Ariana told us all about her date the next day, including the steamy kissing. Perhaps she didn't understand the nuances of dating the same man as other people, but it hurt. It was a good thing I liked her a lot, but it was hard at the same time. I wanted to be there for her and share in her excitement, but my heart was hurting. 

She and Harry had gone to the San Juan Islands, near Seattle. They went on a whale watch and she told us all about seeing them for the first time. Her level of excitement was contagious as she described the orcas. Then they went to a spa and got a couple's massage after which they spent time together in a hot tub. I didn't even want to think about what happened in there. Dinner sounded nice, too, but she didn't share many details about that, thank goodness. 

This was hard. I hated it. Why the hell was I doing this to myself?

I went to the bar by the pool and asked the bartender for the strongest drink in the house. Merle followed me, camera on. Big surprise. The bartender laughed and told me I wasn't the first one to ask. After I downed it rather quickly, I asked for another and the bartender said, "I think you should wait a little while. I don't think that last one has fully hit you just yet." 

"What's your name?" I asked the bartender. He was young and cute; he looked kind of like Dylan O'Brien.

"Jared," he said, laughing just a little. "And you're Harper, right?" 

"How did you know that?" I asked, and just then my head started to float. 

"We watch all you girls," he said, I assume referring to himself and the other staff. "We know all your names. In fact, we know a lot more than you'd think." 

"Is that right?" I asked, now feeling a rush of relaxation. "So, maybe you know whether or not Harry is going to pick me in the end."

He laughed again and replied, "I don't even think Harry knows that yet." I frowned at him and he said, "No, I didn't mean it that way. But this has to be crazy for him, trying to decide between all of you beautiful ladies."

"Oh, you're just kissing up so I'll give you a good tip," I said, bursting out laughing because we didn't pay or tip any of the staff. "So, do I get another drink yet? I'm finding this strangely helpful, this...whatever this drink is."

"That, my friend is just a Long-Island Iced Tea. But it has five different kinds of liquor in it so don't go thinking it's a sissy drink," Jared said, winking. 

"Well, I'm glad you don't think I'm a sissy. Another please," I said sweetly.

I watched him prepare the cocktail and when it seemed he was adding an extra bit of soda, I playfully yelled, "Hey, no cutting my cocktail! I can handle my alcohol, thank you very much!" 

"You do know that I have the right to cut you off, if necessary, right?" Jared teased.

"Heavens," I said, rolling my eyes. "Yes, I read the contract, but it's only my second drink. And I've been drinking like a fish since I got here. I think I've built up quite a tolerance." 

He set another one in front of me and I grinned heartily at him. "Thank you. Now, I understand bartenders are good at giving advice."

Jared laughed out loud. "It probably doesn't matter because whatever I tell you, you're gonna forget anyway."

"Stop it!" I snapped. "I'm not that drunk. Now, how on earth am I supposed to survive several weeks more of this torture? We're all dating the same guy and everyone seems okay with that, but in reality it sucks!" I could tell my voice was getting louder, so I forced myself to tone it down. I didn't want Jared to think I was a lush or a lightweight. 

"Well, my friend, I'm afraid I don't have an answer to that," he said, shrugging. 

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked, purely out of curiosity, although it might have sounded like I was hitting on him. I looked at Merle and said in a syrupy-sweet voice, "Merle, can you just edit out anything that makes me look foolish? Or drunk? Or desperate?" 

Jared was full-on laughing now and I was getting irritated. "Shut up! I care about my reputation."

"Well, to answer your question, I do in fact have a girlfriend, fianceé actually."

"Awww, tell me all about the wedding plans. Every single detail," I smiled stupidly.

"You're drunk," Jared laughed.

Bianca, Demi, and Lucy came strolling out on the lanai and Bianca yelled, "Good! We'll join you Harper. We can drown our sorrows together." 

I was actually happy they were coming to drink with me, even though I had originally wanted to be alone. Jared offered them what I was having and they accepted without a second thought, probably because I looked like I was having so much fun. The liquor was doing the trick of medicating my aching heart, but I knew deep down that I would probably feel like shit in the morning. But then I decided, Who cares? I've got no place to go anyway. Harry has another fucking date with another impossibly beautiful woman. 

"Another Longg Island Iced Tea," I said to Jared, pronouncing a hard G at the end of Long. 

"I don't know, Harper. I think you're reaching your limit," Jared said, and I could tell he was half serious. I'd only had two drinks, so I was a little shocked I was already getting wasted. But then I noticed how big my glass was and that explained a lot. 

"Oh, come on, Jared," Bianca said. "We'll take responsibility for her."

"Thank you," I said, throwing my arm affectionately around Bianca's shoulders. Then I kissed her cheek. 

"Oh, my god, you're really drunk already," she giggled. "Just don't throw up on me." 

I had a very good time, hanging with Jared and the other ladies, getting totally trashed. When I reached the point in my inebriation where I started to laugh uncontrollably, I couldn't believe how good it felt just to have some good belly laughs. I wondered if it would feel as good when I was sober again.

As most people do, my tongue loosened up quite a bit when I was drunk. So my first question was for Demi. "So Demi, what's up with you anyway?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" She asked, shaking her head. 

"What I mean is that you seem to be a different person every day. You were dressed like a bad 80's movie when I first met you."

Bianca almost spit her drink out, trying not to laugh while Lucy quietly reprimanded me with a simple, "Harper. That's not very nice." 

I turned to Lucy and said, "What? It's true." Then I turned back to Demi and said, "And you seemed so shy. You even told me the next morning that no one would pay attention to you. Remember that?" 

"Um, sure," she said awkwardly. 

"And you were wearing tube socks. I mean who the fuck wears tube socks in 2016?" I started laughing like a maniac.

"Okay, Harper, I'm going to cut you off now," Lucy said, taking away my drink. "This isn't like you at all."

I gave her an exaggerated pout and said, "I know." Then to Demi, "I'm sorry. I will just keep my mouth shut. I do think you're pretty cool. You just wear a lot of different things. Are you a vampire? Because they live forever and that would explain why you have clothes from the roaring twenties." 

Lucy dragged me off, stifling her laughter, towards the house while Bianca and Demi stayed and chatted with Jared some more. When we entered the kitchen, she handed me a large glass of water, with the command, "Drink all of this!" Then she handed me a granola bar and a banana. "Eat those, too." 

"Yes, mom," I grumbled and she laughed again. "I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm already freaking out and it's only the second week." 

"I know," Lucy agreed. "I'm freaking out, too." 

"You don't seem like you are," I said, chugging some more water.

"I show it differently," she said.

"You mean you don't get drunk and say mean things?" I said, laughing bitterly.

"Something like that," she sighed. "But I agree, it's terribly difficult. I knew it would be, but this is exponentially hard, obviously because this is Harry Freaking Styles, not just any bachelor. He is the most sought-after man in the entire world."

"I certainly appreciate that fact," I said, the alcohol slowly leaving my system. "But what difference does it make in the end? If you're the one for him, you're the one. And vice versa. I mean, it doesn't really matter that he's world famous, does it?" 

"No, of course not. I get what you're saying. I guess it just makes everyone that much more excited about the possibilities with him. I don't know. It's all very confusing, isn't it?"

"No doubt," I agreed. "Hey, can I ask you something. I don't even know if this is appropriate, and if you don't want to answer, that's fine. I just want to get a feel for where some other women are with him, you know. I mean, I feel like we have something special when Harry and I are alone together, but face it - I'm sure he has feelings for several of us."

"So what's your question?" Lucy laughed. 

"Has he kissed you?" I asked, biting my lip. 

"Has he kissed you?" She fired back.

"I asked first," I said, sticking my tongue out at her.

"Well, yes, we've kissed, and it was amazing. I mean, he's so sweet and tender. But I haven't had a ton of time with him, you know. So it hasn't gotten super steamy or anything." I didn't say anything right away, but she pushed a little. "Okay, now you have to tell me."

"We've kissed. A lot. And in Seattle, it was very steamy. We kind of got into it and forgot about the cameras." I looked at Lucy to see how she was handling it. "God, I'm so sorry. It feels so insensitive to be telling you this." She waved off my concern and I continued. "It's just so easy to get lost in him. But I have no idea if I'm the only one he kisses that way or talks to the way he talks to me. On the one hand, it's none of my business what he's doing with the other women. But on the other hand, I have a right to know if my future husband is cheating on me with ten other women!" 

Lucy and I dissolved into laughter, and I was so grateful that she took no offense in what I'd asked and told her. She got it - she understood the challenge of it all and the delicate dance we had to do around each other so we could at least minimize hurt feelings. I think we both knew there was no avoiding some broken hearts at this point.

I felt bad after that because, even though Lucy was so chill about it, I had done the same thing to her as Ariana had done earlier in the day, which is what made me want to drink in the first place. 

Ugh! Why did this have to be so hard???

* * *

The next day, after I'd slept off the remainder of my hangover, I went to find Demi. Since it wasn't particularly early in the day and things were kind of slow around the house, a cameraman was on me in a heartbeat. It wasn't Merle this time; I think it was Todd.

"Hey," I said, entering Demi's room cautiously. 

"Hi," she said cheerfully. "Come sit down." She patted the space right next to her on her bed. 

I really wished that everything I said and did had to be on camera. I reluctantly sat down and started right into my apology. "I'm so sorry about the things I said yesterday. I really don't think badly of you. I was just pissed about something else, I got drunk and I took it out on you. Please forgive me?" 

Demi stared at me, stone-faced. Finally she smiled a little and said, "I honestly don't know what you're talking about." 

I waited for the punchline, but she sat there looking legitimately confused. "Yesterday afternoon, Demi, we were sitting at the bar by the pool, drinking Long Island Iced Teas, and obviously I had a few too many. I was teasing you about the dress you wore the first night. The one you said your mom made...." It honestly didn't look like any of this was jogging her memory. "Wait," I said. "Did you have a lot to drink yesterday, too? Maybe you don't remember the things I said to you, but in any case, please accept my apology." 

Demi laughed awkwardly and said, "Seriously, Harper. I have no idea what you're talking about. At all. I don't even remember seeing you yesterday. And the first night here is kind of a blur, but I would never wear something my mother made to an event this important, if my mother even knows how to sew, which is doubtful. I do remember I was happy to finally wear my Versace dress. I was so excited when I went with my grandmother to pick it out. She spoils me something crazy."

Holy shit. Was she on drugs or something? She made me feel like I was talking to a completely different person, but I knew I didn't drink that much yesterday! And I know what she told me about that dress the night we arrived. 

"Maybe I'm remembering incorrectly," I said. "Can you describe the dress for me? The one you were wearing that first night, before we got to meet Harry?" 

"Oh, sure," she smiled. "It was a black dress with a metallic gold bodice, with one shoulder uncovered. Let's see...It was floor length, chiffon, I think. And I had my hair in a fancy bun on top of my head."

Was she playing some kind of weird mind game, or trying to be funny? Because I didn't get the joke. 

"Can I see the dress again?" I asked. "I think I remember it now." 

"Oh," she said casually. "It's not here."

"Where is it?" I asked, wondering how she could have gotten rid of a dress since we never left the house without Harry.

She became irritated when I pressed the issue and snapped, "I said it's not here!" So I just stood up and said I'd see her later, leaving as quickly as I could, with Todd hot on my heels.

I found Lucy and said, "Tell me if I'm going crazy: I was drunk yesterday, after having a few Long Island Iced Teas, right?" She nodded yes. "And when Demi came to join us, I said some rude things to her about our first night here, right?"

"Yes, I remember all that," Lucy said. "What's the matter?" 

I pulled her into a smaller room and Todd followed. I turned to him and said, "Can you please just leave us to talk for a few minutes? Alone?!" He didn't budge. I paused for a moment and then grabbed Lucy's hand, yanking her into a nearby bathroom and locking the door. I turned on the water and the exhaust fan because I knew from experience that Todd would keep filming in case the camera picked up on what we were talking about. 

I whispered just loud enough for Lucy to hear. "There is something seriously wrong with Demi. I think she's doing drugs or something. I went to apologize today, so she could hear it from me when I was sober, and she said she had no idea what I was talking about. She even said she didn't remember seeing me yesterday!" 

"What on earth?" Lucy mused. 

"I know! And she told me she had been wearing a black and gold Versace dress the first night we arrived. But I met her that night - she was wearing this hideous creation with about ten different kinds of blue in it."

"Oh, god, I remember that," Lucy said dramatically. "That monstrosity should have never been made, let alone worn!" 

"I know, right?" I replied. "But do you think we should tell someone? I mean, what else could it be, other than drugs? And she said some weird shit to me the other day as well, something about her obsession with psychological disorders and treatments. It was freaky." 

"Hmm, maybe mention something to Ben. I think he would have the best interest in Harry's safety. You never know with these whacko producers - they might encourage her bizarre behavior."

* * *

Annie was still lurking around; well, okay not lurking, but kind of staying out of the way for the most part. Once in a while, I'd see her talking with one or two other women. She seemed to steer towards small groups or one-to-one interactions. I wondered if that was due to her personality or if it had something to do with her top-secret mission, as we all liked to call it. I still hadn't figured out her accent, probably because it was so subtle. It was certainly just a regional accent from somewhere in the US, but it still had me curious.

Harry picked Gemma for the next one-on-one date. I wondered if he would have some especially strong connection with her because she was from England. Not to mention she was absolutely stunning with her Old Hollywood looks and grace. I could see Harry going for a girl like that. They went to a casino in Vancouver and spent some time gambling. Then they took a ballroom dancing class, and ended the night with a romantic dinner for two, which was pretty much the status quo for the one-on-ones, it seemed. 

I wondered if Gemma or Ariana got to walk on the beach with him or run from the cameras or kiss in the trees. 

_____

Whew! Two more chapters. Sorry they were Harry-free, but imagine how Harper feels. She must be bored out of her mind, just hanging around the mansion except for the 1-2 days a week when she gets to see Harry. It's a good thing she's making friends ;)