The first thing that reading books teach us is how to be alone.
-Jonathan Franzen 

Right now, it's hard to describe just exactly how I'm feeling right now. I'm upset, sad, hurt, betrayed, scared, hopeless all at once.

Aunt Olivia helped, but I can't help to go into a bad mind space.

Travis has that effect on me.

It's the second semester at this point, so all my classes got switched around. Now gym is my first class of the day, which messed me the fuck up when I got to school today.

Due to that, and just not giving a fuck anymore, I'm late to class and managed to walk onto the field while everyone is listening to the instructions our teacher is giving out.

The loud noise my backpack when I throw it to the ground and against the fence catches everyone's attention -through my exhaustion I forgot I even had gym with Lincoln and Asher until I catch them out of the corner of my eye.

"Wolf, why were you late?" The teacher asks.

I raise a eyebrow at him, my features a cold blank. "Come off it, Lenon. I know you don't give a shit anyway. Go back to jerking off or whatever you were doing before." My voice almost instantly unintentionally became a growl.

Since Travis my medicine hasn't been working, I haven't been sleeping well. My head is in constant pain, my hands are always trembling. I'm a fucking mess.

"Split into teams. Go. Now."

Everyone in the class rushing off in two groups, but I shrug and lean against the fence again.

Mason and his now girlfriend, Vanessa Brown- -who I once heard use Nazis, turkey and anal in the same sentence- -walk towards me instead, a ball at Mason's feet. 

"Hey freak." Vanessa says, a smug look on her face. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Isn't that a bit obsessive and worrisome coming from your own boyfriend?" I reply back.

She turns red, temper going through the roof. "Go back to where you belong, Hell."

"If you want I can take you with me and drop you off to your native home, Whore Island." I say, scoffing a second later. "Never mind, that'd be going out of my way. Have to go a bit lower to reach you."

The ball is kicked towards me before I noticed Mason moved, but I'm good at soccer so I bounce it off a knee and then my foot before catching it.

I growl at him, dropping the ball at my own feet.

Mason apparently doesn't know how hard I can kick, or remember that I've kicked his ass, or that I can play soccer really well because he walks away, back turned to me.

He falls with the force of my kick, but I have to lean against the fence.

Normal things take a lot out of me, I get nose bleeds really easily, but nothing too serious yet. My heart is getting too overworked with the stress with everything the kidnapping situation brought up. History repeating itself I suppose.

"Wolf! Some guy is here to pick  you up. Not your mother, or the Devil, or your brother. Had to send him outside 'cause he was smoking. Said he'd walk around here and pick you up. So get your ass off my field, and go do whatever bad thing y'all planning to do." Mr. Lenon tells me, waving me off.

A weird guy smoking that's not any written family member here to pick me up?

Who the fuck?

Tsk.

Strangers.

Most days I would care about something like this, but I'm so tired that my mood is just constantly at the point of whatever happens, happens.

Before I can respond a hand wraps around the back of my leather jacket, making me slam back in the fence and "Heya Diabla." Is said quite loudly in my ear, in a very obnoxious voice.

Only people I hate call me that, people like the ones at the bar I go to. Enemies.

And this one annoying ass cousin I have, Evangelos Hilton. Makes sense he's Celeste's brother.

Thank fucking god we're not actually related, by blood or marriage. Our parents are all good friends, even though Uncle Cal's parents adopted my dad none of us count that as 'actually' related; especially after Xander and Celeste got together.

"Get the fuck off me Evangelos." I snarl, ripping myself off the fence and turn around to face a snarky, smoking, jack-ass. "What the hell are you doing here? Never mind."

Grabbing my bag I quickly open the gate and storm past him, only to be held back by a tight on my wrist. A half growl half hiss leaves my lips as Evan's fingers tighten on my burns, and I try to yank my arm out of his grasp but I can't. 

"Stop struggling." He complains. But with his grip, I should be struggling. This is the kind of shit that leaves bruises.

"Let go them. I have-"

"Right." Evan, thankfully, let's go only to snicker at me, then point to my wrist and start singing horribly off key. "This girl is on fi-yaaa." 

During all this Link managed to catch up with up, I suddenly have the strong urge to bury myself in my bed with my nose in a book.

"Who's this Eliza?" The redhead asks, putting himself between me and my cousin slightly in what appears to be a rare protective gesture. "Should this really be someone who pulls you out of school?"

"Doesn't matter Weasley, don't get your panties in a bunch." I manage to grit out, trying desperately to keep eye contact when it was previously so easy for me.

Tsk.

Redheads.

Evan, fucking Evan, grabs me again. "Why is that blonde dick of yours looking over here?" He asks, instantly making my heart drop, tears rise and me to turn as emotionless as possible. 

"We're not together anymore." Anger pops into me like someone pressed a red button they shouldn't have when his words finally register past Asher is looking over here. "First of all he's not a dick, let alone mine. Second of all if you ever say something like that again to me, about me, about him, or about Lincoln, you'll find yourself suddenly unable to talk."

"He broke up with you?" Evangelos snorts, ignoring my threat. "Figures. People like you aren't supposed to have friends. Let alone boyfriends. Don't look so upset, you should just be happy it lasted as long as it did."

One part of me wants to argue, and say that if my dad could do it then I can, if people like us found friends we should be able to keep them. Another part of me agrees, because I don't think I should have friends either. I hurt people too much and there's a reason I was alone for so long before.

So I stay silent, letting them know through my hesitance to either option, which one I lean towards -self hatred at it's finest.

Link begins to defend me but Evan just breaks down laughing before he could even get a proper sentence out. Patting the taller redheaded guy on the arm before my dick of a cousin smirks and replies, "Dude, she's no longer dating him. You don't have to pretend to care about her anymore."

"That's not why-" Lincoln seems angry and a little too defensive, and I instantly feel bad that I put him in this position. Nobody should have to tell someone they don't think they're a friend, or consider them a friend when they're not, when they're a person like me.

"It's okay, Weasley." I interrupt him, locking eyes with his dark green eyes -much darker than the mint green I'm accustomed to. "I know you didn't like me in the first place."

Being dumbfounded Link stares at me for a solid ten seconds before I'm being dragged away again by a much too tight grip. 

The last thing I manage to see before I leave the field completely is Weasley telling Asher something that makes his features turn sad almost instantly, in a moment he manages to look so heartbroken that it's depressing.

Guess we have something in common then -heartbreak.

Apparently since I hadn't taken the time out of the last two and a half weeks to go pay the hospital a visit myself and that asshole Anderson found out what happened he contacted everyone I had on file ever- -for some fucking reason that included Asher and Lincoln- -about my heart condition and that I should come as soon as possible so he can make sure it's not life threatening.

But you know the one person he didn't call was me.

Then my Uncle Callum and Aunt Jessie made Evan, as the only one free today, on my first day back to school, the most stressful day I can possible imagine to do this, take me to the hospital.

And since I'm legally an adult there's nothing the school can do to stop me from leaving, or from a stranger picking me up if I consent to it.

So that's just fucking great.

This is why I just spent the last hour listening to my least favorite cousin insult me through the check in at the hospital, apparently I already had a room saved for me via Dr. Tate. 

Anderson is the fuckening in my life.

Which is not always what you want to hear about a healthcare professional.

One thing I love about that asshole though, is that he usually doesn't like the people I hate -since it's usually for good reason. When he walked into my usual hospital room- -how fucked up does a person have to be before they can say 'my usual hospital room' even in thought?- -it made me grin for the first time in weeks.

Because the good doctor looked Evan head to toe, not once, not twice, but three times before making a face, pointing at the door and saying "Ew. Get out." 

It made me wish I had been recording it, and man, was the insulted face Evangelos made worth it.

Now I'm in the middle of a staring match, and I can tell Dr. Tate is pissed.

"Wolf." He says. "You should have been here two weeks ago."

"Two weeks ago would still have been four days late." I tell him, regretting it as he visibly gets more upset and quickly try to fix it. "But you're right. Four is better than eighteen."

A slow, scary smirk slides onto Anderson's face. I think this makes me more terrified than if my mom gets mad. "Well. Since you are so late, I guess we'll have to do all the tests then."

"No!" I get up from the bed, instantly trying to run -but he holds me back. "Yeah, okay."

Oh the fuck well.

Whatever happens, happens.