Your letter, El Cheapo, has not made my day.

I read it before yoga, and my class of Feng-Shui.*

My horoscope promised: I would get a surprise;

Your invite, ole Cole-y, sorely opened my eyes.

A romantic dinner? To rekindle the flame?

At a greasy fast-food joint? And it favours your name?

If you are serious, (and have not gone INSANE),

Let's talk about Haute Cuisine, served with champagne.

Listen. . . plump Cole . . . my chubby soul-mate;

I agree: we should go on a fun dinner date!

Burgers and fries??. . . Really??. . .You're such a cheapskate!!!

I'll choose the restaurant . . . there will be no debate!

You will book us a table at the Ritz . . . Chez Pierrot.

(It's THE place to go for caviar and escargot).

You will order the finest of wines with our meal.

Let's agree: my plan's best, or we can't make a deal.

If our love is real, this will be the first test:

Candle-light Dancing!!!. . . A Romantic Love Fest!!!

Waltzing 'til midnight! . . . Does that not sound good?

(I've got a new leg; it's BIONIC, not wood!)

I hope you are using the gym, as you should.

(I hear the gym's good to increase your manhood).

Counting your gold, while chugging six beers,

Is a sure-fire way to lessen your years.

I'm so glad to hear, those fiddlers have left;

You sound pretty cheery, not one bit bereft;

Without their damn fiddling, I think there's a chance;

We'll make the right music for our new romance.

Kissy kisses xxx

Queen Alice

ps. I've learned much from studying Feng-Shui. (It's pronounced fung-schway btw. ) So I ABSOLUTELY MUST REDECORATE the Palace if I return. It won't cost THAT much.

knightwriter