Chapter 17

Slap

"Tingin mo nagloloko siya?" tahimik na tanong sa akin ni Feng. Pareho naming pinagmamasdan ang mga batang nagpapalipad ng saranggola sa parke.

"Hindi ko sigurado, Feng. Wala naman akong ebidensiya para patunayan 'yan."

Ngumuso siya at inilapag ang hawak na milktea sa inuupuan naming bench.

"Pero may tinatawag na women's instict. Sabi nila mas matalas daw 'to lalo na kapag nagsasama kayo sa iisang bubong." She looked at me. "Anong sinasabi ng kutob mo?"

Nagpakawala ako ng isang malalim na buntonghininga. "I don't think he's cheating on me. He's just different. He seems... cold these days."

"Baka busy lang sa work?" aniya pagkatapos maging tahimik.

"Kahit naman busy siya noong first month ng marriage namin maayos pa rin kaming dalawa."

"Pa'nong ayos?" Feng looked curious.

"I felt close to him. Like he's really present."

Tumango-tango si Feng na para bang nainitindihan niya.

"What about your sex life?"

Napaubo ako ng wala sa oras. Inirapan ako ni Feng.

"Huwag ka ngang pa-virgin. Mag-asawa na naman kayo! "

"I just don't feel comfortable talking about my sex life," rason ko.

Umirap ulit siya. "Fine! Pero meron naman like recently?"

I slowly shook my head.

"Oh." Her face fell. Kinuha niya ulit ang kanyang milktea.

"Gabing-gabi na siya umuuwi. Tulog na ako lagi," paliwanag ko.

"Pero no'ng first month ninyo?"

"We had sex like twice a day." Napaisip ulit ako. "Minsan three times a day."

Umawang ang labi ni Feng at nagmukha siyang namamangha.

"Wow. Parang agahan, pananghalian, at hapunan lang!"

I couldn't help but laugh with how she put it.

Sa huli ay bumalik kami sa pagiging seryoso.

"Pakiramdam ko lately, may nakaharang sa pagitan naming dalawa. I still feel like he cares for me, but there's just this wall."

"Sa tingin ko, kailangan ninyong mag-usap na dalawa," payo ni Feng. "Para naman maayos niyo hanggang maaga pa. Lahat naman ng problema nadadaan 'yan sa masinsinang usapan."

"Tingin mo... nagsawa na si Alec sa'kin? I mean, he'd always been the pursuer in our relationship. Lagi niyang sinasabi na gusto niya ako. Baka mababaw lang ang pagkakagusto niya at sa hitsura ko lang?"

"Kung sa hitsura mo lang, eh hindi ka naman pumangit o nalusyang para magsawa siya. Mas lalo ka ngang gumanda!"

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi. "Or maybe it's because I'm not ready to give him a child yet."

Agad akong inilingan ng kaibigan ko.

"Imposible naman," aniya. "Nasa early stage pa kayo ng marriage ninyo. At saka napag-usapan niyo naman ang tungkol sa pag-aanak. Baka time management lang at baka pareho kayong naninibago pa?"

"I don't know, Feng."

Muli naming sabay na tiningnan ang mga batang nagpapalipad ng saranggola.

"Mahal mo na siya, ano?" sambit bigla ni Feng.

"Oo," pag-amin ko. Mapanglaw na ang tingin. "Hindi naman siya mahirap mahalin."

"You should tell him that."

"I've never had the chance." Ngumuso ako. "Plus, it's hard for me to express my emotions. I was trained to suppressed them."

Napatingin ako pabalik kay Feng nang gumalaw siya sa inuupuan. Tiningnan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. I was wearing a white long-sleeved collared blouse and a denim jeans.

"Wala ka na bang klase?" she suddenly asked.

Umiling ako. "Why?"

"Puntahan mo siya sa work."

"Why? I've never done that before."Napatingin ako sa suot ko. "And besides, sobrang plain lang ng suot ko ngayon."

"Kahit naman anong suotin mo hindi ka mukhang plain-looking. Mukha ka pa ring old money," pamimilit niya.

"Ano namang gagawin ko sa opisina niya?"

"Maghatid ka ng snacks. Sabihan mo siya na mahal mo siya!"

Medyo matagal pa bago ako nakapagdesisyon. Tumayo na ako at tiningnan ang kaibigan.

"Fine."

Sinunod ko ang sinabi ni Feng. Umuwi na muna ako sa penthouse at nagpasiya na gumawa ng sandwich para kay Alec. Ako na mismo ang gumawa kahit na may mga katulong naman kami.

I drove towards his company building. I used the car that he had bought for me as a wedding present. Iyong sasakyan na sinabi ko sa kanya na gusto ko.

Nagtanong na rin ako sa isa sa mga sekretarya niya at naimporma na nasa building lang si Alec at wala sa fields. He had a one hour meeting on the top floor.

I had one of the security parked my car in the basement. I left my keys with him. Mukhang naabisuhan din ng sekretarya ang pagdating ko dahil kapapasok ko pa lang sa lobby ay may gumiya na sa aking staffs.

I waited inside Alec's office. It was a huge one and since it was my first time getting inside his office, I surveyed the room. The walls paint were white and gray. It made the entire office look sleek.

Wala masyadong furniture dito. There was just a sofa lounge with a glass center table. Malapad din ang babasaging mesa ni Alec. It was near the huge glass window. It was far from the door entrance. Kung lalapitan ang mesa niya, kailangan mo pang humakbang ng ilang metro.

"Maupo na po muna kayo sa lounge, Mrs. Cua," anang babaeng sekretarya sabay muwestra rito. She's pretty and looked very formal with her pencil skirt. She smiled at me. "I had the Chairman informed of your arrival."

"Patapos na ba ang meeting niya?"

Sinulyapan niya ang suot na relo. "In about twenty minutes."

"Okay. I'll wait for him then."

"Alright. I'll just get you some refreshments."

"Water will be fine," agap ko.

Muli siyang tumango at tinalikuran na ako para magtungo sa pintuan.

She opened the door and quietly went out.

Nilapitan ko ang lounge at naupo sa armchair. Inilapag ko sa center table ang dalang paperbag na may lamang sandwiches na gawa ko.

A few minutes later, Alec's secretary returned. Nagdala nga siya ng isang baso ng tubig. I expressed my gratitude and she left once again.

Almost ten minutes had already passed when I started yawning. Ramdam ko rin ang pagbigat ng mga talukap ko. It was weird because I felt sleepy despite getting enough sleep that night. Lalo pa at hindi naman ako kadalasang dinadalaw ng antok sa hapon.

Tumayo ako at nagsimulang mag stretch para mawala ang antok. Sinulyapan ko ulit ang mesa ni Alec.

I glanced back at the door and decided to do something to pass the time. Naglakad ako palapit sa mesa niya at tiningnan ang kaonting bagay na nakalagay rito.

I saw a computer and a pen holder with a few black fountain pens in it. May picture frames din na nakalapag sa ibabaw ng mesa. One frame was of my solo picture and the other one was of our wedding photo in black and white.

Kinuha ko ang isang picture frame ng solo picture ko. It looked like a stolen shot by the beach. It was before our second wedding.

I was in a white tube dress. I was grinning widely as the wind blew my hair, it covered half of my face. I looked so happy and carefree. The photo made me look young the way it was captured.

Muntik ko nang nabitawan ang hawak na picture frame nang bigla na lang bumukas ang pinto. It was Alec. He was wearing one of his corporate suits. Nakatupi hanggang siko ang sleeves nito.

He looked at me and started walking towards my direction.

Nang naalala na nasa mesa niya pala ako, maagap akong lumayo rito. Like I was caught in a place where I shouldn't be.

He probably noticed it. Umangat ang kilay niya.

"Pasensiya na at pinaghintay kita," was his way of greeting.

Pinisil ko ang mga daliri. "It's okay. I knew you had a meeting."

He nodded and didn't say anything. Ako pa yata ang hinintay niya na siyang mag-initiate ng usapan.

"I brought a sandwich," sabi ko sabay muwestra sa may lounge.

Nakatingin na rin siya sa may center table.

"I already ate," aniya na siyang nagpabagsak sa balikat ko. He looked at me and saw it, "but I'll have that for dinner later," halatang pampalubag loob niya.

Wala sa aming dalawa ang humakbang para sa distansiyang nakapagitan sa aming dalawa. We were inside his office, breathing the same air, but it seemed that we were still far from each other.

"Late ka na naman uuwi?" I couldn't even hide the pang of disappointment in my voice.

He looked away. His forehead wrinkled. "May deadlines lang akong kailangang habulin para sa bagong projects."

I nodded and forced a smile. The silence between us was so loud, it almost made me deaf.

"Do we have a problem, Alec?" Naglakas loob na akong magtanong.

He then gazed at me. His eyes were unfathomable.

"No."

"Then why do I feel like you've been distant these days?"malungkot na tanong ko.

He released a pent-up breath.

"I'm giving you space."

"Space for what?" Lito ko siyang tiningnan.

"Ayaw kitang sakalin, Jia."

"Sakalin? May nasabi ba ako sa'yo para isipin mo 'yan?"

He sighed. Unti-unti siyang napahilamos sa mukha.

"No. You haven't said anything. You don't even complain. You never say anything." His eyes turned sad. "But then you don't even say you love me."

Umawang ang labi ko.

"Why will I complain?" nalilitong tanong ko. "You're giving me everything, Alec."

He scoffed to himself. His shoulders almost sagged defeatedly.

"Is that all I really am to you?" he asked in a quiet voice. "Taong nagbibigay lang ng lahat?"

"You said you'd protect me. And you've been doing just that. I don't have the right to complain."

"I am not just someone who's gonna protect you. I'm your husband too!" he shouted frustratingly. "If you're going to use me, then use me well but don't make me feel guilty about it!"

Napasinghap ako sa narinig mula sa kanya. It was like a hug slap on my face. I was the first one who crossed the distance between us.

"Use you?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko. " 'Yan ba ang tingin mo talaga sa'kin?"

His jaw clenched. "Huwag tayong magtalo rito."

"Why not?" hamon ko. "We don't really talk at home. We have a problem and I want to talk about it. Ayaw ko nang kimkimin pa 'to."

"Fine." His eyes were angry and intense. "You want to talk about the problem? Then here's the problem! Your brother told me everything. You were only forced into this marriage because of their threats."

His revelation rendered me speechless. Namutawi ang guilt at hiya sa buong sistema ko.

"He was so willing to call you out when I finally refused to back him up with his new projects after he messed up again."

I looked away. I had no right to look at him in the eyes and denied everything because it was the truth.

"I know how badly your family needs this marriage. Your family's company is not doing well, I am fully aware of that. They need me for my money. At alam mo ba kung ano ang mas nakakatanga, Jia? I don't really care."

Gulat kong ibinalik ang tingin sa kanya.

"At tingin mo hanggang ngayon ginagamit pa rin kita," mapait sa deklara ko.

"I don't know what to think. I'm crazy about you that whatever you say won't even matter to me. It's not even healthy anymore," he confessed, his voice had gone soft.

"Alec...I—"

My phone suddenly rang. Nakatingin pa rin ako kay Alec at gusto ko sanang magpaliwanag sa kanya kaya lang halatang walang balak na huminto ang tumatawag.

Kinuha ko ito mula sa bulsa ng suot na jeans at nakita sa screen na si Ate Shen ang tumatawag. I turned away from Alec as I answered the call.

"What is it?" bungad ko.

"Kailangan mong umuwi ng mansiyon ngayon, Jia,"tugon ni Ate Shen sa para bang nagmamadaling boses.

"Bakit? May nangyari ba?"

"Papa brought his mistress in the mansion."

I stiffened. "Uuwi ako ngayon."

I ended the call and I saw that Alec was looking at me. His eyes was etched with worry.

"May problema ba?" agap niya.

"I can handle my own problem," malamig na sabi ko inaalala ang mga huling sinabi niya. "I won't use you, Alec. You don't have to worry about me anymore."

I started walking passed him. Ilang hakbang pa ay huminto rin ako. I glanced at the untouched snacks I brought in his office. And then I continued walking without looking back.

Lumabas ako ng opisina. Natigil ang pagbati ng ilang staffs sa akin dahil sa kawalan ko ng interes sa pagpansin sa kanila. Ang tanging tumatakbo lang sa isip ko ay ang makauwi ng mansiyon kaagad.

Siguro ay natawagan ni Alec ang security. Nakaabang kaagad ang sasakyan ko sa labas ng lobby. Pinagbuksan ako ng pinto ng security at inabot sa akin ang susi ng sasakyan. I slid in and turned the ignition.

Isinantabi ko na muna ang naging pagtatalo namin ni Alec sa kanyang opisina. I busied myself anticipating what I would witness once I reached the mansion.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang naramdaman habang nasa daan na pauwi. I had never faced my father's mistress before. Dati rin kasi naman, hindi pa siya naglakas ng loob na iharap sa amin ni isa sa mga naging kabit niya.

I looked up and saw the sky darkened. Nagbabadya ang pagbuhos ng ulan. It was a good thing that I was finally nearing the mansion. Sumama ang pakiramdam ko.

The wide gate opened upon my arrival. I swiftly entered and parked the car right away.

Lumabas ako ng kotse at pumasok sa loob. Una kong nakita ang pag-aabang ni Ate Shen na nasa ibaba ng hagdanan.

"Where is she?" nanggagalaiting tanong ko. My claws were ready to strike.

Ang kapal ng apog niya na tumuntong sa mismong teritoryo namin!

Kabado ang hitsura ni Ate Shen. Tumingala siya sa ikalawang palapag.

"She's in Mama's room, Jia."

"What?" I inhaled sharply.

Sinimulan ko ang paghakbang paakyat ng hagdan. Ate Shen followed behind me.

"Si Papa?" I asked. Tuloy-tuloy lang ang ginawa naming pag-akyat.

"Nasa study... He's with Lee. "

When we finally reached my parents's bedroom door, I harshly turned the knob.

Pagbukas ko pa lang ng pinto ay tumambad na sa akin ang isang babaeng may mahaba at kulot na buhok.

She was seated in front of my mom's vanity mirror, trying out what seemed to be my mom's jewelry. She was so into it that she didn't even notice me.

"What are you doing?" I almost growled.

Nabitawan niya ang hawak na gold bangles dahil sa gulat.

Tuluyan na nga akong pumasok sa loob ng kuwarto. I looked at her face in the mirror. I was too focused with what she was doing that I did not have a good look at her face earlier.

Dahil nakuha ko nang titigan ang gulantang na ekspresyon niya sa salamin, halos napasinghap ako sa  nadiskobre.

"Apple?" bulalas ko. I recognized her!  She was a classmate in school.

Nagmukha siyang daga na nahuli ng pusang gaya ko. Unti-unti siyang tumayo at hinarap na ako. She gave me a guilty smile.

"Hi, J-Jia," she forced in a chirpy voice.

Hindi ako makapaniwala habang pinagmamasdan siya. The world indeed is sometimes a fucked up place.

I was still trying to process what the hell was going on. Palipat-lipat na ang tingin ko sa kanya at sa mga natitirang alahas ni Mama na kinuha niya mula sa drawers.

"I w-was just trying to get a peek of the room," she explained lamely. "I got l-lost with the... jewelry."

Sa sinabi niya ay napatitig ako sa halo-halong necklaces na nasa leeg niya.

Sa matinding emosyon ay sinugod ko na siya.

"Take them fucking off!" marahas na sinabi ko sabay pilit na pagtanggal sa mga 'to. Tinulungan na ako ni Ate Shen.

"Ouch!"  Apple complained.

"Tanggalin mo sabi, eh!"

I was too harsh that she almost sobbed as she choke.

Gamit ang isang kamay niya ay sinubukan niya akong ilayo sa kanya. Pinigilan iyon ni Ate Shen.

My anger was enough to fight her off. Mas matangkad lang si Apple dahil sa suot na heels kaya hindi rin naman siya nahirapang manlaban.

My nails were a bit long that her neck started to bleed with the scratches I gave her.

Sumagi ang daliri ko sa kulot na hair extensions niya. Napahiyaw siya.

"What the hell is going on here?" came a loud booming voice of my own father. Beside him was my brother who looked confused as hell.

Parang kidlat na nakawala si Apple sa amin ni Ate Shen at mabilis na tumakbo papunta kay Papa.

She snuggled against his chest and pouted in my direction.

Umawang ang labi ko at may bumarang pait sa lalamunan ko.

"She scratched me!" sumbong niya sa takot na boses. "I was trying out your dead wife's jewelry lang naman, eh. Pinayagan mo naman ako!"

I almost moaned in pain and hurt. Kahit pa hirap na akong huminga, nanatiling parang wala lang ang reaksiyon ni Papa.

"How could you let her come in here, Pa!" sigaw ko. "Wala ka na ba talagang delikadeza!"

"You don't live here anymore," kalmadong paalala ng ama ko. "This is my mansion. Dadalhin ko ang kung sinuman ang gusto kong dalhin dito."

Kumawala na ang mga luha ko. Apple looked at me smugly.

"Shen, come here!" malupit na utos ni Kuya sa asawa.

Napatalon sa takot si Ate Shen. She glanced at me. Tumango ako sa kanya para ipakitang ayos lang sa akin.

Dahan-dahan siyang naglakad papunta sa bukana nang pintuan. Hindi pa man nakakarating ay marahas nang hinila ng kapatid ko ang braso niya.

Both of them left the room.

"I'll tell Amma about this," desperadang saad ko.

"Do you think she doesn't know?"

"Malakas na ba ang loob mo na ibalandra 'yang mga kabit mo dahil wala na si Mama?"

Apple slightly flinched as the mentioned of the word kabit.

"You even brought that bitch here!" galit na sigaw ko. "Alam ba niya na ikaw ang pumatay sa sarili mong asawa!"

Kinain ng malalaking hakbang ni Papa ang distansiyang nakapagitan sa amin. He lift a hand and I braced myself from the slap.

There was a ringing in my ear when his palm finally hit my cheek. The impact was so forceful that I almost fell.

Nanlabo ang paningin ko. Hanggang sa literal na tuluyan na itong dumilim. My body swayed. I felt like I was floating.

There was pain as my body hit the floor. There was a loud thud.

Everything went completely dark.