I used to think Dawn and I would live forever.

With the assumption that time will stretch on endlessly for us, we would dream dreams of a colourful future. Sitting in Dawn's room, listening to music, we would often talk about many of the things we would do when we are older; when we have more freedom. From simple things like taking a stroll on the beach at midnight, to nearly-impossible things like taking a trip to the moon on a spaceship shaped like a dolphin — with Dawn, my imaginations could soar beyond limits. They would defy all rules and barriers that chained my body to the cold and hard ground, sometimes to the point that the unrealism of them would be hilarious.

Out of the many rebellious things we hoped to do, running away from home was one that would often come up.

Dawn had no reason to run away from home, becuase unlike me, his home really was his home. But he once told me that if I wanted to run away, he would be my partner in crime. But only for a while. Somehow, at the end, he hoped that he would be able to convince me to come back. And together we would come back home, carrying a bag of memories that would shine in dazzling glitter forever in our hearts.

Dawn allowed me to dream. Dawn allowed me to fly. Dawn allowed me to breathe. Dawn allowed me to live.

But it's all gone now.

Or at least, I thought so.

Until a certain person came to my life.

All the times I imagined running away from home, I would either be alone, or I would have Dawn with me. But tearing apart all the things I ever learned to believe in, right now, the one walking beside me is a soul trapped between heaven and hell for giving up on his heartbeat after years of suffering I can only dare to imagine. He is invisible and non-existent to every human in this world but me. He doesn't eat or sleep or breathe. Water and temperature cannot touch him. He has the looks of a high school prince and the behavior of a stupid toddler. 

And moreover, he is a pervert.

"Why is he looking at you like that?" He grabs my arm and scoots closer, keeping his eyes glued to a bony drunkard passing by. "He looks like he wants to eat you! And by you, I mean specifically your jingle-"

"Stop." I roll my eyes and sigh. Literally no one is looking at me like that. I don't have the energy to protest about these things anymore. Putting my phone to my ear I say, "They're used to seeing me here. They won't do anything. And can you please stop clinging to me like a 12-year old?"

"What?" He leans his head back and turns to me with disbelief in his eyes. "I'm trying to protect you from sexual predators!"

"And what can you do if someone does try to harass me? You can't even touch other humans."

"Well, I'll . . ." He scratches the back of his head with his other hand. Then he nods and replies, "You'll feel more safe if I'm close to you like this."

"The only thing I'm feeling is annoyed."

"Hmph! You don't know what you've got unless it's go— Oh my God, why is she looking at you like that?" He points at a slender, dark skinned woman standing in front a dirty shack, her cat eyes regarding me with curiosity. I quickly turn my gaze away. Then July turns into an Englishman and says, "Blimey, how in the bloody hell am I supposed to protect my Little Buddy 1 from the lustful gazes of men and women? Bit hard, innit?"

I stifle a laugh. Passing the alley which seems to get dirtier everyday, we reach Edgar's house. I have been breathing through my mouth because of how intolerable the smell is.

I don't want to go inside as his parents will probably force me to stay over for dinner. So I call him and tell him to come out. After about two minutes, he does.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asks as soon as he does. He is wearing a white shirt which is not ironed and has been washed too many times. His golden brown hair is dripping wet, suggesting he just took a bath. He eyes my heavy backpack. "Why do you have a bag? Are you going somewhere?"

I hand him the paper bundle of the manuscript of Flames Of Desire. "Er, give this to Mr. Craig tomorrow."

He takes it with a frown. "Okay but, where are you going?"

I scratch my temple. "Uh, on a trip."

"Eh? Why all of a sudden? It's not vacation season. Did someone die?"

"No, um . . . " God, I thought he wouldn't ask so many questions. I decide to be honest with him, since he will obviously understand if I lie. "I'm running away."

"You're what?" He gives me a dubious look, jaw dropping down to his Adam's apple. "You're ru— what? The fuck?" He shakes his head. "Did your Mom kick you out?"

"No!" I sigh. "I just– I need to get away for a while."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

He scoffs dramatically. "You think I'll let you?"

I sigh. "I'm not alone. I have my imagnary friend with me." I point at July, but to Edgar it probably looks like I'm pointing at the house opppsite to theirs.

Edgar glances to where I pointed, nods, and says, "You're alone."

"Okay, listen, Evren—"

"No, you listen, goat. If Auntie's super mad and you don't wanna go home, you can stay here. Or I can call Lexi — they have a guest room. But in no way are you leaving the fucking town just because you got 78 on Pure Maths."

"It's not because of that." I sigh again. I need to give him a proper, believable explanation. "Look, there's this place Dawn really wanted to see. So I want to go there for him."

For a moment, he hesitates. Then he says, in a softer tone, "Okay, but, you can go there after you become an independent adult. You kinda have a whole life ahead. I'm sure the place isn't running away from it's, well, place."

"No, you don't get it. I have to go now because–" I take an exasperated breath and exhale in a sigh. How the hell should I say it?

The biggest reason that drove me to take this decision, is that I want to spend my time properly with July, who will be leaving soon. Every second with him is so precious, and I can't let it waste away. 21 days are already gone, most of which I spent in school or studying. And if I stay, the remaining 19 days won't be much different, perhaps be worse.

"Ev, can't you just trust me? It's just for a few days. I'll be back and I'll be fine."

"This isn't about trusting you, dumbass. This is about you not getting yourself killed. Do you have any idea how hard it is outside, all by yourself?"

I need to furnish my argument skills, because I'm obviously losing this one. July nudges me and says, "Emotionally blackmail him."

I hold myself back from giving him a surprised look. I tell Edgar, in my best pleading voice, "Edgar, please just let me do this. I need to get away from here, or I will go insane."

He opens his mouth to protest, but then closes it. He clicks his tongue annoyedly. With pursed lips, he thinks something. He sighs, and I know I've won. But then he suddenly smacks me with his towel and screams, "Can't you settle for a single name?! Edgar, Evren, Ev — what the fuck? Indecisive bastard." Sweeping his hair back with his fingers, he asks in a normal voice, "Do you have enough money?"

"Uh, yeah. A lot." From the books my mother sold, and my own savings.

"What about food?"

"Well, I'll just buy–"

"Wait here." He goes back in. I glance at July, who shrugs.

While we wait, he looks all around him. He says, "This is a completely different planet."

"I thought the same thing when I first came here."

I see a naked toddler rolling on the dirty ground giggling as a young girl tickles him, a smile filled with joy on her face. I see a group of pre-pubescent boys playing a game with stones on the ground, using a hurricane lamp for light. Only then I notice that this area is facing load-shedding. How is it all still so bright? Then I see : the candles, the lamps, the lanterns and the torchlights are illuminating this alleyway during this dark night.

I see two women cooking dinner on earthen stoves outside the messy shack that is their home. The drops of sweat on their faces gets visible in the fire's glow as one of them chops brinjals in an admirable speed and the other turns the brinjals on the pan with her hands instead of using a spoon or something. I notice her burnt fingertips in the light of the fire, but she doesn't seem to mind. They chat as they work, laughing occassionally.

There is a sinister yet hopeful beauty in this scenery of brightness and laughter amidst the darkness and sorrows.

Only the people in this corner of the world—the working class of the society—are capable of being a part of this beauty.

"Cedar, do you think money can buy happiness?" July asks rather abruptly.

Quite the controversial question. I reply, "I don't know. Money could have saved Dawn. The only reason why his family is drowning in regret right now is because they didn't have enough money. Maybe money can buy happiness."

"Hmm . . ." July crosses his arms, a thoughtful expression on his face. Then he says, "For most people, happiness doesn't mean saving the life of someone they love. It means living in a mansion, having a Lamborghini, getting served by maids, and wearing diamond jwelleries. I believe, as long as you run after the right happiness, money is important. But people run after the wrong type of happiness, and by the time they realize that the only thing they have been chasing this whole time is greed and mental unrest, it is already too late." He turns to me and smiles. "Just a little theory I have."

I consider what he just said. His wisdom often surprises me, and I know I can never argue with it. Whether rich or poor, having more money is our only aim in life. Those who don't have that aim are happy, and those who have that aim for a good purpose are also happy. So I nod and say, "The latter kind you mentioned, I don't think those kind of people even realize they've been running after the wrong happiness until they are behind the bars or in their deathbed."

July laughs. "That's true. That's why they are pathetic."

Edgar returns. He holds out a polythene bag filled with various snacks to me. "You're gonna have to live in minimalism if you wanna save money."

I look at the bag. "I can't take this. Your family needs it."

"Nah," he dismissively replies. "There is enough for Edith and Eve. We can go by."

"But—"

"You want me to call your Mom and tell her you're here?"

I sigh. "You're making me feel guilty."

"Oh yeah? And you think I feel amazing sending you away to possible murder from poison berries in the bushes beside a highway?"

Oddly specific. I only say, "Thank you so much, Evren."

He doesn't make any remark on the name. He only rolls his eyes and says, "Whatever. Do whatever you want. Die if you can. But don't you dare ghost me. Keep your phone on." He turns to leave, but again looks at me and says, "If you die, I'll kill you."

So much contradictions in his sentences. "I'll be fine," I say with a smile.

He sighs and mutters under his breath, "Dang, you're really leaving me alone like this. Bastard."

He doesn't wait to listen my reply, and goes back inside his house, leaving me feeling even more guilty.

"I'm not leaving him alone . . ." I mumble.

July wraps an arm around my shoulder and says, "Dude, we can still turn back. I'm telling you. If you don't want to do this, let's not."

I shake my head. "I don't wanna go back on my decision."

He nods. "Come on then, let's go. The bus will be here soon."

"Yeah." I look at the Conway's small, cramped residence once before turning to leave. I wonder if one day I can do something to improve the living condition of this area completely.

"But hey."

"What?"

"If you die, I'll kill you — what a romantic line!"

"No."

"Yes, in my head, you two are already marri– oh shit, why is she looking at you like that? She looks like she wants to give you a blo—"

"Please, stop."

------------------------

I call Alex first.

She picks up on the second ring. I tell her I'm going to be out of town for a while, so to make sure Edgar doesn't feel lonely, she should try to keep him company during lunch and after school. She agrees without question, but asks me if everything is alright at home. I give her a vague answer and she takes it though she was obviously not convinced.

I call Daisy next. I would have called Louis, but he has his own group of friends and I don't think he will be able to watch over Edgar for more than two weeks. While the call is going, I glance at July, who is standing beside the bus stop, keeping a watch on the road. I am sitting on the blue painted bus stand with a roof overhead – the place where I had listened to a song of Gregory Alan Isakov for a few seconds with a complete stranger. The sky overhead has turned into a lovely hue of pink and orange. When I glance at July, I see him staring at his favorite sky, hands shoved into the pockets of the black sweatpants he has been wearing since the first day.

She finally picks up. I request her to sacrifice her secret time outside class for a while and remain with Edgar during class time. I was sure she wouldn't agree at first, but she agrees immediately. Looks like she is quite nice, indeed, albeit a little scary. But then she says, "Only 'cause his brother's hot. I wanna know more about Eden."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Well, do you know anything about him?"

"Umm . . ." Perhaps I shouldn't tell her about the addiction. "He likes rich people."

"Amazing! I'm rich. Looks like I stand a chance. Thanks, Lockwood. Peace." Then she hangs up. I didn't even get to say good luck.

"How did it go?" July asks, sitting beside me.

"They both agreed. I hope he won't feel lonely now. Maybe he will even get a chance to get closer with Alex."

"Hmm, that's good, then."

I turn my head sideways. "Say, July, were you always planning this? Running away?"

"It was more like a last resort, I guess. I fully believed that we won't have to, because things were going pretty well until the . . . until today. But now we have no choice."

I lean my back against the seat and cross my arms. "How do you think it will help with the wish?"

"It's simple. Both you and your mom need some time alone. Both of you need to think properly about everything. And you can't do that if you're near each other. You will see that it's easier for you to not consider your mom into every equation when you're away from her. And your mom, she will be shocked from this decision you took, and think through everything she has done. It will be easier for her to set aside her insecurities and truly think about you. Basically, both of you need a break."

He smiles at me. "And on the mean time, the two of us can have some fun! See the outside world together. You'll never be this young again, after all."

I nod with a smile. He put so much thought into everything. He is really good at understanding human psychology, it seems. I think of the sentence from Dawn's wish — "You have to make sure he understands all the possibilities life holds for him; how being alive is much more than having a beating heart." Maybe, outside the cage, I will finally find out how huge the world is, how filled with limitless possibilities, how there is a wider space for hope than I initially thought, and how living in it can be such a precious gift.

I say, "I wonder how this journey will go."

He nods. "It will be hard, but I'm sure at the end, it will be worth it." He pats my head. Then he looks past me and his face lights up. "Oh, the bus is here!"

I turn my head the other way and see the bus coming. My heart starts to pace up. This is really the real thing. I put my hand on my schoolbag, which I have filled with a few clothes, money, toothbrush, toothpaste, two water bottles, a soap that I cut in half, July's sketchbook and paint accessories, The Handmaid's Tale Dale gave me, and of course, Dawn's copy of the Norwegian Wood.

The purple local bus with white stripes stops in front of us, and the door swings open, inviting me in. The bus will take me to the train station, where I will hop in a train for the first time ever in my life. July stands up. He turns to me and says, "Come on, Cedar. Let's go on a trip we will never forget."

I smile at him, feeling more sure of my decision. I stand along with my bag and the one containing Edgar's snacks, and take a deep breath, inhaling the air of the town I was born and caged in for the last time before I leave.

My turn to fly has come.

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hellllllooooooo lovely people!

hope you're all doing great. im writing a lot these days so i feel wonderful. doesn't seem like school's gonna open and that's so amazing, cuz i love staying at home. although at the same time im also sad that i missed the entire last year of school but oh well, to gain something, you have to lose something.

also, i said in the last book that the chapters will be shorter in this one. it's the first chapter and i had to review the last book as much as possible here, so it stretched on a bit too long. i think the next chaps are comparatively shorter :)

have a great day. take care. stay safe. keep smiling. cry when you're sad.

— love, Poma