Hi AnjelicaMoon . Thank you so much for waiting. Your Shiraz is now ready. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the wine!

First impressions...

Your cover is, for lack of a better word, outdated. It reminded me of those angsty and cringe-worthy fantasy/romance YA fiction from the 90's. The proportions with the fonts and graphics are imbalanced, as parts of the title are slightly cut off (which is a big no-no for me). The graphics are lovely in a gothic sort of way, though not something everyone can appreciate. Overall, it's not bad, but if you want to appeal to a broader readership, you will need to create something that is more in tune with the 21st century. I would suggest researching the supernatural genre in the '80s, '90s, and '00s. Compare the covers, and observe how the styles have transformed over the years. It would give you some insight into what attracts today's readers.

Your summary, I'm sorry to say, is a mess. The concept about the cranters is not something you can explain with just 2-3 sentences. So they're more complicated than vampires, so what? Many mythical creatures are more complicated than vampires. You'll need to be more creative than that.

Another issue is your focus point. I started reading your summary, thinking your story is about the cranters. Yet, you suddenly switch gears and talked about the Verklankin Snow family going on a camping trip before skipping right on to stressed-out vampire employees and killing and misunderstanding. So now I'm confused. Not curious, mind you, but confused. Because after reading your summary, I have no clue what your story is about, and honestly, I'm not sure if you know what your story is about, either.

Keep in mind that your main goal in writing a summary is to attract readers to your story, not condense your entire story into a short paragraph. So ask yourself this: What is the main idea of your story? Figure that out and focus your summary on that.

Plot development

At first glance, your story reads like a crackfic. If I'm reading it just for fun, then yes, it is entertaining. However, you did say you want to publish it. In that case, you need to pay attention to a few things.

The lack of description is a problem. It looks like you randomly stick one or two details here and there, but nothing concrete to build the world, a country, a town, or even a house. It's a shame really, since the supernatural genre is where you can let your imagination run wild, yet I see nothing of the sort. Even the camping site feels dull, and you could have done so much with it, especially the forest.

The story pace becomes very rushed due to the lack of description. There is not a lot of time for readers to digest what is happening. You jump from one event to another without pause. Often, the events are scattered all over the place. It looks like you are trying out new ideas all the time, but never pausing to consider how all of these ideas fit together. As a result, there is no structure in the storyline.

The transition between chapters is choppy. Other than the last two chapters where Holly was attacked by a cat-like person(?), there isn't anything linking them together, so most of the time, it's like reading five individual chapters instead of one whole story.

Of course, none of these are a big deal if you are writing a crackfic. However, you mentioned in your request form that you would like to publish it as a novel, so these are some things to take into consideration when you edit your story. Draft an outline of your story if you haven't done it yet. It will help you better organize your ideas, and how you want your story to take shape.

Character development

Character development, like the plot, is scattered over the place. There is no structure, no detailed description, and, like the plot, they are just a bunch of random ideas stuffed into different chapters. The dialogue is flat and uninteresting. There is no chemistry between the characters. The family dynamic in the Verklankin-Snow family is unexplored, making the characters very under-developed.

Usually, I would focus on one or two characters. However, I'm not sure who to pick. You presented a lot of characters, but none stood out for me, not even the protagonist. I would say they all have one thing in common: they have no purpose. Or rather, I don't see what their purpose is in the story. Who is the protagonist? Who is the antagonist? How are the characters related to the story? What is the significance of this character in the story? Just something to think about when you re-examine your characters.

Grammar

Your grammar is a big concern here. There are a high number of grammatical errors in your story, especially the misuse of punctuation. There are also quite a few spelling mistakes, fragments, and run-on sentences, which makes it hard to understand what is happening in your story. Given that you are already five chapters out, I suggest you take some time to read through your story and correct those mistakes.

Final thoughts

You have your work cut out for you. While I see a lot of fun and unique ideas in your story, it would be great to work out a way to make them all fit seamlessly into one big story.

Good luck with your story!