Hi, GhostsInsideOfMyBed , thank you for waiting. Your Pinot Noir is finally ready. So sit back, enjoy, and let's get this show on the road.

First impression...

The cover is attractive, and it caught my attention right away. There is a nice mixture of fun and mystery that alludes to what your story might be about. The one critique I have would be to try and see if you can adjust the font style and color of the tagline and the author's name so they wouldn't look so cluttered and hidden. I can see the title just fine, but the tagline and name seem to blend right into the graphic. Other than that, everything looks good.

Your summary, on the other hand, is quite vague. There is barely anything about the setting and the characters, and not interesting enough to pique my interest. From what you little information you've provided, it sounds just another cliché romance/chick lit on the bookshelf. Therefore, it would help to add more details to make your story stand out.

About your story...

With her job on the line, Aaliyah Zarren, a PR executive, is given a chance to save her career when she is tasked by her boss to rope the biggest yet most elusive potential client: Octavio Castellano, an up-and-coming artist/entrepreneur who hates PR with a passion.

The story kicks off with a tense yet somewhat humorous scene of who would get the ax after an email leak resulted in the loss of a major client. If I have to be honest, the story is not off to a good start. The pace feels rushed and frankly, a bit disorganized. It's like you're trying to create the fast-paced work life in a PR firm, but you seem to have forgotten that the central core is Aaliyah, not what's around Aaliyah. One of the things you need to consider is the purpose of the chapter. Is it to present the main character? To introduce the characters who will be featured throughout the story? To show an event that triggers the plot? There should be a reason why this particular scene is happening, so focus on that, and try to filter out any irrelevant information.

The apartment scene that follows is more laid-back. Although it showcases Aaliyah's personality outside of the office, the sudden change of pace makes the transition a bit choppy. This is a problem I notice in the rest of the chapters I've read. Whether it's a time skip or a change in POV, the story doesn't flow very smoothly. As individual chapters, they make an enjoyable read, but when put together, it feels like I'm jumping from one set to another. It isn't until chapter six when Aaliyah and Octavio first met that I finally see some continuity, but everything before that is not well-organized. I understand the need to show readers the main characters' backstories before delving into the soon-to-be-relationship but make sure there is something linking everything together. Otherwise, you're just giving small glimpses here and there, but no direction as to where your story is headed.

You have an incredible way of writing descriptions. I love how you present them in a way that feels natural, and the way it blends in with the story. It allows me to visualize everything while I read. This is obviously one of your fortes, along with an excellent vocabulary range, so keep up the good work!

Aaliyah and Octavio

Aaliyah is an appealing yet sadly under-appreciated character. There are so many things about her that make her relatable to any working woman. She puts up a tough front, trying to show everyone that she has what it takes to succeed, all the while struggling not to show her scared and vulnerable side. Deep down, she wants to find someone she can rely on. When it comes to relationships, she wants to feel loved, but she doesn't want to risk getting hurt again. She is quite a complex character, which is what keeps me going despite the disastrous start in chapter one.

Octavio, on the other hand, is not that hard to figure out. He's your typical artists, heavy with emotions, which is why Mariana's betrayal messed him up, despite his efforts not to show it. Similar to Aaliyah, he puts up a stoic front, all the while trying not to keep people from knowing just how hurt and distrustful he feels.

These two are your typical broken people trying to survive in the big city. What I like is how they go about life putting on a show, even to their closest friends and peers, yet when they are together; they are comfortable enough to show each other their true selves. However, do make sure you strike a balance between the two characters. From what I've read, it looks as if Aaliyah has overshadowed Octavio, which in turn makes Octavio seem more like a minor character than one of the main characters, so watch out for that.

Grammar

There are some minor grammatical and punctuation mistakes, but nothing editing cannot fix. Do watch out for word repetition, as they can disrupt the flow of your story. The introduction of British characters is a nice touch, but if you are going to write their accent into the dialogue, be sure you do it correctly. I would recommend you listen to different English accents and dialects, settle on one, and build your character's voice around that. Otherwise, you will end up messing up the speech and phonetics, which in turn can make your dialogue sounding very strange.

Final thoughts

The personalities of the characters are distinctive, and despite a rocky start, this story has a lot of attention-grabbing details that would keep readers engaged. Story flow is something to be mindful of, but once you have that figured out, this can turn out to be a fantastic story.

Good luck with your writing! :)