3 months later

"So how was the session with Vanessa?" he asks as soon as I sit down in the car. "Good," I lie. I was having trouble for the last month and Vanessa considers giving me more or different medication for my anxieties.

"Don't lie to me," he says and smiles at me. "Okay, Vanessa wants me to take higher medication for anxiety..." I say and Simon looks at me confused. "But you were doing good," he says and I just shake my head. "I wasn't... I just didn't tell you," I say and he shakes his head.

"Why do I feel as if you don't trust me?" he asks and I just stare out the window. "You don't know me," I suddenly say and he pulls over, looking at me shocked. "And what makes you say that?" he asks and I turn around and yell at him, "You expect me to be Amanda Holden, the tv presenter and BGT judge, but I am NOT. I am somebody knew. I don't consider David and Alesha as my friends and I DON'T want to go out, have dinner and spend my entire time with you. I need my space and you need to back off."

I get out of the car as fast as possible. I run away and soon Simon loses me between the many houses. I need time and space. He has been suffocating me lately. I NEED other people around me or he is going to drive me mad...

I just keep walking, head down. Shit what have I done? I wasn't out for over a year... What did I think? People are pushing me from side to side as they walk by and with every touch more tears roll down my cheeks.

They are touching me... Calm down Amanda. They are just people. They won't hurt you. I am stiff and don't dare to look up, afraid the sight will scare me even more. "Hey, are you alright?" A woman near by asks and I slowly look up, tears still rolling down my face.

"You are Amanda Holden, aren't you?" she asks and I wince at the sound of my name. I cross my arms in front of my chest and begin to shake uncontrollably. "Yeah, I am," I say and she smiles at me warmly. "Are you okay?" she asks and suddenly I see a man coming towards her.

Something in my head clicks and my eyes grow wide and I stuble backwards. "Hey, wait," she says but I try to run for it, but my shoe gets caught in a hole and I fall face first onto the cold, hard and wet ground.

I begin to sob and try to crawl away but I feel strong arms wrap around me. "Please don't hurt me..." I say and try to get out of the tight embrace. "I won't hurt you sweetheart," Simon says and I open my eyes to cling on to him. He picks me up and excuses us.

The woman looks at me in shock and disbelief. "I am sorry Simon... I shouldn't have ran away," I say and more tears stream down my face. "You don't need to be," he says and kisses my forehead lovingly. "But I am," I say and exhaustion is taking over me and before I know it I am asleep in his arms.

...

I wake up and see Simon asleep next to me. God what have I done? I yelled at him and probably hurt him way more than I can imagine. I practically told him to leave me alone. Well I didn't mean that. Well, not all of it. "You are awake?" he suddenly asks and looks at me lovingly.

"I am sorry for yelling at you, Si," I say and he just shakes his head. "How often do I need to say you don't need to be sorry?" he asks and I just shake my head. "I need to. This time I need to. I was mean for saying all those things and imature for running away afterwards, " I say and he just pulls me close.

"Amanda I understand that you are going through a lot right now and that you need time so I will never be angry or diasappointed for you yelling at me. You mean very much to me and we go through this together. You and me. I will be by your side for the rest of our lives and I couldn't imagime mine withou you in it..." he says and I smile at him.

"I love you, too," I say and kiss his lips softly. "So you do you really mean that you don't consider Alesha and David as your friends?" he asks and I slowly nod my head yes. "Look, I consider nobody besides Spencer and you as my friend at the moment and they'll need to earn my trust. I am afraid of everybody... And as you have seen especially of men. I can't risk losing my shit in front of them and hurting them with that," I say and he nods.

"I understand where you are coming from, but maybe it will do you some good to see somebody besides me? It could help your recovery," he says and I nod. "I know but what if it doesn't? What if I scare them away?" I ask.

"You will never scare them away, Amanda. These past fifteen months both have askes about you constantly. Alesha was worried to death about you and both of them would NEVER leave you alone. They just stay away because I tell them to," he says and I consider meeting them.

It wouldn't be that bad with Simon by my side, would it? Maybe I could ask Spencer to meet at a neutral place so I have her as my safety place... She is the one person that can calm me down in a situation like that.

Maybe this could work.... "Let me think about it..." I say and Simon smiles at me, knowing he has won.