NPOV

A lost smile still ghosts on my lips as I walk as light as ever towards the front door. In the cold of the approaching morning, I make a few turns between the wilting grass, the song still plays in my head like a faint memory of an impossible dream. I picture his face before me again and hold his invisible hands. 

I swirl towards the steps. It's almost five in the morning. At the edge of the forest, a softer blue hue creeps up from behind the branches. The light seeps gloomily to the horizon like a disease spreading over the fading stars. Somehow, I can't find it in me to stop dancing.

A chuckle escapes my throat as I come to an end before the front door. 

And there is reality again. Hiding behind a neatly painted door, behind always closed curtains and flowers dying on the windowsill. Hiding in his embrace and never letting me go. 

I glance at the fingerless gloves covering my hands. There's a sadness seeping into my body as I just watch my fingers clench and unclench before my eyes. I could pry the black cloth off, only to reveal purple knuckles. I glance up at the roof of the small apartment while trying to force the tearing feeling back out of my body. It's better to keep them covered. Reality might be here but that doesn't mean I have to look at it.

My hand grabs tiredly for the keys in my pocket. Exhaustion slowly settles in my limbs. Still the memory of standing so close to him, vibrates through every vein in euphoria. I quietly wriggle the rusted doorknob open, careful not to wake Nathan. I tiptoe inside and with the greatest care close the door softly behind me. 

I sigh deeply while shrugging off my coat. 

Home.

My tired eyes glide over the walls coated with posters of the rock bands Nath loves so dearly and the framed photo of the two of us kissing on a bench in the park. 

Or something like it at least.

I pry off my gloves without as much as a quick glance.

"You're late."

I startle so badly that I nearly knock the whole coatrack down. I whip my head around to see Nathan with crossed arms standing in the doorway in his velvet red pyjamas. He glances up at the clock on the wall. Behind him the light of the living room slowly grows brighter. Energy saving lamps, Nath's house is full of them.

"Or should I say you're early?" 

With trembling fingers, I slide my coat on the rack before turning back to him.

"Nathan, you scared me there for a moment," I breath out while clasping my hand to my chest. My heart is hammering in my ribcage.

"Sorry." His face stays blank. 

I hastily untie my shoes and wiggle them off my feet while trying to keep my balance. 

"Why are you up so early?" I ask while tossing my sneakers to the side. From the corner of my eyes, I see him move closer. 

"I was worried about you, you didn't call."

In the darkness of the hallway, he nearly looks like a ghost. There are dark circles under his eyes and a strange deadness in his pupils. Like a soundless shadow he approaches me.

"I'm really sorry, it was a super hectic day, street kids and all, you know what it's like," I smile apologetically but he doesn't smile back. It's as if my words don't even reach him anymore. He just stands there like a stone statue lost in the hallway.

"What happened to your hair?" 

A warm blush spreads over my cheeks as one still gloved hand reaches up to pat the lost strands back in place. The memory burns in my head while the sound of Will's laugh pulses through my heart. I quickly advert my eyes, setting my shoes straight as if that is an important thing to do.

"Hectic day, that's all."

Nathan hums in understanding. He rolls his shoulders back and forth as if he's an athlete getting rid of sore muscles. When his head lolls forwards again, a flicker of a smile is back on his lips. A thin ray of early morning light hits the side of his face and makes his green eye glow like an emerald stone. He stretches out his arms before dropping them back to the side.

"You're staring." His voice doesn't hold the amusement it usually does. Like the cheerful sound a cat would make while filing its nails before the eyes of a little mouse.

"That's probably because you're quite the sight." I swallow my inner battle back down again. He doesn't even give me that cocky grin of his.

"So do you," He flexes and unflexes his fingers, his eyes never leaving mine, "so why don't you give me a little kiss and we can go back to bed together?" 

I manage a small smile while softly trudging towards him. Without a word, he turns his head, showing a smooth bare cheek in the narrow streak of sunlight.

"Unless you've got something to say to me?"

I freeze in place. My head throbs with nervousness as I lay my hands on his shoulders.

"No," I smile while getting up the tip of my toes to give him a little kiss. 

His face whirls back to mine. His hand wraps around my wrist before squeezing tightly around it. I try not to gasp out in pain but from under his hand, I can feel the wetness of reopening slashes, trickle down under my sleeve. I try not to cry out as his fingers snake so hard around my wrist, my bone could snap any moment. His face never even wrinkles with the tiniest flicker of an emotion. His other hand reaches up to my face and clasps my chin in its grip. His green eyes swallow me whole as he forces me to look at him.

"You're very closed off, do you know that?"

My knees are shaking. I try to form a word with my lips but nothing comes out.

"All those secrets in there." He tilts my head to the side a bit and I can only let him. My fingers are tingling from the numb feeling that slowly settles in them.

"You can trust me with them. I've showed you countless times how I can take care of you so why don't you let me?" His thumb strokes my pale cheek in a loving gesture. It only makes the blood in my face retreat out of the skin there. 

"M-my... my w-wris... wrist," I choke out through the pain and violent waves of panic that crash through my body. 

"What about it?" He asks innocently as he pushes his fingers deeper inside the reopened wounds. A wrenched moan escapes my lips. My knees buckle and I fold in his hold but Nathan immediately pushes me back on my feet again.

"Ask me nicely." Colored spots swim in my vision and I can't tell if it's from agony or adrenaline. My mind is a scrambled mess as I desperately try to search for the right words.

"C-can... can you."

"Can I what?" 

The tip of my fingers has already turned blue while my other hand just rests uselessly on top of Nathan's arm. Shaking terribly while attempting to push his arm back in the faintest effort.

"Can I what?" His voice sounds more urgent, closer to my face. My eyes flutter closed as his grip on my chin hardens. Out of breath I only manage to bring out one more word.

"P-please?" 

I don't need to look to know that there's a grin of satisfaction gracing his face. He wipes a drip of sweat off of my forehead with the softest sweep of his hand. I didn't even know I was sweating until he did so.

"That wasn't so hard was it?" 

Blood streams back to my fingers as he releases a bit of his force. I desperately gasp for breath as if I forgot how to.

"See how I can take care of you." 

He ushers my chin a bit upwards while leaning slightly towards me.

"No one else does but I do. I worry about you, I stay up at night because you didn't call." He gestures at the hallway we're standing in, "All of that because I care about you, because I love you." His expression turns in something close to earnest. 

"Do you understand that Nico?" 

I nod mindlessly, my vision swirling with the movement. 

"You're so closed off." He ponders again. His hand lets go of my chin but I don't dare moving. 

"The only one you trusted with your secrets forgot all about them." He drops my wrist and my arm bonelessly falls back to my side. I clasp it with shaking fingers in my other hand while stroking it as if it's a wounded animal.

"Ironic isn't it?" He smiles cruelly.

"Absolute secrecy, you always get what you want." 

His hands gently wrap around my upper arms before sliding over my shoulders and resting on my collar bones. His eyes follow his own movement in fascination.

"Now I..." 

Underneath his fingers, he can feel the quick rising and falling of my panicked breathing. 

"I don't know a lot about you Nico." His hands smoothly slide up to my neck. Almost in an automatic reflex, my own hands clasp around his. My breathing fastens even more.

"I really don't."

His voice is ice cold. My eyes are impossibly wide as I try to bite down the breathy whimper building up in my throat. His nose slides against my cheek, his lips tracing my skin before stopping right before my ear. His body is covering mine almost entirely. His breath in my neck sends shivers all up my spine in a way that could make me faint on the spot in fear.

"But pine trees and mint... isn't really your cologne."

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I know I told you I wouldn't write for a while...

I lied.

I have no freaking self control, I really should be studying. Don't know what's killing me more my exams or writing this bloody thing.

Anyways, yours truly skydreamer1