(This is going to be a VERY long chapter, my apologies in advance)

Awakening
     My awakening is really cliche. It began when I was a kid, about 3rd-4th grade. My group of friends and I would gather on the playground at recess and pretend to be werewolves, it was my favorite game. We even had pack ranks sorted out and everything: All I remember from those ranks was that I was the alpha female, my guy best friend, we'll call him Brett, was the alpha male, and my girl best friend, we'll call her Delilah, was the beta female. Being the alpha female of my own pack was amazing, and it definitely kicked things into motion. Whenever we'd play werewolves, I'd get really into it. All of us would run around on all fours, bark and howl at each other, pretend to hunt, and make dens-but nobody enjoyed it as much as I did. I'd always be excited to go outside and play with my pack. I loved to wrestle with them, and lead our pretend hunts, it was so much fun. But, it was never play for me. I always felt that way. My mindset never went out of the alpha female state. I always felt like a wolf, on or off the playground. Over time, as my pack aged, they grew out of playing. I'd always be the one begging to play werewolves or start the pack back up again. It was useless. For them it was just a game. They grew out of it. But I never did. To this day the joy and freedom of running barefoot outside on all fours, leaping and bounding through the grass, is better than anything I've ever felt. Feeling my tail flop in the wind, my paws in the dirt, it's ecstasy. And at night, when the sun sets, going outside for another romp and howling at the moon is the best thing to do before coming inside and retreating my room, my den, for the night. When I was young, I didn't know there was a word to describe what I was, let alone a whole community of people just like me.

Awakening Pt. 2
     Fast forward to about 5th grade, when I somehow managed to find the term "therian" online. Everything instantly clicked. It all made sense, and the feeling of relief and joy that swept over me is something I still remember today. I thought something was wrong with me, I thought I was just really foolish and immature to still want to be in a pack. But I was wrong. I was so so wrong. Was I normal? Perhaps not, but I wasn't alone. I wasn't the only one who had felt this way. There was a word to describe me. I felt complete. I didn't feel weird or strange anymore-I felt proud. I knew in my heart that I was a Therian. That was who I was. I didn't have a set belief on reincarnation back then-I was only a 5th grader-but now I have a logical explanation and I can put my thoughts into words. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, so when you die, your soul doesn't die with you. It lingers, either going into another vessel or staying in purgatory until it finds a vessel-that's what I believe happened to me. I don't believe that my soul came from another human, no-I believe that my soul came from a wolf. That would explain a lot about my awakening and my discovery, even my own personality traits and habits. It would explain how I act as a wolf by default, without meaning to. My senses would heighten, sometimes I'd become non-vocal, only being able to make whimpers, barks, yips, howls, and growls. My mind wouldn't function as a human, it would function as a wolf-what I now know is "mental shifting"It would explain how when I'd mental shift, I'd often feel a tail, ears, a snout, teeth, and paws-which I now know is "phantom shifting".

My Cringe Phase
     Oh boy. Remember how I said when I figured out that I was a Therian, that I wasn't alone? How I said I felt proud? Well, I made a mistake a lot of young Therians make. There's nothing wrong with being a proud Therian, but I was too proud. Proud to the point that I'd embarrass myself. I was very much the tumblr definition of a Therian: "i'M a WoLf TrApPeD iN a HuMaN'S bOdY!!1!1!1!2!!!" That was the absolute worst way to come out to ANYONE as a Therian and I regret it deeply. I was young then, and I didn't know what I was doing. But coming out like that, nobody took me seriously. They thought my Therianthropy would be a phase and it would pass. The therianthropy didn't pass, but the cringe sure did. I'm very glad that I'm over that stage of things though, and that I don't act like a twelve year old in that regard anymore!

Maturing
     As I grew older, my explanations for my personal beliefs were better worded and easier for those around me to understand. I wasn't screaming that I have a wolf spirit in everyone's faces anymore, instead I began to keep it more secret and only talked about it if the subject somehow came up on conversation, if I was asked, or if I wanted to speak about it to my closest friends. Sure, I guess I am a wolf trapped in a human body if you put it that way, but I don't have to scream it at people. That's one way to get a lot of weird looks. As I matured I also stopped wearing gear to school. No tails, no collars, no nothing. Hey, it got people to stop picking on me. And more often than not, my gear would trigger shifts in school and it was very distracting for me. I still felt more than free to express that side of me once I was home-I'd run up to my den and clip on my tail and bark and howl to my hearts content. I learned how to carry myself and present as a Therian without being a cringelord, and I'm glad I stopped being extremely weird about my beliefs.

Present Day
     Am I still a Therian? Absolutely. I've come a long way on this journey and I'm pretty proud of myself. Most people only identify as wolf Therians to fit in with the crowd-but I was born this way. I didn't choose my theriotype, it was always there. My spirit was always a wolf, I didn't just choose to identify this way. Therianthropy isn't a choice, you can't choose tour theriotype, it's colors, etc. You can choose a name though, if the name is not in your memories. You can choose what gear to wear, wether or not you're open about it, etc. You can't control public shifting, and trust me, when you shift somewhere you shouldn't, IT SUCKS, and it's often really hard to suppress urges you get during shifts. You can't control sudden yips or barks that slip out, you can't control anything like that. Being a Therian isn't all bad, and you should be proud of who you are. Wether you're newly awakened or you've been in the community for years. Wether you're super open about you're identity or you keep it private, wether you wear every piece of gear you can get your hands on or none at all, wether you're canine or feline, predator or prey. Being a Therian is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Be you, and be proud.