But I protect myself, I surround myself with books, their silence does not demand anything, they exist, they are alive, they're for anyone to open, unlike us human beings.
-Bo Carpelan

"I know I 'let you off the hook' and all, but I need to start getting more creative ideas for projects and practicing outside of school. If we do it at mine, my dad's just going to eat everything and blame my mom. Would it be okay if I came over today and practice this blueberry lemon cheesecake?" I ask, biting my lip as I stare at Asher.

He looks at me from his spot scowling once again at his math homework and smiles. "Yeah, that's fine. Here," Gold slides his phone over to me. "Add your number."

Going over to his house and getting my crushes number all in one day?

Talk about lucky.

"Thanks." I smirk slightly and do as told, Asher takes it back, giving me a look a second later. "What?" I ask, faking innocence.

"Well, The Love Of My Life Jimmy Chris, you're not the love of my life," I nod, agreeing with him while internally I'm screaming. "And secondly you're not a bad knock off of Jesus."

I flash my teeth at him, smirking as his eyes widen. "I don't know, I've been told we share a uncanny resemblance to another." 

He ignores me, and simply chances it. "There, much better."

"Aw, what'd you change it to?" I ask, stepping closer to him. He shakes his head and steps back. "Show me!"

"No." This tall nice boy, who I think is secretly a asshole just live everyone else, raises his arm all the way in the air so there's no way I can reach it.

I glare at him full force, which makes him pale slightly. 

"I'm taking this as a challenge." I tell him, seconds before I quite literally pounce.

Gold cries out I start to climb up him, keeping his arm out straight as the other wraps around my waist. Just as I manage to rest a knee on his shoulder and grab his phone his grip suddenly tighten.

I gasp as I pulled away from him, swung around and have my back pressed flush into his front. 

I shiver as his ice seeps away my warmth, the feeling strangely welcomed as Asher hunches over me and tears his phone back from me.

"I said no." Gold says, voice deep and scolding. "That doesn't mean you get to jump on me, climb up me and get my phone." 

He's still holding me tightly, with only one arm around my entire waist making me pout.

Muscles.

Tsk.

"I told you I was taking it as a challenge." I tell him scowling, now squirming in his hold.

How strong is the boy?

"It wasn't supposed to be a challenge, it was a boundary. Now you're never seeing Blue," His arm tightens. "Deal with it."

"Are you holding me so close because you realize how amazing I am, or are you holding me so close because you're scared I'm gonna jump on you again?" I ask, laughing the second he rips himself from me like I'm on on fire. 

I'll admit.

That hurt a little.

"The way you flirt is atrocious." Asher mumbles, flushing sightly.

I smirk at the sight, his eyes find my teeth. "Ah, but you blushed, didn't you?"

"Just come over at 7. Until then, please stop talking." The nice guy begs me, making me grin.

"Aye aye captain." I giggle, wiggling my eyebrows at him. "Does my flirting bother you Gold?"

"No," The golden boy says, sounding slightly hesitant. "You're so weird Munchkin."

"Eh," I shrug. "You met my parents."

Now it's around seven thirty and I'm pretty sure I'm drooling, but I can't tear my eyes off of Asher's exposed chest. 

One thing I didn't expect when coming over to Gold's apartment was him and Link sparring, and then him stripping and standing in front of a fan. 

"I'm so hot," He grumbles. 

"Yeah you -I mean yes -I mean. Yeah, it's hot in here." Lincoln's head snaps up at my reply, but thankfully Asher doesn't care about my sudden stammer. 

"Sorry," He apologizes. "We lost track of time, I'll get cleaned up and then we can start brainstorming while the cake is finished baking." 

The only thing I feel like baking and then shoving in an oven right now is my head for how fucking obvious that was -but of course, I don't say that I just smirk and shrug. "Fine by me."

Two hours later I stare in slight horror down at the text, then glance back up to the mop of blond hair and mint green eyes devouring my blueberry lemon cheesecake. 

"Uh, Gold?" I call him, looking hesitantly down at my phone. "My parent's and I quote 'want me out of those house unless I feel like being mentally scarred'.More than I already am, of course. Can I stay here?" 

"Yeah, of course. What are your parents doing?" He asks, voice deep with temporary worry.

"Things that resulted in people like me." I say, smirking deeply as his face grows red. 

"Aw, you're already moving in." Link teases me. I glare at him, raising a single finger in reply -all while my inner voice is like 'I wish.' 

I try not to let it get to me that tonight, just for tonight I'll have to try to sleep without my medicine.

Convincing Asher not to kick him or Link out of either of their beds and let me sleep on the couch was harder then expected. 

It's well past midnight, and I'm still awake, just laying down and flicking through Tumblr.

"Why are you still awake?" A deep voice asks me. 

I jerk up, my heart pounding heavily before I see it's just Gold and not my dad about to scold me.

Of course...I'm such a idiot.

My dad wouldn't be here.

"I made the mistake of picking up one of your books around nine and I accidentally finished it." I admit sheepishly. "What about you?"

"Just couldn't sleep." He shrugs, leaning against the door frame and have to will myself not to swoon as I realize he's shirtless. "Want to do something until we get tired."

I won't tell him that I'm always tired.

Instead I grin, sit up straight then wink at him. "Sure, anything with you Gold." 

"Movie? I'd have to be in my room, seeing as Link will come in here yelling it if we play it on the wide screen."

Giggling at the thought I'm instantly on my feet. "What movie?"

"Well I was thinking..."

I have no clue when I fell asleep, but somehow I know I'm dreaming.

-it's a nightmare.

I scream loudly, tearing at my chest to chest the chains off me. 

Wait...how can I do that when my hands are tied down too?

My hands struggle against chains, bawling loudly does nothing to stop the laughter.

"It's a dream!" I scream at myself, but it doesn't sound like my voice.

A hand crushes my thigh, and I know there will be a bruise.

"Get them off, get them off." I whimper. "Please get off me." 

The hand moves, a snarl escaping the older man's mouth. "Don't beg little girl, not until I'm in you. Beg for more all you want then." 

He takes the cigarette from his mouth, holding it over the delicate skin on my wrist. 

"No! Please don't, please don't." I cry out. "Any thing but that. P-please don't, PLEASE."

Then he burns me, and I scream, thrashing wildly in the bed. 

The man smiles, making me start to weep all over again as he-

"It's me, it's me. Calm down, Blue, please!" Is shouted in my ears, and suddenly I'm aware of hands clamped around my wrists and his body over mine. "What just happened?" Asher breathes, squeezing me tightly. 

Panic swells in me, and I try to tell him to get off me, or at least let my wrists go but I can't. 

My head falls back down and I start struggling against him. 

"Let go, let go." I sob. "Let go." 

He shoots off me, watching as I fall to my knees on the ground. My stomach clenches, I'm quick to race to the bathroom and collapse at the toilet. 

The chains are too strong, the skin under them turned red and I'm bleeding where the rope has dug into my ankles and wrists.

I can barely move.

I need to move, I need to escape.

All I want to do is leave, I can't stand the smell of smoke, of my burning flesh.

Sometimes, sometimes the sound of my screaming mutes my heart beat.

"Blue, talk to me." Asher whispers, a damp towel is pressed against my lips before he throws it in a hamper. My head reels, wanting nothing more than to curl up into a ball and disappear. "You're so tense." 

Before I know what's happening I'm being picked up so gently I think for a moment I'm simply floating, then my body recognizes Asher's arms around me. "Gold." I whimper. "I'm sorry I-"

"Shh," He sets me down on the bed. "Just relax."

Then he climbs in behind me, making me go rigid as massive hands land on my shoulder.

A moan nearly escapes me as large thumbs knead into me, massaging my tense shoulders as Gold hums lowly under his breath. 

It's enough to make me relax completely, for all flashbacks to leave my mind and all the panic to erase. 

Soon I find myself leaning against his chest, my legs sandwiched between his own with his hands and thumbs gently moving over my thighs. 

It's safe to say- -seeing as one of them as scratch marks where I must have tried to tear another, harder, ugly hand off me in my sleep- -he's doing everything in his power to make me feel safe.

"You're okay now, you're safe here." Asher speaks lowly in my ear. 

"I hate sleeping." I tell him, tears flooding my eyes.

"You don't hate sleep, you must hate what you see when you close your eyes." Asher reasons with me. "Go back to sleep Blue, you won't have another nightmare."

"Promise?" I ask weakly, having myself for how small I sound.

"I promise Munchkin, you're safe remember?" The golden boy tells me.

I blow out a breath, wrapping my arms around myself -which means over his own arms as his hands continue to move along me. 

"Yeah Gold..." I murmur, my tired brain making me slur my words. "You are pretty safe."

Asher chuckles, squeezing my thighs slightly before moving his hands back down.

And I know, I just know, that doing this simple thing called sleeping with my crush isn't a good thing.

But hey, I'm my mom's child, and we're both great at making bad decisions.

So I head his advice, close my eyes, focus on the feeling of his fingers against my bare skin and fall back asleep.