"He called you-" July shakes from laughter, tears coming out of his eyes, "he frickin' called you a horrendous remake of Squidward, oh my God!"

I roll my eyes, though I have to admit, it's one of the best insults Edgar has ever come up with for me. When July's laughter slows down, I say, "I'm surprised I'm kinda not dead yet from all those brutal attacks."

At this July bursts into laughter again, falling on his side on the cement seat of the bus stop. I laugh with him, but mostly I enjoy the sight and the sound of his. It's a warm and sweet image, and a warmer and sweeter sound. Something I wish I could see and hear for the rest of my life.

But I know I won't.

Wow, I'm really good at ruining my own mood.

July ends his laughing session with a long "Aaaah" and rolls to his back. His legs are towards me, one on the ground, the other crossed beneath it. I try to not focus on the area between his two legs, though my eyes seemingly keep on urging me to do exactly that. I honestly hate myself.

Thinking what, my hand involuntarily raises itself and goes to pinch his left thigh. He lets out a short yelp and swats my hand away before saying, "Hey! Don't touch my thigh. That's my . . . sensitive spot." He says the word 'sensitive' with a wink.

I turn away from him and announce, "You're disgusting." But I feel my face slightly heating up nonetheless.

"Oh come on." He sits up. "You totally . . ."

His voice fades as my focus lands on a peculiar looking man walking towards us. He is wearing sunglasses that are too big for his face, with curly hair messily covering his forehead. A bag is dangling from one shoulder, and he is carrying a long rolled up paper on his hand.

Just as I expected, he stops right in front of us.

"Umm, h-hey," he says in a low and nervous voice. I notice a paper stuck to the front of his light brown bag, with a stick figure human drawn on the center of it.

"Uh, hello," I reply suspiciously.

"Can you, um, have you-" He unrolls the long paper, revealing a the painting of a beautiful portrait of woman. Beside me, July lets out an awed gasp. "H-have you seen the woman in this painting a-anywhere around here?"

The man has a different dialect than the one I speak and the one Greenwoods locals speak. I examine the painting. Dark skin, wavy black hair, thick lips shaped like a cupid's bow. Doesn't ring a bell, so I say, "Sorry, I do-."

"No, wait!" July stops me. I glance at him sideways. "We saw her back at the restaurant, remember? The woman who ordered the red pasta."

"Oh, yeah!" I exclaim.

"Huh?" the man asks, confused.

"I have seen her, after all. There is a gas station about ten minutes away," I point to my left, "and there's a small restaurant there. We- uh, I saw her eating there, like half an hour ago."

I see hope spreading on his face. "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!" He rolls the paper again, and mutters, "Let's go, guys," and goes to the pointed direction.

"Let's go, guys?" July asks.

I shrug. "Dunno. But what surprises me most is how easily he believed my words."

"Maybe he could tell that you're speaking the truth. Nonetheless, he is probably a naive guy. Unfortunately, these are the kind of people who get taken advantage of most of the times."

"Hmm . . ."

"But that aside, he's such a good painter! Did you see how detailed that portrait was? I wonder how he created the shade of her skin. It must have taken a long time to get that proportion right. And her hair looks so realistic!"

"You're right. I wonder if the guy is famous."

"Mhm. I wish I could paint like that. But my mom threw away all my-" Once again, he stops abruptly, catching himself midway while saying more than he planned to. I suppose he still doesn't feel free enough with me to share everything.

"I bet our mothers would be best friends," I say.

He bursts into laughter, the sadness fading from his face easily. I barely realized this before, but the joy of making someone else laugh is truly unparalleled.

-----------------------

When Mr. Azim said he will give me the best seat in the bus, I thought he meant the best seat inside the bus, not on it.

"Cedar, this is amazing!" July exclaims, happy giggles escaping his mouth. He raises his face towards the sky, lips stretched wide up to his ears.

I can't help but smile. Though I was initially scared and worried about this whole idea, seeing July having so much fun has made me feel more at ease now. So I allow myself to relax and enjoy this new and thrilling experience.

Basically, the "best seat" Mr. Azim told me about is actually on the roof of his bus. Some buses have this rectangular space in the middle of their roofs, bounded by a fence, where passengers can keep their extra luggages. There is a ladder attached to the back of these buses, which can be used to climb up.

Until a few years ago, a lot of bus drivers, mostly local ones, used to take up passengers on the roof on a regular basis before - not one or two, tons of them - just to earn some extra cash, but since that caused a bunch of road accidents, the government illegalized it. But that's mostly enforced strictly in the cities with more population, not in remote areas like Greenwoods.

So Mr. Azim takes the risk of breaking the law once in a while in order to help people out. He has even installed seat belts up here for safety of the passengers, which I tied around my waist before the bus started. The bus starts moving with a loud prayer verse from Mr. Azim, and all my will to relax and enjoy fades. The bus shakes underneath me though the road is completely even. I glance at July, who is sitting across from me, comfortably leaning against the luggages that made their way here. He doesn't look the slightest bit scared, while I am clutching the fence tightly in spite of having a seat belt.

"Hey, just relax, okay? Or you won't be able to enjoy it," July says, coming to sit beside me. The width of the area is enough for three people to sit side by side, while the length is probably about six feet or so.

I try my best to relax, but it isn't easy. I crane my head to look over the edge. Of course, the ground isn't too far, but with the kind of speed this bus is running, it still looks very threatening.

"Dude," July calls and places his palm on my temple, making me face from the side to the front. "Just look straight ahead and enjoy the wind. I won't let you fall."

I won't let you fall. Hearing that in his gentle voice is assuring. So I let go of the fence and focus striaght ahead on what lies up front. The bus drives forward at one side of the empty road lined by nothing but trees at this point. Mr. Azim calls me from the driver's seat to warn me about a speedbreaker ahead, but I've already spotted it and hold on tight to the fence. The bus shakes somewhat violently under me twice while crossing the speedbreaker, during which I tighten my jaw. I relax again afterwards.

Once I get more used to everything, I start to relax fully. I close my eyes and feel the wind hit me. My hair is all over my face and my shirt feels like someone is pulling it from behind, but when I take a deep breath, the air I inhale is extremely fresh and satisfying. I take in a lungful and let it out, immediately feeling as if all my fears and anxieties are escaping my body through that exhale. I realize that the air of the polluted city I lived in always carried a certain hint of suffocation, while the air I breathe here sings a song of freedom.

"Cedar," July calls.

"Hmm?"

"Look up."

So I open my eyes and raise my face towards the sky, finding blue dreams painted on a massive white canvas. The world hovering over me is so vast; as if endlessly stretching, filling my whole vision. Puffy cotton clouds of all shapes and sizes feast together in a peaceful unity, ringing the bells to autumn's doors. A single bird with long wings flies in a perfect circle around a cloud before disappearing behind another one. Once in a while, my vision is obstructed by the taller branches of the trees standing on the side of the road, a green interruption over the play of blue and white.

I feel strangely overwhelmed. Though everything is a fast-motioned blur around me, only the sky above me and the boy beside me remain still and unmoving. The strong wind embraces my body, and I feel as though I'm floating, or maybe flying. There is a ligtness in my limbs I don't remember when I felt the last time, or whether I ever felt in the first place. I realize it's the lightness of freedom; the feeling of crossing miles after miles and still finding the world continuously unfolding in front of me; the thrill of exploring new corners of the boundless planet we live in; the comfort of having a loving companion by my side as we plunge together into unpredictable endeavors.

I exhale loudly. Tears appear at the corner of my vision. Through my peripheral vision, I find him staring at me. Eyes still fixed to the sky, I ask, "July, is this how it feels to be alive?"

He leans closer and puts an arm around my shoulder, whispering, "This is exactly how it feels to be alive, Cedar."

---------------------

At one point of our journey, July proposes to re-enact that one famous scene from Titanic.

"This is the perfect situation to re-enact that scene!" July says with excitement glittering in his eyes. "We have the wind, and we are on a high surface. So romantic."

Naturally, I say no, 'cause the idea is ridiculous to say the least. Naturally, July manages to convince me by his dangerous persuasion skills (acting cute, acting sad, acting angry, etc.). But then we get into an argument about who will be Jack and who will be Ross (male version of Rose) so we play a match of Rock, Paper, Scissors. I lose with paper, and become Ross.

"I'm not doing this, July," I declare, violently shaking my head.

"Pleaaseeee," he begs, grabbing my arm and pushing me to and fro. I only stare at him for a while. How the hell does he get these stuff in his mind? I shouldn't have agreed in the first place, ugh.

In the end, I give up. Not like anyone's gonna see anyway. July moves backwards and sits behind me. Both of his legs appear on both of my sides, and that's when my face starts to heat up. This position is really kind of . . .

"Feels like we're about to cuddle," July voices the words of my mind.

"That's it. I'm not gonna-" I start to move forward but he holds me back by my shoulders.

"No wait! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. C'mon let's do it. Spread your arms."

I spread my arms, but immediately draw them back in out of cringe overload.

"This is so cringe, July, this is so cringe!" I scream at him, my face heating up terribly. Not even the wind is cooling it down now.

"I know, but let's just do it anyway!" He takes both my hands into his from behind and stretches them on both sides before I get even a chance to protest. My eyes are squeezed shut, by body so stiff that I would easily come off as someone from Abnegation. He suddenly starts singing, "Every night in my dreams, I see you-"

We don't even stay like that for two seconds before he lets go of my hands and lets out a muffled scream. I turn my head back to find him covering his face with both hands.

"Wa-was this supposed to be romantic?" I mockingly ask, noticing how my face is burning like it's caught on fire. "'Cause this- this was just the highest level of embarrassment I've ever been through!"

He shakes his head and says, "That's it. I'm going to jump." He proceeds to jump off the edge of the bus, but I hold him back.

"It was your fucking idea!" I exclaim in utter dismay. My heart is throbbing so hard that my chest is starting to hurt a little.

"I didn't know it would be this bad!" He shakes his head and starts to cover his eyes with his cinammon bangs. I wish I could do the same, but the wind won't let me.

The two of us stay like that for a while in awkward silence. The sound of the bus horn and the speed should fill the silence, but they only end up highlighting it more.

To break the tension, I say, "Only Jack and Rose can pull these off. Doesn't work between homies."

He laughs and raises his face. "Homies? Wow, haven't heard that word in a while." He thinks about something and then says, "I'm not your homie though, am I? Not anymore."

He gives me a meaningful look, which I skillfully avoid. "Regardless, maybe it would've been less embarrassing if you did it with a girl. Since you're straight and all." I feel a mild irk hearing my own words.

In fact, his smile fades hearing that. He sits straight, his gaze unreadable yet strong. I drive my eyes elsewhere. Once again, tension fills the air between us. Why is he being like this all of a sudden?

"You know, Cedar," he says after what feels like an eternity, "I thought you would've figured this out already . . ."

I swallow. What the hell is he going to say? It can't be . . .

"I'm not striaght," he declares.

"Huh?!" I feel my eyes widen, though I was expecting exactly that.

"I'm actually bi," he explains.

"You're- you're wha- bisexual?" I squint at him, disbelief ringing in my ears for God-knows-what reason.

He scratches the back of his neck. "Why are you so shocked? This isn't 1961."

"No, I mean- like, since when?"

He frowns. "You mean when I realized it? I think I was thirteen." He observes my face. His own one holds a mix of anxiety and confusion, probably because of my reaction.

I let the info settle in. I was about to say that there is no way I could have a hunch when all he talked about was Moon, but that's a wrong thing to say. After all, his dating history doesn't have anything to do with his sexuality.

That's when I realize how extremely wrong my reaction was.

I read an article once about how to react when someone comes out to you, and I'm pretty sure asking "You're what" and "Since when" and "???" weren't in the list. Oh my God, that's one of the worst reactions ever.

"I'm sorry," I quickly say.

"Huh? For what?"

"For reacting like that. That was so wrong. Trust me, I was just shocked. Since you said it so . . ." I shake my head, thinking that I shouldn't give excuses when it's my mistake. "I'm so sorry, I'm really not biphobic or anything. I really didn't mean to-"

He lets out a laugh. "Dude, I know you're not biphobic. Come on." He pats my knee. "I get it, you were shocked. I shouldn't have said it so abruptly. I just got . . ." He trails off, then shakes his head and says, "Never mind. So now you know." For some reason, he's not meeting my eyes. In fact, he looks a little sad.

I clear my throat, and swallow again. Why is this so awkward? It's just him coming out to me, no big deal. But I suppose my reaction did hurt him. I'm just so shocked because I never thought be attracted to guys. It's just . . . ugh, no. Shaking my head, I say, "Umm, so you-"

I'm interrupted by Mr. Azim, who calls me and says that we're almost there. It will take less than five minutes or so to reach the trail. A small wave of sadness washes over me upon the realization that this experience of mine is coming to an end. I don't think I will ever have the privilege to ride on the top of a bus. And I'll certainly never be so young again. It's an unforgettable feeling. Pushing these thoughts away, I tell him okay, and turn back to July.

July's expression has changed. He is hugging his knees, chin buried into his arms. He gazes at me almost reproachfully from under his bangs. No, rather than reproachful, I suppose the better word would be disappointment.

"Wh-what?" I ask, suddenly feeling worried.

He looks away as he says, "You're such an idiot, Cedar."

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hello lovely readers!

this chapter was so hard to write because of the dialogues in the bustop scene :( glad i could get it out. hope it isn't too boring.

the man in the beginning of the chapter is actually the protagonist from a WIP of mine. I wanted him to make an appearance here lol.

this is a picture of how some drivers take passengers up on the roof. this photo is from India; i've rarely seen smth like this in Bangladesh. but here the same thing happens in case of trains, which is extremely dangerous. a shitload of people return home from the city during the Eid holidays, and since we don't have enough trains to accommodate them, they have to hop up on the roof.

I WAS CRINGING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THE TITANIC SCENE LMAOOO

i guess it was pretty obvious that July isn't straight, but i wanted him to officially declare it so that the two of them can sit down and have a serious conversation about sexuality in general, which will happen later on.

What do you think of Cedar's reaction? It was definitely not nice. Nobody has ever come out to me in front of my face, but i think that if i liked a girl and thought she is straight but then she comes out as bi/lesbian to me, I'd be pretty shocked lol.

Anyways, thanks a lot for reading. I think the next updates will be faster cuz i have many of the chapters written already. Take care of yourself, and don't forget to drink water :))

- love, Poma