YOU JUST MIGHT— just maybe — MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THE BEGINNING OF THIS CHAPTER IF YOU'RE A SOFT SOUL. It's very uh— brutal. Love you guys ❤️

Song for chapter: The Other Side by Ruelle

KATE
Pain was inevitable, I knew that. But I didn't think it would hurt this much. I screamed, not knowing if I wanted my body to be curled up or stretched out.

I looked down at my feet, watching the skin tear away and a bone grow out of it. I vomited on the floor beneath me.

My screaming only grew. I half-expected Electra to come running down the hallway, but she stayed true to her command.

I put my hand out, scratching the concrete beneath me, scraping my nails off one by one.

I bit down on my arm, whining as I drew blood.

"Kate, Kate please stop." Arlis whispered.

I shot my head up. His jaw was grinding. The front half of his body had returned to the normalish human Arlis, while the back was still wolf.

He grabbed my hand with his left hand, and hit the floor beneath him with his right. We screamed in sync.

I shut my eyes, the pain coursing through every nerve in my body intolerable.

"Don't you... close... your eyes." Arlis managed out. I missed his voice, God I missed him.

I opened my eyes again, looking down at my body. I was like a zombie dog. I was a sack of skin, ripped up and bloody, barely resembling anything real.

My screams turned to growls, making my throat burn and my head ache.

My face felt like it was on fire, and I watched as something grew in front of me.

Then there was a moment of bliss, just one second. My whole body relaxed. I looked down at my hairless, bloody, self.

And then I began howling again. I felt like I was getting a thousand shots, all over my body. Every part of my skin was being punctured. It burned and stung and yet I had to keep going.

I wanted to bathe in ice, and yet at the same time I wanted to curl up next to a heater.

I tried to look but a hand was on my face— no— my muzzle. "Don't look."

I trusted him. I trusted him more than I trusted myself.

*** HERE IS ABOUT THE PART I'D PICK BACK UP IF YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT THE TMI PART ***

It must have been 2 hours of pain when I finally fully shifted. I didn't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't what I got (in a good way).

I felt in tune with my wolf. She felt like another part of me, not like we weren't connected, but like we were two people on the same level. She was submissive to me but she sure as hell had a strong head and would tell me what she thought.

She didn't have words, I just knew.

Like I knew no matter what happened, I'd always have her.

I took a deep breath and stood up on all fours. The biggest difference was my senses.

My eyes could see every individual crack in the walls, even in the dark. I could smell everything stronger, which at the moment was a terrible thing because the strongest smell was Maddie and Travis. I could hear Maddie's breathing, even with the distance. Even taste... the taste of dirt and dust.

"This isn't how I expected your first shift to go." Arlis chuckled sadly. He looked like he was crying.

I nuzzled up to his side, sitting on his thigh. I let out of a huff of breath when I realized he was naked. I ignored it though. Arlis was back. My Arlis was back.

Do you want to run? Test out your legs? Arlis mind linked me.

I yipped, putting my head under his arm and taking a couple steps forward.

Arlis shifted, his wolf bigger than mine but not by much. I held my head high, walking forward. We strutted past Maddie, who dying and weak.

We stopped at Electra's feet and sat down.

She turned down and jumped when she saw us. "Jesus." She put a hand on her heart. "Well... look at you two. Arlis is back and Kate's a wolf. Was wondering why there was so much screaming." She set her hand on my head. "Pretty wolf."

I hadn't actually seen myself. I could look at my feet, a little bit of my butt, but a wolf's neck wasn't as movable as a human's. 

I walked forward, ready to run. Arlis walked next to me, bumping into me every once in a while.

I couldn't express how happy I was that he was back. Truth was, I didn't want to run. I was tired. I wanted to curl up and sleep. The major pain might have been over, but my body was still sore. But as long as I was with him, I could run ten miles and not feel out of breath.

When we emerged from the underground cells a ways away from the pack house, it was dark. Timothy was outside, guarding the entrance.

Timothy had an impressed look on his face as he said, "Well if it ain't my Luna and Alpha." He chuckled.

Arlis growled playfully and jumped up on him, knocking Timothy down. Timothy laughed, the sound a light in the dark.

It felt like forever since I last laughed. Since people were happy. We had right now, though, and that was pretty special.

We jogged forward, Arlis nipping my ear every once in a while.

You're tired, aren't you? He asked.

I huffed out. Just a bit.

He stopped and nodded his head back to the house, silently asking me if I wanted to go back home.

And then reality crashed back onto me. Becker was still back there. We weren't safe, even if for a moment I had been able to trick my self into believing it. Becker, did Arlis know what happened to him. Did Arlis remember what happened to Chleo? Does he remember anything? He seems so happy. Was he just oblivious like I was?

What's wrong? He asked, licking my cheek.

I laid down on the ground, the snow cold against my fur but not uncomfortable. The moon reflected across it, a captivating view that would have been more lovely had the situation not been as melancholy.

What do you remember? From being... Atrax? I hated asking it. If he remembered everything, he remembered wanting to kill his family. He remembered attacking his brothers and sisters.

Arlis closed his eyes and laid down next to me in the snow. I remember everything. Every feeling, every thought, every action. It's not being the monster that's scares me. He paused, closing his eyes. It's coming back from it. I tilted my head, silently edging him to continue talking. Because when you're a monster you think nothing of the kills you make. The people you hurt. There's no guilt or sorrow. It's when you become human again that all the pain comes. All the regret.

I stood up and nudged him. I wanted to spend the next year curled up alone the bed with him, just us. I wanted to waste away by ourselves, forever untouched by the outside world.

But that was selfish. While he was mine, and would forever be mine, he had other people in his life who needed him. There were people in his life he needed to see.

Who do you want to see first? I asked, braving against the wind that pounded into my fur.

Mom. He responded. Arlis stood up on to his paws and rubbed against me, licking my fur. I want us to have some time first, though. I missed them. But I needed you. Please, Kate. Let's just go home.

I walked forward, Arlis by my side, towards the house. If he wanted alone time, we could have alone time.

***

We stood on the porch, I was much more tired than I thought I was. I tried to take another step and fell. Arlis dove under me, and held me up on his back. He barked at the door.

Hold on, baby. He shifted, my wolf covering him. I slid off and he opened the door, the warm air escaping out.

I walked in and laid on the floor. Arlis chuckled and shut the door, picking my wolf up. He huffed out a breath and began walking through the house, prepared, even in his weakened state, to carry me upstairs. He was also very naked... but I didn't give any sign that I cared or even noticed.

A light flicked on in the kitchen. Becker's form was still sitting at the counter.

Arlis dropped me. Quite literally. My wolf rolled, the impact hurting much more than it probably should have. I whined out and Arlis looked down at me for a second before looking back at Becker.

"Becker. What are you doing here?" Arlis snapped, his muscles tense and ready to dodge or hit or run as quick as lightning, even though he too probably felt like falling to the floor.

"Konrad is done with me." Becker closed his eyes, not looking at Arlis.

Arlis's eyes darkened as he chuckled. "I feel like you're lying, Beckerann." He might have laughed, but Arlis was not happy. He was anything but. And the situation was awkward because Arlis was still naked and the room was tense and I was a wolf. This was uncharted territory for all of us, I felt like.

Arlis walked backwards to the living room, me watching his every move, as he grabbed a pair of sweats from a basket and put them on.

Becker scooted off the bar stool and fell to his knees. "Arlis, he had black mail on me, you know that."

"You took me away from my mate by lying." Arlis was trying to not cry. The sound of his voice breaking caused chasms to erupt in my heart. "I can't forgive you for that. If you had told me the truth I still would have gone. I would have told Kate what had happened. We could have planned. This is the same shit that almost made us lose the first time around." He paused and it looked like he was staring at a ghost for a moment. "Considering you said he was dead, lying is the same reason so many people are dead now."

Becker hung his head, looking at my wolf. "I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry to the both of you. I was— am— just lost."

Arlis looked up and wiped his eyes. He was struggling with this more than he wanted to let on. "How do I know you're not lying right now?"

I understood both of their arguments. Becker lied a lot, "switched sides" a lot, hasn't been a trustable source in a while. But... Konrad had black mail on him. He was protecting the kids.

Becker licked his lips. "My magic is gone. Every magic thing I've conjured up is dead, every Spell I've cast to help or protect is broken. My magic deal with Konrad, it's no longer engraved in my arm. I'm a human, by all means, right now."

Arlis walked to Becker and set a hand on his shoulder. He looked angry, and I was scared for a moment that he was going to punch him. Arlis brought him into a hug, pulling him close. "Does Connie know?"

Becker shook his head. "Nobody except Kate, Leif, Dalia, and you know I'm back."

Arlis nodded as he pulled away from Beck. "We need a Hunter. I was going to say Everly but..."

I was never good friends with her, but thinking about her being dead did tug on a heart string. I went to school with her and now she's dead. It was sad to think about. I wondered how her siblings were holding up. Becker had told me earlier, but I didn't have the time to process it. Now, I got to process it. How was Becker holding up, wasn't he technically cousins with Everly?

Arlis... how do I shift back to a human? I asked, starting to panic.

Arlis looked at me and tilted his head. "Just... let go of your wolf. It's a natural thing. It won't hurt but you're going to be sore."

I relaxed, letting go of being a wolf. At least I think. I focused on all my human attributes, I stopped the connection I had to Earth. And I felt my regular bones snap into place, shrink back. He was right. I was sore. My body felt like it had been sent through the wringer.

Becker put a hand up to shield me from his eyes. Arlis tossed me a very large t-shirt and I put it on. "No pants?" I asked.

His eyes raked me up and down, a smirk forming in his face. "Nope." He said, popping the p. God I missed him.

I looked back to Becker who was looking at the floor, probably wondering why he was here of all places.

"Becker... I'm sorry about Eve. Are you okay?" I asked, really wanting him to talk about it. I wasn't like him. I didn't talk about Vix... and it killed me sometimes. I'd cry about it alone, to myself, when Arlis was helping someone or working in his office. it wasn't healthy.

Becker looked at me like I was an idiot. "No. I'm not okay. Do I look okay?" He scolded.

"Don't fucking snap at her." Arlis defended. "She's just trying to help." He came to stand next to me protectively.

Becker pulled at his curly hair. He was a little younger, but definitely still aged. He had crows feet at the corner of his eyes. A couple grey strands littered his hair. He was a very stressed middle aged man.

While Becker looked older, Arlis looked worn down. He was tired, his eyes half closed. Now that I was having a good look at him, I had to fight to keep from gasping. "Arlis, what... what happened." I turned him around, looking at his back. More cuts and scars ran down them, black veins sprouted from them.

He turned and his eyes looked so fearful I found it hard to breathe. "Arlis?" I asked again.

He didn't answer, just took a deep breath and shook his head.

Becker bit his lip, a pained look on his face. "We need to take him down, immediately."

Arlis laughed again. The laugh was so cynical, it didn't even really count as a laugh. "I've heard that before."

Becker sat back down on the stool, giving up on defending himself. "You hug me but then you hate me."

"Constance hugs us and then tries to kill us." Arlis spat out. There was a moment of silence before both of them, involuntarily, start giggling like two school girls.

Becker calmed down. "But she's different. She wouldn't ever actually kill us."

"And I don't actually hate you. I hate that you took me away from Kate and that put her in danger. I hate that one of my best friends is dead, Becker." Arlis pointed out. "I'm— confused, okay. You lied to me. And I'm tired, and my mate is next to me, hotter than hell—"

I slapped his arm and he winced.

"Stronger than I think she has realized." He rubbed his arm, glaring at me. "My Beta is dead, my siblings don't know I'm back yet..."

Becker stretched his arms up and yawned. "I understand, I do. I wouldn't trust me either. But we need to plan as soon as possible, Konrad is doing something today. Tomorrow. Whatever, it's like 3am."

I tilted my head. "What is he doing?"

Becker looked around the room like someone might be listening in on us. He gulped. "I don't know, he doesn't tell anyone his full plans. He has people carry out different things and doesn't tell them why. I killed Alphas and I have no clue what the point of that was."

"Fear. Distraction. Get word that you're evil." Arlis explained. "Most definitely."

Becker ignored Arlis. "But I think it has something to do with humans." Becker eyed me in a suspicious way that made me want to cower in the shadows. "And it definitely has something to do with Kate."

Arlis growled and took a step towards Becker. "Why do you think that?"

"It's not a coincidence that she shifted the morning of Konrad's planned big attack." Becker points to me like it's obvious. "No coincidence that she looks like my mom."

I tapped my foot and then moved closer to Arlis. I didn't want to be out of arm's reach of him. I felt like spiders were marching up to me, ready to crawl on my back. I felt like a stalker was watching me, writing down every move I mad. "Arlis." I whispered.

"It could be a coincidence!" Arlis didn't believe what he said. He wasn't fooling anyone, not even himself.

Becker scoffed. "Has anything ever been a coincidence?"

***

Arlis was torn. He didn't know whether to be pissed or sad and all lovey towards me. Mostly it was the last choice, but he'd stop running his hands through my hair to wipe his crying eyes every once in a while. Or he'd stop kissing my neck, my cheek, my lips, to pace around the room and yell.

I let him. He needed everything.

At about 4:30 am, Arlis finally fell asleep. He was so close to me he was practically laying on top of me. And every once in a while, his asleep form would twitch and he'd call my name in his sleep, or he'd fumble to get closer to me. He was a mess. I didn't even know you could cry in your sleep. But yet here we were.

There were new scars carved into Arlis's back. It wasn't just his back. They ran down parts of his shoulders. They were red welts, black veins that spread an inch or two out from each cut. I closed my eyes, wanting to make him feel better but not knowing how.

"You can kiss them." Arlis stirred, putting his hand on my thigh, rubbing it. He wasn't trying to start anything, he was just checking to make sure he was really here.

I smirked at him sadly. "That's not going to work, love." I said. I ran my hands through his hair, missing the way it felt under my finger tips.

I almost cried. There was a chance I was never going to have this, him, again. I couldn't imagine never seeing his eyes when I woke up, I couldn't fathom the idea of never kissing his lips again. Konrad almost took him away from me permanently.

He grabbed my arm and put it over his neck, he was laying on his stomach. He crawled closer to me so part of my body was laying in top of his. "I missed you." He said, taking a long breath and inhaling all the scents in the room. "Is it weird that I missed how you smelled? How your skin felt? The way your hair moved when you turned your head?"

No. Because I understood. I missed every fraction of him. His hands, his cute nose, his voice. I missed creating memories with him, I missed relaxing with him on the couch.

"It was another silver bath. But I was stronger this time. I overcame his compulsion because I started thinking about you." He almost cried, again.

And it was heartbreaking to hear him say silver bath. "I'm so sorry, Arlis."

He shrugged, in a daze. "I lost reality the first time. I didn't this time. And I think it was worse this time." He admitted. "Because I didn't have you and the way he talked about you... I tried so hard to rip his throat open right there." He clenched his fists. "I swear to God he's gonna fucking pay, Kate. For ever even thinking about putting a hand on you."

I didn't want to know what Konrad said. I was tired, scared. I wanted to sleep, but I didn't know if I could force myself to close my eyes. "Let's just go to sleep. Please."

Arlis stood up and shook his head. "I can't sleep. Not with him out there."

"Arlis!" I yelled. "Please. I missed you and I need you. I want you here. Please come back to bed. I'm selfish and cold and I just want you right now. Right now is for us. Fuck the world." I just wanted to be infinity with him, no beginning no end. I wanted to go on for forever, stuck with him in my arms.

He softened and nodded. "Fine. But we're waking up early tomorrow." He laid back down on the bed, this time holding me beneath him. He was like a shield, protecting me from everything out there.

"I'm not okay with waking up early, but if those are the terms and conditions to sleep like this, it'll be worth it." I don't cry, because I know that I'll do plenty of that after we face Konrad.

I don't cry, because for the first time in a while, I don't care what happens. As long as I'm with him.