TW: Themes of depression, drug use, suicide, insecurities, physical and mental issues, and death

I slowly woke up as sunlight filled the small openings of my blinds, unhappy as I was interrupted from a dream. Dreams were some of the only things that gave me pure joy nowadays. It was beautiful. I was sitting on a carpet in a white void. Sunflowers spun around me, rising up. I looked at them in awe, seemingly put in a trance. I was watching them for goodness knows how long it felt before morning brought me back to reality. My brown eyes had dark circles under them, as I had gone to sleep at 4 am and woken up multiple times.

My older brother and sister ran into my room. The twins looked at me, still covered to my neck in my covers, my dirty blond hair tied in braids. I narrowed my eyes at them. "What do you want?" A whined. My sister, Effie, tilted her head. "Well, we got some tickets for a Vincent Van Gogh exhibit at the museum. Liam and I wanted to know if you wanted to come-" I immediately cut her off. "Van Gogh!? As in my favorite artist, Vincent Van Gogh!?" I asked, sitting up quickly. Effie smiled, seeing my expression being filled with my rare pure joy. "I assume you want to come?" She said. I nodded and jumped out of my bed. Liam grinned, "You get ready, alright?" They walked out, leaving me there.

I got into a gray plaid dress with very long sleeves and a bright sunflower stitched on the shoulder. I brushed my hair and kept it down. I pinned it back with a star pin. I put on white socks and stood at my doorway. It was like deja-vu. We did this all the time.

If my siblings and I wanted to go somewhere, either by ourselves or with our dad, the twins would go to Dad, who would most likely be drinking. They would ask if they could go somewhere, and he would usually say yes. We'd go out and come back when we wanted to.

Things had been hard since Mom died. She was the love of Dad's life, but she had a dark secret. I still remember the scene. My 6 year old eyes wide in shock as I stood stiff as a board at parents' doorway, as Effie was screaming at Liam to call the police from behind me. Liam suddenly snapped, "I'M ON THE PHONE WITH THEM! SHUT THE HELL UP!" Liam was usually so calm and collected. Hearing him scream like that made sob. I hadn't really been crying that much because I knew that this was bad, but I was so young so I just didn't understand. But I understood that my mother was gone. Even 9 years later, the memory was still burned fresh into my mind.  Dad had gotten addicted to various drugs and alcoholic beverages. He was usually drugged up or drunk, but we kept an eye on him and made him promise to never get so wasted he would hurt us. He might have been neglectful, but he loved us more than his drugs.

Effie and Liam came over back to my room and nodded. "We can go. Come on." Effie chirped. I walked over and followed my siblings. Effie and Liam were 20 and I was 15. Liam had gotten his driver license, but Effie was still learning. She had failed the first 2 times. She just couldn't grasp the concept that the stop sign meant to stop, and not full speed ahead.

We got into Liam's old, bright blue Volkswagen Beetle. I sat down in the back seat. Effie sat in the passenger and Liam sat in the driver's seat. "The museum is a while away. Take a nap, why don't you?" Effie said, craning her neck to look at me. I sighed but nodded. I laid down across the seats as the car gently rolled down the streets and I quickly slipped into sleep.

I woke up to Effie shaking my shoulder, trying to wake me up. I rubbed my eye groggily. I sat up and stretched trying to get what my mom used to call, 'The Sleeps' out. I slid out of the car and closed the door. Effie offered my hand for me to hold like I did when we were little. I looked down, pretending I didn't notice. She looked a bit sad and looked at Liam. He shrugged and motioned for us to follow him. I put my hands in the pockets of my dress and followed him. Effie and Liam chatted to each other, their contradicting personalities showing in the way they talked, their body language, and how they dressed.

Effie was the Sun and Liam was the Moon. She was bright, confident as Hell, and extroverted, loved talking to people, and loved to be in the limelight. He was laid back, insecure, and introverted, kept quiet most of the time, and was usually hiding behind Effie's back, but he was also funny and loved us two to death. Effie would wear bright colors, but rarely wore dresses unless we were at church. Liam wore hoodies, jeans, and baggy clothes, not really wearing fancy clothes unless, again, we were at church. Effie would skip as she walked, play around with her hair, and look at herself in every reflection she saw and make silly-stupid faces in them. Liam walked with his hands in his pockets, walked slowly, and looked down; and anytime he saw his reflection, he'd look away. She would laugh loudly and squeal slightly as she spoke about something she liked. He would talk quietly and giggle softly, covering his mouth.

But no matter their differences and no matter how much they fought because of them, they loved each other dearly. And they loved me, their little sister, as well; and I loved them too. Everyone thought we were just those weird siblings that always stuck together and no one could separate. And they were right. And we loved our title as "Those siblings."

We walked to the entrance of the exhibit and Effie showed the security guard our tickets. They let us in and we walked into a dark hallway. We walked through and entered a large room with Van-Gogh paintings on the walls. I looked up at my siblings, they smiled at me; Effie's wide and toothy and her braces gleaming in the light, Liam's soft and shy. I raced over, looking in interest at each painting. I could see the true emotion and sadness in each of Van-Gogh's self-portraits. The beauty in each sunflower. The life in every painting. I whimpered in disappointment as I could find my favorite painting of Van-Gogh and in the entire universe. 

I looked around and saw something that left me speechless in awe. They had made a 3d lifesize display of the painting, 'Bedroom in Arles'. I fought the urge to jump into the display and dance there, becoming one with it. I wanted to dance until my legs could no longer take it and I collapsed, but as I would fall, the floor would become paint and I would become, not a ridiculous-looking fool, dancing in an art display; but a person with meaning, dancing in the paintings, leaping from one to the other. Leaping through all Van-Gogh's paintings and dancing where no one would think I was insane or useless anymore.

But I didn't.

All my heart urged me to, my brain kept me rational. 'No, idiot. That would never happen. You'd  just be an insane kid spinning around in an art exhibit!' I thought to myself. I reluctantly tore my gaze from the display and walked off.

I saw a small dark room with a bench in the middle. The wall the bench faced was white with a projector, flashing pictures of all Van-Gogh's flower paintings. The was a 3d vase where the vase on the painting was projected. I sat down on the bench and stared at the projected images, wonder in my eyes as the flower paintings transitioned from one to the other. I stared at it for about 10 minutes until someone shook my shoulder. I snapped my head to who did it and was met with the gray eyes of my brother. He brushed some of his black hair from his face. "It's been 10 minutes. Are you alright little sis?" He asked me quietly. I nodded and stood up. Effie was standing at a doorway. She looked excited.

We walked over to her as she opened the door. It was a large room with sun chairs, benches, and carpets all around it. The room was very dark and my eyesight wasn't the best. Not 20/20 of you couldn't tell. My brother and sister led me to on of the carpets. We laid down, our heads put together as we looked around the room. Projectors around the room showed images on the walls. It was like the painting had come to life. It was Van-Gogh's last painting, 'Wheatfield with Crows.'  Projectors on the ceiling created illusions of large pieces of wheat on the ground. I looked around at it all in awe. I closed my eyes.

And with one blink, my life changed.

I opened my eyes and saw myself in a different world. Not just a different world, away from reality, but inside of the painting. Actually inside of Van-Gogh's painting. I stood up and looked around. "Wow..." I said softly. A piece of wheat fell on my head. I picked it off and looked at it. It looked like paint, but felt so real. My smile widened in my rare pure joy. I spun around. "Amazing!" I said looking around at the large wheatfield and farm, the latter of which I didn't recognize from the painting; possibly just an add-on for the world to be full. It looked like someone had taken a picture and put on a painting filter on it. I was the only thing that looked like it was from the real world and not the painting.

I ran through the wheatfield as pieces of wheat fell on me. I spun around happily and jumped up at the end of the wheatfield. I ran into the forest beyond. The wheat stopped falling and leaves began almost raining from the trees in the forest. I recognized it as 'Bos met kreupelhout.' I stared at the trees in awe. "Beautiful..." I gasped. Night slowly came over the forest and I kept walking. I found a path and followed it. It led me to a bit of ground-rasing with a large tree. A black cypress tree. I gasped with realization. I quickly climbed up the trunk and looked at the sky.

A gasp escaped my mouth. "Oh... My... Goodness..." I awed. The sky was the exact same as 'Starry Night.' It was more beautiful than I had ever imagined. My favorite painting in the entire universe. The dark town and magnificent sky contrasted beautifully. I started to laugh - something I rarely did - as I looked entranced at the sky. I laughed as tears rolled down my cheeks. My loose hair fell in front of my face and stands got stuck on my teary face. I felt my hand suddenly slip from the trunk and I fell. I closed my eyes, accepting my fate, but I suddenly woke up.

I sat up and found myself still on the carpet. I hit heads with my big sister and fell back down, rubbing my forehead where I hit. My siblings were sitting next to me. Liam was holding my shoulder, so I assumed he was shaking me to... Wake me up... Effie had been leaning over me, obviously freaking out as tears were in her eyes. I sat up again, slower this time, and Effie hugged me, practically sobbing. I was shocked. "W-what the heck happened?" I asked, quietly.

I looked around. People were looking at me in shock. Some were standing, some were still sitting or laying down. Almost all of the teenagers there were recording me. Recording me. Liam looked at me, shaking. "Y-You passed out... We couldn't wake you up..." He whimpered. I hugged my siblings. "It's alright. I'm awake." I tried to remain calm on the outside. But on the inside I was fuming. A 15 year old girl had passed out suddenly, her siblings were freaking out, trying to wake her up. And no one had called someone for help. Not asking for the museum medical services. Not asking if anyone had medical experience. Just recording.

My siblings had obviously been too shaken to call for help, but no one offered to help. Once Effie calmed down, she stood up and went to look for medical help to make sure I was alright. Liam helped me up, but I stumbled and fell over. Liam caught me and picked me up. He was starting to cry and hugged me. Effie came back with a doctor from the medical services. He introduced himself as Dr. Lepree and examined me. Liam laid me back down on the carpet. Dr. Lepree sat down and checked my head. "I don't see any physical injuries, other than a bump on her head. I assume that happened from the matching bump on your head. Did you bump into each other?" Effie nodded. "This could be a one-time thing, but I don't know that. Has this happened before?" Liam shook his head. "Not that she's told us." He said. I was still laying on the carpet. I curled up, quietly crying. I whispered, "I wanna go back..." Dr. Lepree heard me. "Seems like she might've had a hallucination. If you two are really concerned, I'd at least call a therapist or schedule an appointment with a professional to see if it's a new mental or physical issue. This might have been the first time, but it could lead to more fainting spells and hallucinations. It might be possibly caused by trauma, but that would be better for a therapist to talk to her about or a health professional to figure out. I'll leave you with that." He stood up and walked off.

I felt so embarrassed that I had broken down like that. Both in the 'dream world' and in reality. Effie picked me up and held me close. She pretty much death-stared every single teen that had been recording my fainting, my brother's freak out, and my sister's emotional breakdown. We walked back to the car and Liam got behind the wheel. Effie sat down in the back next to me, trying to calm me down while simultaneously trying to keep herself calm.

We finally made it home and Effie carried me to my room. She laid me on my bed, and told me that Liam had gone to Dad to tell him what happened. "I'm gonna get my old therapist on the line.  You try to relax and not be stressed." Effie said. She stood up and walked out of my room. I sat up and grabbed my phone, which I left on my nightstand. I looked at my notifications and saw I had recently missed 3 missed calls from my best friend, Ari, along with quite a few text messages.

I read them;

Ari Music: Bestie? Are you there?

Ari Music: How are you feeling today?

Ari Music: Are you there?

Ari Music: I'll wait for you, hope you have a good day. I'll just be binging yt =D

I sighed but smiled. Ari always spammed if someone didn't respond. She was very clingy and always needed someone with her. I assumed it was some sort of undiagnosed condition. One her parents didn't seem to notice.

I went on;

Ari Music: Are you ok!?

Ari Music: What happened!?

Ari Music: Please respond! Are you ok!?

I texted her back and our conversation went like this;

Art Girl: Ari, I'm here. What happened?

Ari Music: Thank GOD you're ok!

Art Girl: What are you talking about?

Ari Music: Didn't you pass out?

Art Girl: How did you know?

Ari Music: Someone posted a vid on yt. I recognized you.

Ari Music: Sorry that I freaked out...

Art Girl: It's alright

Art Girl: Wait.

Art Girl: Someone posted it to YouTube?

Ari Music: Yea...

She sent me a YouTube link and I clicked it immediately. It was a video of someone recording the incident in the exhibit. Effie elbowed me to point at something after I apparently passed out. I was quiet. Effie looked over and shook me a bit. She tapped Liam, who shook me too. They started to get more frantic and the camera zoomed in on us. Effie started crying and leaned over me and Liam kept shaking me. I was so angry that I slammed my fist on my nightstand. I clicked out of the video and back to the text chats.

Art Girl: What the hell!? People knew I had fainted and did nothing but record!?

Ari Music: Yea...

Ari Music: People are sick.

Ari Music: Can I please please PLEASE come over?

Art Girl: Of course. If it makes you feel better

Ari Music: Could I stay with you for a while?

Art Girl: Pack your bags and come over. I'll leave the door unlocked

Ari Music: Thanks bestie

Art Girl: Np

I turned off my phone and put it on my nightstand. I laid down on the bed, hearing the ticking on my clock count the minutes of the day go by. I heard my door creak open. It was my father. He walked over and sat down next to me. I sat up and looked at him. His dirty blond hair was shaggy and his gray eyes were sad. He looked at me and smiled softly. "How are you doing sunflower?" He asked me. I teared up a bit and hugged him. He hadn't called me sunflower in years. Not since Mom died. He hugged me back. "Your sister said she got to her old therapist. We've scheduled you for tomorrow, if that's alright?" I nodded. "The appointment can also help see if there's anything goin' on with that noggin of your's." He chuckled, knocking his knuckles gently on my forehead. I smiled. "Thanks Dad."

He smiled back and hugged me one last time before walking out and letting someone in. Ari ran into my room and hugged me. I smiled and hugged her back. Ari blushed a little and giggled, still holding onto me. She had a backpack on and laid it on the ground. She had brought some clothes, books, games, and a few comfort items, like a sloth plushie I bought her to keep her company and give her comfort when someone couldn't be there with her.

I took out a pullout bed under my bed that I let her sleep on whenever she came over. I also brought out a small music player that she would turn on after I fell asleep and couldn't talk to her. We talked until it was 10pm and I fell asleep, as I knew Ari didn't like staying up so late and she always went to sleep a bit after I did. She was a bit less mature than me and always tried to follow my example. After I told Ari I was going to sleep, she nodded and turned on the music.

I woke up the next morning and sat up. Effie came into my room and said we needed to go to my appointment in a bit. I nodded and walked into my closet to get dressed. I wore a black jean jumper and white and black striped shirt. Ari woke up and sat up, clinging onto her unicorn plushie and sloth plushie. "Ari, I gotta go to a therapy appointment. I'll see you later." I said. Ari nodded, a bit sad. "Ok..."

I walked to the living room and Liam got his keys ready. I turned to Effie. "Could you keep Ari company? She doesn't like being alone, but has some comfort items." She nodded. "Maybe her parents should get her some therapy as well." She commented. I was a bit quiet. We didn't really talk about Ari's parents. They were almost never home and if they were, they barely paid attention to her. They never noticed how she acted. Effie realized her mistake. "Sorry, but maybe we should try and figure out why she acts like she does. Maybe get her a therapist?" I nodded. "Probably..." I followed Liam, who had gone out the door to his car.

We got in and drove for what was around 5 minutes, but felt like an hour from the anxiety of opening up to someone. We made it to the clinic and Liam and I got out of the car. We walked in and were greeted by a nice lady at the waiting area. She led us to a hallway. "Dr. Auxilium is on the last door to the left." The woman said. She brought Liam back to the waiting room, leaving me alone in the hallway. I tossed one of my braids over my shoulder and took a deep breath.

I started walking down the hallway and felt it getting longer as I kept walking. I felt a bit dizzy but continued walking. I finally made it to the door and opened it. I was met by a neat room with a chair and a couch. In the chair was a woman, around 40, with brown hair tied in a bun, dark green eyes, and skin tone of a slightly dark shade. She was playing around with her pen, holding her notepad in the other. She was wearing a dark green sweater, black jeans, gold-tinted combat boots, and white rimmed glasses. She looked up and spotted me. She smiled at me and motioned for me to sit down or lay down on the couch. I smiled a bit and sat down on the couch. "I assume you don't remember me. I'm Effie's past psychiatrist. I'm called Dr. Auxilium, but you can call me Eris." She said, still smiling brightly. I nodded, smiling a bit. "Nice to meet you for real and not just in my sis's stories. She always said you were super nice. I can already see she was telling the truth." I replied. Eris grinned. "Why thank you." She clicked her pen and started writing a bit on her notepad.

"Shall we start the session now, Amanda?"