communication is important, folks! :D 

*

Rhysand doesn't talk about it, so Andy doesn't, either.

It gets swept under the rug.

But Andy knows he's still torn up about it, still disappointed she didn't tell him to stop, pained he didn't notice.

And Andy is—she's heartbroken. She should've...she should've said something, she shouldn't have forced herself, and now—now, she doesn't know what to do. He said he doesn't trust what she says anymore, and it's fair. She promised him. They agreed on it. Andy didn't mean to break it, and she had good intentions, but look where they are now. Tiptoeing around each other. Hesitant touches and kisses. Ignoring the elephant in the room and biting their tongues.

Andy's roommates know nothing happened. As soon as they got home, they drank their wine, watched a movie, kissed a little, fell asleep. "That's okay," MJ assured her with a bright smile. "Don't rush it. You can wait 'til you're ready, bub."

Ready. Rhysand said she wasn't ready.

She glances at him from beneath her lashes, gripping her pen. Her notes, books, and laptop are spread out all over the coffee table in his studio, and he's leaning back against his chair with his head hanged, eyes closed, wearing the headphones she got him. His hair falls across his forehead, earrings shining in the light, and he looks peaceful but also concentrated, listening intently to the track playing in his ears.

Andy doesn't know what to do to make him trust her again. She's going insane.

"I'm not studying anymore, stress is bad for the baby," Andy says, dropping her pen and closing her notebook.

Rhysand hears her. "What baby?" he mutters, keeping his eyes closed.

"Me, I'm the baby."

His mouth curls at the corner. "You have finals in a few weeks."

She stands up and walks towards him. "And I'm going to prepare for it, like always," Andy mutters, biting her lip. "And I've been preparing myself for this, too. We haven't talked about what happened in weeks."

Rhysand doesn't open his eyes. "I'm working," he says flatly, pressing his lips to a thin line.

Andy can't do this anymore. She slides her hands around his neck slowly, gently, fingers tracing his collarbone, until they come to a stop at his nape. She plays with his hair there, and Rhysand opens his legs a little—it's such a subtle gesture, a little difference from the way he's currently seated, but Andy catches it and almost sobs in relief, climbing to his lap.

She leans forward to tug his hoodie out of the way and brushes her lips across his racing pulse point. "Can you tell me what you feel?" she asks softly, inhaling his freshly-showered scent. "I can't read you. You've been so closed-off ever since that night and I'm worried about coming here. I'm never worried when I come here, but I just feel like you don't want me around anymore. And you barely reply to my texts, and when you do, they're short and dry and painful to read and I don't know, are you breaking up with me?" Her voice goes small at her last question, and she shuts her eyes at the thought.

Rhysand takes off his headphones and tosses them on the table. His hands stay on the chair's armrests. "I don't know how to talk to you after what I've done."

Andy gulps at his cold tone. "After what you've done?"

"You say you trust me," Rhysand continues, and his voice is firm and stable and thick. "But you didn't say red. Or even yellow."

"I trust you," Andy argues desperately, quietly. "There's no one else I trust more than you. And I said I wanted it, too. I did, but something changed along the way and it was my fault I didn't tell you to stop. Why are you upset with yourself, Rhys?"

"Because I shouldn't have—" he grits out, clutching the arm rests with his fingers until his knuckles are turning white, "Because I wasn't paying enough attention. Because I feel like I took advantage of you, because I didn't take care of you."

Andy squeezes herself to him, shaking her head desperately. "Baby," she mutters, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Baby, no. Stop. You didn't—you didn't. It was supposed to be a two-way thing," she says, inhaling shakily. "You can't read my mind. I'm supposed to communicate with you just as much as you're communicating with me. Will you just let me apologize?"

She pulls back to cup his face. "I'm sorry. I love you."

Rhysand tightens his jaw and takes a deep breath. "When did you start feeling wrong?"

"That doesn't matter," Andy says, brushing her thumbs on his cheeks. "Rhys, I—"

"If I hadn't stopped for a second to notice you were shaking, you wouldn't have told me," Rhysand continues, and Andy stiffens. "You would've let me keep going. And that's fucked up. That's fucked up, Sanford. What would happen if I went all the way and you just felt dirty and you didn't want it? That you're just forcing yourself to because it makes me feel good? You know how fucked up that is? You said you were fine while you were fucking shaking—"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Andy rattles off, eyes shutting closed. She buries her face in her hands, all of his jabs and arguments piercing straight to her heart. She doesn't know if he's right, but she feels like...she feels like shit. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I won't—I won't force myself anymore. I'll tell you everything. It's not just for you. It's for me, too, and it means nothing if one of us doesn't feel good. I'm sorry."

Rhysand's hands finally come up to her body, and she sags in his touch, and he hugs her to him and smooths his hand down her back. "You need to be honest with me," he says quietly.

"I will, I will," Andy says through her tears, throat dry. "I'm sorry, I will. It won't happen again. Please."

Rhysand sighs into her hair. "I'm sorry I didn't take care of you properly," he murmurs. "I'm sorry I didn't make you feel safe enough to say stop. Let's just—let's forgive each other for this, okay? I don't want you to think about it anymore."

Andy hiccups and nods, fisting his hoodie in her hands. "Rhysand, I love you," she whispers. Wholeheartedly. The wave of it staggering her backwards and she doesn't know who she' be without this. Without him. "I love you so much."

More than he does.

Rhysand takes a deep breath and says the words back to her.

*

Things are almost back to normal.

Andy's heart feels lighter, she and Rhysand are doing great. He's busy with work, and she breezes through finals, and she had a presentation again for Singh's class, but she felt more confident and determined this time and Singh clapped for her at the end of her slides, and they're almost back to normal.

But Rhysand doesn't let things go far. His hands stay firmly at her waist. His lips stay on her mouth, neck, collarbone, and then back up her shoulder and mouth again. When Andy feels him starting to feel good against her, and her hands fumble with his jeans, Rhysand catches her wrists and kisses her some more and then pulls back. He rasps, "Let's go to sleep," or "I'm going to shower," and then he places one last kiss on her forehead and leaves.

Andy understands how the incident dented their relationship. She understands—it was her fault. And she understands why Rhysand is too hesitant, too careful, too unsure to go there again—to go even close to it. She understands that it might take time for him to trust her again.

She understands all of that—but sometimes. Sometimes, it gets so frustrating. When Rhysand leaves again to shower, Andy flops back on the bed with a groan.

She just wants him to touch her. She wants to touch him. Whichever, Andy doesn't care anymore.

She huffs and goes to bed without saying goodnight to him. Rhysand comes back and climbs in beside her, softly kissing her cheek, and then he tucks them under the blankets and scoops her in his arms and falls asleep.

On the day of Sabina's graduation, Andy and MJ meet her dad, Allan, for the first time. He cried during the ceremony, even stood up and yelled when Sabina's name was called, and Andy and MJ stood up with him and cheered rather embarrassingly. Sabina received her diploma with the widest grin on her face, and she raised it up in the air and pointed at her dad.

They take pictures—a lot of pictures, and Andy cries first and then MJ cries after her. Sabina's laughing, gathering them both in her arms, and she says, "Guys, I'm not dying, okay?" And Allan takes a picture of the three of them and Sabina's the only one who looks gorgeous because Andy and MJ are both crying and they're hideous.

She takes them out to dinner afterwards, and Allan asks them a lot of questions and tells them stories about how bossy she was a kid (they tell him she's still bossy as an adult). MJ and Andy give her their graduation presents and her jaw drops at the small film camera Andy got her and the portable photo printer MJ picked out, and then she's crying and they're hugging again, and Allan takes a photo with the new camera and they print out three copies of it. (Sabina doesn't look hideous even when she's crying, it's a little unfair).

They have their mini party in their dorm room with lots and lots of alcohol and pizza because Sabina's moving out soon, and her bed and desk might be occupied by a newcomer as soon as it's clear. Andy's heart sinks at the thought.

"We're still going to keep in touch, alright?" Sabina announces firmly, gripping her glass. Her eyes are watery. "I'm working at a huge company as a photographer and a model and you guys have to come visit me. And I'll visit you both here and you better make time for me, you little shits, because I'm going to be a busy woman and I'm going to hate you if you don't come see me."

Andy sobs loudly. "Sab! I'm going to come home and you're not going to be here and—"

"And no one's gonna tell us to get our shits together," MJ continues, sniffling. She hugs her knees and looks at the floor. "And who am I going to hit the club with? Andy doesn't want to go!"

"And your hair dryer's not gonna be in the bathroom anymore," Andy adds miserably. "And I need to talk to you and MJ when I need help, and you're not going to be here!"

"You brats, so dramatic," Sabina says fondly, shaking her head. "I'm giving you both a key to my apartment, okay? And I'll send you my schedule and I promise to reply in our group chat from now on."

Andy looks at the redhead through her tears. "You heard her. She said she's going to reply to us from now on."

"You said you're going to reply in the group chat," MJ mutters, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her jacket. "You better keep your word."

"I promise," Sabina says, and they make a toast for good measure and they laugh and recount how they met and everything they've gone through since then, and Andy doesn't want her to leave, but she can't stop time either and she can't stop things from changing.

Rhysand notices how sad she is—she's watching Sabina clear her desk and closet and bed and she doesn't even celebrate receiving a final grade of B+ for Singh's class and an A for the rest. On a Wednesday night, as soon as Sabina moves out, MJ and Andy help her unpack in her new apartment (a little far from campus, nearer to her company building, a little lonely and sad and no Andy or MJ), and they celebrate with food and drinks and she's trying to hold back her tears when Sabina gives them both a key. Andy goes to Rhysand's place and cries because she doesn't want to cry in front of MJ again and she doesn't want to feel sad about this but she does—she does, it's not going to be the same anymore. She misses Sabina's presence already and it feels different seeing her desk and bed and closet empty.

But she's surprised that Rhysand comes home earlier than usual and asks, "You wanna come with me to get my nails done?"

Andy's eyes are sore. She blinks at him. "Huh?"

"I need to have them cleaned and shit," Rhysand says, tossing his bag on the sofa. "You wanna get your nails done, too? We can grab nuggets and milkshakes on the way back and go see your friends at the shelter."

Andy wipes her cheeks and nods. "Okay," she whispers.

Rhysand keeps his fingers interlocked with hers during the drive, his thumb caressing the back of her hand. Andy loves him for it, she loves that he's doing this even though he's tired and he has work tomorrow, and that he knows she needs this and she needs him.

They get their nails done and Rhysand helps her choose between a pretty blush color and a lovely powder blue (he chooses the blush color like Andy knows he will), and Andy's spirits lift up from playing with the animals in the shelter (he leaves her for a while to grab gummy bears and a strawberry-flavored drink, like he did during their not-so-first date, and she tells Rhysand she's going to adopt a dog someday and Rhysand won't have a choice but to be a fur parent, too, and she doesn't see it but he smiles and nods), and they get nuggets and milkshakes like he promised and Andy's happy and thankful for Rhysand and she loves him.

"Thank you," she whispers to him, hooking her leg around his waist and clinging to him like a koala. "For today. I feel better."

"Good," Rhysand says in response, closing his eyes. "I don't like seeing you sad, sunshine."

Andy kisses his jaw. "You make me the happiest."

He hums. "Will it make you even happier if I say I wanna come with you to Parkway?"

Andy stares at him. "What?"

Rhysand opens his eyes. "I can't stay for a month, obviously," he says, pushing his tongue against his cheek. His fingers keep stroking Andy's skin through her shirt. "I'll probably be able to take just five days off work, then I have to drive back. But." He pauses, pursing his lips. "I've been thinking about it. And if it's alright with you...then I want to come with you to Parkway and meet your dad."

Andy is—Andy is shocked.

She's never opened up the idea to Rhysand because meeting the parent is...it's taking things a little too forward, a little too serious, and it might scare Rhysand off—but here he is, offering to go all the way to Parkway and to stay there for a few days even though it means work being pushed off, and here he is saying he wants to spend time with her family and meet her terrifying, overprotective father.

"It's fine if you're not comfortable with it," he says quickly, sitting up. He runs a hand through his messy hair and looks at her. "You don't have to agree with it just because I offered. I just wanted to let you know."

Andy's still in shock. "Wait," she stutters, sitting back on her heels. "Wait, so, you're saying you're okay with meeting my dad?"

Rhysand tilts his head to the side. "I mean, I'm terrified as shit, but yes."

Andy can't even find it in her to be amused. "And you're okay with staying at Parkway for a few days? Even though you have work?"

"I'll answer important calls," Rhysand mutters, rubbing the nape of his neck, "but I won't bring my laptop and sheets and I'll focus on spending time with you and your dad."

Andy blinks at him. "You—are you sure?"

Rhysand drops his hand and shakes his head. "If you're not okay with it, sunshine, it's fine."

"No, I'm—I'm in shock," Andy says quietly. "I'm...you're offering to meet my dad and to spend time with me during the summer even though you have work and I...I can't wrap my head around it."

He takes her hands gently and strokes her skin. "Baby, what can't you wrap your head around? It's as simple as you said."

Andy has—oh, no. She has tears in her eyes. "I'm just," she whispers, voice trembling, "I'm just happy. Of course I want you to come. Of course I want you and my dad to meet—he's the most important person in my life and you're the most important person in my life, too, and I want him to know how amazing you are and I want him to see how much you love me and that he doesn't need to worry about his little girl—"

"Christ," Rhysand mutters, pulling her to him, and she hugs him, sobbing already. "Why do I always make you cry?"

Andy doesn't know what to say other than a broken whisper of, "I love you."

"I love you too, you know that," Rhysand says in her hair. "Don't cry, baby. These are happy tears, right?"

"Yes," Andy says, laughing and sobbing at the same time. "Happy tears. I'm so happy."

"Good." He kisses her temple. "I'm glad. Wanna make you happy. Always."

Andy doesn't know what to say. She doesn't deserve him.

*

Rhysand gets an undercut a week before they have to leave for Parkway.

In the morning, Rhysand had woken her up to tell her he needed to leave for work. Sleepily, Andy grumbled about this—said it wasn't fair that he needed to come to work on a Saturday—but Rhysand left her in bed with a smile and a kiss on the forehead. "Don't wait up," he said, grabbing his bag.

While Rhysand was at work, Andy and Jenner headed to the store to stock up on groceries and they threw out everything expired in the cupboards. Then they watched a movie and baked some donuts together and dipped them in vanilla filling, and Jenner got some in Andy's hair and Andy also got some on his face.

Rhysand comes home after they've cleaned up, and she's in his room, sorting out his clothes after folding the laundry. He walks in and says, "You don't have to do that, sunshine."

She smiles and stands up to turn around. "It's okay, I don't have classes—"

He has an undercut, and Andy's lips part in surprise. "I—new hairstyle?"

Rhysand scoffs and runs a hand through it. The sides of his head aren't completely buzzed off, but it's enough for Andy to see that it has been closely cut. Andy gulps, feeling a surging wave of dizziness. "I dropped by before going home and they gave me this. Does it look bad?"

Andy's cheeks flush. "No."

Rhysand notices this. The corner of his lips turn up into a half-smile. "Really?"

Andy sits on the bed and bites her lip. She can't stop looking at him. "It looks good," she mutters in response, nodding. The heat on her face gives her away. "Um, I showered already. So you should—you can go ahead."

Rhysand looks like he wants to laugh. He nods. "Okay."

Andy grabs a pillow and tosses it at him. "Stop laughing at me!"

He catches it with a laugh and throws it on the bed. "You think I'm hot shit, huh?"

Andy turns around and buries her face on the bed.

Rhysand leaves for the bathroom, laughing all the way through his shower.

When they kiss, Andy's hands run through the sides of his head and Rhysand smiles against her mouth. "You really like it," he mutters, kissing her harder.

"You're really hot," Andy says unabashedly, rocking forward on her hips, gasping already. "Miss you..."

Rhysand's palms come at her waist and he squeezes them warningly. "Don't." His voice is firm. He starts pushing her off him. "Let's go to sleep—"

"Rhys," Andy says, almost pleads. She keeps him against her, tightening her arms around his neck. "Please."

He looks at her, jaw clenching. "No, I don't want to hurt you."

Andy wants to cry. "Rhysand, you didn't and you won't," she says desperately, cupping his face. "Please. Touch me. Please."

His fingers tighten in her hips to keep her still. Andy whines in his neck. "How do I know you're going to be completely honest with me?"

If Andy sees past her desperation, she knows he's right. Still, she mutters, "Just say you don't want me."

"That's fuckin' ridiculous," Rhysand scoffs. "Of course I fucking want you, Jesus, why would you even doubt that?"

"Then touch me, please," Andy breathes in his ear, moving again.

"It's not about that, sunshine," Rhysand says, sighing. He pulls back and raises an eyebrow. "If you don't stop moving I'm going to sleep in the studio."

Andy glares at him. "That's not fair."

"Neither is using your body to get what you want," he counters, tilting his head to the side. He leans back on the bed, palms on the mattress, and his eyes are twinkling with amusement and Andy wants to punch him. "Baby, I want to. Don't get me wrong."

"Isn't me asking you to do—asking us to do more being honest?" Andy asks quietly, pouting. She's embarrassed Rhysand keeps rejecting her like this. She decides to say so. "I'm actually really embarrassed you keep rejecting me."

Rhysand's lips twitch. One of his hands come to rest near the waistband of her shorts, thumb caressing her skin. "It's not rejection. And you're right, I love that you're asking, you normally just follow my lead."

"I asked when I wanted you in my mouth, too."

"Okay, that's vulgar as fuck," Rhysand says, laughing once. "What I'm saying is—not right now."

Andy's shoulders slump. She drops her hands. "Because you don't trust me?"

"Because I'm scared," he corrects, sighing. He pulls her into his arms again. "Of things happening again."

Andy huffs and bites his shoulder. "Don't talk to me, I'm mad at you."

Rhysand is smiling. "Okay, then will you please get off my lap?"

"No."

He scoffs, running a hand down her hair. "Sunshine..."

"I get it, not right now," she says, resigned. "But we're back to square one—you're being such a gentleman again and it frustrates me. How are we going to get past this if you won't let me try?"

Rhysand kisses her temple and sighs.

"I'm sorry I made you feel this way," Andy says softly, running her fingers through his cut hair. "I'm sorry I made you upset with yourself—but Rhys. You don't have to be. If you don't want to right now then that's fine, but this—physical intimacy with me shouldn't scare you. We are not letting things go that way again, we saw how much that broke us apart." She takes a deep breath. Rhysand is staring at her intently. "And I obviously don't want a repeat. Do you?"

"No, of course not."

"Which is why I know I'm going to tell you to stop the millisecond I feel something wrong," Andy continues, threading her fingers with his. "Which is why I know you're going to take care of me—more so than before—and that we're both going to communicate with each other this time. You understand?"

The corner of his lips turn up. "I've corrupted you so bad. Your dad's gonna kill me."

Andy grins. "I trust you with my heart and I trust you with my body. That's not a bad thing."

Rhysand exhales heavily and shakes his head once. "You should be a lawyer," he murmurs, brushing his lips against hers. "You've convinced me and now I want to stick my hand up your shorts."

"You should, I want you to," Andy whispers back, kissing him. "Honest, one hundred percent this time. Red for stop. Yellow for slow down. I promise." She hooks her pinky with his and drops a kiss on their intertwined fingers. "There, I've pinky promised with a kiss. Now I really can't break it."

Rhysand's eyes shine. "The millisecond you feel weird, you tell me. Sunshine, if you don't, I swear to God I'm never—"

"I know, God, please, just do it already," she whines, snatching his hand and placing it on her button. "Or am I going to have to do it for you?"

"Jesus," he mutters, fumbling the button open. "Okay. Your color's obviously green."

Andy laughs in his neck, but Rhysand keeps asking, anyway, and Andy's answer is green, green, green.

No lies this time.

*

Rhysand meets Andy's dad in the next chapter! AAAAAAA :D