Chapter 22

Panic

"Tangina! Tama na! Nababasa na ako, Jia!"

I giggled. Mas itinutok ko pa sa kanya ang hose ng tubig. Inabandona ko na ang mga labahin ko.

"Mababasa ka rin naman mamaya," hirit ko. "Ikaw ang nagsimula nito tapos ngayon magrereklamo ka!"

"Giginawin ako."

Mas lalo lang akong natawa. My mouth hurt from too much grinning.

Pumungay ang mga mata niya habang nakatanaw sa'kin. Natigilan ako pansamantala at umayos na.

"Kai, pare! Tayo na!"

And then the moment was gone. Sabay kaming napalingon sa mangingisdang tumatawag sa kanya. Nakasakay na ito sa bangka na nakalusong sa tubig dagat malapit sa dalampasigan.

Mula sa batok ay madulas na hinubad ni Kai ang tshirt na suot niya. I had a quick glance of the ripped muscles on his body before I could look away.

Nang naibalik ko ang tingin sa kanya ay nakapagpalit na siya ng isang puting tshirt.

He grinned at me. "Papalaot na muna ako. Anong gusto mo? Danggit? Tulingan? Tuna?"

"Kahit ano," sabi ko.

He cocked an eyebrow. "Serena?"

I burst out laughing.

"Kai! Halika na!" tawag na naman sa kanya ng mangingisda.

Lumayo na muna ako para patayin ang gripo.

"Babalik din ako mamaya," paalam ni Kai sa'kin.

I nodded at him. "Ako na ang bahala kay Willow."

He waved at me one last time and then jogged his way towards the waiting boat.

I put the hose down. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang papalayong bangka. Kai waved at me once again with the sunset behind him. I grinned and waved back at him.

Unti-unti na silang nakalayo hanggang sa hindi ko na klaro ang pagkaway niya.

I gazed at the calm ocean. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore and the smell of salt air had brought the simplest peace in me. I closed my eyes and let the waves of memories flashed.

It's been a year since I left home. Home. Napangiti ako pero wala ng pait dito. My entire life, I had been seeking for a place I could call a home. I never knew that being in this remote island gave me solace.

Hindi naibalita sa TV ang pag-alis ko. My family probably used their power and influence to keep my leaving Alec from spreading all over the media. I gave a long text to Feng. I told her I would be fine.

Inalala ko ang madaling araw na pag-alis ko. Isang bag lang ng damit at twenty thousand pesos na cash ang bitbit ko no'n. At matibay na determinasyon na makaalis.

It was still dark but I was grateful for it because I was able to sneak away without anyone noticing.

I boarded a bus. And then a ship. And then a bus again. I was aimlessly moving. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. I just wanted it to be far away. Far from my family. Far away from him.

I was just traveling for days. I realized that I actually preferred traveling in ships. The oceans made me feel like I was finally getting away. Hanggang sa namalayan ko na lang ang sarili na nakasakay sa isang bangka. Inihatid ako nito sa isang isla. And finally I was ready to rest.

And the first call from Alec happened. Hindi ako sigurado kung bakit ko iyon tinanggap. Ang alam ko lang, malayo na ako sa kanya.

Noong sinagot ko ang tawag niya ay matinding katahimikan lang ang bumalot sa aming dalawa. But I could hear his breathing from the other line. I was waiting for him to say something. And when he did, it was not what I was expecting for him to say.

"Do you feel safe there?"I could feel the pain in his voice when he started to speak.

"Yes," sagot ko sa paos na boses.

I heard him breathed in.

And then the call ended. He was finally letting me go.

I smiled but a stab of pain hit my gut. Bakit ako biglang nalungkot gayong ito naman ang gusto ko?

I set my pain aside to hail a tricycle. Nang may huminto na sa tapat ko ay pumasok na ako sa loob hawak ang bag na naglalaman ng mga damit ko.

Akala ko ay paaandarin na ito ng driver pero naghintay pa siya ng iba pang pasahero. We waited for a while.

May matipunong lalaki na pumara. Assuming that he would sit next to me, I scooted over. Napansin ko na sa likod na bahagi ng driver siya umupo.

I was satisfied with it. Mabuti na rin para may sapat na espasyo ako para ma-i-stretch ang mga binti.

Tahimik ang biyahe maliban na lang sa ingay na nanggagaling sa tambutso ng sasakyan.

"Saan ba kita ibababa, Miss?" biglang tanong ng drayber sa'kin.

"Uh..." Nag-isip pa ako dahil hindi naman ako pamilyar sa lugar. "May hotel ba rito? You can just drop me off there."

Kumunot ang noo ng drayber. "Walang hotel dito, Miss."

"Oh." My face fell.

The man in the backseat said something to the driver in a dialect which I could not understand.

Without looking at me he asked, "Dayo ka ba?" he asked in a deep voice. "Kung gusto mong tumuloy sa hotel meron naman sa Malapascua."

"Ah. I'll go there. Thanks." Sinubukan ko siyang sulyapan pero dahil nakatalikod siya, hindi ko kita ang mukha niya.

Our drive resumed its silence. Napansin ko rin na hindi bumaba ang lalaking nasa likod.

We finally reached a small port. I stayed on my seat while the guy on the back stood. I finally saw him. The first thing I noticed about him was that he's tanned and built because he's gray shirt fit his body perfectly. He was sporting a faded jeans.

Umakyat ang tingin ko sa mukha niya. I caught him looking at me with amusement in his brown eyes.

I cleared my throat and looked away. Na-guilty ako dahil nahuli niyang nakatitig.

"Kailangan mo na ring bumaba," he suddenly spoke. He glanced at the boats in the sea. "Kung sa Malapascua rin ang punta mo, kailangan pa ulit na sumakay ng bangka."

"Oh!" I hastily went out of the tricycle with my bag.

I turned around as I went to the driver to pay. The man started to walk away.

"How much do I owe you?" tanong ko sa drayber. "Magkano po?"

He told me the amount. Dinukot ko ang isang libo mula sa bulsa ng suot na jeans. Iaabot ko na sana ito sa drayber nang may humawak sa braso ko. I looked up to see the man earlier. I thought he already left.

Malamig niyang tiningnan ang drayber. He said something in bisaya which I did not understand. Namutla ang drayber at nahihiya na akong tiningnan.

"T-Three hundred lang, Miss." He awkwardly cleared his throat. "Sobra 'yan."

"But you said one thousand," litong sambit ko.

"Three hundred lang," he muttered. "Wala akong panukli diyan."

"Ako na," offer noong lalaki at inabutan na ang driver ng eksaktong three hundred.

The driver accepted the money. He fearfully glanced at the guy beside. Muli nitong binuhay ang makina ng sasakyan at umalis na.

I finally faced the stranger. "Babayaran kita sa three hundred mo. Wala lang nga akong pamalit sa isang libo ngayon."

" 'Wag mo nang isipin 'yon," aniya at walang kahirap-hirap na isinabit sa kabilang balikat ang bag niya na kulay itim.

Tumalikod na siya at nagsimulang maglakad papunta sa naghihintay na bangka. Sumunod naman ako sa kanya sa likod.

"I have money," I insisted.

He ignored it and just continued walking with long strides due to his long legs. Matangkad siya. Sa tantiya ko ay siguro nasa 6 feet. He's also attractive. My thoughts suddenly went to Alec.

Napahinto ako sa paglalakad. I stared at the narrow wooden planks which is used as a bridge from the cement to the boat. Medyo gumagalaw iyon dahil sa alon.

I swallowed my nerves. I looked up to see the guy who was looking at me with his arm outstretched. He wanted to assist me.

Inabot ko ang kamay niya. His grip on my hand was tight. His palm was hard and caloused.

Nang tuluyan nang makatawid sa bangka ay naupo na ako. Naupo naman siya sa tabi ko.

"Magkano ba ang pamasahe rito?" tanong ko sa kanya sa mahinang boses. Naghihintay kami sa iba pang mga pasahero.

He told me the amount. I nodded. "Ako na ang sasagot sa pamasahe mo."

"Ikaw bahala," he answered. His gaze went to the waters below.

I didn't want to be friendly to a stranger. Ayaw ko lang na magkaroon ng utang na loob.

Maingay ang makina ng bangka nang sa wakas ay umandar na ito. Pinagmasdan ko ang tubig buong biyahe. Habang lumalayo ay nag-iiba na ang kulay nito mula sa pagiging asul hanggang sa pagiging berde.

When we finally arrived, I couldn't help myself but gasp. The island was breathtaking. The pristine water looked unreal. The white and fine sand was endless. There's a huge amount of tall palm trees.

Sa pagkakamangha ko ay halos nakalimutan ko na ang magbayad ng pamasahe sa bangkero. Sumunod ako sa pagbaba ng iba pang mga pasahero.

May nakahilerang mga traysikel sa gilid ng kalsada. Sumakay ako sa isa at napansin ko rin ang pagsakay noong lalaki kanina sa likod. Kasabay ko na naman siya. It seemed like the guy knew the driver. They talked in their dialect.

"Sa hotel lang po ako," I told the driver.

"Aling hotel po?"

"Uh..." I got lost for answers again. Damn it. Patay na kasi ang battery ng cellphone ko at hindi ko pa nacha-charge.

"Marami namang matutuluyan dito kung hindi ka pa nakapag-book. Madadaanan natin kaya pili ka na lang," suggested the guy from the backseat.

"Okay. Thanks. I'll do that."

Ginugol ko ang biyahe sa pagtitingin sa mga nadadaanan namin. Some hotels and inns looked luxurious. For sure I could not afford them. Limang libo na lang ang natitira sa pera ko. I had to save money hanggang hindi pa ako nakakahanap ng trabaho.

"Dito na po ako!" bulalas ko nang nasa tapat kami ng isang simpleng two-storey bungalow.

Kaagad na huminto ang traysikel.

I stared at it. It's like one of those airbnbs. It didn't looked very fancy but it was comfortable looking though. Lalo na ang pangalawang palapag na may malaking bintana.

I liked how the white sheer curtain flew as the wind blew. May balkonahe rin ito na nakapalibot sa bungalow. Na-iimagine ko na ang sarili ko rito na umiinom ng kape habang nagbabasa ng libro.

Bumaba na ako mula sa traysikel at nagbigay ng pamasahe. Nagtaka ako dahil bumaba rin ang lalaki kanina.

Pagkatapos kong iabot ang pamasahe sa drayber ay pumaharurot na paalis ang traysikel.

Tiningala ko ulit ang ikalawang palapag. Yes, I could definitely stay here, I thought to myself. The beach was also just behind it.

Napabaling ako sa lalaki na nanatili sa gilid ko. He was looking at me.

"Gusto mo rito?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered breahtlessly. "It looks comfortable."

He nodded. His head tilted a bit. "Pasok ka sa loob kung gano'n."

Lito ko siyang tiningnan. "Dito ka rin tutuloy?"

He nodded. The amusement in his brown eyes returned.

That's how I met Kai. He actually owned the place. And it's just one of the four inns he owned in the entire Mapascua. He had a five year old daughter. Her name's Willow. Namatay ang ina ni Willow matapos siyang ipinanganak.

He's also a fisherman. Nang tanungin ko siya kung bakit kailangan niya pang mangisda kung may pera na naman siya, he's answer was that he didn't want to forget where he came from. Nag-eenjoy din siya sa pangingisda.

Hindi na ako naghanap pa ng ibang trabaho. He offered me a job in helping managing the inns. The business courses I took finally became useful.

"Are you sure about giving me this job?" tanong ko. "I can't give you any references. You don't really know me."

"Wala ka naman sigurong criminal records kaya walang problema," he jokingly answered.

I didn't tell him my full name. He didn't ask where I came from. He respected that I had secrets I was not ready to share yet.

Sa loob ng isang taong pamamalagi ko sa inn ay naging malapit ako sa mag-ama. A few people had question my relationship with Kai. We're just really good friends though.

Sometimes I would catch him looking at me in a different way. I would shook my head and he would accept it. He knew I wasn't ready. He would always understand.

My life is complicated still. Kasal pa rin ako kay Alec.  I had no news of my family but I felt like they're still looking for me.

Hindi pumalaot si Kai kinabukasan dahil Sabado. Napagpasyahan namin na mamasyal sa dalampasigan kasama si Willow.

Tinahak namin ang sandbar. Sa dulo nito ay ang papalubog na araw na animoy hahalikan na ang dagat. It was a sight to behold. Biglang tumakbo si Willow at dahil magkahawak kamay kami, nahila niya ako at naiwan naming dalawa si Kai.

"Lagot kayo sa'kin!" he playfully shouted at us. He gave us a wicked grin and ran after us.

Nahawa ako sa bilis ng takbo ni Willow. Halos hindi ko na ramdam ang pinong buhangin sa paa ko. I almost tripped on my long skirt.

Willow shrieked and I giggled when Kai finally caught up with us.

Hinuli niya si Willow na nangingisay sa tawa. He lifted her up in the air and threw her on his shoulders. Ngumisi ako habang pinagmamasdan ang dalawa.

Willow reached for my hand. I reached for her as well. Our fingers intertwined. Nginitian ko siya. Huminto na kami sa paglalakad nang nasa dulo na ng sandbar. The three of us gazed at the sunset, mesmerized.

Pansamantalang binitiwan ni Willow ang kamay ko. She said something to her father. Kai gave her a response.

And then I suddenly felt a heavy gaze on the back of my head. Unti-unti akong lumingon. I gasped when I saw Alec standing at a distance, looking at us.

He's wearing his suit. His dark pants and black polished shoes looked so out of place on the beach.

Nanigas ang katawan ko. Bumaha ang mga posibleng mangyayari sa isipan ko. How did he find me? Anong gagawin niya ngayong natagpuan niya na ako?

Buong akala ko ay lalapit siya. Natakot ako at naisip ang maaaring mangyaring komprontasyon. He didn't though. Nanatili siya sa kinatatayuan niya. Tahimik lang na nakatingin sa'kin.

He gave me a sad smile. And then he turned his back and started walking away.

My breathing slowed. I felt the color drained my face.

"May problema ba, Jia?" tanong ni Kai sa nag-aalalang boses.

I blinked and glanced at him. He was looking at me worriedly. Lumipad ang tingin niya sa direksiyon ng tinatanaw ko kanina. Alam kong nakita niya ang likod ni Alec na papalayo na.

Ibinalik ni Kai ang tingin niya sa'kin. His eyes were full of questions. Mga tanong na alam kong matagal na niyang gustong sabihin sa'kin. Imbes na magtanong ay namayani ang respeto at pagtanggap sa mga mata niya.

Kai swallowed and took my hand. He squeezed it as if telling me that he wouln't force me into something I was not yet ready to say.

Eventually we went home. Nagreklamo na rin kasi si Willow na gutom na siya.

I could not sleep that night. Tahimik lang akong nakatitig sa manipis na puting kurtina na sumasayaw sa ihip ng hangin. Ang kuwartong tinutuluyan ko ay ang pangalawang palapag. Sa kabilang kuwarto naman nito ay ang mag-ama.

Nanatili sa isipan ko si Alec. I could still see him standing on the beach in a far distance. He just walked away after seeing me. Pero paano kung makita ko ulit siya bukas o sa susunod pang mga araw? Lalayo pa rin kaya siya?

Bumalik ang takot sa puso ko. I was finally free. Hindi ko masasabi na araw-araw akong masaya sa bago kong buhay pero ang mas importante naman ay ang kapanatagan, hindi ba?

Alam kong darating din ang araw na siguro ay magtatagpo ulit ang landas namin ni Alec. Kung bukas, sa makalawa ay magkita man kami, kailangan kong ihanda ang sarili.

I tried closing my eyes hoping for sleep to finally engulped me.

Hindi ko na ulit nakita si Alec sa sumunod na araw. Relief washed over me. Bumalik ang pagiging normal ng buhay ko sa isla.

I decided to go to the market the next day. Gusto kong mamili ng mga ingredients. I wanted to bake a cake for Willow's birthday the following day.

Kai offered to drive me. Tumanggi ako dahil walang kasama si Willow sa inn. May sinat siya at minu-minuto ay tinatawag niya ang ama. At kahit na marunong naman akong magmaneho mas pinili ko ang maglakad na lang. I needed the exercise. Balak ko na saka na lang sumakay kapag pauwi na.

The sun was about to set when I finished buying the ingredients. Wala na rin masyadong tao sa labas dahil abala na siguro sa paghahanda para sa hapunan. Ito ang napuna ko sa probinsiya, maagang nagpapahinga ang mga tao.

Nag-abang na ako ng masasakyang traysikel. Bitbit ko ang eco bag na may laman ng pinamiling ingredients para sa cake na ibi-bake.

Lalapitan na sana ako ng traysikel nang maunahan siya ng paparating na itim na SUV. Bigla itong huminto sa harap ko. Tinted ang bintana ng sasakyan kaya hindi ko matukoy kung mga turista ba ang sakay nito.

The door suddenly opened. Everything became a blur. Mabilis na lumabas ang dalawang lalaki na may cover ang mukha. They started to grab me. Before I could even scream, a hand had clamped over my mouth.

They dragged me inside the vehicle. My head bumped on the corner as they pushed me on the backseat.

Nanlaban ako. I kicked them with all the strength I could muster. They were stronger. Panic had ruled my body.

And then a spray hit my face. I coughed and choked as I gasped for air. My breathing was becoming short. My vision blurred. Everything became hazy. I tried to fight it.  Gusto kong makakita. Ayaw kong pumikit at bitawan ang malay ko dahil sa takot na kapag ginawa ko 'yon, tuluyan na nga akong mababalot ng kadiliman.

Napatingin ako sa front seat. Another man with a bonnet was on the driver's seat. Inilapat ko ang tingin sa kabilang bahagi. All the air left my body when I recognized who it was.

"Alec..." I gasped.

His eyes were cold. His mouth was hard and unforgiving.

"Drive," malamig na utos niya.

The tires screeched as it made a sharp turn. I lost my consciousness and I started floating into the abyss.