I am shaken awake from my dreams. "Cedar Cedar, I think grandpa's having a heart attack."

I snap my eyes open, finding July's panicked face hovering over me. For a moment I consider the possibility that I might still be dreaming, but July shakes me more and tells me to get up. So I do while rubbing my eyes and ask, "What did you just say?"

"It's grandpa." His voice is shaking. "I think he is going to have a heart attack soon. He needs to be hospitalized right now!"

My head goes blank. "Wha- I- what do you- I don't- what am I supposed to- ?"

"You have to g-g-get up and you have to tell them- you have to explain it to them just- come on!"

It seems like neither of us are able to think with a clear head right now, so I quickly get off the bed and follow him out of my room to grandpa's. There I find the old man lying on his bed, eyes closed and brows furrowed. His face looks wet.

My eyes widen. "Oh God, is he-"

July shakes his head and begins to talk very fast. "No, he's still breathing. But he is sweating all over. And look at the thermometer beside his pillow. He has a high fever too. I saw him tell aunt Sayu last night that his chest is hurting so he thought he is having gastritis. And then he took an antacid tablet. But I don't think it's- he is probably going to have a heart attack soon or he has already had a very small one and another one might happen soon-"

"Okay okay calm down calm down." I grab his arm to steady him. "Okay I got it, I'm gonna go wake uncle Ray up. Oh my God."

Everything happens very fast afterwards, without a single moment being wasted behind panic and confusions. After I wake up uncle Ray and aunt Sayu they quickly give a call to uncle Ray's childhood friend Lucas Jenkins, who comes over with his car to take grandpa to the hospital. Tiara and Aris had also woken by then, and Tiara wanted to accompany them to the hospital. But aunt Sayra tells her to take Aris to school and watch over Aurora, so she has no choice but to stay back. When the first rays of the sun pours into the Emmens household, it only makes the apprehension floating in the air more visible.

Tiara is still a little shaken up, so July and I take Aris to school. It is only a fifteen minute walk from home. On the way Aris asks me if grandpa will be okay. I only tell him to hope for the best. That doesn't seem to lift up his mood, and I know he would rather hear something like, Of course, he will be completely healthy in a few days. I don't know. I don't have too much knowledge about heart attacks. But I do know that my maternal grandmother, who mom had cut off contact with, passed away from heart attack though she was hospitalized quickly. I also know that matters of death are unpredictable; human lives like brittle leaves that may fall off any moment from the lightest breeze.

The thought of something happening to grandpa makes my head all disheveled, like how I had felt when I overheard Edgar and sister Elysia's conversation back in the Conways' house. But I push the thought away. I don't have the courage to dwell on it. I glance at July. He is walking with his head down, hands shoved into his pocket. He looks very distracted, hasn't uttered a word this whole time. The incident must have shook him up the most, since he was the first one to notice something was wrong.

After we drop Aris to school, we start to walk back the way we came.

"Are you okay, July?" I ask, moving closer to him.

He doesn't reply for a while and just keeps walking. I have gotten used to the scenery of the forest now, yet it makes me feel something the monotonous city scene never could. It's the way the songs of the birds can be heard with so much clarity, the way greens and woods capture my vision wherever I look, the way the air smells so soft and pleasant, the way everything is always so thriving with life.

None of this will be effected if someone passes away today.

I put a halt to that thought once again. I need to stop thinking like this all the time. It will end up destroying me from the inside. So I focus back on July, who still hasn't replied.

"July?" I lightly hold his arm to get his attention again.

He closes his eyes for a few seconds, then opened them back. "I think I was too late."

"What do you mean?"

"I suspected it last night. I should have told you immediately. Grandpa's been feeling especially unwell for the past two days. He's been in his room the whole time."

Now that I think about it, Tiara had told me how grandpa himself wanted to show me his garden library, but he's been feeling a bit sick lately so he couldn't. I didn't pay much attention to it. He is quite old, after all.

July continues. "And gastritis isn't like that. All the signs of heart attack were right there in front of my eyes, and though I doubted it, I thought I was thinking too much. Ugh, Cedar, I really should have-"

"July." I stop walking and make him do the same. He turns to me, a troubled look on his face. "Stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault!" I say with exasperation. "No one takes fevers seriously. Everyone thinks chest pain is because of gastric. It's so normal to sweat in summer. The fact that you were able to detect it itself is amazing. It could have been much more late, but it isn't because of you."

"But what good would that be if something happens to him?"

At first, I don't know what to reply to that. Just when the look of despair on his face started to deepen, I say, "If something happens to him, it won't be your fault. But if nothing happens to him, it will be all thanks to you. July, you are seeing this in a completely wrong way. I will hit you!"

The last sentence makes him let out a small laugh. "You will hit me?"

"If you test my patience," I say firmly.

He nods with a smile and pinches my cheek  "Okay, noted." Then he starts walking again, and I do the same.

When we reach home, Tiara was on the telephone, holding Aurora in one arm, while the receiver is pressed between her ear and shoulder. With her free hand, she is repeatedly punching her lower stomach for some reason. Probably it is hurting out of nervousness. Fear coils around my heart, because there is no doubt the call is from the hospital, notifying Tiara about grandpa's condition. Tiara only replies with hmms and okays, so I can't get an idea of what the other side is saying. When she puts down the receiver and turns to me, I wait for her to give me a news that will shatter me.

Tiara lets out a sigh. "Thank you, Cedar."

"Huh?"

"You were right. Grandpa had- no, was about to, I guess? He was about to have a heart attack. Anytime now. The doctor . . . he said we are lucky to notice it so quick."

I glance at July, who has a hand over his chest and a look of pure relief all over his face. It makes me let out a sigh of relief as well. Too bad I am getting the credit for what he did. "How is he now?" I ask.

"They've admitted him. He is mostly out of risk. Needs more check-ups."

I nod. "That's good. You take some rest, then. It's been a hectic hour."

"Yeah. And- umm . . ."

"Hmm?"

"Never mind. Br-breakfast?"

"Ah, I'm not hungry. You feel free to eat."

"Oh. Okay." She nods several times and walks back to her room very slowly. Her walking posture seems a bit off.

Not paying much heed to it, July and I go back to our room. As soon as he enters, he flops down on the bed with a loud groan.

I close the door behind me. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Oh you don't say." He rubs his face. "I was dying inside."

"Umm, about that-"

"I knowww."

We both laugh. It's crazy how we can laugh about something like this. I get on the bed and stretch my limbs. "Oh man, that was one hell of a way to start my day."

"I know right? Especially after how romantic last night was."

My face heats up. "Wha- romantic? Seriously?"

"What? You were the one who was like come closer, July~ weren't you?"

"Fuck off!" I kick his shoulder. "You're not supposed to bring up stuff like that!"

"Why not?! It was a special moment, we should talk about it more!"

"Hell no. Oh my God, you're such an idiot!"

"I just-"

"Cedaaaar!" I hear Tiara scream.

July and I immediately freeze, and for a moment just stare at each other. Then we jump off the bed and head out of the room straight to Tiara's. I find her sitting on the edge of her bed, head buried in her arms. Aurora is sleeping peacefully on the pillow.

"What is it? Are you okay?" I ask, looking around to see if she got hurt. Nothing like that is visible.

"There is an emergency," she says, eyes on the floor.

"What? What emergency?"

"I've-" She closes her eyes, balls her hands into fists, takes a deep breath, and says, "I've run out of pads."

"You've run out of what?" I ask dubiously, only to be slapped in the arm by July.

"You know, the-" she bites her lips, "you know, like, sanitary napkins."

Not even the heart attack made me feel as unprepared as this sudden declaration. Fumbling for words, I ask, "So like- you- so, right now you're . . .?"

"Yes!" She isn't meeting my eyes. "Papa usually- he isn't here now- he usually gets them for me. But now I need you to go get it."

"From where?"

"The store?"

Still not believing my ears, I turn to July for help. But he's not there. When I look down, I find him on the floor, holding his mouth and trembling as he laughs. When he makes eye contact with me, he lets out a loud wheeze and lies down. Probably the hardest he has laughed since we met. First Edgar, now him—I am surrounded by the most ridiculous people. I want to kick him like a football and see how he laughs then, but right now I've got a woman to help but I have zero idea how.

I turn back to Tiara. "But how- I don't know how to- money? Where is the store? And what kind of, I don't know, isn't there a lot of brands . . .?"

"Yes, I'm gonna tell you everything!" she snaps, and I hold up my hands defensively. She must be annoyed at how clueless I am. Not a good example of a man. "Get me a paper!" she commands.

And that's how my Mission BUY A PAD starts. She draws me the map to the convenience store and writes the name of the brand she uses. She tells me there is a bike at the back of the house and I can take that to reach the store faster. At first I tell July to stay home in case Tiara needs some sort of help—she is a spacehead after all—but then July tells me how if she is alone at home she will probably do private things openly. The thought shocks me to my core but he's right. So he too hops on the red bike and together we head to the store following the map.

"This reminds me of our bicycle date," July tells me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Except this is a mission, not a date."

"Aww, cute little Cedar going on a mission." He pinches my cheek from the back. "Aww."

I roll my eyes. This is kind of exciting if I'm being honest. A new experience at least. "You're suddenly obsessed with my cheeks."

"Because you're getting cuter these days!"

I only shake my head. He's probably the only one who will ever call me cute. Cycling through the uneven path of the forest is a little difficult and requires stronger pedalling, so by the time we get out of the forest into the main road, my thighs are aching terribly. But I still pedal faster thinking of how much discomfort Tiara must be in right now.

It takes us about five minutes to reach the store. We get off the bike and enter. It is a fairly large store with four white shelves in a row. There is soft music playing from the reception area, behind which stands a girl who seems to be my age. Her curly brown hair is in a thick braid. She takes one glance at me before turning back to the magazine she's reading while bobbing her head to the song. If it was a guy I would probably ask him where I can find pads, but I decide to find it myself.

I gesture at July to check out the first and second aisles while I go to the third. Ramen, pasta, chips, vermicelli, canned foods, and different types of mixtures sit on my right side. The left, however, is filled with toiletries like shampoo, toothbrushes, toothpastes, mouthwash, shaving creams, and such. So I figure the pads will be in this shelf as well. After looking through it, I spot the packets at the very bottom.

So I squat down to take a look at them. There are so many brands, and so many different versions of the same brand. How do people choose which one to use? Either way, Tiara has not only specified the brand but also the time 12 hours. Once I locate the pads of that brand, I start to read through the body of the packets to see if any of them mentioned the word 12 hours. When I don't find any like that, I start to become nervous.

I look around for July, but don't see him anywhere. Maybe he got distracted in another aisle. I was about to get up to go find him, when I hear someone ask, "Need help?"

I look up. The girl behind the reception, her arms crossed, is standing there with a look of amusement on her face. Must be pretty entertaining to see a guy cluelessly shopping for pads. I decide to get her help anyway, wondering if July deliberately left me alone so that he could watch me struggle. I show her the paper. "Have you run out of these?"

She leans forward and reads it. Then she jerks her chin towards my hand. "That's what you holdin' right now."

"Eh? But it's not 12 hours."

She laughs. "It is. It's written in the back. All of 'em are 12 hours. No one uses anythin' less than that these days."

"Oh." I read the back of the body and indeed find a clock symbol under which the word "12 hours protection" is written. Protection from what, exactly? Oh wait, never mind, I get it now.

So I stand up. "Uh okay, I'll take one of these."

She nods. "C'mon then."

I follow her to the counter. While she checks the price, I move a few steps back to look for July. He is in the second aisle, inspecting something with focused eyes. That part of the shelf is filled with stationeries, so I suppose he is looking at paint brushes or something like that. Hmm, maybe I should buy one for him. I still have quite a lot of money left since we didn't have to stay at a motel. Maybe I should surprise him this time since the candle thing failed.

"Need somethin' else?" the girl asks.

"Huh? Ah, no, not now."

She puts the package in front of me and tells me the price. As I'm handing the money to her, I get another thought. "Wait, is there anything that can reduce the pain?"

"The pain?" She raises an eyebrow. "Ya mean them period cramps?"

"Ah, yes."

"Well, heating pads work for me." She shrugs. "Doesn' really reduce the pain but relieves it to an extent, I s'pose."

"Oh, is that-" I almost asked her if heating pads are a specific type of menstruation pads before I realized of course it isn't. Those are completely different types of pads, used to warm up hands and coats in winter. God has given me a brain but sometimes I really forget to use it. "I mean, uh, I'm gonna take one of that too, then."

"Kay." She goes to get it for me.

That's when July pops back on my side. "Found it?"

I nod, but don't say anything since there are cameras. Instead, I inspect the things at the counter. Magazines and leaflets. A DELL computer. A small blue speaker from where the music is coming. A plastic basket filled with hairbands, ribbons, and hairclips. A minishelf filled with chocolates. If I brought more money with me, I could buy one for Aris. But then again I don't know what kind of chocolate he likes. There is also a donation jar. On the body, the words YGBTM is written.

When she comes back with the heating pad, I ask, "What's this donation box for?"

"Oh, for the YGBTM movement," she says while placing the heating pad in front of the barcode reader. "Awll the money collected here, I donate 'em straight to the Josephine Youth Organization."

"The YGBTM movement? What's that?"

She gives me a weirded out look. "How do ya not know? Ya look my age."

"Ah . . ." I rub the back of my neck. "Have been off the radar for a while." Missing a day on the internet must be like missing a month in school.

"Woah." She tilts her head while counting the money. "So you dunno? The movement that started after Rain Castleton's suicide? Aye but then again, he ain't Rain Castleton apparently. He was Hale Castleton, the twin brother. Crazy, I know, but yeah ever since then the movement kinda flared-"

"Wait wait, hold on a sec." I blink rapidly, and July stands up straight, his eyes widened. "How do you know that? About the- the Hale Castleton thing?"

"Aye?" She frowns. "What do ya mean? Everyone knows."

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hello lovely readers!

remember that when Cedar and Tiara first talked, Tiara was on her periods? Well, this is how you know a month has passed since then 💀 I had fun writing this chapter. I think I'm falling in love with Cedar while writing, how embarrassing 🙄

Anyways thanks a lot for reading! Next chapter I'll give some insight into the YGBTM movement that sparked because of July. Since I plan to base most of my stories in Pomaland, you will always see the multifarious influence of this movement in those books.

Take care of yourself, or else 😡🔪

— love, Poma