CHAPTER TWELVE

Bad News

***

I thought things were just more complicated in the world that shouldn't even exist. No, things were bad at home too. 

 "Are you ready?" My mom's eyes were already red when she came to get me a few days later. We were on our way to Harry Clearwater's funeral... turns out he had a heart attack in the woods the day the bloodsucker came back to town. I had known the man well... everyone knew Harry Clearwater. He was kind, and used to play catch with Quil and I when we were younger. 

 Now he's dead.  

 I nodded slowly, the black jacket that rested on my arms slightly to big. It used to belong to my dad, and I guess I was near the same size he was when he was in his late twenties. I don't have much fancy stuff, so I am wearing a black jacket over a dark blue shirt with a tie that is slowly choking me out, and black jeans. All black... the saddest color. The color of mourning. 

 Alyssa swanned over, her hair pulled back into a braid, a black dress swishing around her knee's. Lyssa rarely dresses up, so when she does, you know it is a special occasion. That is not necessarily a good thing... especially in a scenario like this. 

 "We're ready," we spoke in perfect unison, but neither of us had the nerve to shoot the other an annoyed look. My mom get's kind of spacey when she is upset, and we both know how upset she is now. 

 "Good, come on, we are meeting Tiffany." 

 I stiffened unintentionally. Tiffany, Tiffany Call, Embry's mom. 

 Great, as if I can't breath enough already. 

 As we walked out the door, I began slowly tugging on my tie, trying to loosen it from my neck as much as possible. I wasn't used to wearing shirts anymore, and in two layers, I felt like I was in the goddamn desert. 

 We walked down the dirt road in silence, I had to be curtly aware of how fast I was walking, given my legs were so much longer than my mom's an Alyssa's. Lyssa was finally getting taller though, she had cut her hair a little shorter, and it was like the rest of her body was making up for it by stretching out. 

 I continued tugging on the collar of my shirt, even as I saw the outline of Embry and his mom. I hated stiff clothing, and the occasion is making me apprehensive. I hate funerals... they always remind me of my dad's, and I am pretty sure I am going to cry, which would suck for my image. Seeing little-well, actually he's not all that little anymore-Seth Clearwater won't help my case, as he will no doubt remind me of my past self, bringing up all of those memories I spent years locking away. 

 I coughed, making Alyssa turn to me and upturn her nose, leaning forward and whispering so mom couldn't hear as she was embracing Tiffany. "It's okay." 

 That was not what I was expecting her to say, and I turned my head down a little, seeing her eyes trained back ahead. Of course it was hard for Alyssa... she might've been closer to my dad then anyone else. I could see how tense her chest was, like she was holding her breath.

Embry didn't try to talk, he just gave me a soft smile, and I swallowed, smiling back tersely. I wanted to hold his hand again, but I didn't... at least not yet. 

 "Hi you guys," Tiffany stepped forward wrapping her arms around Alyssa's head, the way she hugs everyone, and then stepped forward to embrace me. I relaxed slightly as her hand soothingly rubbed the back of my head, before she pulled away and smiled warmly. "How are you doing, honey?"  

 "I'm fine," I responded anxiously, giving her a small, shy, smile. Tiffany pursed her eyes, turning to her son, who was standing to the side and shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. Embry looked really good right now, which was a slightly dumb, but true, thought. He was wearing a short-sleeved dark shirt, blue tie, and jeans, since he hasn't really adjusted to the werewolf heat yet. 

 She muttered something too quiet for even me to hear, and Embry nodded, walking over to stand next to me as soon as we began walking. Our mom's pulled ahead, and Embry took a deep breath. "You okay?" 

 I kept my gaze trained ahead of me, "I will be." 

 Turns out, I was wrong. 

 The church was stuffy, and the air was dense, like how it got before a storm hit. I spotted Emily and Sam, sitting so close they could be one person, both with their eyes closed. Jared was sitting next to a girl I had yet to be introduced too, Kim I assume, and Paul was off of the side a little, his fists clenched into fists. Jacob was absent, but Quil sat next to his mom, his eyes drifting to Alyssa when we walked in, completely passing over Embry and I. 

 The seats were cold and hard, but I sat down and stared right ahead. Seth, Leah, and Sue Clearwater were gathered at the front, and you didn't need heightened senses to see the tear tracks on their faces. 

 My heart lurched, and not in the good way. 

 I ended up in between Alyssa and Embry, my arms squished against my sides, but my eyes still staring vacantly into space. I just wanted this to be over... in the most respectful way possible. 

 The service began in a blur, and when it was my turn to go up to the open casket, I swallowed deeply. Harry Clearwater looked fake in death. Caked in makeup, eyes closed like he died peacefully, instead of in the midst of his heart failing. I stepped forward and whispered two words, before practically running back to my seat. 

 "I'm sorry." 

 I had an extremely vivid flashback of my own father's funeral, how I couldn't breath the whole time, how hot tears leaked from my eyes, how my chest was encased in an iron glove, and how every sound except for my breathing was drowned out by my own heartbeat. 

 When the service was over, the first person I spoke to was Seth Clearwater. 

 To be fair, I didn't really want to. He cut me off when I was trying to make my fast exit. His head popped out of nowhere, making me jump and take a small step backward. Seth waved, "hi." 

 I was running a blank, "uh, hi?" 

 Seth's eyes were red, but he was still smiling, "you're Tony! I recognize you from that time you walked in to get photocopies from my math class, and then told my teacher he was saying pi wrong." 

 I almost laughed at the memory, "uh, yeah, they can't send me anywhere." 

 Seth giggled slightly, his eyes sparkling, "I just wanted to say hi." 

 I waved, "hi," Seth smiled, and I patted his shoulder, leaning down slightly, "hey, I'm really sorry, man." 

 Seth's downcast his eyes, leaning his head to the side to hide his heartbroken expression, my throat seized, what happens every time I get upset in the slightest. Poor Seth, he's such a great kid, and doesn't deserve any of this. Nobody does, but especially not Seth. Innocent, adorable, quirky Seth, who wouldn't ever want to hurt anyone in his entire life. The only fourteen year old I know who still has his childlike charisma, and real sense of humor. 

 Like me two months ago. 

 I think my dad dying was what triggered me to delve into academics. I didn't want to be around people at first, so I just started reading all of the textbooks littered around my room. I went to the library and got more. I was jerked from my musty book induced haze when Embry crawled through my window, holding a carton of ice cream, and the entire Harry Potter saga movies in his hand. 

I cried silently even when it wasn't sad, and Embry just wrapped his arm around my shoulder and let my tears leak into his shirt. 

 "It's okay," Seth shrugged, "there's not really anything anyone could have done." 

  "Seth!" 

 We both turned when a female voice barked out the young boys name. It was Leah, his quite scary older sister. I flashed her a small smile, but she just dished out a rather frightening glare in response. Seth turned back to me, regret in his eyes. "I-I gotta go." 

"Yeah, see you."

 Seth smile one more time, before turning and jogging away. I let my smile drop, the sadness hovering in the air smelling foul. 

 I couldn't stand it anymore, so I tugged at my collar and walked out. 

 ***

 It was dark when Embry showed up. 

 I was sprawled on my bed, my feet hanging over the edge, looking thoughtfully at the chipped paint on my ceiling. I was still in my clothes from earlier, minus the jacket. I had untied the tie, leaving it hanging loosely around my neck, the top two buttons open. I could vaguely hear loud pop music through the thin walls from Alyssa's room. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. 

There was a soft tapping from my window hat caught my attention. Two taps, and then three. I furrowed my eyebrows, slinging my legs off my bed and stumbling over, drawing back my curtains and jumping a million feet in the air. 

 Embry grinned at me from behind the thin glass, sticking out his tongue and holding up a small bundle of fabric. I shot him a questioning look, sliding the window open so he could crawl through, landing no-so-gracefully on the floor. Instead of helping him up, I crossed my arms, "what the hell are you doing here?"

 "Good to see you too, tones." He sarcastically replied, "and if you must know, I have come to return this."

 I stared down at the shirt he handed me, a small laugh bubbling from my throat without meaning. "I lent this to you last year." 

 "And I promised I would return it," he winked jokingly, making me roll my eyes at how small this shirt would be on either of us. "I don't break promises." 

 I leaned my head to the side, smirking deviously, "yeah, thanks, Em." 

 "Hey! I also came because I have a question for you-" 

 "You know, Embry, I really have not seen your Mean Girl's hoodie." 

 He laughed loudly at that, as I referenced the hoodie Alyssa got him after she told him he looked like Gretchen. "No, um, I was actually gonna ask you something else." 

 I fell down on my bed, sitting up and smiling, "shoot." 

 "What are we?" 

 The smile slipped off of my face for a fraction of a second as I processed his words, but I forced it back on despite my rapid heartbeat, "what do you mean?" 

 "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one," he drawled sarcastically, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes slightly, "because I thought we were trying to be friends, but then we keep doing things that don't really seem like things friends do, and to be honest, I don't like that." 

 "Um," I wracked my mind for the logical explanation to all of this, trying to sort out just what Embry was trying to say, "I just think we should think it through, and-" 

 "Enough with your careful bullshit!" He snapped, making me sit up straighter and arch an eyebrow. Embry ignored my look, "this isn't something you can read about, Tony. You just have to tell me how you feel."

 How do I feel? You don't even want to know. I don't want to be 'just friends,' but the part of me that always looks for the proven best option, was screaming that that was the best way. I don't even know how to be anything other than friends with Embry... do I imagine what it would be like? Well, yes, but I need to make the logical decision that is best for both us and the pack. 

 "I... I think we should just be friends." 

 Embry deflated slightly, but the look was replaced by hard eyes, as he nodded once, "okay, fine, I'm gonna go." 

 He walked out the door, leaving me alone in my thoughts. I groaned, leaning back on my bed and screwing my eyes shit at the headache that jumped in. I hate doing the right thing, it hurts so bad. 

 The door re-opened a few seconds later, and Embry stormed back in. 

 "You know, that doesn't really work for me." 

 "Yeah me either." I stood up, taking a big stride forward so I could grab his arm and lean down to press my lips on his.