"I told you you don't have to come," I whisper to him before knocking on the RV door.

Instead of going back home from the hospital, I told July that I have "something to do". At first I didn't want to tell him that I'm coming all the way back to his Nemesis' place, but he dragged it out of me anyway, then vehemently followed me here like a duckling. The whole way, he bugs me by asking just exactly what I want to do there. But I felt too embarrassed to tell him.

"I don't trust my cute little Cedar anymore," he says mournfully. "I'm afraid you really will commit a murder this time. And trust me, Heide will not stop you."

Weird relationship those two have. She didn't look the slightest bit fazed when I was hitting Rain yesterday. I wonder if it's because he gets beaten up often.

The door of the white van opens up, revealing Nova with a messy hair and . . . well, a red bra. I turn my eyes away, only to find July staring with an awed look on his face. I clear my throat and kick him in the Fibula. He yelps and gives me a flabbergasted look. Shameless guy.

"What an unexpected visitor," Nova says, in her deep voice. She looks like she just woke up from sleep.

I don't go for the pleasantries and say, "I want to talk to Rain about something." My eyes are fixed on a tree in the distance as I speak.

"If I remember correctly, you mentioned something along the lines of Don't ever come in front of my eyes to him yesterday."

I sigh, not having the energy for this. "Is he here or not?"

She purses her lips. "Nopes, he's gone out to work. But he'll be, um, back pretty soon I assume. So you can wait. If you want."

I don't want to have to revisit this place again, so I say, "Kay, I'll wait."

"Come in, then." She moves from the door.

I crease my brows. "You're inviting me in . . . to an empty RV?"

She gives me a wary look. "Kid, even an ant can tell you're not the slightest bit of a threat to me."

July chuckles, but quickly covers his mouth when I shoot him a look. I can't believe she said this, not after I literally punched her boyfriend to near-death 24 hours ago. I certainly am capable of a lot more than what people give me credit for, hmph. I point at the two plastic chairs sitting in front of the RV and reply, "I'll sit outside."

She looks annoyed, but ultimately says, "Fine." Then she goes in, closing the door. I guess that means she won't be joining me, so I go and sit down on one of the chairs. Just as July was about to sit on the other one, the door swings open again and she jumps out, hands busy buttoning an oversized flannel shirt. So they even share their clothes. Must be nice.

I wonder how she can be in a relationship with him while knowing everything he has done to July. But then again, she is the one who exposed him to the whole internet, and she didn't stop me at all from hitting him. Nothing clicks together over here. Maybe she acknowledges the bad part of him and stays with him anyway, maybe because there are good parts of him too. I, however, couldn't care less about the latter.

There are two cans of Pepsi in her hand. She throws one at me before she sits down with a sigh, and I haphazardly catch it. Not cool at all. July comes to stand beside me. In situations like this, he is always standing. So I gesture him with my eyes to come and sit in front of me on the ground. He shrugs and does so, his back facing me. He is really sitting between my legs. I can only imagine the things he must be thinking right now.

"So, how is your hand?" Nova asks in a leisurely tone, popping the Pepsi can.

I look at my hands. My knuckles are a bit bruised. July had applied some ointment on them while I was asleep. But they don't hurt. "It's fine."

"You will be delighted to see him today." She takes a sip from the can. "He looks nothing like your Hale now."

I see July stare at her for a while, before looking down. I don't think I will be delighted either.

When I don't reply, she asks, "Say . . . was Hale your boyfriend?"

My turn to pop the can. It's been a while since I've had Pepsi, which I've always preferred over Coca-Cola. I drank it a lot back in middle school, straight out of the fridge too——hence why I caught a cold often, and my mom banned it. That's when Dawn started to sneakily let me have sips from bottles he bought, but never a whole bottle. Because he, too, cared about my health.

Seeing my lack of response, she let out a snort. "Too personal, huh? Fine. I was curious because . . . uh, Rain was telling me how you are the type of person Hale would, you know, fall in love with."

I look at her. "Really?" With the corner of my eye, I keep a watch on July, who has now buried his head into his knees.

She shrugs. "He is usually right about such things. For someone who made it his personality trait to make Hale's life a living hell, that guy sure understood him pretty well."

This time, I ask her, "Aren't you his girlfriend?"

Now it was her turn to be silent. I realize that things are more complicated than it seems. But then she says, "No, we just sleep together once in a while."

I try to control the look of dismay on my face, but probably fail miserably, because she bursts into laughter. It's a deep, breezy laugh. "What, does the idea of sex friends bother you, little guy?"

I ignore the question. "But didn't you two date?"

"I liked him at some point." She doesn't elaborate.

So I decide to not push. "The way you brought out the whole truth in front of the country . . . that was actually crazy. And there were so many evidences too."

She crosses her arms. "Thank you. It was, um, Rain who told me to do that."

Brows raised, I ask, "He told you to do what?"

"Expose him."

"Eh?!" July and I say simultaneously, though she only hears mine. "But why would he . . ."

She shrugs. "He would do worse things to himself if he could."

I blink at her, a bit taken aback. Perhaps that guy's remorse really is strong and genuine, though at the end of the day it changes nothing. This makes me have more complicated feelings about him, so I don't dwell on the thought. Instead I ask, "If you don't mind me asking, why did you run away? I mean, follow him and all." I'm pretty sure she's not the kind of person who would blindly follow someone to the other side of the world just because she is in love with them.

She takes a while to reply. Meanwhile, I drink the Pepsi with one hand, and tickle July's neck with the other. He swats my hand away and makes a cross sign with his arms, but I do it again, and he giggles.

That's when Nova speaks up. "No particular reason. I just wanted a change of scenery. Experience new things. Since he was fleeing, I saw that as an, um, opportunity? My parents are quite liberal, contrary to popular Asian stereotypes. They want me to learn from hardships. I'm still in regular contact with them by the way."

That's truly the most unexpected answer. I assumed things must not be going well in her home. So all I can say is, "Wow, that's . . ."

She nods, pursing her lips. "My father was a Literature teacher. Mother's a theater actress. Both free souls with heavy imaginations. So, naturally." She shrugs, a gesture she does quite often it seems. "I do miss them sometimes. Maybe one day I'll go back."

"But what about your studies, then?" Since she was the class president, doesn't that mean she was a student with good grades?

"Lost interest," she shortly replies. "Or rather, never had interest in the first place. Studied hard only because some people bullied me in middle school. No one bullies someone who gets good grades."

That's not always true. But then again, I do think there are many who got bullied much worse than me in my school. In comparison, the things I faced might just fall under minor disturbances.

That was probably because Dawn was there for me.

I slowly nod, curious about what plans she has for the future, but not feeling enough closeness to ask. I'm almost sure there is a lot more to it than what she is telling me. No matter how much studying doesn't interest you, dropping out of high school to run away with your ex-lover and living so poorly that you have to resort to stealing, feels like quite a wide river to cross for a fruitless journey.

We don't talk much after that, but a comfortable silence remains between us. There is no pressure from either side to carry on the conversation. She speaks less, and hence she has a calming presence. However, the mood shifts when I hear the sound of a bike approaching closer.

It's Rain, as expected. When he notices me, he pulls the brakes and almost topples forward along with the bike, managing to balance himself at the last minute. He is again wearing a red beanie to cover his hair. There are bandages on his cheeks. He doesn't bother to park the bike and just throws it to the side, before slowly walking over to the three of us.

"What's . . . going on?" he asks, but I can't tell who the question is directed at because of the sunglasses he's wearing.

"He said he wants to talk to you about something." Nova gets up. Without another word, she heads back in to the RV.

Rain stands there for a few seconds, before proceeding to sit down. His posture is stiff, he can't relax. I wonder if he's scared of me. July leans his temple against my inner thigh, his face directed the opposite way.

Taking off his glasses, Rain clears his throat. "What is it?" The flirtatious, humor-filled tone he used with me when we first met has completely vanished since our second meeting. Under different circumstances, I would've missed that self of his. It was more natural.

For a moment, I stare at the back of July's head. Then I ask, "You . . . have never gone back to your house ever since you ran away, did you?"

He rubs his index finger with his thumb. "I was about to. But before that . . ."

I'm still not sure I entirely believe him on that. Still, I say, "Hale is buried in your family graveyard."

At this, July sits up straight, and turns his head back to me. His face says he was not expecting this topic at all.

"Yes, it's the tradition," Rain replies, letting out a quiet sigh afterwards.

"But they don't let in non-family members. A lot of people who know about Hale's case came to visit his grave, but they weren't allowed in."

"You want me to make sure they let you in?" Rain asks at the exact same moment a look of realization spreads across July's face. He turns ahead.

I nod. "And also, everything people bring for him him, should reach him. I understand that you would not want to meet your . . . meet that man, but-"

"It's okay. I will do it." He leans against the chair and closes his eyes. "It's the least I can do for you, after all."

I wish he acted more shitty, so it could be easier for me to hate him. In response, I only say, "Alright." Once again, a thanks almost slips out, but I hold it in.

After a moment's silence, it's Rain who says, "Thank you."

"What?" I raise a brow.

He smiles. "I'm glad to know that there was, and always will be, someone who gave him the love he has always deserved."

----------------------

"Not that way, Cedar. The left," July says from behind me.

"Ah, no. Let's not go home right now," I reply, cycling towards the main road again.

"Then where?"

"Just nearby."

He doesn't say anything else. The thing is, ever since we left Rain and Nova's place, July hasn't spoken a word. I expected him to have something to say about my request to Rain, but now I'm starting to think maybe he isn't happy with that request at all. Is it because I'm asking help from Rain? Or is it because he doesn't want me to come visit his grave? I can't figure it out. But before I have that conversation, I want to cheer him up a bit.

I remember, back when we were home, I had once taken July out on a so-called bicycle date on my classmate Lydia's purple bike. I remember July had loved it so much, though he couldn't feel the wind. That event feels like it's from an era long past me. But today, on Tiara's red bike, I will try to recreate it and make him happy again.

When we reach the main road, as desolated as always, I begin to pedal faster, and his grip on my shoulder tightens. I inhale the air coming from ahead, and it's so much more cleaner and fresher than the city's. Keeping my eyes squinted, I stay on one side of the road.

"Wait, Cedar- hey, don't go so fast!" July shouts over the wind.

"Why? Don't you like the wind?" I shout back.

"Yeah but, aren't you feeling weak? Isn't your head aching?"

"It's fine! How are you feeling?"

He doesn't reply for a while. We pass monotonous sceneries of trees and greenery, a stark contrast to the diversity of the cityscape from our last bicycle date. My current self, too, is a stark contrast to the me from back then. Not to mention how July and I are now much more intimate. Because at some point of the ride, his hands came off my shoulders, only to wrap around my waist. A tingling sensation originates from the areas of contact, diffiusing all over afterwards. The wind hits my face, messing up my hair all over, but my legs move on their own accord, pulling us forward in this seemingly endless road.

I slow down a bit, wondering if maybe he is saying something quietly but I can't hear him well. But he isn't.

At some point, I feel him rest his head on my back. That's when he says, his voice close to my ear, "It's not that I'm sad, Cedar. I was just thinking. Or more like, arranging my thoughts. Sorry if I worried you."

Ah, he figured out my purpose. Of course. "I thought . . . maybe you are mad about what I said to Rain."

"Why would I be mad?" His arms tighten around me. "You thought of something even I didn't. Even after I'm gone, you want to keep me in your memories, you want to visit me. Isn't that such a blessing? I'm sure, not every grave in this world gets a visitor, especially a visitor who loved them when no one else did."

"You . . . you are perceiving this too deeply," I say, my heart aching at his words, yet swelling up with warmth.

"But that's how it is, Cedar. With the kind of life I have led, I have learned the value of being grateful for the tiniest act of kindness. And what you have done, and want to do, are so much more than that. And-" He pauses, then says, "It's just that . . . I have run out of words of gratitude. It feels like nothing I say at this point would ever truly convey how I feel towards you. It's all gone terribly beyond the limitations of language."

I grip the handles of the bike tighter, my heart pacing up along with my legs. Cheeks warm, I start going faster again, as if running away from him, though he is sitting ride behind me, as close as he can. I hear him chuckle, and my embarrassment deepens.

Luckily, he doesn't make a comment about it. Instead, he says, "Thank you, Cedar. It's not enough, but thank you."

I half-turn my head back and smile. "You're welcome. And it's enough. You don't have to say anything massive or heavy, because I know already. I know, because I feel the exact same way towards you."

I see him smile from the corner of my eyes. Just as I turn ahead, he again puts his chin on my shoulder, then places a short-lived kiss on my cheek.

My hands lose control on the bike, and it starts going wayward, until it almost tilts to the side. July stops it with his leg, laughing like there is no tomorrow.

"Woah! Did it really surprise you that much, darling?" he asks in between laughters.

I try to calm down my pacing heart by taking deep breaths as I say, "Are you out of your mind? Who does that so suddenly!"

"So you want me to do foreplay before a kiss?"

"July, you fucking-" I hit his stomach with my elbow.

"Language, Cider Locktree! And do you know that there are literally people out there who have a kink of getting blowed while driving. Like is that not some next level-"

"Shut up! Or I'll dump you here and leave." I straighten the bike and put my foot on the pedal.

"Okay, okay, but it's true! And you can't even handle a kiss while driving a bike. I didn't even kiss you on the lips, and I most definitely didn't touch your Little Bu-"

"Literally shut up right now, I'm being serious."

"Okay, I'll shut up now. God, you're no fun. And you're going all red, darling."

"Don't call me that!"

--------------------

By the time we reach home, it's almost evening. We were both in a good mood, ready to take some rest. However, the moment I stand in front of the entrance door, I hear yells coming from inside. As well as the wailing voice of a child.

Aris.

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01-05-2022

This chapter caused me a month-long of writer's block, because I had to rewrite the last scene again and again and still couldn't get the scene I wanted. I wanted there to be a happy scene where they bike on an uphill road and then slide down, but I overestimated myself. Because I absolutely suck at writing scenes with lots of action. I suppose, there's a reason why I'm a literary fiction writer.

But that scene was still so beautiful in my mind. If I ever manage to get it out, maybe I'll post it as an extra. Though it's the kind of scene that will look the best in film, which will never happen lol.

Thank you so much for reading. Please take care.

— love, Poma