Chapter 2: 

Julian was sitting in his soft leather chair, with the notebook open in front of him. He spun back and forth in his chair, with a pen between his fingers, which he brought to his lips thoughtfully. Once again the dead of night had already fallen and his presence was the last in the whole office, silence was present, accompanied by the soft sound of rain beating against the window. He adjusted his glasses, concentrating on the screen as he watched the results of his research on Ian Berger.

The first thing that popped up was his LinkedIn profile containing his photo, his current position, which matched the story he told. A solid career with several recommendations and endorsements was the only thing that could be derived from that page. He carefully read every line, every recommendation, and came to the conclusion that he was a well-liked person in his work environment. In a new tab, the Facebook profile was already open. Ian was not a discreet person there, he had many pictures but no hint of a wife. He was clearly a party guy, a traveler, posting proud photos of company events, get-togethers. He seemed to want to draw attention to his lifestyle, but for some time that page seemed to be left unturned all of a sudden, which the lawyer could understand. What was incomprehensible was the fact that Ian hid his wife. That flea wouldn't leave Julian's ear, and he kept searching for even older dates on his social network.

Julian's brow furrowed, the first hint that something wasn't fitting stared at him on the screen. Posted a few months ago, he found messages from some friends wishing him well and asking how he was doing. It was evident that something significant had taken a toll on Ian's health recently, but what? An accident, a chronic disease? Curiosity gnawed at Julian's inside. If he was risking so much of himself for this person, he also had a right to know who he was.

Regarding the GRI, the internet showed some business articles, mentions in financial magazines and, finally, a piece of news that caught his attention, "GRI in the fight against information leakage" was the title of the article in the Financial Times. The beginning of the reading showed that the company was aware that information had been leaked, but had no facts on which to base concrete accusations. The article did, however, mention an ongoing internal investigation on the subject. His newest client's situation only got worse with this discovery, after all he was apparently being double-targeted.

Julian looked at his watch, it was past nine o'clock at night, and then he remembered that his wife had asked him to pick Sarah up at a friend's house a little further out of town and make dinner, because she had a conference today. He had completely forgotten about this fact and hadn't looked at his phone in hours. A certain sense of guilt sailed through his body, of being a bad husband or a bad father, but his body closed the gates that allowed such feelings to grow. At least as a professional, he was on the verge of trivial discoveries and felt the need to continue. He would have to apologize to the family later. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be the first time...

Written on a notepad in unpleasant handwriting, one could read Julian's notes regarding his recent discoveries about his client, issues that addressed the lack of a wife present in his life and an unknown illness. In his other online finds, the posts were less frequent, but they revealed a bit more about the personality of his client. Ian was a person who showed everyone how proud of his work he was, with mentions of business trips, corporate events and praise for the company.

There was more to this case than he had initially thought. He had the impression that every time he approached a piece of information he thought he knew, he discovered something new. Looking out the window, the rain had already improved, as if it were asking him to go home, for it was already ten o'clock at night. He felt helpless, agonizing over the fact that he understood so little of this situation he had gotten himself into, but he couldn't sleep in the office... He had failed his family enough for today. Julian propped his elbows on the table and sighed deeply, sinking his hands into his own hair, already reflecting on the next day. His search needed to continue tomorrow, the present day had already borne all the fruit it could.

He got up from his chair, arranged his notes in a corner of the table, and turned off his electronics. With a deep sigh, he grabbed his leather briefcase and turned off the last light on in the entire office. While waiting for the elevator to arrive to take him to the underground garage, he searched his pockets for the car keys. It wasn't there. The attempt to pull up his memory the last time he had seen it didn't work very well and he was exhausted.

If Emma was there, he knew the key would appear in a few seconds. She always knew everything. However, bothering her at that time was out of the question. The elevator arrived and left empty, Julian gritted his teeth impatiently and locked his fingers in a pomp. This was a punishment for letting his family down, he thought.

Leaning against the wall next to the elevator, he complained to himself, asking why the simplest things always seemed the most complicated to him. Flashes came to his mind of something Emma had told him earlier today related to the topic and he didn't pay much attention. Against his will, he returned to the office in search of clues and found on the table a post-it note with Emma's delicate handwriting that said

"Don't forget that you told Niklas that he could borrow your car today."

Julian's mind was a world apart when he worked, and he didn't even remember lending his son the car. This was the consequence of always nodding his head approvingly so that people would disappear as quickly as possible from his office and let him work. If there was one person who hated being interrupted in the middle of a stream of thoughts, it was him. Now it cost him the peace of going home listening to his favorite CD in his own car, and he quickly ordered a taxi through an app.

The arrival home that night was anything but pleasant, as if his mind was not overloaded with work, his wife's withering gaze told him enough for him to know he was screwed. It's not like he didn't know it, but that was just the confirmation, and it discouraged him.

"Julian, we need to talk."

His wife was sitting in the living room with a closed and disappointed countenance. Niklas had not yet arrived home with his father's car, and Sarah had returned home in a taxi. Pauline rarely adopted such a serious tone, and he knew that meant trouble. They sat down at the table, and Pauline began to speak.

"Haven't you forgotten anything?"

Julian lowered his head, feeling the weight of guilt and failure. He had always prided himself on being a good father and husband, but lately, it seemed like he was failing in every aspect of his personal life.

"Pauline, I know I have no excuse for this..."

"Oh, because there really isn't! Have you forgotten that you have a daughter, that you have a family?

He didn't have a proper answer for his wife, he knew he was wrong.

"Do you know how much it hurts her? You promised you'd pick her up today. And she was waiting for daddy at her friend's house, who never came and didn't even answer his messages, until I could send a taxi to pick her up after my conference! Once I wish I could count on you, just once. She was scared, Julian. She felt abandoned by her own father, worried that something might have happened to you. And where were you? You chose to have a family, you can't be 100% of your time the great professional lawyer, you're a parent!"

Pauline's voice sounded like a roar of protection to her calf and conveyed the anger and disappointment she felt towards her husband. She sighed, massaging her temples with her index finger as if trying to relieve a growing headache.

"Pauline, you don't have to treat me like the worst dad in the world either! I know I messed up, I'm going to redeem myself with Sarah, that's what I can do. I have a lot to do."

"What about Niklas? Do you know where he is today?"

"He left work with my car."

"So you don't even know where he went? What do you know anyway..."

"He's been hanging out with people I don't approve of, Julian. I found leftover tobacco in one of his pants that I put in the wash and I think he's been dating a lot of college girls, one after the other. He uses your Porsche as a decoy, in case you haven't noticed."

Julian had to hold back his mischievous smile as he realized how much more his son resembled him than he realized. He knew this pattern of behavior very well, he had been through the very same things and today he was a successful professional, so he shared a different opinion from Pauline's on this subject. But now was not the time to oppose her, and he knew it all too well. Besides, tomorrow was still a week-day and Niklas had to concentrate on college and work. If he could do everything well, he could follow his social life the way he wanted and that wasn't a problem for his father.

"Okay, I won't lend him my car anymore. Niklas must conquer the things he has, in order to know how to value them. You're right."

"From everything I've said, did you only get that?" She looked at him incredulously. "I'm starting to think I don't know you, Julian... Good night."

"Pauline, I promise I'll try to be more present. But I need to finish this case. It's important, not only for me, but for many other people. Trust me, please," Julian pleaded.

"I think now I only believe by seeing... By the way, don't forget that you are also important within this house."

The woman didn't give Julian a chance for a retort and walked towards her room with heavy steps and tears held back. Her heart, involuntarily wounded, struggled to find the qualities in her husband that had made her marry him. She had been always aware that he was a hard worker when they got married, this was always one of the qualities and defects of the man with whom she had shared her life for so many years. However, she and the children had already been the subject of more attention on his part in the past. As he got older, he buried himself more and more in work, thinking that with each passing day he needed to achieve more, to surpass one more goal, without looking back at how much he had already achieved through his hard work.

Pauline was also a woman very dedicated to her career, but she had never forgotten to be a mother. That was her number one priority and always would be. That's why she is disappointed when she sees Julian put his career before family. That was not the image she had of a happy marriage. The day had been very tiring for Pauline Schmidt, and both her head and her heart could no longer bear the weight of those 24 hours. The best solution was to indulge in this huge porcelain bathtub of them, which was in the couple's majestic bathroom, and soon after surrender to the bed, that for some time had seemed made only for sleeping when it came to the couple.

In the same house downstairs, Julian fills a finger from his glass with his 21-year-old Glennfiditch, aged in rum barrels, as the purest way to express his feelings. A good Scotch whiskey was a sure shortcut straight to his heart. Sitting in his winter garden, his worried and thoughtful semblance does not go unnoticed as he runs a hand through his hair. The situation his family currently found themselves in could not please anyone and that was all his fault. Julian would like to make his wife happier, to be a good father and to succeed in his profession, but his day like everyone else's, was only 24 hours long. In the end, it all came down to a matter of priorities, and it seemed Julian was picking the wrong ones... That was what his slightly bitter heart was telling him with each beat, but it couldn't overpower the worried screams of his brain related to his promising career.

The bitter man brought the glass to his lips and brushed the liquid just enough to feel its complex taste. A combination of vanilla flowering with a touch of banana, an intense malty aroma and a unique flavor. The heat of the alcohol slowly ran down his throat, numbing his heart unable to fulfill its obligations and calming his racing neurons. He looked at the well-kept plants, that environment so beautiful and pleasant, but which he could hardly ever enjoy. Melancholy took hold of him, and trivial doubts about his choices in life jumped back and forth in his head.

The sound of the front door quietly opening snapped him out of his stream of thoughts. Niklas tried to get in unnoticed, but Julian, with his senses heightened, noticed. Julian cracks a smile, recognizing himself in his younger son once again. One should not underestimate the power of genetics, he thought.

"You were late son, where were you?"

Julian asked, testing his son's honesty, but he heard no answer. He didn't even need to, it was all clear in the young man's appearance.

The boy found himself visibly embarrassed at having been caught on his late arrival home and was clearly doing the walk of shame as he made his way towards his father. His hair was messy and his shirt was wrinkled, signs that his father did not go unnoticed. Of course, Niklas Schmidt, at the height of his 22 years, had his libido on fire.

"Did you use a condom?"

Julian said calmly, taking another sip of his whiskey. He didn't have the slightest interest in being a castrating father in his children's lives.

"Dad!"

The boy's face became redder than the blood that ran through his veins.

As the closeness between the two increased, the smell of tobacco mixed with alcohol and something else was also evident.

"You don't think your father ever did those things, right? Smoking with friends, hanging out with girls, stuffing the face with alcohol... Everything you think you're living for the first time, your old man has already lived."

Niklas looked at him in surprise and showed a certain agony in his eyes, as if he didn't want to be having that conversation right now. The brief imagination of this old-fashioned father doing the exact same things he had just done himself nauseated him.

"Sit here. Do you want a glass?" He instigated the boy, even though he knew his son had actually had enough this night.

It was a kind of apprenticeship, Niklas had to learn that for everything there was a right time. And with the weight of his 45 years on his shoulders, the father knew that the next day would be a freak show for his son, having to deal with the hangover and be efficient at work at the same time. It wasn't because he worked in his father's company that his life would be easy, he had to work as well as anyone else.

If the boy kept falling into the conversation of young adults who don't study and don't work, party late during the week, he wouldn't last another semester in university. What's more, Niklas' law school cost Julian a lot of money that he wasn't willing to waste.

Niklas looked at his father, trying to figure out if this was a test or why he took the situation so lightly. His head was already spinning a little and his understanding of the meaning of the word "reasonable" was no longer hundred percent, finally, he decided to sit down and accompany his father in a glass. He had fallen for the same passion for spirits and knew how to enjoy a good whisky, which was not very common for boys his age.

Father and son, as they sipped their whiskeys, stared at each other. Niklas didn't have the courage to say many things, he was too embarrassed to open up to his father. But Julian didn't have that problem. It's what they say, as you get older, you lose the shame of saying or doing things you wouldn't have done in your youth. The eldest began to tell about some remarkable experiences from his youth, starting with the story of when he was expelled from a class while still in college.

"You see me as a old-fashioned father, I know... But if you had known me at your age, you would have noticed how we were made in the same mold. I've made my mistakes too." He paused, remembering the day he put his future in jeopardy because of a night of drinking.

Accustomed to always tolerating alcohol very well, Julian sometimes exaggerated the amount of the ethyl liquid when he was younger. The memory of which he now told his son was as vivid in his memory as if he could relive it all before his eyes. The sun had risen on that square day for a 22-year-old Julian. As a result of a night of partying that lasted until the wee hours of the morning, where he had had a great time with a girl named Magdalena, he felt that day the biggest hangover of his life. Magdalena never really faded from his memory entirely, she was five years older than him and had a thirst in bed that he had never known. With her, Julian experienced in one night something that he had not been able to experience a second time during his whole life, but that was definitely not the story he wanted to tell Niklas.

The moral of the story was that the next day Julian had an important class in the first hour, but the fun of life interested him much more at that moment than the Civil Law class in the morning hour, and he paid the consequences to this behavior.

When he awoke from his night very well spent, but in a sorry state, he was determined to attend class, because he knew that the material covered that day was crucial to the next exam. However, as he entered the classroom, his tired look, bloodshot eyes, and alcoholic breath caught the teacher's immediate attention.

Embarrassment consumed him inside when he noticed the looks of reproach and incredulity he received from his superior. The professor, an austere man, respected in the academic community, pointed his index finger at the door to send him away, not allowing him even to sit down. His rigid conduct made it clear that such a behavior would not be tolerated in a respectable institution, and on that same day he was even conferred by this professor the title of "dishonor of the law faculty".

He was instructed to only participate in classes when he was able to do so properly. With his head throbbing and his heart feeling the same disappointment he had felt today when he forgot his own daughter, Julian was forced to leave the classroom and head to the principal under everyone's eyes. There, Julian learned the meaning of alcoholic and moral hangovers.

Later the words of Prof. Dr. would tattoo Julian's memory forever, as an internal mark of the shame that only he could see and feel. "It's like walking into a church drinking a bottle of vodka, unacceptable and unscrupulous. That way you won't get anywhere, kid. We should let your family know not to spend another penny on the education of a shameless youngster like yourself." This coming from one of the most important professors at the renowned university of Betsfords was very bad... Julian was aware that his career might be over before it had even started and was very grateful for the second chance he was given. From then on he took things almost too seriously.

Niklas listened intently to his father's story, he had never imagined it like this. This revelation from his old man surprised him to the last hair, but it also scared him a little. He has always known his father to be the hyper-responsible person that he is and until then he didn't think he had much in common with him. Were they more similar than he thought? Niklas didn't want to turn into his father when older, a person who only thinks about work and rarely shows his real feeling.

"With that my son, I want to open your eyes to the fact that if you ever go to college or work and I notice that your performance has been affected by things like alcohol or partying, I won't spare you criticism. You, like everyone else, have to learn to deal with the consequences of your actions and earn the things you have on your own merit. Speaking of which, where are my car keys?"

He looked seriously at the boy and held out his hand hoping to receive the keys.

Here was the sermon Niklas had been waiting for all along, he knew he wouldn't get out of this so easily. The boy took his father's words as a friendly warning, but there was also a certain tone of threat. He felt that if he went to work tomorrow he would have big problems to deal with. Maybe it would be better to take a day off. Finally, he put his hand in his pocket and with his head bowed, handed back the key.

"Understood, Dad." The boy said curling his lips and with his hands on his lap.

"And now tell me more about this girl."

"There's no girl." He reacted suddenly with a slight exaltation in his voice, as if he wanted to hide something.

"Niklas, your father wasn't born yesterday..." he said between laughs, bringing the glass to his mouth once more.

"It's nothing. She's... Too young for me, 20 years old." Said the boy full of himself, bragging about his numerous 24 more months than her.

"You young people are a joke, my son. Two years doesn't make any difference."

"Well, I... I'd like to be with an older girl." The boy assumed in a low tone of voice.

The next second he was embarrassed to have just assumed this to his father and drank the rest of the content in his glass due to nervousness. It wasn't that much, but the 40 percent alcohol content was definitely responsible for the grimace on his face, which disguised the immediate regret at overdoing the sip. That conversation was going too far.

"I'll go upstairs and get ready for bed, Dad. Good night! "

Without giving a chance to a replica, he disappeared from the table and ran upstairs, leaving Julian alone again. Sitting down at Niklas's empty glass, he reflected on the brief conversation with his son. So it means that he had reached the stage of wanting older women. Julian remembered his first older crush very well.

When he was 19 and a freshman in college, he had an Introduction to the History of Law teacher named Helena. Above all, she stirred Julian's intellect with her vast knowledge and her way of conveying it with vehement passion. Maybe it was the result of her sweet, captivating voice, or simply the fact that Julian loved to stare at her pink lips. Something about this woman had enchanted him, but the fact that she was a teacher and was already 32 years old intimidated the young man who had only served nineteen springs of life.

Her wavy hair, which smelled like shampoo when he passed by, and her necklace that always pointed directly at her breasts, like an arrow pointing to a forbidden treasure, were irresistible lures to his senses. In addition to her outward beauty, this woman had challenged him intellectually, being the first to expand his horizons in his younger years.

The relationship between Julian and Helena began with after-school conversations. Julian always made it a point to be the last one to leave the room, with elaborate questions that showed his genuine interest in the topic. Helena noticed the twinkle in his eyes, a mixture of curiosity and admiration that captivated her. She saw Julian as a dedicated student who was passionate about knowledge, which made her dedicate even more time to clarify her doubts.

One day, after one of these long conversations, Helena suggested showing him a book she had in the teachers' room. Julian, nervous and excited, readily accepted. It was his first contact with her outside the classroom, the conversation had yielded so much that in the end he borrowed the book and promised to return it another day. After that time, there were many others, Helena recommended books and films that further shaped Julian's vision and career, she was definitely part of the excellent lawyer he had become.

Over time, he felt that Helena challenged him in ways that no other teacher had done. She encouraged him to think critically, to question everything, and never be satisfied, Julian's fascination grew endlessly by the way she made him feel valued.

At the first opportunity she had, she invited him to a convention in another city, knowing of his interest in the subject. Far enough away from Betsfords for them to have a stay paid by the university, it all began there, under the eyes of their alma mater. Julian was the only guy his age in the entire convention and Helena did not want to leave him alone, so she kept him company at the official dinners. The tension between them was palpable, and those encounters marked the beginning of a more intimate relationship.

One night, after a particularly intense discussion about judgments that changed the history of law, Helena invited him to come up to her room because her cell phone was out of battery. Her excitement when talking about the topic was obvious, she wanted to show him how even the way the trials were written influenced their flow in the history and for that she needed to show him informations on her mobile.

Her hotel room smelled like the perfume she always wore, the atmosphere was charged with a pent-up desire on Julian's part. It wasn't easy to hold back your libido when you were a 19-year-old boy who knew almost nothing about life, even more so when he hadn't been able to relieve himself in the last few days that were so busy. Helena looked stunning in his eyes, wrapped in a long red dress, which was the same color as the lipstick that covered her pink lips. Julian had tried to hide his nervousness, but his hands clasped in front of his body and his retracted shoulders fooled no one.

"Sit down, Mr. Schmidt. Make yourself comfortable." Said Helena, whom at the time he still knew by the name of Mrs. Langhold.

"The view from this room is very pretty, Mrs. Langhold." the boy said looking out the window.

From there you could see the main river of the city making its way through the low-ceilinged buildings, typical of the not very large city where they were.

"I think so too."

She positioned herself next to him and her arms touched unintentionally as the two of them found support on the windowsill. The memory of his heart beating faster was still vivid in Julian's memory today.

If at first he felt an inexplicable attraction for her, now he smoked desire for this experienced and intelligent woman who taught him so many things. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that when their bodies touched, even for a fraction of a second, his member stiffened down under. Seeing no way out of such a shameful situation, he did the first thing that came to his mind, kiss her. It wasn't a childish kiss, instead it was very engaging. To his surprise, she surrendered her body completely to the situation. Julian's hand soon parked on her waist, pressing her against the window, his mouth wrapping around those lips he had longed for and used to watch from the pulpit. He might be young, but he already had plenty of experience, that much was clear.

Right then and there she felt against her body how hard he was and was filled with guilt for being with a boy so much younger than herself, who was her student on top of that. But that guilt wasn't enough to prevent her body from being filled later that same night by the bulk of Julian's member. His trained movements back and forth caused the teacher to moan in a way that not even in his wildest dreams could he dream. Her breasts that had once been so mysterious, always being exalted by the golden chain, were now on display for his observation, and free to his touch, kisses and licks. The chain was still there, but now it was no longer a mystery to his eyes.

Julian never forgot what Helena smelled like, what her lips tasted like, and what was hidden behind her necklace. As much as they had repeated that scene worthy of an erotic dream enough times after the convention, it was never enough for both of them. In his dorm room, she bounced, moaned, and screamed as she rode over Julian. Inside her car they fucked until the windows fogged up and he couldn't cum anymore after the fourth time in a row.

The sexual connection seemed to work even better than the intellectual one, and the two things were combined when after sex long conversations about philosophy, politics, and justice were held. To Julian, Helena was more than a forbidden romance, but also food for his hungry intellect. Unfortunately, the story ended in a somewhat tragic way.

Their relationship became public a year after it began and with that Helena was fired for cause. After the event, they met a few more times. She was still the same wild lioness in bed he'd known, until the day she had to leave the town because of a new job opening and he never heard from her again. The separation was especially painful for Julian, who lost both a lover and a mentor.

"Oh, Helena..." Julian sighed, taking the last sip of his whiskey and then took Niklas's glass as well, leading the two of them into the dishwasher.

He climbed the stairs, one step after another, unhurriedly. His favorite alcohol had made his thoughts lighter, even too light, thinking about things he shouldn't have. For a man married to the love of his life, that kind of memory was the closest he came to cheating on his wife. The mere thought of cheating on a woman like Pauline gnawed at him from within. She did everything to keep the family together, she was a woman with a lot of drive, willpower and intellect. It was no wonder that the young and indecisive Julian had fallen in love with her at the age of 22 and from that moment on there was never anyone else. At the age of 23 he had Niklas, the result of an act that was not very well planned, but much loved and that filled him with pride.

The conversation with Niklas had been an attempt at connection, but he didn't feel he had been successful in that mission. Julian dreamed of being a father that his son could open up to and wanted to be exactly the father he didn't have, but the distance between them seemed to grow every day and he looked growingly like his own father. The question of his failure as a father, as a husband, or even as a man visited his mind from time to time.

With each step he took towards the bedroom, he felt the weight of the conversation with the woman sooner returned. Her words echoed in his recent memory, and he tried unsuccessfully to shake off the sense of guilt they caused him. The problem is that he wanted to be everything to everyone, ending up failing at everything.

The door to his room now opened, he saw his sleeping wife lying on her side, her face red as one who had cried to sleep. Julian stood still for a moment, watching her. She deserved better. To begin with, a present husband and an exemplary father to his children. He remembered the promise he had made with Pauline when she first became pregnant twenty-two years ago. He promised to be the best father she could imagine, but now, sitting there, looking at the woman he loved so much, he felt like a liar. She was so righteous that she never even threw that fact in his face. He knew he needed to change, he just didn't know how.

Julian slid under the covers, trying not to wake her, and felt the warmth of Pauline's body calm his nerves a bit. As he got closer, he could tell by her smell that she had taken a bath, which she always did when she found herself in stressful situations. Hesitantly, his hand gently touched his life partner's hair, he wanted to apologize, but he didn't know how. Muttering something inaudible in her sleep, she turned away. Julian found the perfect angle and gently kissed Pauline's cheek, making promises to himself and wondering if he would be able to fulfill them. He closed his eyes and struggled to fall asleep as fast as he could, wanting to escape the sensations that invaded him. The hope was that the new day would start better.