A/N: Bland writing in this chapter, so sorry :< just wanted to get it out there. Will hopefully rewrite it soon enough.

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6th August; Thursday

I open my eyes to a gray world, hazy and serene, and feel cold fingers softly brush through my hair, like ice smothering my scalp. Blinking, I look up and see him, my object of wonder, staring down at me with a beautiful smile.

He asks, "Are you awake?"

I shake my head, my eyelids closing as if pulled down by a magnet. I huddle closer to him, and express a silent gratitude to God for keeping the place under my head soft. Sinking into the space between the pillow and his thigh, I then slip back into slumber, bliss fluttering in my heart, warmth diffusing through my bones.

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My sleep breaks to the song of the chirping sparrows.

When I open my eyes, sunlight greets me to announce a new morning. I squint at it, then stretch my stiff arms and legs. My left shoulder is aching for some reason, but it will probably go away soon. A yawn escapes my lips, tears coming along with it.

"Are you awake now?"

I blink a few times, then turn my gaze upwards. July is sitting right beside me, his brows raised. What a wonderful feeling it is to see his face as the first sight after I wake up, just like how I would see Dawn's face back then.

"Now, as in?" I ask, moving my neck side to side to get rid of the stiffness.

"You woke up once before, then just went back to sleep without saying anything."

"Really? I don't remember." I sit up and stretch some more as another yawn makes my mouth open wide. I glance at the wall-clock over the mirror, striking just two minutes past 7. "Eight hours," I say.

"Hmm?"

I turn my head back to look at him. "I got exactly eight hours of sleep, for the first time in God knows how long. Probably for the first time ever. The perfect amount of sleep." Normally, I would get only 4 to 5 hours of sleep after studying late and waking up early for school. To make up for all that lost sleep, I would roll in bed for more than 10 hours during the holidays. I don't think I've ever gotten a perfect 8 hours of sleep, not to mention such a peaceful, nightmare-less one.

His eyes move to the clock as well, and a smile spread on his lips. "That's true. Well done, I guess?"

I only laugh and grab my shirt, which is lying on the other corner of the bed. I vaguely remember feeling a bit too hot last night and taking it off. As I'm buttoning it, I suddenly remember something. "Oh," I turn to him, "how are you feeling right now?"

"About what?"

"No, like, you weren't feeling well the past few days, right? You became weak, couldn't walk properly and all that . . . how do you feel now?"

"Oh, that." He moves his arms and his shoulders. "I feel pretty fine, actually. I mean, I swam with you last night, and felt completely energetic while doing so. So yeah, I am getting better now that I'm in a good mood."

"Glad to hear that."

He nods. As if having a second thought, he adds, "Thanks for asking."

I nod at first, but then frown at him. "Um, aren't you being a bit formal right now?"

"Am I?" He scratches the back of his head, looking away. "I guess it's because . . . I mean, we haven't really talked much in the past few days. Normally, at least. Maybe that's why."

"We . . . talked a lot last night, July." After coming home, I told him all about my beekeeping adventures over a warm cup of coffee aunt Sayra made for me, and he showed me all the drawings he did in the past few days to distract himself.

"Last night was different! It was like- like the catching-up phase. Ugh, now I feel a bit awkward."

I frown again. July, feeling awkward? July the pervert, feeling awkward? The equation doesn't match. But I only shake my head, seeing where he's coming from. "Well, it will get back to normal sooner or later, I guess."

"Mhm, exactly."

I stare out the window, at the forest that stretches ahead, a repetitive pattern of trees that never feels boring. The stunning greenery of the leaves, combined with the burnt umber stems and branches, the dappled sunbeams on the ground beneath, and the little birds flying all around—I feel like I can take in all these details for the rest of my life without ever getting tired of it. I say, "It's such a beautiful day today."

"It is, isn't it?"

"I've been here for four days already. It's the first time that the scenery feels so . . . I don't know, rightfully pleasant?"

"I get what you mean. It's the same for me, to be honest." He moves to the window. "The past few days, it's like I perceived the world only in shades of black and white. And today, all the colour has come back all of a sudden, and it all feels so unusually vibrant." He rests his chin on the window sill, letting his arms dangle over it.

"Mhm, maybe this is what happiness feels like?" I move to the window as well, and sit beside him.

"Maybe." He smiles, eyes fixed ahead.

I stare at him for some time, feeling almost stunned by his existence. The way I saw him yesterday under the moonlight feels so drastically different than the way I am seeing him right now, the golden sunrays kissing his pale skin, his long eyelashes casting thin shadows on his cheeks.

"Stop staring at me like that," he whispers after a while, snapping me out of the reverie. "It makes me nervous."

"Ah yeah- yeah, right. Sorry." I bite the inside of my cheek. To quickly change the topic, I say, "Oh, we're gonna check out grandpa's library today."

"Yes! New books!" He moves his arms up and down in excitement. But then he flinches, one hand immediately moving to his temple.

"What's wrong?" I ask, worried.

He rubs his temple with the tips of his two fingers. "Ah, just . . . I didn't tell you this but . . . I've been having a really bad headache since yesterday. Like, since after I got it back, you know? It happened when I lost it as well."

I move closer to him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't that bad yesterday, it just got worse overni- hey, you don't have to do that."

But I've already placed my hands on both of his temples and started to massage to the best of my abilities. "It's okay," I say, "it's probably because your body went through a change."

"Yeah, I think so too." He puts his arms on the sill and rests his chin on them. Closing his eyes, he says, "At least it makes me feel more human."

"I'd say you are more human than many humans, July."

He smiles. "You're quite good at this. Massaging, I mean."

"New talent unlocked?"

He laughs. Feels like it's been ages since I've heard it. In silence, we listen to the birds as the heat of the sun grows stronger against my skin. I continue to gently rub his temples.

After a while, he says without opening his eyes, "You were right, Cedar. This is really what happiness feels like. As calm as that."

I only smile. I wanted to tell him, it is happiness because it is temporary, July. But does it matter? Owning something good temporarily is better than never owning it at all.

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"Oh! Our dear Cedar lookin' quite happy today, I see?" uncle Ray says while buttering his bread.

I only smile in reply while chewing on my pancake. July is standing right behind me, just like he used to during mealtimes back home. The whole family is gathered here on the dinner table for breakfast.

"Maybe his stormy adventure last night lifted his mood, hmm?" aunt Sayra asks as she caressed my hair. I can't help but blush every time she does that. Dawn's mother used to do that sometimes, and I would feel so loved every time.

"This is how it is to be young, Sayu," uncle Ray says in a melancholic tone, shaking his head.

"Oh come on Ray, don't get all emotional now. Cedar is happy for the first time in a while, so let us all watch a movie today, how about that?"

"Yes!" Aris stands up from his chair in sheer excitement, the crust of his bread dangling from the corner of his mouth. "I wanna watch Boss Baby!"

"But you've already watched it," Tiara says, taking a sip from her chocolate milk.

"So what? Boss Baby is superior, and can be watched again and again and again and again and-"

"We get the point." Tiara rolls her eyes.

Grandpa speaks up, "But sweetie, don't you think we should instead watch a movie none of us have seen before?"

"But then we won't know whether it's a good movie or nah, grandpa! What if it's a waste of time."

"That is the fun of it, though." He smiles as he fixes his glasses. "There is something quite inexplicably beautiful about watching a new movie without knowing anything about it. It is exactly how our lives are. Every day is a new movie. We don't know what will happen, we don't know whether it will be good or bad or mediocre, we don't know whether there will be a huge plot twist, we don't know if we are going to meet an important character or just a minor one. That's what makes life so interesting to live! And what better way there is to experience so other than diving into a new movie blind?"

Aris nods intellectually. "I think ya make a very good point, grandpa. In fact, I think I agree with ya."

Everyone laughs at the sudden change  of opinion. Aunt Sayra says, "Well then, it's settled! Tia, my love, will you do the picking?"

"Sure."

"Tee won't even watch the movie, I'm tellin' ya," Aris protests. "She'll zone out again, just like she aw-ways does. Why should she get to pick the movie, Ma?"

I decide to tell Aris later, in private, that he shouldn't make fun about this. He probably doesn't mean any harm, but still. I don't know if Tiara takes it seriously or not, but there will surely be people who will be hurt by it. For now, I only say, "Your sister has a great imagination, Aris, so I think she will be able to understand whether a movie is worth it or not simply by seeing the title and the poster. Right, Tiara?"

She gives me a surprised look, then shrugs. "I guess."

"Well then, it's settled." Aunt Sayra herself sits down on the chair beside uncle Ray's. Just as she picks up her piece of bread, she exclaims, "Oh, I almost forgot!" She looks at me. "Cedar dear, you didn't happen to bring any suit with you from home, did you?"

"Hmm? Oh, for the wedding? No I didn't. I guess I won't be able to go then . . ." The thought disappoints me, because this is a wedding I truly want to witness with my own eyes.

"Eh, that ain't an issue at all!" uncle Ray says. "We just gonna have to rent 'em for ya. Plenty of shops in Greenwoods where we can do that. I'll take ya to one tomorrow to get your measurements, and ya'll be up and done, ready for the wedding. Ain't that great, child?"

I nod with a smile. "Thank you."

"Ya make it sound like it's his wedding!" Aris giggles.

I chuckle. "My wedding won't be nearly as revolutionary as this one." Because there will be no wedding to begin with.

"Revolutionary?" July asks from behind me. "Why is it revolutionary?"

"Revolutionary indeed," grandpa says before I can respond. "Didn't think I would live to witness a same-sex marriage in this country. Truly a blessing."

I hear July gasp, and hide a smile. I knew he would be happy hearing this. He brings his face beside me and asks, "Same-sex marriage?! You mean like a marriage between two people of the same sex?! You mean like a wedding of two-"

I clear my throat and nod, struggling to not laugh. I couldn't blame him for being shocked, though. Homosexuality itself is illegal here like most other Asian countries, so gay marriage is more or less still out of the question. It's probably gonna take years until that changes, and maybe I won't even be alive to witness that day. So when Tiara told me that Miss Sana's wedding, the one I got randomly invited to when I went to deliver honey, is with another woman (the one she lives with, in fact), I was struck speechless.

"Where?" July asks then, still in shock. "In which country?"

I simply shake my head and say, "I was wondering, how are they getting married? They can't legally register, can they?"

"Oh no, they're only doing the ceremony," aunt Sayra says. "Legally, they won't be considered wives, but they don't want some papers to affirm what they mean to each other! They want to have a normal wedding with a small group of people they trust, feel the ordinary happiness, and lead an ordinary life together."

"That's so heartwarming," I say.

"It certainly is." Uncle Ray laughs. "Lovely, lovely lady, Sana is. So full of fire! I wasn't the least bit surprised when she told us about her plans. Her to-be-wife too, I must say, such a nice person, all smiles and sunshine. They make a wonderful couple. It will be a pleasure to see them get married!"

I have no doubt about their kindness. After all, why would they invite some random guy to their wedding like this? It's dangerous too, because if someone reports them to the police, they could be taken to jail. The law that bans homosexuality because it "goes against nature's rules" isn't that strictly enforced in this country as some others, but that's usually because people are just really good at hiding it and the cases of reporting are very rare. But once in a while if such things are reported, I have heard about the law forcing those people into conversion therapies, which still exist all over the country. Otherwise, imprisonment.

The world really makes loving someone a crime.

"Cedar, am I hearing this right?" July pulls me out of my thoughts.

I slightly nod my head in reply. I wish I could talk to him normally here. It's difficult to respond like this.

"I can't believe this!" he says. "But then again, I also couldn't believe it when the 2017's Pride Parade happened. It's just so impossible to imagine it in this country."

He's got a point. The media collectively ignored the small Pride Parade that took place in 2017, so it didn't feel like a big deal. It was mostly arranged online. Even after the bombing incident, the media didn't talk much about it. Any discussion that took place were on the internet, and it was only a matter of time before the topic died out. Maybe it would've been more serious if someone died in the bombing which, thankfully, didn't happen.

"But I'm so happy, Cedar!" July puts his hands on my shoulders and lightly shakes them to and fro. I only smile. I wish I could turn around and talk to him face-to-face, but that might look a bit weird. "I died, then I came back to the world, and now I'm gonna get to witness this? This is crazy. Absolutely crazy. I knew it, you are my true lucky charm, sweetheart."

I feel my face warm up at the word sweetheart. When was the last time he had called me that? I don't remember. What I do know is that it just feels different now. Different to hear from his mouth, different to be addressed by so, as if the meaning and purpose behind those 10 letters changed drastically within the turn of a page. And though I will never admit it to him, maybe I actually like hearing it now . . . just a little bit, though. It's still pretty cringe, just like July.

Soon after we're done with breakfast, we all gather in the living room to watch a movie. Grandma included as always. Tiara chose a comedy movie named Shaolin Soccer, to further elevate the happiness that seems to be floating all around on this lovely early-autumn day. Aunt Sayra cuts watermelons and gives each of us a piece right before we start watching. When the movie begins, I start to notice everyone's different habits. I used to do that a lot whenever I watched a movie with Dawn. He got jokes too late, had a hard time connecting the dots, always cried at the end, and always said how he would rewatch it soon but never came around to.

In front of me today, I observe the other people I have loved since Dawn. This beautiful family, so overflowing with love and kindness for a stranger like me. I see how Aris asks too many questions though it's everyone's first time watching, while uncle Ray often laughs so hard that he nearly falls off the sofa. Grandpa and I watch mostly in silence, Tiara moves a lot and can't sit still, while aunt Sayra frequently makes comments on this and that.

As for July, he is a mix of all of those. Sitting right beside me, with an arm around my shoulder, I hear his pleasant laughter, his occasional psychoanalytical comments on the characters, and his predictions for the plot. Only I can hear them, and no one else. Which means everything he says, he says them for me.

As I'm watching the movie while chewing on the juicy watermelon, I realize just how good I feel. How good everything feels. And though I'm hyper-aware of the temporariness of it all, I also know that this little moment of happiness, I must cherish it while it lasts. This is not something the past me would have done. The past me would've worried of how the happiness will end soon, and it's only a matter of time until I crawl back to my misery. Today, I truly feel proud of myself.

Maybe Tiara's Bridgetown wasn't just a daydream, after all.

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hellooo

it's been a while. there was supposed to be another scene in place of the breakfast scene here, and i was STRUGGLING to write it, which is why it took so long. in the end i decided to omit that scene, and now we can finally proceed *sigh*.

just letting you know that things will be comparatively slow and filler-ish for a while now, because a lot will happen soon 👀 but hey, my most favorite chapter is coming up and im so excited!

thanks a lot for reading, and im sorry if this chapter was too boring/badly written. the next update will be soon. thanks a lot for sticking with me!!

—lots of love and warmth, Poma