before I even start this, I want to clarify something, THIS STORY IS BASED OFF OF A STUPID AU. Don't even ASK the timeline cus bro idk 😭

I just go along cus I made this story like more than a year ago.

Anyways this chap is mostly just flashbacks from when Ellie was a little kid and before she got kidnapped.

Eight years ago

BUCK SAT ON A PARK BENCH, watching Ellie play on the swings. The spring afternoon was filled with the sounds of children laughing and playing, and the scent of blooming flowers wafted through the air. Steve approached, two cups of coffee in hand, and handed one to Bucky before sitting down beside him.

"So, how's single dad life treating you?" Steve asked with a grin, taking a sip of his coffee.

Bucky sighed, running a hand through his hair. "As much as I love Ellie, which is, y'know, more then life itself, or what-not....this is rough." Said Bucky rather truthfully.

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. "You're doing great, Buck. Ellie's a happy, healthy kid. That's all that matters."

Bucky laughed, but it was tinged with a hint of desperation. "Yeah, well, while all the other men get to drink beer and sigh about how life sucks, I'm stuck plotting the death of Dora the Explorer. Seriously, Steve, if I have to hear her ask 'Can you say backpack?' one more time, I'm going to lose it."

Steve burst out laughing, nearly spilling his coffee. "Bucky Barnes, former Winter Soldier, brought to his knees by a cartoon character. That's something I never thought I'd hear."

Bucky smirked, shaking his head. "You have no idea, Steve. That show is like torture. I've got the theme song stuck in my head 24/7. And don't even get me started on Swiper the fox."

Steve wiped a tear from his eye, still chuckling. "Well, at least you've still got your sense of humor. And hey, look at her." He nodded towards Ellie, who was now giggling as she went down the slide. "She's worth it, right?"

Bucky's expression softened as he watched Ellie. "Yeah, she is. Even if it means dealing with Dora. I'd do anything for that kid."

Steve smiled, clapping Bucky on the shoulder. "You're doing a good job, Buck. Just hang in there. And if you need a break from Dora, I can always take Ellie to the park sometime."

Bucky looked at Steve, a grateful smile on his face. "I might take you up on that, Steve. Thanks. It's not just Dora, you know. It's the whole routine. Breakfast, school drop-off, work, school pick-up, homework, dinner, bath, bedtime stories... and then, if I'm lucky, I get five minutes to myself before I pass out from exhaustion."

Steve nodded, his expression sympathetic. "I get it. It's a lot to handle. But you're not alone in this. You've got friends who can help. And Ellie's lucky to have you."

Bucky sighed, leaning back on the bench. "I know. I just... I worry, you know? That I'm not doing enough, or that I'm doing it wrong."

Steve took a deep breath, considering his words carefully. "You're doing the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask for. Look at Ellie. She's thriving. That's because of you."

Bucky watched Ellie for a moment, his eyes softening. "She's a good kid. And she's resilient. I just hope I can be the dad she deserves."

Steve grinned. "You already are. And hey, if you need some distraction from Dora, we can always introduce Ellie to Captain America cartoons. They're educational, right?"

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. "Yeah, right. I'm sure Ellie would love that. But seriously, thanks, Steve. It means a lot."

Steve smiled warmly. "Anytime, Buck. Now, let's just hope she doesn't discover Caillou next."

Bucky grimaced at the thought. "One battle at a time, my friend. One battle at a time." He glanced over at Ellie, who was now building a sandcastle with some other kids. "But for now, I'll take the small victories. Like a quiet afternoon in the park."

Steve nodded in agreement, taking another sip of his coffee. "Here's to small victories."

BUCKY BARNES MISSED THE DAYS
when they were happy. He remembered how they would laugh and laugh until tears flowed freely down their faces. Those moments of pure joy felt like a distant dream now. Ellie, who used to be so full of life, now cried silently to herself when she thought he wasn't looking. The pain and the weight of their shared past were etched deeply into her every action.

Ellie shuffled into the living room, a blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders like a protective shield. Bucky was half-heartedly watching a WWII documentary, lost in his own memories. As soon as he saw Ellie, he grabbed the remote and paused the screen, turning his full attention to her.

"Hey, kiddo, what's up?" he asked, his voice gentle and inviting.

She sighed heavily, her eyes filled with a mix of hesitation and sadness. "Can I sit with you? I hate being alone. It brings back... it's just... HYDRA, they..." Her voice trailed off, the words too painful to fully articulate.

Bucky cut her off, sensing her reluctance to dive into the painful memories. "Hey, it's okay. You can always sit with me. I'm just watching a movie. You're welcome to join," he said, patting the space next to him on the couch.

Ellie let out a breath of relief and murmured, "Good, thanks." She curled up on the other side of the couch, cocooning herself in the corner with her blanket. Bucky didn't unpause the movie; instead, he focused on her, sensing that something was weighing heavily on her mind.

"What's on your mind?" he asked gently, his eyes fixed on her.

The room fell into a comfortable silence, not awkward, just a shared space of quiet understanding. Ellie seemed to be searching for the right words, struggling to voice the tumultuous emotions swirling inside her. Bucky, who knew all too well the difficulty of finding the right words for deep-seated pain, waited patiently.

"I feel bad," she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. Her head drooped as if the weight of her guilt was too much to bear.

Bucky adjusted his position, leaning in closer, showing her that he was fully present and listening. "What do you feel bad about?" he asked softly.

Ellie was silent again, wrestling with her thoughts. When she spoke, her voice was filled with sorrow. "Everything. Leaving. I mean, we missed so much time. I was thinking about it. I've started remembering things, things from that night."

Bucky's heart ached for her. "Ellie, you didn't leave. You were taken. It's not your fault-"

She cut him off, her voice rising with a mixture of frustration and pain. "I didn't fight back. I didn't scream for you. I froze. I... I..." Tears began to well up in her troubled eyes, spilling over onto her cheeks.

Bucky's instincts told him she needed comfort. Unsure of how she felt about physical contact, he tentatively opened his arms. "Come here..." he said softly.

To his surprise, Ellie moved quickly into his embrace, wrapping herself up in her blanket and Bucky's strong arms. She didn't cry, instead, she just clung to him, finding solace in the physical connection. Bucky held her close, feeling the depth of her pain and his own sorrow mingling together.

He took a deep breath, needing to find the right words to help her understand. "Ellie, you were just a little girl, a baby, basically. You were scared, and you did the only thing you could do in that moment. Freezing is a natural response. It's not your fault you got kidnapped. You were a child, Ellie. You can't blame yourself for something you had no control over."

Ellie nestled deeper into his embrace, her grip tightening slightly as she absorbed his words. "But dad, I should have-"

"No," he interrupted gently but firmly. "There was nothing you could have done. HYDRA was relentless, and they were after us. They were always after us, and you were just a kid. You did nothing wrong."

Ellie sniffled, wiping her tears on the edge of her blanket. "I just wish things were different. I wish we had more time together, I wish they hadn't made you miss six years of my childhood."

Bucky nodded, understanding the depth of her wish, he understood, of all people he understood. He cried over that girl, and how he missed things, every time she had a birthday he sobbed. "I know, kiddo. I wish the same. But we have now, and we can make the most of it. We can be here for each other, support each other. We don't have to miss anymore time."

As Bucky held her, he remembered when she was was six, she ran off in a store. Bucky thought he lost her, and when he found her, he yelled at her, he never yelled. But that time he did, and he remembered feeling terrible afterwards.

8 years ago

THE GROCERY STORE WAS BUSY with the usual weekend crowd. Bucky held Ellie's hand as they navigated the aisles, her small fingers clasped tightly in his. They were almost done with their shopping, the cart filled with essentials and a few of Ellie's favorite treats.

"Can we get these, Daddy?" Ellie asked, pointing to a box of colorful cereal.

Bucky smiled down at her. "Sure thing, El Bell."

Ellie beamed, her excitement palpable. They continued through the store, and as they reached the end of the cereal aisle, Ellie spotted a display of toys near the checkout.

"Can I go look at the toys?" she asked, her eyes wide with hope.

Bucky hesitated for a moment but then nodded. "Alright, but stay where I can see you, okay?"

Ellie nodded eagerly and skipped off toward the toy display. Bucky kept his eyes on her as he turned to grab the last few items on their list. It only took a minute, but when he turned back, Ellie was gone.

"Ellie?" Bucky called out, his voice rising slightly with concern. He pushed the cart quickly to the toy display, but she wasn't there. A cold fear gripped his heart as he scanned the surrounding area, his eyes darting frantically in search of his daughter.

"Ellie?" he called out, his voice tight with anxiety. He quickly moved to where he had last seen her, his eyes scanning the crowded aisle. There was no sign of her.

He called her name again, louder this time, his voice trembling. "Ellie! Where are you?"

Other shoppers began to notice his distress, but Bucky didn't care. His mind was racing with worst-case scenarios, each one more terrifying than the last. The thought of HYDRA taking her, of losing her, was unbearable. His breath came in short, ragged gasps as he frantically searched the aisles.

"Ellie!" he shouted, his voice echoing through the store. "Ellie, answer me!"

He approached a store employee, his voice shaking. "Have you seen a little girl, about this tall, with brown hair and a pink jacket, she kinda looks like me."

The employee shook her head, looking sympathetic. "No, I'm sorry, but I'll call it in. We'll help you look."

As the store's PA system crackled to life with an announcement about a missing child, Bucky continued his search, his desperation mounting. Each second felt like an eternity. He couldn't lose Ellie, not after everything they had been through. The fear of her being taken by HYDRA, of something terrible happening to her, was overwhelming.

Minutes stretched into what felt like hours despite him being in the search for less then 20 minutes. Bucky's mind was a whirlwind of anxiety and dread. He thought about all the times he had failed to protect the people he loved, and the idea of losing Ellie was hurting him.

Finally, as he rounded the corner of the pet aisle, he spotted her. She was curled up into a little ball, crying. Relief flooded through Bucky, his legs nearly giving out beneath him.

"Ellie!" he cried, rushing to her and scooping her up into his arms. He hugged her tightly, tears streaming down his face as he clung to her. "Oh, thank God, Ellie. I thought I lost you."

Ellie looked up at him, startled by his tears. "Daddy, why are you crying?"

Bucky held her close, his body trembling with the aftershocks of his fear. Tears streamed down his face as he clung to her, the relief almost too much to bear. He pulled back slightly, looking at her with tear-stained eyes.

"Don't you ever do that again!" he said, his voice breaking. "Do you understand me? Don't ever wander off like that again!" His voice was louder than it intended to be, but it got his point across.

Ellie's eyes widened in shock and she started to cry. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I just wanted to see the toys."

Seeing her tears, Bucky's heart broke all over again. He immediately regretted raising his voice. He pulled her back into his arms, holding her close and rocking her gently. "I'm sorry, El Bell. I didn't mean to yell. I was just so scared. I love you so much, you can't do that, okay?"

Ellie sniffled, her small arms wrapping around his neck. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I didn't mean to make you scared."

Bucky kissed the top of her head, his tears mingling with her hair. "It's okay, sweetheart. Just promise me you'll stay close from now on, okay?"

Ellie reached up to his face, wiping tears from his eyes like he always did for her. "I promise."

Bucky stood up, still holding Ellie, and walked back to their abandoned cart. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. The store was quieter now, the initial panic having passed, but he knew that the fear he had felt would stay with him for a long time.

As they left the store, Bucky held Ellie's hand even tighter, never wanting to let her out of his sight again.

"I HATE REMEMBERING, DAD" Ellie said. "I remember something good, then I remember something bad, what HYDRA made me do."

Bucky, he held her tighter.

"I know, Ellie. I know it's hard."

"It's like... I try to focus on the good times, but then these horrible memories just... invade. I see their faces, hear their voices, and I can't make it stop."

Bucky held her tighter, his own memories of HYDRA's cruelty flashing through his mind. He knew exactly what she was feeling; the weight of those memories never fully left him either. "It's okay to be scared, Ellie. It's okay to feel this way. You're not alone in this."

Ellie pulled back slightly, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. "But it's like I'm messed up, Dad. How can I ever move past this?"

Bucky gently cupped her face in his hands, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. "Ellie, you're not messed up. You're the strongest person I know. What you went through would have shattered anyone else, but you're still here. You're still fighting."

Ellie sniffled, leaning into his touch. "But what if I never get over it? What if I'm always haunted by these memories?"

Bucky's eyes softened as he looked at his daughter, seeing so much of himself in her. "Healing takes time, Ellie. It's not something that happens overnight. But every day you face those memories, every day you keep going, you're taking a step forward. And you don't have to do it alone. I'm here with you."

Ellie nodded, taking a deep breath as she tried to steady herself. "I just... I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to feel normal again."

Bucky pulled her into another hug, his voice gentle and filled with love. "I know, sweetheart. And you will. It'll take time, but you'll get there. And I'll be right here with you, no matter what."

They sat in silence for a while, the only sound the soft hum of the TV in the background. Bucky rubbed soothing circles on Ellie's back, offering her the comfort and security she desperately needed.

"You know," Bucky began after a while, "when I was dealing with my own memories, there were times I thought I'd never get through it. But then I found something to hold onto. For me, it was you. Every time I felt like giving up, I thought about you, and it gave me the strength to keep going."

Ellie looked up at him, her eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and hope. "You've always been my strength, Dad. Even when things were at their worst, knowing you were there kept me going."

Bucky smiled, his heart swelling with pride and love for his daughter. "And you'll find that strength within yourself too, Ellie. You're not defined by what HYDRA did to you. You're defined by your courage, your resilience, and your heart. Those are the things that make you who you are."

Ellie nodded, a small smile breaking through her tears. "

Bucky kissed the top of her head, holding her close. "You don't have to worry about HYDRA anymore, because they're gone and I'm not going anywhere."