The saddest smile the brightest
The loneliest smile the prettiest
The hurt smile the loveliest

I wonder though
How does it feel to smile?
How can you smile and not cry when you are alone?
There are people who smile?
It's not all fake?

Maybe for others they can smile
They feel happy and can stay happy
But me
The story takes a turn
I smile the brightest and cry the hardest
You might think it's silly
But I'm not faking it

My coping is happy
I can't keep it for too long
It's a passer by in my life
Now I don't drown myself
No I'm no coward
I never said I have given up
Because I want to feel happy

I want to feel what happy feels like
No tears and no heartbreak
I want smiles
Genuine ones
The one that make you smile
The one where your heart flutters
You feel it with your whole self
I want that smile

But I need to wait
I have to heal
I'm not healing nor mending
I'm stuck and it gets worse
It gets worse and worse

I get anxious a lot
Is it anxiety?
I feel sad constantly
Is that depression?
I feel unloved
Is that trauma?

I can't label my life yet I feel it all
I feel sadness
I have felt happiness
I struggle to make amends

To keep myself happy
To keep relationships
I can't even talk to friends
Burdensome
Each task takes a toll
I'm tired
Exhausted actually

Though I have a question
Why are all happy people sad?
What is the reason no one smiles anymore?

I do have an answer though
Because as a person
You make sure no one feels it
Villains in this world ain't villains
They are humans like us
Who were never saved
And maybe you can't save them

You don't have to play hero
Just remember why someone is
And happy isn't always good

*********************

I have nothing to say here except happiness is there just easily forgotten.

Take care,
Sera