CHAPTER SIX

Harder than it Needs to Be

***

"Paul and Jared told me that you imprinted." 

 I winced at the word that came from Billy Black's mouth. It was late the next night, and if Jacob knew I was here when he was sleeping, he would freak out. Not seeing me during the day, but seeing me at his house in the middle of the night would surely freak him out. Maybe he would be as freaked out as I am... no, that would be impossible. I just used the phrase: freaked out, three times in one paragraph.

 "Uh, I think." 

 "It is completely normal," Billy assured, the tone of his voice making me feel like a six year old. "You're lucky if you ask me." 

 I cocked an eyebrow, unsure if I heard him correctly, "lucky?" 

 Billy nodded, a kind smile on his wrinkled features. "Yes, lucky. Having an imprint is a very special thing, Anthony. It is like, a soulmate you could say, where this person is in your life until the end of it. As a sibling, lover, or friend." 

 I grimaced again, feeling like I could throw up. Lover. No, that isn't how this is supposed to go. Not with Embry at least. He's my best friend, has been since we were children. I never would have thought that I could- jeez, even thinking the word sends a bad taste through my mouth-love him. 

 Well, never until now.

 Now, it's like he is all I could think about. His stupidly handsome face, his long, soft hair, his eyes, God those eyes... 

 "F-Forever?" I managed, my voice a stutter and my face turning red. "Like, until the end of the known universe?" 

 A ghost of a smile crossed his wrinkled face, and he reached forward to pat my hand. 

 "Couldn't have said it better myself." 

 ***

"Control is everything, Tony." 

I nodded for the tenth time today, stepping over a root that would have one hundred percent made me trip in my previous body. It had been another solid week, but I was technically supposed to go back to school after three days. I had my ways of convincing Sam to let me stay with him, extra training, mental preparation... 

 That didn't work for long. 

 I didn't want to go back to school in the slightest. I was still freaked out from my talk with Billy Black... and that was almost five days ago. I have a plan... psh, of course I have a plan. I am Anthony Carter for Christ's sake, I know all about how to do something in the way I can get the best results. 

 In this case: avoid my friends and write all of the papers I missed out on during my two weeks out of school. Write and ignore... I can do that. 

 I just wish Paul would shut up. 

 "I know, you've said a million times," I rolled my eyes, gaining a smirk from Jared and a scowl from Paul. "You have given me 'the talk' so many times my toes are beginning to curl." 

 "Still!" He snapped, crossing his arms indignantly and flexing his muscles, that's a Paul thing, whenever he crosses his arms, he just has to flex his overly-impressive arm-muscles. Maybe he thinks it is intimidating... which it would have been, if we weren't nearly the same height. 

"If it makes you feel better, we think Call will be the next to phase." 

 My head jerked up so fast I was surprised it didn't fling right off of my neck. Paul smacked Jared's arm lightly, although he was suppressing his laughter at the expression on my face. I felt my neck neat up, and was sure I was turning bright red. "Yeah, he's showing all of the early signs... we reckon it'll be a week or two." 

A week or two more of avoided the only person I want to be near. 

 "Hey, what are the early signs?" I tried to disguise my fluttering heart and flushed skin by blurting out random questions, Paul and Jared didn't seem to notice, as they both went to answer at the same time. Paul turned and smacked Jared's arm, earning a hit back. 

 "Red face," Paul began. 

 "Tense muscles," Jared continued. 

 "Excessive and random growth." 

 "Darker hair."

"High body temperature."  

 "Whoa-" I held up my hands, "so basically if I see a tall, stiff dude with red face, dark hair, and a fever..." 

 "You tell us," Jared grinned, punching my shoulder lightly as we entered the school, the cool rush of the air conditioner and stale scent of cleaning products rushing my senses. I scrunched my nose, wishing my smell didn't improve. It was weird seeing the world so... clear. Especially without my glasses. "And then we tell Sam." 

 I nodded, pursing my lips as we slid into seats, Jacob was already in class, but I made my way past him quickly. Alyssa's words rang threw my head. 

 "This isn't you."

 But you're wrong, Lyssa. This is me now, and I think that might be my biggest problem. 

 I bent my head over my desk, and began to write. Ironically, it was a fairy-tale for our creative writing class in English... so I wrote the most... happy myth I could think of. Everything works out in this story... from the love to the battles, it is all won... because I think that I what I need in my life. I need something to make sense again, so I wrote in science instead of magic, because science makes sense. Science doesn't randomly change you into a giant wolf, even if there is technically an explanation to that. It makes sense to me, but I just wish it wasn't me... I wish things were back to the way they were before. Simple. 

 Cautionary. 

 But real. 

 Quil didn't throw any notes at me in science. I couldn't tell if that was good or not... I wanted to be relieved, but I felt a weighing disappointment as I handed Swain my finished essay and left. 

 The first time I saw Embry was in the cafeteria. 

 If I said I wasn't looking for him, I would be lying. We were sitting at the farthest table possible, pushed up against a back wall, but still completely surrounded. I ate slowly, the school food tasting like trash compared to Emily's cooking. Paul and Jared were chatting inanimately about muffins or something unimportant, while my eyes were firmly glued on my old table. 

 Quil was there first, then Alyssa joined him and they did their lame little handshake, trading a smile and a few words before Jake joined. Still no Embry. I could feel my stomach shift uncomfortably, like I just had to see him. Even if I couldn't do anything but stare from afar like some sort of weirdo. 

 But when he walked in I didn't feel much better then I did last week. My heart clenched and my cheeks reddened. I had to suck in a painful breath of air when I forgot how to breath. He didn't spare a glance in my direction. Just sat down. I still couldn't stop staring. He definitely got taller, and his shoulders got broader. There were times like this I was thankful for my new sight, as I could see his face even from this far away. 

 I was so engrossed in my stalking-session I didn't even notice him turn around and look back at me. I was, and this is not meant to sound cheesy, lost in his eyes... literally, it was like I melted. Into a puddle. Onto the floor. Like I was drowning, because I quite literally couldn't breath. 

 And then he stood up and began walking toward me. 

 I almost fell out of my chair in an effort to sit up and act natural. I turned to Jared quickly, speaking abnormally fast, "the oat muffins are the best." 

 "Dude," Paul looked genuinely offended, holding a hand to his chest, "shut the hell up."

"Can I talk to you?" 

 I think we all turned around in perfect unison, but I wouldn't know because my mind immediately melted at the sound of his voice. Embry stood right in front of us, his arms crossed so tight it looked painful and his cheeks flushed. He did look kind of scared, but not of me, of Paul... and I kinda don't blame him. 

 "No." The boy himself answered, making me roll my eyes and throw my water bottle at him. Embry looked shocked that I would have the nerve to do that, it made me almost laugh thinking of what he would do if he knew I literally tried to maul him every day.

 "Shut up, Paul." I hissed. I earned a sharp look in response. We both did our best to read the others thoughts not in our wolf form, although I think I got the gist of what he was trying to say. It was dumb for me to talk to my imprint before he knew about us, as I might do something unwise. 

 Little does he know, nothing I do is unwise. 

 "It'll be fine." I whispered, before sliding out of my seat and standing up. Embry seemed thrown that I was taller than him, as he took a surprised step back, and then gestured for me to follow him. I followed behind close enough that I could smell him. He smelled like salt water from all the time he spends in the ocean, and it was enough to send my heart flying to my throat and my knees to rubber. 

He lead me to the door in the cafeteria that leads to behind the school, the cool breeze feeling good against my hot skin. Once the door shut, I was curtly aware of just how alone we really were. I felt my heart beating faster, pulling me toward Embry. I forced my eyes to the ground, although it didn't help much, as I could still smell him. 

 "What is going on with you?" Was the first thing that came from his lips. I winced, but didn't look up, as I was afraid I would be sweating. "Your appearance doesn't bother me, Tones, but you are like... a completely different person... since when did you have the balls to stand up to Paul Lahote?"

 "Paul's not a bad guy," I muttered, but my voice didn't sound anything like I wanted it too. It was soft and quiet, but no matter what I tried, it wouldn't even raise. It wouldn't even harden.

 Embry muttered something incredulously under his breath, "would you look at me?" He grabbed my arm and pulled it forward, making me look up and catch his eyes. My entire body seemed to relax, and my heart did that lurching thing that almost hurt... but in a good way. I blew a breath of air out from my lips, although I felt the need to suck it back in immediately after. 

 Embry raised his eyebrow in the most attractive way possible, his eyes raking across my face, probably wondering why I was making such a weird face, "why are you staring at me like that?" 

 If I thought I was hot before, I was positively boiling now. 

 "I-" I couldn't think of anything to say. My mind was as dry as my mouth, something that rarely happened. I sighed, my senses feeling like they were being fried on a hot-circuit. All I could focus on was Embry, how he looked, how he smelled, how he-

 "What do you want to talk about?" 

 Embry's mouth dropped open, like he couldn't believe I had the audacity to ask such a question. "What? You! What is with you, what happened to you?"  His voice dropped considerably, and he leaned in slightly, which was really not helping my case, "is it Sam?" 

 "No." I took a step back, and then another. His scent was getting to be way to much for me, and I had to back away before I did anything stupid."No, Sam is helping me." 

 "Look, I don't know what he is doing, but it is not good for you-" 

 "You have no idea what I am going through!" I snapped, taking another step backwards, my heart was racing and my breathing was getting faster. I can't leave, this is my chance to prove to Sam that I can control myself. That I am not just some small burden to the pack. I began slowly mumbling the periodic table under my breath, so quiet I would be surprised if Embry could hear me. "Hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium-" 

 "But I want to so I can help you." 

 I laughed slightly, although the situation wasn't particularly humorous. "I'm sorry, Embry, but I am far past help." 

 I guess I could have phrased that better, because all of the color drained out of Embry's face, and all of the anger drained from his features and was replaced by worry. He took another step forward, reaching as if to touch my arm, but I stumbled away from his grasp and put a hand on the door that would lead me away from all of this torturous desire. 

 "I'm sorry, but I have to go."