"Amanda we are getting nowhere with that attitude... We have been working with you for three months now. Nothings has changed. Do you really want me to break through your walls with force?" she asks and I can hear the frustration in her voice.

"Try it," I say and that's the first thing I have said during our sessions for the last two months. "Then why don't we have a little chat about Alex?" she asks and my eyes shoot towards her. "Don't you dare go there," I say and hate and anger radiats from me.

"I gave you the chance but you didn't take it..." she says and chuckles softly. "How did he make you feel? Has he enjoyed raping you? Has he enjoyed breaking you?" she asks and tears make their way down my face instantly.

"Stop," I say and she shakes her head slowly. "Have you enjoyed him doing all of this things to you?" she asks and I shake my head, my heart pounding fast and it hurts. "I don't believe you... You are worth nothing. You deserved what you got from Alex... All those men whose hands were on your body, whose teeth bit into your felsh, whose children you could have gotten... Do you remember them slamming in to you?" she says and I cover my ears screaming.

"Stop it! I said stop it!" I scream and break into sobbing and crying. "NO!" she says and I press the button to call Spencer. She bursts into the room seconds later looking at me surprised. "Leave," Ms Morgan says and Spencer looks at me, hesitating.

"No, please make her stop!" I scream, tears running down my pale face. "Dr. Morgan I really think this isn't the way-" but she is cut off. "I said leave. This is my patient," she says and Spencer closes the door again after a few more seconds of hesitation.

"What did he do to you the night you tried to kill yourself? Did he rape you? Were his dirty hands all over your body?" she asks and I live through all this pain again. "Pleease," I say.

"How did it feel to sleep with Simon's friend? How did it feel to get paid for your body?" she asks and its too much for me. "How did it feel to get raped by your own doctor? Somebody you trusted?" she says and I can't take much more.

My heart beats way too fast and it hurts so damn much. The air is knocked out of me and the whole room is spinning. "Tell me... How often did you cry, thinking how the hell your pretty ass got into this situation, how you don't deserve this?" she says and I curl up into a ball, crying.

"And let me tell you something... The bitch that you are deserved EVERYTHING she got," she says and I lie here, crying and sobbing uncontrollably. "You were covered in bruises when they found you... but they weren't from a fight. Naughty, naughty Ms Holden," she says and throws some picturse at me.

I look at them and see pictures of the hickes and bruises on my thighs and neck. They must have been taken when I arrived at the hospital and while I was still unconsious. This is all too much. Everything is spinning and I feel the little I ate this morning come up again. I fall out of the bed, crawl over to the trash can and empty my stomach inside of it.

Spencer bursts into the room and kneels down next to me. She holds back my hair and brushes over my back soothingly. "Get out of here," Mrs Morgan says but Spencer fights back, "No! This is enough. Can't you see this is getting your nowhere? You went too far. This is stressing her and her heart doesn't play along with your sick little game."

I just cry, hanging over the trash can, waiting for the vomit to stop coming out. "Everything will be alright Amanda... Just breathe," Spencer says and Mrs Morgan storms out of the room, furious. "What did she do?" Spencer asks after she closed the door again.

I am too stressed and exhausted to talk so I point to the pictures on the bed and remain cowering over the trash, stinking like vomit. "She is insane... How can she be so cruel?" Spencer says and puts the pictures away.

She walks back over to me and helps me stand up. "What do you think about a bath?" she asks and I nod my head. She helps me into the bathroom and runs me a bath since I am way too exhausted and still crying like crazy

She helps me inside and I relax imediately. "I am going to make sure that she won't get to you anymore... This needs to stop," she says and walks out of the room. But before she leaves she turns around and says, "Amanda... Everything she said... It's not true. She just wanted to hurt you so you let her in. Don't let it get to you..." she says and I just stare at the wall.

But what she said is true, isn't it?

I am a slut. I deserved everything! I close my eyes and relax. The next time I open my eyes I see Spencer standing in front of me and I freak out since I didn't expect her standing there. "Calm down... It's just me," she says and hands me a towel to cover me up.

She helps me get back into my room and after she gave me my medication she turns around to leave. "Sleep well," she says and closes the door behind her. I hear her steps but didn't hear her locking my door.

I slowly walk up to the door. I probably just imagined her not locking it. She never forgets to. I press down the handle, expecting the door to remain closed but much to my surprise I can open the door. Why would she do that?

---

Please don't kill me... From now on it will kind of get better but you'll probably hate me after it's ended which will be in like 10 chapters and then you can maybe kill me...