"What?" he asks, still  shocked. "That was a stupid question, sorry," I say and back away a bit.  What the hell has gotten into me? I never blurt out dumb questions...  "No, no what made you ask that question?" he says and pulls me closer  again.

"I don't know... Probably because I thought about Spencer  telling me you told her to tell me that you love me," I say and he  smiles to himself. "I meant that back then...." he says and my heart  sinks at back then...

"And what about  now?" I ask, our lips almost touching. "Amanda I don't want to take  advantage of  you," he says and I shake my head slowly. "Shut up and  kiss me," I say and he brushes his hand through my hair and pulls my  head towards him, our lips finally connecting.

I let my tongue slip  into his mouth and moan into the kiss. "You know I have waited for this  moment since we have met..." he says and after we broke the kiss. "Oh I  know that feeling... Me, too," I say and feel him pull me even closer.

"Simon... I have loved  you for eleven years now and I still love you... But I can't give you  what you deserve... I can't give you kids... I can't give you a mentaly  healthy girlfriend or wife..." I say and tears roll down my face.

"Amanda I don't care. We  can always adopt and I love you the way you are. We are stuck in this  together. I will never leave your side ever again...." he says and  kisses my lips again. I melt into the kiss and find myself forgetting my  doubts.

"Please don't hurt  me..." I say and he shakes his head. "I wouldn't dare... I love you  Amanda," he says and I smile at him, pulling him in for another kiss.

...

"So what do you want to  do today?" Simon asks and I just stare at the bottle of water infront of  me. "Going out is out of the question..." I say stone cold. "Why?" he  asks and I just shake my head violently, tears streaming down my face.

Simon rushes over to me  but I back away. "Don't touch me," I say and slap his hand away. "Amanda  what is wrong?" he asks worriedly. "I need space," I say and walk  backwards, my eyes not leaving him until I am safe and locked in the  bedroom.

I take a deep breath and  slide down the wall, burrying my head in my knees. I begin to cry  uncontrollably and almost choke on some of my sobs. "Calm down Amanda," I  say and try to breathe more regularly.

I slowly get back to my  normal self and get myself fixed before I walk back out. Simon is  looking at me worriedly and I just say, "I am sorry. I didn't mean to  react that way... Sometimes I just have bad moments and this was one. I  am better off alone at such moments."

He looks at me sadly.  "But I want to help you Amanda..." he says and I sigh. "I know and I am  really thankful for that but I am not sure that is a good idea... I need  space in such moments and you would just make it... worse," I say and  see the hurt in his eyes.

"It's not you... it's  me. I need to learn how to act around peopel again. I am sorry if that  hurts you but I am not ready for social contact so I'd rather stay  inside. I am afraid of men and the last time I checked there were plenty  of men out there..." I say and he hugs me tight.

"I am sorry," he says  and I just smile, kissing his cheek. "You don't need to be," I say and  walk over to the couch, sitting down. Simon lets himself fall into the  couch next to me. "So Alesha and David wanted to come over... Do you  have a problem with that?" he asks me and I slowly nod my head.

"They are your  friends... Why are you afraid of them?" he asks and I just stare at the  tv... "Amanda..." he says and I just face him and say, "I think I have  an appointment with Vanessa... I'll see you later..."

...

"So why exactly are you  here today? We were supposed to meet tomorrow..." Vanessa says and I  sigh. "I am sorry but I just needed somebody to talk to. My life is just  going crazy right now. I don't know what Simon and I are and he is  trying to not pressure me into doing anything but he still does and I am  just not comfortably with it..." I say and she nods.

"So what do you mean  with, you don't know what Simon and you are?" she asks and I sigh. "Well  we kind of kissed and kind of told each other we love the other...." I  say and she smiles. "Well that's a good thing, isn't it?" she asks and I  nod my head slowly.

"But why are you  afraid?" she asks and I just sigh. "I don't know... I have loved him for  eleven years and I just can't seem to let go of my fears," I say and  she nods.

"Then tell him. Tell him  how you feel," she says and I smile. "That's easier said than done..." I  say and stare at the ground. "Do you trust him?" she asks and I nod my  head. "Then talk to him... He'll understand," she says and I just stare. 

"By the way... Spencer  is always asking about you... You should really go and talk to her  before you go," she says and I smile. "She really is?" I ask and she  nods. "You two have built a great friendship..." she says and I smile  from ear to ear.

Here is where I feel home... Here is where I belong.

---

Here You go... Simanda is complete ❤️❤️❤️