Something unexplainable is happening to me.

The weight of the week-old baby suddenly feels like a truck carrying rocks in my arms. My vision is getting cloudy, my body feeling as if every inch of skin is being peeled off like a fruit. My head is losing all entropy, getting as disheveled as a train wreck.

I hastily hand the baby back to Tiara as though she is a piece of virus, excuse myself, and run inside. Something unexplainable is happening to me. The world is a blur all around, the walls closing in on me from every side, encapsulating me in a tiny suffocating space. After everything that's happened, I don't know why I am so severely shocked. All I know is that even if everything else is true, this . . . in no way, can this be true.

I head straight to the room I woke up in, closing the door behind me as I gasp for breath. Something unexplainable is happening to me. I crawl over to the bed and hide under the blanket, protecting myself from this hoard of demonic entities. How am I supposed to survive yet another terrible shattering reality?

I bury my face in the crook of my arms, blocking every particle of daylight out of my vision, embracing the darkness of my eyelids.

My body trembles. I didn't even feel this intensity of shock the day July came to my life for the first time. But now, the world is snapping in half, breaking into two, sky coming down to earth and earth floating up to the sky, all the rules that bind nature together falling away one after the other like consecutive pieces of dominos. Only one word can stop it all. One one word can bring everything back together, fix it, become the hero of this story, put an end to this hazardous train ride.

Coincidence.

Something unexplainable is happening to me.

I can't quite put it into words; perhaps due to my limited vocabulary, or because the words required to explain whatever is happening to me don't exist. Or perhaps I am just afraid to put it into words; afraid they're true, and at the same time, afraid they're not. But something unexplainable is happening to me, and I don't think I will be able to survive. The walls are closing in more now, crushing me, and soon I will be nothing but a mass of flesh and broken bones.

I feel the blanket over me slightly rising, and for a moment, I am paralyzed by a strange fear. But he whispers, his voice holding the softness of tender flesh of grapes, "Cedar."

"I don't know," I reply in a muffled voice.

Maybe he will say it; maybe he will say that word. The word that can fix everything. That word that can pull me out. But he says, "Neither do I, Cedar. But that's how it is. We can't know everything."

I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear that at all.

"W-what if-"

"We will probably never know, Cedar."

I shrink more, curl up in a ball. I stay like that for a long time, not falling asleep, and yet not fully conscious of what's happening around me. I don't even remember where I am. But I can see that baby– Aurora in front of my eyes, the way she clutched my finger and stopped crying, the way she blinked at me, the way she pressed her cheek against my chest and fell asleep. And her name. Aurora. Aurora means dawn. And Dawn wanted to name the daughter he will never have Aurora. Dawn wanted to be reincarnated as a girl.

"Even if we're born in two completely different corners of this universe, I believe we will still bump into each other one day. It's inevitable. Such is our bond."

This is too much. Too many things are happening to me at once. I just can't take it anymore.

A knock in the door is heard, but I have no energy to respond. Now that I think about it, I never had that glass of water I was planning to, and my throat is melting as if I've been drinking acid.

"Cedar, you should open the door," July says, his voice still where it was before. He hasn't left my side this whole time. I remove the blanket from over me, and find him lying right beside my pillow, head propped up on his elbow. There's still a safe distance between us.

I slowly get off the bed, and walk over to the door with weak, unstable steps, as if I am a child who is just learning to walk. I open the door, and find a red-haired man halfway to turning away. Hearing the sound of me opening it, he turns to me fully, says an "Oh!" and looks me up and down. "Oh, so you're the gay friend."

I don't have the energy to react. "My name is-" My voice comes out ragged, and I put my fingers against my Adam's apple and clear my throat twice. As I do, I find Tiara standing on the entrance door, carrying the baby in her arms. I quickly turn my face away. "My name is Cedar. Nice to meet you, sir." I hold out my hand.

"Ah! Aye aye." He takes my slender hand with his broad and warm one and shakes it twice before letting go. "Ya can just call me Uncle Ray. I'm Tiara's father, yeah? Nice to meet ya, Cedar!"

Tiara's father is a buff, muscular man, but seems to be only slightly taller than me. I can see a clear resemblance between him and Tiara. He has the same thick accent as Mr. Azim the bus driver did, but a much thicker voice. I suppose he smokes a lot.

He says, "I would like to say I have heard a lot about ya, but my daughter ain't the most talkative when it comes to her school." He sighs and looks over his shoulder to Tiara, who turns her eyes away and rocks the baby to and fro.

I only let out a small laugh, unsure of what to reply.

He frowns as he looks at me. "Is everything alright, Cedar? Ya look very sick, yeah? Are ya sick?"

"Ah, no . . . just a little tired." I can't meet his eyes for some reason, so I keep looking at the floor as I talk.

"I can see that," he says understandingly.

I notice him slightly shift his dialect to the more prevalent one in this country, that is the one I use. Aris did the same thing too. I guess they try to do that if they meet anyone from the city, though I can understand them just fine. But I also get why they're doing it. There's a common stigma in our society around regional dialects. A lot of people believe that only those who speak the city dialect are "educated" and "have class", whereas all the other dialects that prevail in this country are "unsmart" and "for the illiterate folk". Talk about denying your own culture.

Uncle Ray asks, "Do you wanna take some rest, yeah? But lunch's set on the table, so I thought ya could- you could eat with us first. Aren't you hungry, Cedar?"

Now that he mentions it, I finally notice the dull ache in my stomach, and feel the faint rumbling inside. But I have no will to eat right now, not at all. But again, it would be so impolite of me to say no, especially since I'm a guest here.

"Sure," I say with a small smile. "I will have something to eat first."

He nods, the lips under his bushy, red mustache stretching up to a wide smile. He puts his arm around my shoulder and says, "Just quickly have a few bites, and then go to sleep, hmm? Take a rest for as loooong as you want. Issyour home too, yeah? You look like you need some rest, aye. Like a lot." Now he's suddenly talking in a mixed dialect, which is a bit hard to understand, but I try my best to focus.

I simply nod. People are so kind to me for no reason. When I look behind me, I see July gesturing that he's not gonna join me. With a small nod, I head to the dining table with Uncle Ray.

I avoid looking at the baby on Tiara's arms.

------------

If I have to put it simply, Tiara's family is somewhere in between Dawn and Edgar's ones.

There is a mix of the loving and calm atmosphere of the Ambers' household and the chaotic and hyper atmosphere of the Conway's one. Probably because Ambers are all introverts and Conways are all extroverts, but there's a mix of both in this family.

After a quick glance-over of the interior of the house, I count four bedrooms. The dining room is in the central space of the house, and there is a living room right beside the room I woke up in. It's separated by curtains, but I can make out the sofas and a TV through the gap. The three other bedrooms are all side by side on the other corner of the house. The interior is rather simple, no extra decorations anywhere, but the woody atmosphere somehow feels very calming.

"Cedar, do you want some more soup, my dear?" asks Tiara's mother, Aunt Sayra, while re-tying her blonde hair in a bun. From her accent, it's obvious that she is from the capital city, probably from a rich and highly educated family too. Unlike Aris or Uncle Ray, she can talk in my dialect perfectly. There is more physical resemblance between her and Aris than Tiara, with them sharing the same dark eyes and slender body figure.

I politely shake my head to her question. I'm already having a really hard time finishing the portion I took. Just thinking about any more food than this is making me sick. I say, "I'm good, thank-"

"Ma, Tee stole my tomato!" Aris complains.

"I didn't steal it, I just borrowed it," Tiara defends, rolling her eyes.

"But ya didn't ask my permission!"

"Aye!" Uncle Ray slams his spoon on the table. Then he softly says, "Honey, ya should awl-ways ask for permission before borrowin'."

"Awright, fine. Just take it back, for Chirst's sake." She takes the piece of tomato out of her mouth and politely puts it back on Aris' plate.

"Ma!" Aris screams, horrified. "Did ya just- did ya just see what she did?! Send her back to the city, she's disgustin'!"

"Aye? Who's the one who calls me every single night when I'm in the city 'cause he misses me? Hypocrite."

"Ma! She called me a hippo!"

"Not a hippo, hypocrite-"

The Ma in question lets out an exhausted grunt, then looks at her husband with a strong glare. Uncle Ray quickly takes a banana from the basket on the table. Holding it up, he says, "Stop it, both of ya, before I kill ya with this banana." At this, both Tiara and Aris giggle, and Uncle Ray joins it too.

Then Aunt Sayra turns to me and says, "I sincerely apologise for my kids, dear."

I quickly shake my head. "I don't mind at all." I probably mind just a little, only because I'm too exhausted to have patience with loud sounds. But in any other situation, I would thoroughly enjoy the atmosphere.

"So, how did you end up all the way down to Greenwoods?" asks the person who's been quiet so far. Tiara's grandpa, Mr. Rick. He isn't uncle Ray's father, but aunt Sayra's. No one told me that, I just figured it out from how similar they are in terms of both looks and personality. He wears thin gold glasses, and his head is bald in the middle.

I finish chewing the rice and say, "I ran away from home." I figure there is no need to lie to them. It's not like they know my home number or anything. They can't call my parents and let them know I'm here.

"Why?" Aris asks. "Were ya abused?" I feel a pang in my chest hearing that.

"Aris," Aunt Sayra says in a tone of warning.

"What? He could've been abused 'cause he's gay. Not everyone's nice like us."

"Did you get a secret mission to save a bunch of kidnapped teenagers, who also happen to be queer?" Tiara asks curiously.

"Umm . . ."

"Do ya wanna be employed in my shop?" Uncle Ray asks. "I sell the darn best honey in all of Greenwoods! And also other stuff."

"Nobody wants to work in your bee shop, Papa," Aris says, rolling his eyes exactly like his sister. I just realized their pronunciation of 'your' sounds like yaour. It's so interesting to notice things about how different as well as similar our dialects are.

"It's not a bee shop, issa honey shop!"

"Bee shop sounds like bishop," Tiara inputs.

"Oh dear Lord," says a distressed Ma while rubbing her forehead. But there's a small smile on her face. She knows how her family is, but she doesn't really mind it. She loves them still. Why wouldn't she? At least they don't neglect each other.

"Ma, give me more rice." Tiara holds out her plate.

"No, dear, ya shouldn't. You're gainin' a lot of weight." I'm not too fond of the way she speaks in the dialect with her family members but not with me. It makes me feel like an outsider. But then again, I am one.

"Whatta ya on about, Sayu?" Uncle Ray puts down his spoon and takes Tiara's plate. "My princess will eat as much as she wants! Seconds, thirds, fourths, ya name it. She'll become big and cute like me. Our teddy bear."

Tiara laughs. It's my first time seeing her laugh in all the three years we've been in the same class. But then again, I never gave her much attention before. "That's right, Pa." The two of them do a high-five.

"Tee's the ugliest teddy bear ever," Aris comments with a grin, obviously wanting to get a reaction out of his sister. But Tiara doesn't hear it, because of course, she is back to zoning out. "Oh, there she goes again. Papa, you ought to take her to an exorcist."

"My daughter is completely fine-"

Grandpa Rick clears his throat once, and the whole table goes silent. They begin to focus on their foods. Grandpa says, "Y'all are doin' a darn bad job at makin' our new member feel included. Is this what I taught ya all these years?"

"Oh no it's- it's okay, grandpa. I'm not feeling, um, excluded at all," I hastily explain. Though I have to admit, I also don't feel the same kind of inclusion as I felt with the Conways. But I don't blame them. This whole family seems to have a problem of getting easily sidetracked, with Tiara being the president of it. Moreover, it's not like I'm particularly close to Tiara either, so there's no reason why her family will give me extra care. That's fine with me. I say, "It's just been a little while since I've came here, and all of you've been so kind to me already. That means a lot to me."

Silence stays for a while, broken by the sound of Uncle Ray sniffing. I glance at him and see him wiping a drop of tear from the corner of his eye.

He says, "Whatta wonderful young man." Another sniff, and a shake of head. I'm too baffled to say anything. "How could my daughter say all of her classmates suck when this young man existed?"

"I never said all of them sucked," she replies. "Most of them do. He's not one of 'em. But he's too popular to be my friend." She jerks her chin to me.

"Popular? I'm not-" I stop midway. Everyone in our grade knows me, even the students from other departments. But most of our classmates don't know Tiara, or gave much crap about her absence. So I guess compared to her, I'm just a bit more well-known. That's probably only because of my grades though. "I'm not popular at all."

"If only you knew how many times your name pops up in the girls' washroom."

"Eh?!" That's so horrifying. Why would they talk about me in the washroom? I mean, they can talk about whoever they want, but why me? I have done nothing but exist.

"Okay okay, give that poor guy a break," uncle Ray says, holding up his hands. "He's gonna get overwhelmed. He's tired awlready!"

"That's right," grandpa says with a nod. Then he asks me, "Will you tell us why you ran away?"

I only reply, "It's a bit personal."

"That's 'kay, totally," Uncle Ray says.

Grandpa nods. "Well, doesn't matter. Now that you're under our roof, you're also an Emmens. As in, you're also part of the family now. Hence," he smiles, his wrinkles deepening further, "welcome home, dear."

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18.05.2021

hello everyone!! :)

I hope you understood what I indicated with Aurora. However, I'm not going to confirm if Aurora is really Dawn reincarnated or not, so that's up to you. It's certianly more joyful to see it like that tho :)

Do you think Cedar's reaction in the beginning of the chapter was too extreme? I wanted to show how this occurrence, that might not even be true, is much more shocking to Cedar than July's appearance. Because, well . . . it's about Dawn! But how would you feel if you found yourself in a situation like this?

Also, what do you think of Tiara's family?

The thing about regional dialects being stigmatized is something you'll notice in Bangladesh society. A lot of people from all around the country come to Dhaka for taking the university entrance exams and also for jobs. It's hard for them to pick up the Dhaka dialect (aka the standard one) quickly. And I've always seen others always insult these people, classifying them as "unsmart" or "less educated", as in unworthy of living in the modern, high-class city that Dhaka is. It's truly disgusting. Regional dialects are also a part of our culture!

Anyways thanks for joining my Ted talk, and also for reading this chapter. Things have been going rather fast lately, so next chapter is going to be like a filler. But it's still one of my most favorite chapters, so I hope you won't skip it. Take care of yourself, don't forget to drink enough water, don't skip any meals, and be kind to others :)

— love, Poma