The next morning I wake up and feel like shit. I see breakfast on my table and walk over to it. Always the same... I take my medication and swallow all the five pills at once. I look out of the window, which has bars in front of it, into the backyard.

I would do everything to get out of here just for once... I slowly touch the window and a tear slips down my face. "You want to go out, don't you?" an unfamiliar voice behind me says. I turn around to look at a young woman.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, fear taking over me. "I am your new psychiatrist... Mrs. Morgan has... well she has lost her job after what she did to you," she says and a small part of me feels better, knowing she won't come back.

"You long to get out of here, don't you?" she asks and I slowly nod my head. "What does being outside mean to you?" she asks and I think of all the nice times I have spent with friends and family at the beach or in the park.

"It's my safety place... I always loved being outside," I say. Wait why do I talk? I have sworn to not talk to them... "Were you with your family often outside?" she asks and I nod my head. It somehow feels good to keep talking. "As a child I wasn't able to stay inside for too long. My dad always used to take me into the woods and we would watch the animals," I say and smile into space.

"And what does your dad mean to you?" she asks and I somehow feel as if I can tell her. Tell her so much that is pressing down on me. "He means so much to me and still he doesn't talk to me. None of my family does..." I say and a tear rolls down my face.

"And why is that?" she asks and for the first time I look at her. "Because I am who I am... I threw away my job to marry my ex husband... They never accepted him and when I got involved with the cheating scandal my family made clear I am not part of that family anymore..." I say and she looks at me sad.

"How do you feel about that?" she asks and I try to wipe away the flowing tears but they come out like a river... "Family is the most important thing in life... I wish they would forgive me," I say and she nods. "We all search for forgivness, don't we? But the important part is who we want to forgive us... Are you sure you want your parents to forgive you or do you want yourself to forgive you?" she asks and for the first time I really think about that.

"I- I don't know," I say and she nods. "That is not a problem Amanda... You need to forgive yourself first. Then you can open yourself up to somebody else..." she says and stands up. "I'll see what I can do to let you out of this prison..." she says and walks out of the room.

What was that? Why did she make me feel... safe? She wasn't like the others. She didn't want me to talk about what recently happened. She wanted to know about who I am. About what I want to do and what is important to me...

Maybe she is right? Maybe I do need to forgive myself first... I press the button and Spencer walks in. "Is it possible that you get me some pencil and paper?" I ask and she looks at me confused. "Sure..." she says after a few seconds of hesitation.

She soon comes back with a stack of paper and a pencil. "Here," she says and smiles at me before leaving again. I sit down and begin to draw. I have never been good at it but I always loved it.

Time flies by and the next time I look at the clock I have finished the picture. It looks way too good for something I have drawn... I look at it and suddenly another flashback which isn't mine hits me.

"Stop it!" I say and push his hand away. I laugh at him before he brushes his lips against mine softly. "You are a jerk..." I say and push him away softly. "And why that?" he asks. "Because," I say in a fake offended voice.

"You know how much I love you, don't you?" he says and I nod my head. "I love you, too," I say and lean my forehead against his. "How long do we have?" he asks, sadness all over his face. "An hour..." I say and he kisses me again.

"Can't you just stay for once..." he asks and I see how desperate he is. "I am sorry... Maybe in a few years. You know-" but I am cut off. "Yeah, I know... they wouldn't let you," he says and rolls his eyes.

"Can we please spent this hour not fighting?" I say and he nods his head. "I am sorry," he says and opens the fridge to take out a bottle of water. "You don't need to be," I say and take the bottle after him.

"Do you want to shower so you don't smell after me?" he asks and I nod my head. "They'll know whom I was with and that would put you in danger..." I say and walk towards the bathroom. "And I don't want you to get hurt..." I whisper while leaning against the door from inside.

I exhale loudly, fighting back tears.