Books give me an escape from reality, even if it's only for a few minutes.
-Keep Smiling 212

"BORED!" My sudden exclamation causes Asher to jump and jerk so hard that he falls right off the couch. "Thanks."

"For what?" He grunts, rubbing his broad shoulder.

"For entertaining me in my time of need."

Giggles and grumbles fill the air, but my laughter is cut off when a hand wraps on my ankle and yanks me on the floor next to my boyfriend.

Asher pulls me down, a arm just above my head as we fall in a comfortable presence, left to just think.

"Your actual family...do you miss them?" I ask slowly. 

It's been a few days since we've talked and because the power went out in my school it got canceled -we're free until the day after tomorrow. This time we're camping out at his apartment.

I learned that Link, although he doesn't act like it, is filthy rich and pays for everything Asher needs. I suddenly was very thankful the redhead is the nice guy's best friend.

"All the time."

-And in three words he broke my heart.

A silent snarl passes my lips at the unease and sadness that fills me, trying to get rid of the tightness in my heart before Asher realizes it's there.

"Why?" The golden boy asks, looking over to me. I keep staring out his window, where I can see into the woods beside his apartment complex and the edge of the field I know is just beside it. "Who do you miss?"

"Myself." I say, cracking a smile but it's too sad. I cover it up with a smirk, keeping light to a dark situation. "Then again I was twelve when it happened, so there wasn't much of Old Me to begin with."

"Why do you always smile like you're about to cry? Blue? I hate it." 

He sits up, I follow suit.

"Well," I say blandly, having no clue I smiled like that. "Should I smile like this?"

I smile widely, letting the small spark I used to feel light up my features for a second as my dimples pop out. 

Asher's eyes widen, taking in my features as a blush grows as his mouth parts slightly -making me be the confused on for once. 

Why the fuck did he react like that?

Instantly I let my features drop back down into my casual smirk, raising a eyebrow at him. "You're red. How was that?"

"T-that was um...yeah, that was, that was good." He stammers, flushing more as his hands raise to fidget with his shirt. "You should um, you should smile like that more."

"It doesn't come easy anymore." I tell him with a shrug. "And why should I smile more like that? I smirk just fine."

"Well a smile like that -Liza that's literally breathtaking." I laugh at this, not believing him at all but soon stop when I see the look like has, like he's figuring something out. "What did you mean by anymore."

It takes me a second to rethink my words before I get what he means, making me gulp and huff at him. "It's really nothing. It's just...I used to smile like that all the damn time. I would laugh the fucking house down if I had the chance, Xander right beside me doing stupid shit. Like one time we were working outside to get our pool ready and stuff, me and him were singing. Oh god, he is so bad at singing. Anyway, he took a really big breath and inhaled like a shit ton of nats. If you can imagine anything funnier than my big brother at 14 running around the yard screaming about how he's dying and then fall into a puddle of old pool water Lucifer had played in please tell me what it is. I laughed so hard I ended up on the ground, crying. It took me like a week just to be able to look at him and not laugh, let alone smile."

"I think," Asher replies slowly. "That you should try to find something like that again. You deserve to get your smile back."

"It's not coming back. Not after I got all these, these scars." I declare to fast, not having enough time to hide the thick emotion in my voice.

I think he knows how ugly I think I am now, because of all the things marking my skin.

I'm dying to hide behind a book.

"It could. Smile again, I want to see something." 

Although I'm doubtful and suspicious of him now I am also curious at what he has planned so I close my eyes for a second, trying to remember that spark before I finally get it together and smile like I used to, dimples and everything.

"Close your eyes and smile. I want to make it easier for you." He commands, and though it's hard I manage to do so. Though I can't believe I let him tell me what to do, I'm usually the one bossing people around and I have no clue what is supposed to be easier but if it includes me laying under him I'm okay with it.

That is until cold holds slip under my shirt, sliding against my bare skin. 

"I said," The nice guy whispers slowly. "Close your eyes."

I'm not uncomfortable, since I know Asher and I know I'm safe with him and that he'd never hurt me and am confused and now my mental state is fucked because he's touching me like this, all while I struggle to smile.

My eyes fuse shut as I finally catch the smile again, the spark and his ice making me feel dizzy -in a surprisingly good way.

One of his hands slip onto my back, holding me as he lays me down on the couch. His legs are between mine, but I'm not straddling him. Hands slip down to my thighs. Because I have shorts on he meets bare skin, squeezing me gently before his lips peck on of my knees.

This has my eyes opening instantly, "What are you, what are you doing?"

"I think you're beautiful." Asher says instead of answering as he begins to massage my legs. I nearly moan lately, not knowing how tense my muscles were. 

"What does that have to...do with ah, with anything?" I ask, desperately trying to keep my hooded eyes open as Asher's thumbs knead past my thighs, going into my cramped abdomen.

I have baby abs, muscles but nothing defined -since with females it's harder to get them and I don't purposely try to. I just play soccer a lot, spar with Alexander, wrestle with my dad and Xander as well as practice flips and stuff which means I'm constantly active. My body shows this.

So when he somehow manages to get every spot that made me uncomfortable- -and I just got off my period so you know my abdominal muscles were tense as shit- -you can understand why I ended up a relaxed, sappy, moaning mess under him.

I'm not smiling anymore, but he's not complaining. 

Somehow I think this was a plan.

His fingers continue on, massaging the skin just below my boobs making me blush slightly. I pray he won't see it but the soft chuckle that sounds out tells me he does. 

Yet his fingers keep moving until the go down again, but this time they slip between the waistband of my shorts and my skin.

"May I?" Gold breathes, so close to me that I can't help the shiver that goes down my spine.

But then the familiar fear hits, the one of him seeing everything that makes me think I'm so ugly. 

Everything I was forced to hate myself by, every scar and word and shape.

He's going to think I'm ugly, and call me selfish but I want him to think I'm beautiful even if it's a lie.

Asher already got shown the worse, but my hips are a sensitive area, along with the very top and my inner thighs. That isn't just hate and abuse and anger, it was disgusting and sexual and horrid. 

All I once I want him to know but I never want him to find out, never want the word "Ugly." to slip past his lips in regard to me. I don't even want him to think it.

"Eliza you're beautiful. You're beautiful and gorgeous and sexy, you're a Wolf. Don't be afraid of your own body, even if something isn't supposed to be on it." Asher whispers, reading my mind as his thumbs rub over the small line of my panties that stretch under my shorts. "Nothing is going to change my mind on that."

I don't know whether to thank or hate myself for this being one of the few days I decided to put on lingerie, simply because I feel good in it. No only is it sexy, but it matches.

Maybe blue lace is his thing, and it will distract him from the scars. Then again Asher isn't the kind of guy to stare, even if it is at a thong -at least it's not a string.

Takes a certain kind of person to pull those off, and I am not that person.

Lingerie.

Tsk.

"You said yourself we start as blank canvases, and each thing on our body tells a story. Keep in mind that you're a masterpiece and the author."

Tears spring into my eyes at his unnecessarily deep words, but they disappear after I blink a few times before looking at him. 

His beauty never fails to stun me, and it's infuriating how handsome, cute, sexy and adorable one boy can be all at once. 

Seeing how it affected me Asher is instantly starts moving his hands along my thighs, fingertips barely grazing me then he squeezes me before he goes back to feather light touches once again.

He is killing me.

Slowly but surely.

"If you want me...if you want me to be able to, be able to-" I gasp as he squeezes the back of my thighs, thumbs brushing over my skin. "Think clearly, you have to stop."

"Even I can't think straight." The golden boy says, running his fingertips over me one again. "I'll only stop if you want me to. Don't feel pressured and don't do anything you don't want to."

It's then his hands find the waistband again, his ice seems to flood my system when I nod.

Because then his long fingers slide the shorts down my legs, carefully moving them around my feet before dropping them on the floor. Cold hands move over my legs, goosebumps rise over my entire body before Asher even touches me again.

The entire time I watch him look over my body, eyes darkening an insane amount. I don't know if it's because he's mad about the scars or from desire.

Either way it makes my stomach churn.

A single finger runs along my thigh before he pauses against the inside of my right one, making me gulp nervously. "May I?"

He's the nice guy, so of course he asks.

And I'm the Devil's daughter, so of course I say "Yes."

"You're beautiful." He murmurs, kissing right above my knee. I release a shaky breath, deciding I don't want to watch anymore as I shut my eyes. 

Some things I want to feel more than I want to see.

For me it can be hard to seperate my senses, but right now, it's all just Asher's mouth on me, his skin touching mine.

Cold lips kiss all the way up me, not rushed a bit -it makes me want to squirm and squeeze my thighs together but his hands holding onto my legs and my minimal self control prevent that. Sooner rather than later his mouth finds my inner thigh, instead of kiss me haphazardly he kisses over scars.

When he trails up, over where my thighs fade into my hips and he finds a tally mark I don't think he knows what it is, or how many are there- -six- -but just the feeling of something against it makes me go rigid and recoil in the couch, my teeth flashing in a warning.

Asher lifts his mouth off me instantly, his grip on my lessening. 

"If I ask you to stop, will you?" I ask, opening my eyes to look at him.

Mint green eyes hover over my hips as he stares at me, trying to determine what happened and now, since I controlled myself and relaxed, if he could continue.

"Yes, immediately."

It's not a lie.

"Keep going." I tell him, giving the green light. 

Moving his hands back up Asher gently kneads into my sides, thumbs running along my stomach as he kisses me a few inches below my belly button. 

As if it's almost a apology he goes a little lower and blows a bubble kiss, making me giggle against him. 

"Turn over," Gold whispers lightly, shuffling above me. "Your shoulders are still tense."

I blush again as I flip around, getting comfortable only to realize since he's still between my legs this put us in a rather compromising position. This time I'm only thankful he can't see it. 

A moan leaves my mouth as Asher's large hands rub against my shoulder, squeezing before he lets go and starts to massage all the kinks out.

This continues for a few minutes until a kiss is placed on my shoulder, a arm around my waist pulling me to sit up. 

"I'm not even going to attempt to take your shirt off," He starts with, concerning me slightly. "But I'm going to undue your bra. The nerves under it are bundled and pinched and probably in constant pain you've learned to ignore. Let me?"

I nod, waiting for his hands to slip under my shirt and for cold fingers to unclip the back before I move, taking the initiative and pulling my bra all the way off and dropping it next to my shorts.

"Wait." I say, glancing over my shoulder to him. "You need to catch up. If I'm pantless and braless, and you don't even wear bras, I think you should take your shirt off. Just saying."

"If it makes you more comfortable."

"You have no idea how comfortable it makes me." I mutter, giggling when the next thing I feel is him moving and then his shirt dropping in the pile. "Should I ask for the pants as well?"

"Trust me," Asher kisses the side of my neck, body pressing into mine from behind. "They need to stay on."

Clothes.

Tsk.

Then he goes back to massaging me, focusing on the bundle of nerves where the back of my bra usually lies -making me releases noises I didn't even know I could make when his mouth followed suit.

My body was on over ride by the time I was completely relax and I was sleepy, I always tended to fall asleep before the golden boy and wake up after. 

Asher kisses me one last time before stand up, taking a deep breath before grabbing our clothes making me frown. "There's no way in hell I'm putting that boob-trap back on, if that's what you're thinking."

"No," He laughs, voice deeper than normal. "It's not. You're tired, so we're going to bed."

"Can I kiss you there?" I ask dreamily, making me giggle a second later.

"If you're not asleep. How long have you been that tense for? It's like your whole body didn't know what the word relaxed meant."

"I don't know...the only time I'd ever get massaged was in physical therapy at the hospital...but they'd...hurt so I didn't like them. They always...pressed down too hard on the...on the cuts and break the burns."

"Oh." Asher says quietly. "Well then there's no way I'm letting you get that tense again."

"Trust me, if you do this again it's going to be followed by something that...something that will relax me for life." I snuggle into the couch, his blush the last thing I see right before he leaves the room.

I didn't know being relaxed was so tiring, or maybe my insomnia was catching up to me.

Mom always did say sleep required peace, which explains why I suck at doing it.

Gold is really good at that, I learned, giving me peace.

And not just in the physical way.