The woman comes back minutes later just like she said. She hands me some medication but I don't take them from her, looking at her with fear in my eyes. "You can take them... They won't hurt you," she says but I shake my head.

My throat feels dry and I begin to shake. "You need to take them... They will help you with the pain in your heart area," she says and I wonder how she knew about the pain. I forgot... I have a new heart. Of course I need to take them.

I still don't dare to move. "Come on... I will leave if you take them," she says and smiles at me sweetly. How old is she? Maybe twenty? I don't know but certainly nobody hurt her the way I was hurt. She is innocent, young and sweet like I was before I entered the cruel world of show buisness.

"If this is supposed to work between us two you need to talk to me. You know that, don't you?" she says and I just stare at her. "My name is Spencer," she says and hold her hand out for me to shake but I don't move. I just stare at it as if I don't know what it is.

"Then not..." she says and it falls back to her side. "For now it's okay... I will give you the time you need. I mean you are staying for a while and I'll help you go through this... I am your nurse so if you need anything... I am the one to contact," she says and smiles.

God she is so happy! How can a single person spread so much happiness? I definitely can't be happy... never again. "So now take your medication so I can leave you alone..." she says and holds out the bottle again.

I just stare at her and wonder what she thinks about me. She clearly knows every dirty detail about my life. She has to... it's her job. "Do you take your medicine if I place the bottle on the night stand and I watch you take them to make sure you took them?" she asks and puts the bottle on my nightstand.

I look at the bottle filled with three pills. Two of them are white and one is yellow. "Come on... They will make the pain go away," she says and makes weird gestures. I slowly reach out for them. The pain is terrible so what other option do I have?

I can't take the pain much longer. "Water is next to it," she says and my eyes don't leave her while I slowly swallow the pills. My body falls back into the bed, too exhausted to do anything. "That's good. And as I promised I'll leave you alone now... If you need anything press the red button," she says and my eyes follow her out the door. She locks the door again and I slowly close my eyes, relaxing a bit.

Two weeks later

How long have I been in here? I think it must have been around two weeks but it feels like years. My door is still locked. They are probably afraid of me. "Am I that bad?" I say with a sick smile on my lips.

Suddenly the door unlocks and opens. I still stare at the wall and don't bother to look at the person entering. It'll be Spencer anyway. "Ms Holden?" a deep, female voice says and I turn my head to look at her. It is a new doctor I guess.

I haven't talked to anybody since I came and I am not about to change that... "How are you feeling today?" she asks nicely but I don't answer the question. I smile weirdly at her. How does she think I feel? Good?

"You aren't the talker, are you?" she asks and laughs softly. I huff and blow, while doing so, a few strands of hair out of my face. "How is your body responding to the medication... Spencer told me you haven't said a word to her since you have arrived..." she says and I just keep smiling at her. Not a warm, welcoming smile. This smile is sick... I want to make her feel as uncomfortable as possible so she leaves me alone.

"Okay... Look I need to know if your body is taking the medication well. We are talking about your life right now," she says not so nice anymore. See... Every person has two faces. The pretty face that is shown in public and then the ugly side that nobody ever gets to see unless he or she needs to be thaught a lesson.

"Why should I care?" I ask and for the first time in a while I have said something to somebody. "Why should you care? Are you serious? You got a new chance to live! Do something with it and get your life sorted out so you can leave this place," she says angrily.

"And what if I didn't want that chance... I wanted to die. I don't want to live, I never will and I don't know why you should be standing there telling me about my life even though you know nothing about me or my life, Doctor..." I say and keep my voice calm but scary.

"Why don't you want to live?" she says in the usual psychiatrist voice, trying to get into my system. She has her poker face back but she ain't gonna break me. "You can try all your methods on me but you will not get into me. You can't fix something that doesn't want to be fixed," I say and laugh weirdly before I stare at the wall again.

"Why do you think that?" she asks but I keep staring at the wall as if she isn't even there. She isn't going to fix me... I don't want to be fixed, I never will and I won't change my opinion.