Chapter 25

Doubts

"Jia!"

Napalingon ako dahil sa narinig na pagtawag sa akin ni Jok. Nakita ko ang malamig na pagsulyap niya sa nakaluhod na si Alec bago ibinalik ang naging mariin nang tingin sa akin.

"Get in the car now," utos niya.

Tiningnan ko ulit si Alec sa huling pagkakataon. Nakayuko siya at nakasalampak ang parehong balikat. He looked so lost and defeated. Pinigil ng galit ko ang awa na gustong umusbong para sa kanya.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin kay Jok at marahan siyang tinanguan. The driver opened the car door for me. Si Jok naman ang mismong nagbukas ng pinto ng sasakyan sa banda niya. Pumasok na ako sa at ilang sandali pa ay muli na itong pinaandar ng drayber. We left Alec who was still on his knees on the side of the street.

"What you did earlier could jeopardize the entire case," saad ni Jok pagkatapos ng ilang minutong pananahimik ko.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at ibinaling ang mukha sa may bintana. Aminado ako sa pagkakamaling nagawa.

"Lake will give me a hard time for this," I heard him muttered under his breath.

"He said he didn't do it," I said quietly after a while. Ginulo ako ng sinabi ni Alec sa akin kanina. Muli kong tiningnan si Jok. "Where could he get the guts to lie to me?"

"Walang kriminal ang kusang umaako ng kasalanan, Jia. Not even when they are cornered. Remember that." He sighed. "Bakit ka lumabas? Why did you confront him?"

Lumunok ako. I gritted my teeth as anger flooded my emotions. "Gusto kong malaman niya na hindi ako titigil hanggang sa mapagbayaran niya ang ginawa niya sa'kin."

Seryoso niya akong pinagmasdan. May dumaang simpatya sa mga mata niya.

"Naiintindhan kita. But we are currently in the middle of a case," pagpapaintindi niya. "We have to think and act rationally. 'Yon na ang huling beses na haharapin mo siya. Hindi ka na ulit magpapakita sa kanya maliban na lang kung nasa korte na tayo."

"I understand. I'm sorry."

Natapos ang pag-uusap namin ni Jok dahil sa tawag na natanggap niya. I saw him sighed once more before finally answering the call.

He glanced at me as he spoke to the person on the other line. Ibinalita niya ang nangyari. Pakiramdam ko ay si Attorney Mendez ang kausap niya.

I felt guilty. Walang mintis kung paalalahanan ako ni Attorney Mendez at alam kung dismayado siya sa ginawa kong pagsuway sa utos niya. They were helping me win my case and all I did was disobeyed them.

I arrived in the safe house before dusk. Feng was already waiting for me inside. Nag-usap kami tungkol sa press conference at pagkatapos ay ikinuwento ko sa kanya ang naging pagkikita namin ni Alec.

Natahimik si Feng at ilang sandali pang nag-isip. She was also shocked by what had happened.

"Bakit ang lakas ng loob niyang tumanggi kung alam niya namang hindi puwedeng magsinungaling ang ebidensiya?" naguguluhang tanong niya. "Itinuro na siya ng dalawa pang lalaki na inutos niyang kumidnap sa'yo."

"Siguro para lokohin ako," tugon ko dahil para sa akin ay wala ng ibang eksplenasyon dito.

Naningkit ang mga mata ni Feng habang tinititigan ako. "Para saan pa kung sa huli makukulong din naman siya?"

"Tama si Jok. Hindi umaamin ang isang kriminal sa krimen na ginagawa niya. He probably thought that he could fool me."

She bit on her lower lip as she considered it for a moment. Sa huli ay tumango rin si Feng.

"Gusto ng mga abogado mo na tumayo ako sa stand bilang isa sa witnesses mo," she informed after a while.

My heart warmed. "Ayos lang ba sa'yo?"

"Siyempre naman. Kaibigan kita," agarang tugon niya.

I felt grateful. "Thank you, Feng. For everything. I mean it."

Ngumiti siya at lumapit sa akin. She slowly put her hand on my shoulder. Niyakap niya ako sabay tapik sa balikat.

"Malalampasin mo rin ang lahat ng ito," she reassured me. "Justice will prevail."

Niyakap ko pabalik ang matalik na kaibigan. "I hope so."

We went back to Lake's law firm after a week. Madalas na nagtitipon ang team ng mga abogado ko rito bilang paghahanda. I only joined them whenever Attorney Mendez asks for me.

Sumasakit ang ulo ko sa tuwing pinag-uusapan nila ang komplikadong legalities. I excused myself and went to the toilet to pee.

I went to the sink and wash my hands. Ilang sandali kong pinagmasdan ang sarili. I almost could not recognized myself in front of the mirror. I became paler. Pumayat ako. My jawline became prominent. There was a small scar on my right cheek near my ear. My hairline were thinning.

I got bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. Sino ba naman ang makakatulog sa bangungot?

Lagi akong kinukumbinsi ni Attorney Jok at Feng na kumausap ng therapist. I declined everytime they would bring it up. I could fight my own battles. I will be fine. It will all go away once Alec is in jail. I will have my peace then.

Naghugas ulit ako ng kamay. I did it three to four times. I was harshly doing it every time I would remember that small room. When I got finally satisfied, lumabas din ako. When I stepped in the hallway I heard some hushed voices.

"Feng, if you have any doubts or whatsoever, we can't put you in the witness stand for her." Dinig kong boses ni Jok.

"Wala. Kaibigan ko si Jia, Jok. Siyempre gusto ko na makuha niya ang hustisya."

Joke sighed. "But?"

"Hindi ko lang siguro talaga matanggap kung paanong nagawa 'yon ni Alec kay Jia. Mahal niya si Jia."

"People do unimaginable things even for the people they love, Feng." Attorney Domingo sounded tired.

"Bakit? Ikaw no'ng si Hope ba—"

"Bakit naman naisasali pa si Hope dito," Jok growled.

Nagtagpo ang kilay ko. I had no idea who they were talking about.

Ayaw paawat ni Feng. "Mahal na mahal mo siya kahit na—"

Nilakasan ko ang pagsara ng pinto para mapansin nila ang pagbabalik ko. Their conversation quickly stopped as they looked at me. Nawala na ang bakas ng kung anumang naging pagtatalo nila kanina.

"Gusto ko nang umuwi," anunsiyo ko sabay baling kay Attorney Domingo. "Can I go?"

"Of course," agarang tugon niya at tiningnan na si Feng. It was a look of warning. "You should go with her."

"I'm fine on my own." I did not intend for it to sound snappy.

"Sasama si Feng sa'yo," matigas na giit ni Jok. "We don't need her anymore. For now."

"Oo, sasamahan na kita sa pag-uwi, Jia," si Feng.

I nodded. "Ikaw ang bahala." I started walking towards the conference room where the other attorneys were. "Magpaalam muna tayo sa kanila."

I was striding. Feng had a hard time keeping up with me. I felt a hand on my arm. Lumingon ako at nakitang kay Feng iyon.

She grimaced. "Narinig mo kami kanina ni Attorney. At ngayon disappointed ka."

Kilalang-kilala nga talaga ako ni Feng.
I stopped walking and gave her my full attention. I deeply sighed.

"What's clouding your judgement, Feng?" deretsahang tanong ko.

Nagpakawala na rin siya ng isang buntonghininga. She looked around. She pointed at another small vacant room.

"Mag-usap muna tayo ro'n," suhestiyon niya. "Magpapaliwanag ako."

Nakuha ko ang gusto niyang mangyari. Nauna akong humakbang papunta rito at sumunod naman siya.

We both entered the room and quietly sat on the sofa.

"Hindi siya nagmakaawa sa'yo na iatras ang kaso maski na umiiyak na siya," panimula ni Feng. "Base sa kuwento mo, parang gusto niya lang na paniwalaan mong hindi niya kayang gawin ang mga bagay na 'yon sa'yo."

"What are you trying to say?" Lito kong tiningnan ang kaibigan.

Napapikit si Feng na para bang pati siya ay frustrated na sa sarili.

"Alam kong sobra hirap ng pinagdaanan mo, Jia. Walang excuse sa kawalanghiyaang ginawa ni Alec sa'yo, pero...."

"Pero?" Lalong nagtagpo ang kilay ko.

Dumilat siya. I saw a lot of possibilities in her eyes. It hurt me to see doubts in there as well.

"Pa'no kung hindi siya 'yon?"

I gasped at her incredulously. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga salitang binitiwan niya. Tumayo na ako at hinarap siya. "Paano mo nasasabi 'yan sa'kin, Feng? Tingin mo nagkakamali ako?"

Tumayo na rin siya at humakbang palapit sa'kin.

"Sampalin mo 'ko pagkatapos nito," seryoso niyang sinabi. "Hindi ko ipinagwawalang bahala ang mga pinagdaanan mo. Pero paano kung hindi nga si Alec ang gumawa sa'yo no'n?"

"It was him!" mariin kong sinabi. "I saw his face. May mga pagkakataon na maliwanag dahil sa isang lampara!"

Napapikit ulit siya na parang nagsisisi siya pero may kaguluhan din sa isipan niya.

"I'm sorry. It's just..."

"Akala ko ba naniniwala ka sa'kin?" Dinig ko mismo ang sakit sa tono ng sariling boses.

Her eyes snapped open. May bumalatay na pagsisisi rito.

"Siguro marami lang akong napanood na crime stories. Maraming posibilidad na puwedeng mangyari na... hindi inaasahan."

I looked at her for a long time. "You believe him. Tingin mo inosente si Alec."

Napahilot ng sentido si Feng. Pabagsak siyang napaupo pabalik sa sofa. She was quiet for a while in her own thoughts.

"Noong umalis ka," panimula niya, "nakita ko kung... gaano nahirapan si Alec. Nagmakaawa siya sa'kin na sabihin sa'kin kung nasa'n ka." Malungkot akong nginitian ni Feng. "Akala niya alam ko."

I slowly sat beside her. As a friend, I gave her a chance so I listened.

"Wala ka namang sinabi sa'kin na address ng lugar," pagpapatuloy ng kaibigan ko. "At nirespeto ko na ayaw mong mahanap ka niya."

Naging tulala ako at hinayaan lang si Feng sa pagkukuwento.

Mapanglaw na ang tingin niya sa kawalan. "Isang gabi, nagpunta siya sa restaurant na puno ng pasa sa mukha. Akala ko lasing siya pero hindi. At kung titingnan mo bagsak na bagsak... na parang pasan na niya ang mundo. Naawa ako. Sino ba sa puntong iyon ang hindi?"

I finally looked at my friend. She was looking at me as well with guilt and sadness in her eyes. But I felt like the sadness was not for me.

"Sinisisi niya ang sarili niya sa pag-alis mo. Ang sabi niya..." napaghinto siya na parang nagdadalawang -isip pa kung magpapatuloy. "He said he almost assaulted you in bed'"

I hissed a breath. Naalala ko nga ang gabi na iyon kung kailan lasing siya.

"Kung doon pa lang, aminado at sising-sisi na siya, bakit humantong pa siya sa pagdukot sa'yo?" Bumalik ang kalituhan sa mga mata ni Feng. "Bakit nagawa niya pa ang lahat ng iyon? Hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan."

"Dahil desperado siya," sagot ko sa matatag na boses. I was afraid that my friend would be swayed by Alec's lies. "Feng, Alec is capable of anything."

Natulala si Feng at tumango lang. It pained me to admit that I was starting to doubt her loyalty to me.

"I'll tell Attorney Domingo that you're off the stand," pasya ko.

Her face fell. Mabilis siyang umiling para magprotesta. "Jia, kaya ko 'yon—"

Mabilis akong tumayo at tiningnan ulit siya. "You're doubtful. Kung pinaniniwalaan mong inosente si Alec, hindi ka makakatulong sa kaso ko."

Desperado niyang kinuha ang kamay ko. Hindi niya ako matingnan sa mga mata. "I'm sorry. Tama ka at mali ako. Dapat managot si Alec sa ginawa niya sa'yo."

Tinitigan ko siya nang maigi. I wanted to trust her again. Nag-iisa na lang ako dahil masakit man ay aminado akong hindi ko masasandalan ang mismong pamilya ko. Si Feng lang ang meron ako.

"Tulungan mo 'ko, Feng. Kaibigan kita. You're the only one I have." I was almost begging. "If you don't believe me... sino pa ang maniniwala sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ko?"

Paulit-ulit siyang tumango. "I will."

Matapos ang pag-uusap namin ay sabay kaming nagpunta sa conference room para magpaalam sa legal team ko. Nadatnan namin sa loob sina Attorney Mendez at Attorney Jok. Ilang sandali pa ay pumasok din sa loob ang dalawa pang abogado na kababalik lang galing sa isang hearing.

Our goodbyes were interrupted when
one of the secretaries of the firm came in.
"We have a problem," intrada niya. She gave me an apologetic look. "The security staff called. Our client's father and her brother are in the lobby. They want to speak with her."

"Tell them she's not here," muttered Attorney Jok.

The secretary looked stressed out. "But, Attorney, they insisted and they brought their lawyers with them—"

"Make up some excuses. Get rid of them—"

"It's fine," sabad ko dahil sa agarang desisyon. "Kakausapin ko sila."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Jia," angal ni Attorney.

"Oo nga naman, Jia," si Feng.

I turned to face Attorney Mendez who sat quietly behind his desk. Seryoso niya akong tiningnan bago ibinaling ang tingin kay Jok at sa pumasok na sekretarya.

"It's okay," pasya niya. "Prepare the second conference room for them, Gilda."

"But, Lake, it could jeopardize the case. They won't even stand as one of her witnesses."

"She wants to hear them, Jok," si Attorney Mendez. Ibinaling niya ang tingin sa akin. "Alam mo na ang mga bagay na pupuwede mo lang sabihin, hindi ba? Do not share about the case."

"Yes," sagot ko. I knew I messed up when I confronted Alec. I wouldn't want to mess up again.

Kalmante siyang tumango. "You can talk to them."

I went outside the conference room without looking back. Inihatid ako ng isa pang sekretarya sa pangalawang conference room na tinutukoy ni Attorney Mendez.

I stepped inside when the secretary opened the door. Tumabi sa gilid ang dalawang pamilyar na bodyguards ng pamilya ko. Nadatnan kong nakaupo si Papa at si Kuya Lee. My father was talking to one of our family lawyers. My brother quietly announced my arrival the reason why my father finally looked up.

"We were informed by Attorney Mendez that this talk will be personal," anunsiyo ng lalaking sekretarya ni Attorney Mendez. He politely nodded at my father's lawyer. "If I could just escort your good attorney outside, please."

My father dismissively waved a hand at his lawyer. Walang ibang nagawa ang abogada niya kundi ang lumabas ng conference room kasama ng sekretarya.

I took some brave steps forward and took a seat on the empty chair across my family.

"You ambushed us with the news. Ni hindi mo man lang unang ipinaalam sa amin," patiuna ni papa.

He did not get a response from me.

"It's been a big mess and would probably be the biggest scandal of the year," akusa niya. "Alam kong alam mo 'yan."

"I don't watch the news anymore," sabi ko sabay pigil sa emosyon. I expected this from him.

He leaned forward, giving me his full attention. "Why don't you talk it out with your husband. It's just a misunderstanding— "

I sucked in a breath. My lips trembled s I steadied myself. "Hindi mo lang ba ako kukumustahin, Papa?"

He started to leaned back a little. He regarded me with a look of indifference.

"You look fine now."

I laughed bitterly cutting him off.

"You seemed fine and so bold during the press conference," pagpapatuloy niya. "You could not even handle it privately. Kailangan pa talagang ipangalandakan sa media! You are ruining your husband's reputation, Jia. You have brought shame to this family!"

This time, it was I who leaned forward. Ginawaran ko siya ng nagsusumamong tingin. Na sana man lang ay makakuha ako ng kahit kaonting simpatya.

"Alec raped me, Pa," I hissed and helplessly glanced at my brother who just sat there quietly. "He forced himself to me, Kuya."

"He's your husband! He had the right," si Papa.

Tumayo ako at marahas na hinampas ang kamay sa ibabaw ng mesa.

"He had the right to rape me?" I shouted. "You have no... You have no idea what I went through." I was unsteady on my feet. Nanlabo na ang paningin ko dahil sa mga luhang gustong kumawala.

Pareho silang natahimik. And for the first time, I could see pity in my brother's eyes.

"This is not the right way to handle this, Jia," mahinahong sabi ni Papa. "Puwede niyo pa itong pag-usapan ni Alec—"

"I think you're doing the right thing, Jia," sabad ni Kuya sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon. "Bakit pa sila mag-uusap kung ginawan naman siya ng kawalang hiyaan ni Alec Von?"

My heart jumped at his remark. My brother nodded and looked at me proudly.

"Kinukonsinti mo pa ang kapatid mo, Lee," protesta ni Papa. "You are not fixing the situation—" he stopped and put a hand on his chest. He looked pained.

"Pagod na si Papa," my brother interrupted. He glanced at the two bodguards by the door. "Pakialalayan na siya."

Our father looked at him with disapproval. Dahil na rin siguro sa iniinda niyang sakit ay hindi na siya nagprotesta pa. One of the bodyguards assisted him as he stood. Umalalay naman ang isa sa likod.

Pareho namin siyang pinagmasdan ni Kuya. I could see the worry on my brother's face as he looked at our weak father. I pitied myself some more. Kung sana lang ay ganoon din ako tingnan ni papa. Kung sana lang ay makiramdam siya sa mabigat na pinagdaanan ko.

My father turned to look at me one last time. May dumaan sa mga mata niya na hindi ko lang maunwaan kung dismaya ba o awa. It was gone so fast that I did not have the time to dwell on it.

My father and the bodyguards finally left the room. My brother stayed seated across the table, in front of me. Nang magsara ang pinto nito ay siya namang pagpakawala ng isang mabigat na buntonghininga ng kapatid ko.

Tahimik niya akong pinagmasdan, as if he was seeing me for the first time. Worried was etched across his face.

"When I heard about it on the news, I could not believe it," panimula niya. "You just left. Ni wala kaming balita sa'yo bago nangyari ang lahat ng 'to."

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa mesa. I wetted my lips as I chose my next words carefully. Sa huli ay nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya.

"I just wanted to go away and have a new life," I stated truthfully. "I felt like I had no one here."

"Not even us, your family?" He sounded hurt.

Mapait akong ngumiti. "You know our relationship was rocky. Marami tayong hindi pagkakaintindihan. I couldn't trust anyone."

He swallowed. There was guilt in his eyes and at the same time accusation.

"You're my sister," saad niya. "I should have protected you."

"You could never protect me," mapait na sumbat ko. "Ikaw nga mismo, nananakit din, Kuya. How could you even protect me?"

Napapikit siya sa mga mabibigat na binitawan kong salita. When he finally opened his eyes, they were red with unshed tears.

"Alam kong mahirap paniwalaan pero I've slowly changed. Nagsisisi na ako." He gave me a sad smile. "Shen, left me, you know."

Napaawang ang labi ko sa gulat. He nodded understandingly at my reaction.

"She left me after months you left," he continued. " I went after her but she won't reconsider. Hindi na nga ako pinapalapit ng pamilya niya sa kanya."

I was quiet as I took it all in. Matagal na rin akong walang balita. I was busy hiding on my own.

"I want to say I'm sorry to hear it, but I am not, Kuya," I finally said. "You hurt her. She deserves her freedom. Matagal na panahon din ang tiniis niya."

A tear escaped his eye. Suminghot siya. "I know." Nagtiim-bagang siya at pagkatapos ay seryoso na akong tiningnan sa mga mata. "Listen, Jia. I believe you."

Tumango ako. Maski na hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat na maging pakiramdam sa paniniwalang sinasabi niya.

"Alec did all those things to you." Buo ang pananalig sa boses niya. His eyes narrowed. "Remember when I warned you about him? That I know my kind?"

Pagtango lang ang naging reaksiyon ko.

"I was right about him. He's dangerous. Hindi magiging madali ang kaso na 'to dahil maimpluwensiya siyang tao."

"Alam ko ang pinasok ko, Kuya," sabi ko.

"I know. Bata ka pa lang, matapang ka na." He smiled proudly at me. " I want you to know that I fully support you. At kung kailangan mo ng tulong ko, nandito lang ako."

"I'll keep that in mind," I answered respectfully.

"Huwag mo nang pansinin ang mga sinabi ni papa." He glanced at the doorway before looking back at me. "He's just worried about the company."

I could have asked him if Alec was still supporting our company. I didn't. I didn't care anymore. At sa mga nangyayari, I was sure that my family's company will lose the little support coming from the Cuas.

I looked away. "Mas concern pa siya sa kahihinatnan ng kompanya kaysa sa'kin na anak niya."

"It's all Alec Von Cua's fault," marahas na saad ni Kuya. "He thinks he can control us just because he has the power over our company."

For the first time, I understood my brother's sentiments.

His eyes were filled with so much hatred as he gazed at me.

"This time, he will never get away especially for what he did to you. Put him in jail," utos niya. "End him, Jia."