I walk down the hall towards the nurses room. There I see her, the woman who has probably helped me the most... I sneak up behind her and cover her eyes. "Who is that? Rachel if that is you... it's not funny," she says and I hear her sigh.

I let go of her and she turns around, anger turning into happiness. "Amanda!" she says and hugs me close. "Oh god you don't know how much I have missed you," she says and I burry my face in her hair. "I have missed you, too," I say and she looks at me confused.

"You aren't supposed to be here... What are you doing here?" she asks confused and I sigh. "Let's say I needed some time off and somebody to talk to," I say and she nods. "Is Simon that bad?" she asks and laughs.

"No, he is the sweetest, but he is trying so hard to not pressure me into doing anything I don't want to, that he is already pressuring me, because he is making me feel guilty even though he doesn't know..." I say and she nods. "I understand... Complicated situation, isn't it?" she says and I nod laughing.

"So how are your friends?" she asks and I get uncomfortable. "Well... That's the reason I kind of ran away from him... He asked me why I am afraid of meeting them and I didn't know it myself so the only logic solution for me was to come here..." I say and she nods.

"Amanda you need to talk to him openly or all of this won't work. You trust him, don't you?" she asks and I sigh. "Now you sound exactly like Vanessa and I don't like it one bit," I say and she laughs. "Well, I take that as Vanessa has already told you that..." she says and smiles at me warmly.

"Can't you come over after work?" I ask her, longing for her company. "Oh, Amanda I don't know if that's a good idea... I would love to but I am not allowed to," she says and my heart sinks. Well now my only friend isn't allowed to be my friend? Well that's just great...

"I understand..." I say and turn to go, but she grabs my arm. "Hey, this is not about you... I'll take with my boss about it and see what I can do," she says, smiling. I nod sadly and say my goodbyes before driving back home.

I walk through the door and Simon looks at me worriedly. "Everything okay? I was worried, because you ran away earlier..." he says and I let my body fall into the couch next to him. He pulls me close and I cuddle up to him. "I know and I am sorry for that. I just needed space. I don't know why I am afraid of meeting them and in that moment all I felt was panic and I needed to get away. I am sorry. I should have talked to you," I say and he kisses the top of my head.

"Hey, it's okay. I am here for you and you don't need to worry. I am not angry and I kind of understand what you did. "I pressured you, didn't I?" he asks and I nod my head slowly. Vanessa said talk to him so that's what I am going to do. "You try so hard not to pressure me into doing anything I don't want to that I feel guilty..." I say and he sighs.

"Why haven't you told me earlier?" he asks and I begin to play with the hem of my shirt. "I was afraid Simon... All of this is new to me. I didn't even want to leave the psychiatry. I get these weird flashbacks, hear voices inside of my head and am damn afraid of people. I don't want to be here... I don't feel safe and I certainly don't fel comfortable," I say and he sighs.

"You could have told me that, you know? I would have acted differently then. I didn't know all of that. I am sorry for doing the things I have done, but you need to tell me what you are feeling so I can change what I am doing and help you," he says and I nod my head.

"I know and I am sorry," I say and he smiles at me. "You don't need to be sorry. So what can I do to make you comfortable right now?" he asks and I smile, pulling him in for a kiss. "Kiss and hold me," I say and he smiles, pulling me in for another kiss.

"I love you, Simon... I hope you know that..." I say and he nods. "I know... And I love you more than words can express," he says and kisses me again. Oh god I love him so much... He is the only one besides Vanessa and Spence, I can trust.

"So what do you want to do?" he asks and I smile. "What about watching a film and trying to relax?" I ask and he nods. "Sounds great," he says and walks into the kitchen and comes back with chips and popcorn in hand.

"You are the best," I say and kiss his cheek before I begin to search for a film on netflix. "Nothing depressing and nothing sad please," Simon says and I laugh.

"Fine with me," I say and he kisses my lips. "I love you, you know that?" he asks and I smile, saying, "No... That is completly new for me Mr. Cowell," and kiss him passionately.