10th August, 2019

Right now, July and I are on our way to retrieve my stolen phone.

At first I told July that he doesn't have to come, that it's only a matter of exchanging and object and that's it. I said that mostly because July doesn't seem to like that guy very much. But he vehemently refused, saying he will come with me.

It doesn't take long for us to get there. From a distance, I already notice someone standing there, facing the pond. But it's not that pink haired guy from yesterday, it's a woman. Probably the girl named Nova, who was the one behind the main deed. That's good news. I honestly don't have the energy to deal with that guy right now.

Hearing me come, she turns around. That day, her black hair was up in two ponytails, but today it is loose in waves. She is wearing a blue jean jacket over a tank top, but she is only wearing half of it, while the other half is dangling behind her.

"Right, it's you," she says. "We meet again, I guess." She had used the Greenwoods accent that day, but now she's talking normally. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a phone. The size and the silver body looks exactly like mine, but I would still have to confirm. She holds it out to me. "I'm sorry for stealing it that day. It was a desperate measure. And also the way I acted. You were probably humiliated. I was, um, I was high."

No wonder. Her voice sounds way different from before. Can't believe she was driving while high. I take the phone from her hand without a word and turn it on. The wallpaper of three lines from Emily Dickinson's Open Me Carefully pops up on the screen, which is what my last wallpaper was. I check the location of my apps and some other things, and finally confirm it's my own phone.

She says, "Do check your messages later. There are some, uh, I think there are some important ones you missed."

Probably from Edgar, or maybe Dale. I can't imagine it being from mom, but a part of me is starting to hope so. I look at her. "Is that why you didn't sell it?"

She rubs her arms. "Well, I am not a monster."

I nod, then hold out the guy's phone to her.

"That was smart of you, to take that," she says with a small grin. "If I know him right, he must have told you there is something personal in it that you can blackmail him with."

"He said there are naked photos of you."

A disgusted expression spreads on her face. "Well let's just say he's said worse lies." She rolls her eyes.

That goes well with his persona. I nod and say, "Well . . . okay then." A thank you almost slipped out, but why should I?

She nods as well. "Peace. And uh, please don't tell on us to the police or uh, whoever, I don't know. We've stopped. We both have part time jobs now. Miss Livvy arranged a job for us both. You went to her wedding yesterday, I heard."

"Yeah. Good."

"Kay, bye." She turns around and walks back into the forest. I put my phone back to my pocket and turn to the way I came from, but I find July standing there with an awestruck look on his face, brows creased, his wide eyes following the girl.

"July?" I whisper, so she doesn't hear. "What is it?"

"That's-" He points at Nova. "That was- I think that was . . ."

"What?"

"That was her. The class president. From my school." He seems to be more sure of it after he said it out loud.

"Eh?" I look back at the girl, whose figure has gotten smaller now. "Are you sure? What should she be doing here?"

"I don't know. I just- I'm pretty sure it's her. Her face is super familiar without the sunglasses. And she always used to wear her jacket like that even back then."

A gasp escapes my lips. "Wait, then she's the one who, about you—?"

"Yeah." His hand moves to his mouth. "If it's true . . ."

Without waiting another second, I start running in the direction she went. "Wait, Nova!" I scream, and see her stop in the distance. She turns around, a confused look on her face, and waits for me until both July and I reach her.

"What?" she asks while I pant. "Do you have something else of his?"

"Are you . . ." I take a deep breath. "This might be a weird question, but were you the class president in your high school?"

Mild surprise flashes across her face, which already gives me my answer. "Yeah but, how do you know? Don't tell me you're someone from my school. God." She facepalms.

"No, I'm not but-" I look at July, who, instead of paying attention to the conversation, seems to be deeply lost in thought. "But like, you were the one who . . . you know, put out all that evidence about Rain Castleton, right?"

"Ahh." She scratches her temple with her index finger. "Yeahhhhh, umm, that was me. Avonlee. That's like, my name backwards. Lee Nova."

"Her name wasn't Nova, I think," July mutters.

"Is that your real name?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Nopes. My English name is Heide. Few people know my Korean name." July nods in recognition to that. "Wait, does that mean you know about Rain too?"

"What about him?"

"Ah, you don't. No never mind. He's-" She shakes her head, suddenly looking alarmed. "Uh, no, nothing. But yeah, uhhh, where was I? Right, how did you recognize me?"

"I . . . well, I am a- I was a friend of Hale's . . ." Right then, July grabs my arm, very tight. Yelping in pain, I look at him. I discover with much surprise that there is blatant fear flooding his eyes.

"Let's go back home, Cedar," he says.

I frown and give him a questioning look.

"What happened? You okay?" Nova, or Heide, asks.

But I focus on July, trying to understand what he means.

"Cedar, please," he says, his voice shaking. "We don't need to talk to her. Let's just go back."

Suddenly, it all clicks in my mind. My heart begins to pacen up, my head turning into a mess as I connect the dots. The pink hair. The excessive makeup. The scarf to cover the neck. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God.

I look at Nova. "It's him, isn't it?"

"Sorry?"

"That pink haired guy. He's Rain, isn't he? The real Rain Castleton."

"N-no?" She looks around. "What are you talking about?"

I gulp, feeling July lightly pulling me from the side. But I free my arm from his. My eyes twitch. I think my blood is starting to boil. "Stop lying," I tell her, keeping my voice calm. "I'm sure it's him."

She tries to laugh. "You can't prove that."

"Why are you trying to protect him?" I ask. "Don't you know the things he's done to Hale? Don't you know he is one of the reasons why Hale was-" I bite my lip.

"Protect him?" She lets out a scoff. "I'm literally the one who exposed that piece of shit to the entire internet."

"Then take me to him. Right now."

"Cedar, what the hell will you do? Let's just go back!" July insists.

But I don't listen to him. "Take me to Rain. I-" My breath gets hitched. I clear my throat. "I need to ask him about- about Hale. Or I'll never be able to move on."

She stares at me for a while. Then she asks, "How do I know you are really Hale's friend?"

I frown at her. After coming up with a bunch of stuff, I start, "Hale told me you and Rain dated until you transferred, and even afterwards you two remained in contact. Hale liked Moon, and he told me how, when Rain found out about it, Rain immediately asked her out just to spite him. Hale met with Moon a day before her death. None of these information are on the internet."

She blinks at me a few times. "Wow okay. I wasn't expecting that." She looks a bit troubled as she says, "Then . . . let's go."

I take July's hand at my side and begin to walk, but he doesn't move. He is looking at the ground, still scared. I don't understand why he would be scared of that piece of shit, when all he should feel is hatred. I tug at his hand. When he looks at me, I pass him the thought, "I know you want to know his side of things."

He hesitates still, but ponders over what I said. A look of defeat crosses his face. He closes his eyes for a few seconds, then nods.

So we start following Nova through the forest. We walk in complete silence among the trees, not following any kind of trail. She doesn't look back even once, one arm of her jacket swinging from left to right as she walks. After about five minutes of walking, a part of me begins to wonder if she really is taking me to Rain, or whether she is trying to get me lost in the forest again. But after a while, I notice a white RV in the distance, and two chairs sitting in front of it. I don't know much about RVs, but it looked pretty old and ragged. And it seemed pretty small for two people to live together in. But I suppose that's a minor inconvenience compared to paying rent.

She opens the door of the vehicle and gets into it, asking me to follow. When I go in, I hear a familiar voice from inside ask, "You back, Hui? Did he give you my phone?"

She doesn't reply and just walks through the narrow space in between all the things inside the van and goes to the other corner, where I suppose the bed is. For such a small space, it has everything one would need to live. A small kitchen counter on the side with a single stove, a gas cylinder under it. A sink right beside, with two unwashed plates and two spoons. Two wooden cabinets on top of it. A study table with clothes scattered on it instead of books. I notice a big pink kite on the table, and immediately recognize it from the one I had seen that day from top of the hill. A small window, in front of which there is a tubbed plant sitting, eating sunlight. There's a mini-fridge on the corner, and a door opposite to the bed where I assume is the bathroom. An adequate living arrangement. It doesn't stink or anything, which means they probably keep it clean.

I stay in my spot, still clutching July's hand. When I glance at him, I find a mix of fear and anger swimming on his face. Fear. I never considered the prospect of Hale being scared of Rain. The sight is so pitiful, it aches my heart.

The bed is hidden from view by the table and the fridge, so I can't see Rain yet. Nova, who has her arms crossed on her chest, points at me to him with her eyes. His face pops out from behind, and our eyes meet. Now that I know this isn't just some flirty guy but one of the many reasons behind why July can't be with me forever, I feel something snap inside me, the fingers of my free hand dig into my palms.

"Woah, what the-" And he hides himself again, inaudibly whispering something to her. I see him reach for a shirt from the table and hastily begin put it on.

"He knows," Nova tells him.

"What?"

"He knows that you're Rain."

Silence. That's when I walk over to the bed and stand in front of it. My heart does a massive jump, as I see his whole face for the first time, without the makeup. The deep brown, almost black eyes, now wide with surprise. The round nose. The moles on his neck. Even with the pink hair, he is a carbon copy of July. In the last month, every single detail of July that I memorized by heart just so I can hold on to his image for the rest of my life—all of it is present in him.

I turn my eyes away. My temples are throbbing. I think I'm gonna go insane. July's grip on my hand tightens.

"What- what's going on? I'm really confused," he says, looking from me to Nova.

"He is a very close friend of Hale's," she explains. "He knows everything about him, about us, even about Moon Casenova. In other words," she sits down on a chair in front of the window, "he fucking hates you."

He gulps, and looks down. Then he quietly gets off the bed, and stands facing me while he buttons the remaining part of his shirt.

I glance elsewhere as I say, "You . . . really look exactly like him."

"Ah, I'm- I'm sorry." He grabs a scarf from the bed and wraps it around his neck to hide the moles. He parts his hair properly on both sides and pulls his bangs behind his ear. That makes him look more like July, but he probably is thinking in terms of Hale, who covered his face with his hair. I wish he would just put on that mask from yesterday.

For a moment, all four of us in the small RV remain silent. Rain keeps his eyes on the ground. I see his hands balled into fists.

"Cedar . . . " I hear July say, his voice shaky. Maybe I really shouldn't have come here, especially not with him along. I can't imagine how he feels, seeing this guy standing right in front of him. I should've thought this through, but I acted on an impulse.

But since I'm here, I might as well get it over with. So I clear my throat, and say, "I just want to ask . . ."

Rain raises his eyes.

"What-" There is a crack in my voice. I take a deep breath. "What did Hale ever do to you?"

Rain closes his eyes and purses his lips inward. I can't bear to look at him too long, so I turn away.

After a few seconds of silence, Nova speaks up. "Go on, tell him," she says, almost in a mocking tone. "Tell him your pathetic reason."

"He did nothing to me," Rain finally replies, looking straight at me. "Absolutely nothing."

"Then why did you treat him like this? Just why? If you just- he didn't ask for much. He never wanted anything more than just to be a little bit loved. He never did any harm to anyone. If he- if he got just a little bit of support from you, he wouldn't need anything else. It would've been enough to help him continue living. Because he tried so hard, he tried so hard to stay alive. If you were there for him, just one person, then he would be alive today. He would be- he would . . ." My hand moves to my mouth, because an involuntary sob escapes from it. I realize my cheeks are already wet, and through my blurry vision I can see him looking at me with great pain. A part of me wants to slap him for that. What does he know of pain? Has he felt even a fraction of what my July had to go through? My head is hurting so much.

I turn around and walk to the door of the RV, putting my hand against the wall to steady myself. Just the sight of that guy makes my stomach churn. Just the thought that this guy will be walking around the earth carrying July's face with him makes me want to throw up.

"I told you we shouldn't have come here," July says, his own eyes on the verge of tears. He doesn't sound mad, but he's shaken for sure.

I wipe my eyes. That's when Rain speaks up from behind me. "I'm not giving you excuses."

I don't look back, but July does.

"Nor am I trying to justify my actions. But I assume you came here despite your hatred towards me, because you wanted to know my side of things. So please, let me tell you."

I glance at July and mouth, "Do you want to know?"

He ponders over it for a while, and then he nods.

So I say, "Go ahead." But I stay where I am. I really can't bear to look at him.

After a while he starts. "Hale . . . didn't know this. But we aren't the biological kids of our parents."

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04-03-2022

My loves, third update of today, because I had time for the first time this year. Next chapter will show a complete picture of Hale and Rain's case. I hope you will enjoy. I know all of you already guessed it was Rain, though I really wanted to make this a plot twist. Maybe I will edit it in the future in that manner. Thank you for reading.

— love, Poma