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"i didn't give up on the world. it's the other way around. the world pretty much gave up on me. there's a difference. and i understand it." - KAYTOPIA

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⍋Primium impressionem (19.5/20): Aesthetics? Check. Amazing description? Check. Bomb title? Check. What more do I need? Absolutely nothing, I say. Well, I do, and you can kill me for it, but I'll say it - those fingers of his look creepy as hell! And please, please, please, make the title and your name a bit larger! I know it's aesthetic, but I'm blind and straining to see the title isn't something I'd like to become my hobby. The rest, though? Fucking perfect!

⍋Et compages grammatica damnationem (19.5/20): Hun, yes! I'm so happy to see clean, proper writing! You really know your way around words and everything else that goes along with it, and I AM SO HAPPY *slams hand on table* STRONG POWER, THANK YOU! Also, I like stories written in present tense because they just seem more impactful, which is just my opinion but also a great plus for you.

As for your sentence structure, please watch out for parts where you have repetitive beginnings, especially the ones starting with I - I know it's something natural to do, seeing how we usually speak in that way, but try to mix it up a bit (I noticed you do it less as the chapters go by which is great and means you're developing and I'm so happy about that)! I wanted to bring your attention to it so if you decide you want to edit your book one day, you can focus on that as well.

⍋Scripto artes (18.5/20): There's just something about your writing style that I adore and have no idea how you pull off so effortlessly. I'm able to imagine every scene even though your descriptions are quite scarce which reminds me to respect the sheer power of writing. Different styles managing to convey the same deep emotions and settings is baffling to me - you're pulling off this modernistic style too damn well! Letting me imagine the scene for myself yet guiding me through it with little nudges here and there, it's so simple and flows so great that I'm in love! I also like the low caps aesthetic, it really suits the story!

What I'm not really thrilled about are these sentences you cut in unexpected places. In my opinion, there's no need to do it because I'm able to read longer sentences in my head - I don't have to worry about taking breaths, so it's easier. That's why I'm sometimes confused with that concept, let me just show you what I mean (three thirty in the morning so my brain isn't working properly and can't do words well, so it'll be easier for the both of us if I show you):

he looks like he's deciding to give me his hand or keep it by his side. so i extend my right arm to him, palm facing upwards.

Can you explain the reasoning behind this type of writing? I'm genuinely curious because when I read the first sentence, I automatically think that thought is done and am already mentally prepared for a new one, just to realise that no, it's still the same thought but weirdly cut in two. It's just something I didn't stumble upon before, so I'd really like to learn more about it!

⍋Influunt (7.5/10): I was confused at first, I'm not going to lie. Why? Well, I couldn't figure out the form at all and still wasn't sure when I got to the end. I started reading on my phone and the spacing was all over the place, it looks so much better on the webpage than it does in the app. Of course, the texting and dialogue were understandable, but I couldn't get into your track for the rest of the story.

I felt like a detective and sometimes even found myself thinking about it more than the actual plot and scene that was happening right in front of my eyes. The spacing together with the odd cuts in the middle of the sentences is something you might want to work on - not completely take it out, it's what makes the story for what it is, but just figure a better plan and make sure it looks good everywhere. Now, do cut me some slack, I'm a bit on the older side so this might be my boomer side talking after all.

⍋Insidias (20/20): There are only a few books that genuinely made me cry while reading them. Yours is definitely among them. I get emotional, I do, but rarely do I shed true tears. There were parts I had to take time to read, take a breather between the two sentences. My throat would constrict and tears would start to flow, you brought up some memories and I'm thankful that you reminded me of them.

The flow, the development, the full circle you guided me through... Thank you for writing this masterpiece. That's all I'm going to say.

⍋Characteribus (20/20): The pain Jimin went through was real, tangible. I could understand him, though I hated every moment of self-degradation he had. Every thought and every experience was relatable on so many levels, even though I didn't live through all of them. He went through so much; he felt real and you absolutely blew me out of my knickers. Damn you and your amazing brain, I love it. Every bit.

⍋Totalis puncta et summaries: 105/110! This masterpiece deserves so much more recognition, hun! Anyone who is reading this, please check out The Weight I Carry, you won't regret it - it's an experience I'll never forget and I'm so grateful you asked me to review it. Well done, hun, I can't wait to see what you'll do in the future!

On this wonderful work, we finish the second batch! Now, on to the third!

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Coming soon - Per trium

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