I thought more about what my dad said about order and structure, and I liked that in my life. Maybe that was telling: I had strong feelings for harry, but it only made sense to think ahead about how our life might look if we ended up together. It would be absolutely foolish to focus only on our feelings and our passions and get to the end of this saying we're in love...but then to have NO practical idea about how to make this work.

I assumed that Harry wanted to be based in LA, but I wasn't sure. That would most likely mean I would leave my job at Elite 21 in Sacramento and hope for either a transfer or a similar job in LA, with the possibility of having to work my way up again. Or what if Harry wanted his primary base to be in London? That would create another set of huge factors to be dealt with. It would be foolish for anyone to believe that "being in love" is enough to solve any problem unless they have practical ideas to address the problems. I didn't want to be blindsided by love and then not have a plan to join Harry in doing what he does for the rest of his life, all the while trying to further my own career. 

It was making me dizzy, thinking about all the what-if's and the what-if-not's. I had been ruminating a bit about who I really was and who I wanted to be. Okay, yes, I thrived on structure and order, and that had served me well in my success at Elite 21. But did that mean I was a dud and couldn't handle some excitement in my life, or that I couldn't improvise when life threw me a curve ball. Fundamentally, everyone has to have some level of flexibility or they will break when the first major trauma hits them. So maybe I would have to learn a little more about adaptability and Harry would have to learn a little more about stability. What was crazy was that he really did seem to be a stable person, and I wondered how he stayed that way when his life circumstances were often unstable.

I hadn't thought much about having children before these past few weeks, because marriage was never front and center in my mind either. But if I married Harry and if we had kids, I would want their life to be stable and above all, I would want them to know we both loved them and would never leave them. That's where things got hard for me. Deep down, there was a lack of trust. No matter what Harry said, I felt a distant fear that one day he would leave on tour and just never come back. I lived through it with my mom, and my dad was the one who brought me through knowing we'd be all right. But if that happened with Harry, I couldn't imagine encouraging and comforting my own kids, because if I lost Harry, I would be crushed, too. 

I hated that these were the thoughts that started to plague me. While everyone else was thinking of their happily ever after, I was thinking about abandonment and heartbreak. I needed to work on some things in my heart before I could even think about giving it to Harry.

* * *

The cocktail party started smoothly. Harry hadn't arrived yet, but the women seemed a bit more relaxed than before the last candle ceremony.

One of the strangest things about the evening so far was Demi. And the strangest thing about Demi was that she was not acting strange at all. In fact, if I had just met her tonight, I would have thought she was completely normal. She looked stunning in a black and white pantsuit - and you know I have a love affair with pantsuits - which showed a generous amount of cleavage. That made me jealous. I had mosquito bites and no amount of fluffing and pushing up of push up bras would make me have swells of cleavage that looked like that.

I was surprised when Demi approached me and said, "Hey, Harper, I just wanted to thank you for being such a good friend to me." 

I wasn't sure how to respond. She hadn't apologized for biting my head off the night before, and she never acknowledged my apology about the things I said when I was drunk. Hesitantly, I replied, "You're welcome. How are things going?" 

"Oh, they're good," she said. "I can't wait for tonight. Are you excited?" 

"Yeah," I said. "But I'm also pretty nervous."

"What have you got to be nervous about?" She said in a sickeningly sweet voice. "Harry's obviously crazy about you." 

"Sometimes it feels like that," I admitted. "But other times, I can't really tell. I mean, he has a lot of beautiful women to choose from. Look at you," I said. "You look fantastic tonight." 

Demi cocked her head and continued to speak in that overly sweet tone. "Oh, you're too kind." Then she leaned in close enough that our noses were almost touching. "But if I were you, I'd watch your back." And then she turned tail and sped away.

Well, so much for sweet and normal Demi. I didn't want to add any drama to the evening, so I decided not to add that interchange to the list of things we'd reported to Ben earlier in the day, but I wonder if Demi had caught wind of our meeting somehow. 

I was shaken from my thoughts by Harry's happy voice, proclaiming, "Good evening, ladies!"

"Hey, Harry," everyone responded, getting in line for his amazing hugs. I hung back til the end, and then I walked straight into his embrace. Damn, why did I have to enjoy this so much?

He leaned close to my ear as he hugged me and said, "Can we talk?" An arrow of fear pierced my heart. What if this was the "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to let you go" talk?

"Sure," I nodded, swallowing thickly. 

He led me by the hand to a private room, followed by cameras, of course. There was almost nothing that was truly private on this show. He turned to face me and I was fidgeting just a little. 

He cocked his head and lifted an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're okay? You're acting strange."

"I'm fine," I breathed. "Just nervous, that's all."

"Nervous about what?" 

Duh, Harry. Get a clue.

"Nervous about tonight, nervous about us, nervous about getting my heart broken," I said, blinking fast, trying not to get too emotional. 

"Hey," he said, cradling my face in his hands. "You have nothing to worry about. All right?" He shot a warning look to Terrence, probably silently telling him not to mention anything to the producers. He wasn't supposed to give anything away before the candle ceremony, but I knew he said it to calm me down. 

"That's all well and good for this week, but what if that changes next week? Or the week after? I can't do this, you know. It's getting too hard already, and we're not even half way through."

"What are you saying?" He asked, his face clearly showing his alarm. "You're not going to leave are you?" Then he kissed me softly and pulled me tightly against him. He whispered in my ear, "Please don't leave." 

I started to shake with emotion, trying desperately not to cry. "This is just so messed up, you know? In the real world, if I was dating someone, I wouldn't expect  him to be dating a bunch of other women at the same time. At least not when we felt this strongly about each other."

He was still holding me tightly. I could tell he was trying to speak as quietly as he could, not wanting the camera to pick up on what he was saying. "God, I know, Harper. I hate that I'm doing this to you. To any of you." He pulled back and faced me, leaning his forehead against mine. "But especially to you." 

"Thanks, Harry," I whispered back. He kissed me again and said, "I just wish we had more time, but you need to know you have nothing to worry about, okay? Please just tell me you're going to stay."

"I'm staying, Harry," I said softly. 

I nodded gratefully and we walked back to the ballroom together. 

It was almost time for the ceremony. I chatted a bit with Annie and some of the other women for a few minutes before Ben called us together. I wondered if we would finally find out why Annie was here. 

When I caught sight of Demi, without even exaggerating, she looked like an entirely different person. Her face was drawn and her eyes were sunken, and she looked like she would bite your hand off if anyone came within ten feet of her. I wonder if she knew something we didn't know.

"Well, it's been quite a week, hasn't it? Ben asked. Everyone mumbled a variety of responses and then Ben continued. "You all know that Gemma left voluntarily. I guess Harry scared her away," he laughed. 

"Hey!" Harry said in defense of himself. "We got to be very good friends, I'll have you know." It was fun to see Harry's banter with Ben. They'd been working together for years, and their friendship must have been very beneficial to this process. 

"All right," Ben said. "Moving on." He asked for the lights to be dimmed and we focused on a large TV screen at the end of the room. "I'd like play a few messages from Harry's family before we continue." 

Ben clicked play and Harry's mom began. She introduced herself as Anne, and there was no way she looked old enough to be Harry's mother. She was beautiful. I'm sure Harry  was used to being away from home for months at a time, but when his mom told him she missed him and loved him, I could tell he was getting a little misty-eyed. Next his step-dad Robin took the camera and spoke fondly of Harry and wished him luck. 

Finally, his sister Gemma came on screen and the light-bulbs came on for many of us. "Hello, everyone," she said in that same lovely English accent that she shared with the rest of her family. "I'm Harry's older sister, Gemma. First of all, love you, Baby Brother," she said and everyone said "awww." "And for all of you ladies there, I hope this process isn't too terrible for you. But I would just say, from those of you I've met, you're all beautiful, intelligent women, and Harry would be lucky to have any one of you."

The women who hadn't figured it out yet were murmuring, wondering what she was talking about. "Have you figured it out yet?" She asked. Then the video zoomed in on her face a little. With some time lapse photography, we watched as her caramel-brown hair transformed into jet black, and with some makeup, her face lost some of its definition. The enormous glasses completed the non-Gemma look so that none of us recognized her, at least not without exceptionally sharp observation. I wasn't surprised that it slipped past me because I'd never seen her before. But I was a little shocked that Jamie and Brittany didn't catch on before now. 

"Does she look familiar?" Gemma asked, and everyone hollered and whooped.

Finally, a composite photo came on the screen, showing one half of Gemma's face matched with one half of Harry's face. It was so freaking obvious they were siblings, it was rather remarkable that none of us had noticed. 

Gemma, aka Annie walked up to Ben and Harry as the lights came on and said, "I hope you're not too upset with us for deceiving you, but you know how protective big sisters can get. I just wanted to get a feel for what life was like inside the house when Harry wasn't around. And, I will actually be staying on for a bit longer, just to spend some time getting to know you."

"Ladies, with that being said, Gemma will not act as a go-between for you and Harry. She will not divulge anything about his feelings for you, if she even knows what they are. She's just here to get to know all of you and offer you some support. If you want to know what it's like to have a superstar in your family, ask Gemma. If you want to know how much Harry spends on hair care products, ask Gemma." The laughter after that comment was loud and raucous. Harry put on a fake pout and said, "Hey!" Ben continued, "But seriously, get to know Gemma. She's a great girl."

Everyone applauded as Harry hugged Gemma and kissed her on the cheek. Then Ben took over again saying, "All right, ladies. It's time for the candle ceremony. Please take your positions." We went to stand where we had in weeks past, only a little more closely together to close the gaps. "There are only eleven candle holders, but there are thirteen of you. Gemma, well the other Gemma, already went home as you know. Tonight two more of you will be sent home immediately following the ceremony. Does everyone understand?" 

We did, and the nerves returned. Dove looked terrified again. I wonder what was really going on in her head. Was she thinking that she really didn't have a chance despite the fact that she took every opportunity to say she was Harry's perfect match? Demi reminded me of Anakin Skywalker when he turned to the dark side, her brow hunched over and her face mutated in an angry scowl.

Harry stepped forward and said, "First of all, thank you for welcoming my sister, even if you didn't know it was her. I think that speaks volumes about who you are as women, and I'm proud to call you my friends. Again, this has been a tough process for me. I want you to believe that it's not easy for me to decide who to send home. My intention is not at all to hurt you, so please remember that as we move on." 

Harry lit the larger candle in the middle of the table. Then he began. "Ariana." And of course, Ariana accepted.

"Lucy." 

"Jamie."

"Brittany." 

I remembered what Brittany had said about wanting to fuck Harry in front of Annie, whom we now knew was Gemma. I wondered how awful that sounded to Harry's sister, or if she was used to women all over the world lusting after her brother.

"Harper." I smiled and breathed a small sigh of relief. I heard a very quiet but sarcastic mumble from behind me. "Of course." I knew it wasn't Dove, and I was pretty sure Harry hadn't heard. My brain was going over the voice in my head while I approached Harry. "Harper," he said, smiling down at me. "Will you stay?" His question seemed a little more loaded after we'd spoken earlier and he was worried I wanted to leave. 

I made sure my response was clear to him. "I promise I will stay, Harry." He hugged me and whispered, "I'm glad," in my ear.

When I returned to my place, I figured out that Demi had made the grumbling remark behind me. So when Harry called her name next, I hoped she was ashamed of herself. After she returned from placing her candle next to Harry, a flip was switched and she was happy-go-lucky Demi again, cheerful, if not fake, and smiling confidently.

Harry continued. "Bianca." 

I really liked Bianca, but I hadn't seen her make a really solid connection with Harry, so it seemed strange that she was staying. But there were still enough of us that I didn't really know much about many women's relationships with him, which was both good and bad. 

"Sara." 

"Jordin." 

"Victoria." 

Ben stepped in before Harry called the last name. "All right, ladies. There is one last candle holder. Harry, whenever you're ready." 

Harry hesitated as if he was checking himself to be sure he had made the right decision. It was only Keke, Shailene and Dove left, and I was pretty sure Dove wouldn't be the one to stay. But I had no idea who Harry would choose.

Finally, he said, "Dove." 

Ben stepped in again and said, "Keke, Shailene, I'm sorry. It's time to pack your bags and get ready to go home."

I hugged them both good-bye and wished them luck. I hadn't gotten to know either of them, but neither seemed too surprised or traumatized that they were leaving. 

After the other women had left, we were all poured another round of champagne, with Harry giving a heartfelt toast. Demi was suddenly very bold with him, standing by his side, holding his arm, and eventually his hand, even while all of were standing there with them. Harry tried to play it off casually, but I could sense that he felt uneasy. He suggested we all have a seat with our refreshed glasses of champagne. Demi, however, had different plans. As we all headed to the couches, Demi dragged Harry out into the hallway and disappeared. I was glad that at least  cameraman followed them. 

I wouldn't normally intervene in someone else's one-on-one time, but I just didn't feel right about Demi. I spotted Harry's sister and said, "Ann-, I mean Gemma, come with me. Something isn't right." 

We moved stealthily along the hallway until we heard Harry's voice getting agitated. And I thought I knew Harry well enough to know it took a lot to get him to that point. "Demi, I'd love to get to know you more, but we should really be getting back to the others. We will have more time together, I promise."

Gemma looked at me in alarm. We quietly entered the room and Demi literally had Harry pinned by the shoulders, trying to get at least a kiss, if not more, out of him. Why the hell was Terrence just filming and not trying to help Harry?

I tried to sound as non-confrontational as possible. "Hey, guys, what's going on?" 

Demi turned her head slowly and seethed, "What are you doing here?" 

I smiled as best I could, trying to calm her with my voice. "We were just wondering where Harry went. I thought he'd want to celebrate with the women who are staying." 

She looked at Harry slowly and then without any warning at all, she threw herself at me and toppled me to the ground. I heard Harry shout, "Security!" While Demi screamed, pounding at my face and chest. "You're the one who keeps getting in the way! I'm going to kill you if you keep taking him away from me, you bitch!" There was so much yelling and shouting, I had no idea what was going on except that Demi kept pounding against my arms, that were thankfully covering my face, but she got a few pretty good hits to my ribs, which left me coughing and gasping for air, not to mention the fact that she was sitting right on top of me.

Finally, I felt her being lifted off me, but I stayed in that position for a few more moments, just to make sure she was gone. Gemma was on the floor in a heartbeat, "Oh, my god, Harper, are you okay?" 

Harry was briefly talking to Ben, the police and some of the producers before he came over and dropped to his knees in front of me. "Harper, are you hurt?" He asked, lifting my face with his hands. He swiped near my hairline and his thumb came back with some blood. I hadn't even realized I was bleeding. 

"I'm fine, Harry," I smiled. "Just a little shocked." I shook my head and widened my eyes in complete disbelief. 

"Mr. Styles," I heard a voice above Harry say, "We'd like to examine her if you could move out of the way for a few minutes."

"Of course," he said, crawling to sit on the floor near my feet. 

I laughed at him just a little, thinking he was being too sweet. "Harry, I'm all right. You can go and let the others know I'm okay. You don't need to stay with me."

"But I'm worried about you," he said, pushing his lip out in a little pout. 

"Fine," I said playfully. "Do whatever makes you happy." 

I winced when the paramedic ran his finger over the cut on my forehead. "Yeah, this is going to need stitches," he mumbled, not necessarily to me. He examined the rest of my face thoroughly and then asked if my head hurt anywhere. "Did she hit you anywhere besides your face and head?" He asked.

"She got me in my ribs pretty good a few times," I said, motioning to the sore spot. The paramedic wasn't able to examine the area since I had my gown on for the evening. 

"We'll take you in, get you stitched up, and get you back here in a few hours."

"Really?" I groaned. "I feel okay." 

"You should go, Harper," Harry insisted. "She knocked you down hard. You want to make sure you don't have a concussion or anything like that." I still wasn't sold, but then Harry said, "I'll come with you." and it was a done deal. 

While I was being loaded up on a stretcher, I could hear Ben addressing the other women, letting them know everything was all right and that Demi had been taken into custody. He wanted them to know that security would be extra cautious tonight and the girls had nothing to be afraid of. Gemma would stay at the mansion with everyone else while Harry came with me. 

Once inside the ambulance, Harry sat next to me and covered both of my hands with one of his. He smiled down at me while the EMT did his thing. They wouldn't need to start an IV since I was only going to be examined for bumps and bruises. 

"I'm sorry," Harry finally said.

"For what?" I asked. "None of this is your fault!"

"I know, but I hate that it happened to you. And that Demi got arrested. God, she was crazy."

"That was only the tip of the iceberg," I said. "I could write a whole book about her antics. And I'd be very interested to read the psychological report on her when all is said and done. Of course, that kind of stuff is highly confidential, so I'll just stick with my own conclusion and say that woman was psycho."

Harry laughed; I could feel the vibrations travel through his arms to my fingers. 

Security at the hospital was very high since Harry was there - we were given private waiting rooms and the VIP treatment wherever we went. "Hey, this is kind of nice," I commented to Harry as I surveyed the peaceful ambience of the exam room. "I guess hanging out with a celebrity pays off."

He pretended to be insulted, but then he stood and hovered over me. "Did she hit your mouth anywhere?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"Good." he leaned in and pressed his lips softly against mine, making me open mine and close them again quickly, capturing his bottom lip. I sifted my fingers through his hair and then held him closer and tighter to me.

We startled and broke apart when an older doctor entered the exam. "Mr. Styles," he said in a deadpan voice, "Regardless of your fame and fortune, we do not allow shenanigans of any kind in the exam rooms."

Harry looked penitent for a brief moment, and then we both burst out laughing. Thankfully, the doctor did, too. After a pretty quick exam and six stitches, he determined that there was no concussion and just some bruising on other areas of my body. I was about to be discharged when one of the police officers from the mansion showed up. Of course, it was standard protocol for me to answer questions about the attack. But the final question caught me off guard for some reason.

"Ms. Blackwood, do you wish to press charges?"

Eliminations this week:

Gemma - left voluntarily, saying she didn't feel a spark with Harry
Shailene
Keke
Demi - Harry chose her but she still went nuts and was arrested

Remaining Contestants:

Harper
Dove
Jordin
Sara
Bianca
Jamie
Brittany
Ariana
Victoria
Lucy

____

Was that a shock for you? 

Woohoo, Demi's gone!!!