion as he gulps down whatever words he was about to choke out.
"What's the last rule?" I straighten my back.
His cheeks redden as the circling becomes the most interesting thing he has ever seen.
"What's the last rule Will?"
He breaths in deeply before taking his fingers out of the water. Droplets slip over his nails as his eyes find mine.
"Don't fall in love with Nico Di Angelo."
I advert my gaze. The beating of my heart becomes unbearably painful. For a moment I'm afraid it's going to bruise some ribs for a second time.
"I think I broke all of the rules." His voice is no more than a whisper but I can't help but laugh anyways. A smile folds on his face as he laughs with me. Look at us, sitting five feet away from each other at the half-blood house pool. Laughing at our own misery. Saying we'll let each other go when we're constantly pulled back together like two magnets who can't escape the force field. Trying to move on to a better life and leave the pain behind us...
I stare at him with the deepest regret I've ever felt.
I think I can't move on to a better life.
What life would be better without him in it?
"I'm sorry I kissed you." I look up into his earnest eyes, ignoring the throbbing in my chest, "I should have asked you if it was okay. I'm truly sorry Nico, I know now, it's not what you wanted," he stays quiet for a while before repeating another heartfelt, "I'm sorry."
I gaze down at the water before me. A brown leaf fluters from the tree and lands weightlessly on the surface. Wouldn't that be nice? To just float above it all? Like a God stuck in Olympus?
"Don't be," I sigh. My hands clasp around the stone edge of the pool, "I know I'm not."
His head snaps so fast in my direction, it makes all his golden curls bounce.
"I think that's probably why I feel so bad about it."
His eyes rest heavy on me. I look up.
"But I'm with Nathan."
The light in there dims at the words. Still I continue strongly.
"And I'm faithful. I don't go around kissing guys I'm not with. You can find your own special guy, I promise. He'll be so incredibly good for you. But you and I?"
I gesture between the two of us while shaking my head slightly.
"Since you don't remember, I might as well tell you." I swallow away the burning feeling in my throat, "We didn't work at all Will. Ugly truth but it's true. We always fought" I lie between my teeth. My eyes dart away from the absolutely dead expression on his face.
"I didn't know." His voice is impossibly quiet.
"That's why I'm telling you."
Sweat pearls on my forehead and I quickly swipe it away with my sleeve.
"I care about you, that will never change." I force myself to smile at him, with the same effort he smiles back.
For a moment we just sit there in silence, listening to the birds around us, singing happier songs than I have ever heard of in my life. I pinch the brim of my shirt between my two fingers and lift it up and down a bit.
Will huffs in amusement, "Don't tell me you're hot."
I scoff while continuing to let some air reach my heated chest.
Lying always has the worst effects on me.
"No, I'm just doing this for fun." I say. Will stands up, walks towards me and then sits down again so close that our knees bump against each other. The heat crawling under my skin only grows more. I hate the way my stomach flips around for a second when he gives me that lopsided smile.
"Cause you know, I could always push you in the pool again."
I laugh at the memory but quickly shake my head. "Don't you daAA- Will!"
His hand pushes my shoulder dangerously forwards. I shove him back all the while he's erupting with laughter.
"We need a fifth rule." I breath out after getting my raging heart back to normal.
"Hmm, what might that be?"
"Don't push Nico Di Angelo into swimming pools."
It only makes him laugh harder.
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Made some time for you in between the madness, hope you like it. :)
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