Two pots of coffee and half a package of Milanos later, River sat at Amanda's dining room table. Despite the fresh set of clothes she'd given her, she still felt dirty. Her mouth was dry and the rest of her felt dehydrated as well from the tears she'd shed as she spilled her guts to her best friend. 

She told her all of it. From how she barely made it her first year in New York; changing her name, starting school and finding a roommate, working crappy waitressing jobs to make rent, meeting Frank... and everything that snowballed after. Having laid it all out for Amanda, she was able to see clearly now how she had lost herself; how she had become Alison Parker, and then Alison O'Neill. And neither of them were her.

Amanda fiddled with the cookie package then pulled another one out and took a bite, waving the remainder in the air. "So the bastard is threatening to make it look like you killed his partner if you testify against him?"

River nodded and sunk back in her chair, hugging a leg close to her chest.

"You really think that they wouldn't just see it as what it is? A bullshit ploy to try and get out of what he did?"

She shook her head. "No. Frank's a respected cop to those who don't know any better. And he gave the impression that the ones who do know better are just as involved in whatever he's got going on the side and answer to him. It sounds like they got a witness killed for God's sakes." There was no way she was going to win something when it was Frank's word against hers. Her head hung a little lower at that thought.

"Awesome." Amanda dropped the rest of her cookie on the placemat in front of her, brushing her hands off. "So I hate to even ask this, but what happens if he gets out? Is he just gonna go about his business and pretend like you and Jilly never existed?"

"I don't know. I haven't spoken to him since he was arrested. I'm sure that's making him nervous. But I think he knows he's got me right where he wants me. And if he does get out... " She honestly didn't know how to finish that sentence. A chill crept up her back and across her scalp and she shifted uncomfortably.

A soft rapping on the glass of the sliding door had them both jumping out of their seats. Jackson stood on the patio, and mouthed 'sorry' through the glass, laughing. River attempted to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Jesus," Amanda breathed. Clutching a hand to her chest, she crossed to unlock the door.

"You telling ghost stories in here or what?" Jackson asked curiously, his laughing expression falling when he looked at River. "Is everything okay?"

Both sets of eyes were on her, and she caught a glimpse of her worn out reflection in the glass behind him and shuddered inwardly. Having Jackson see her strung out on coffee and regrets wasn't exactly on her wishlist.

"Girl talk," Amanda jumped in, taking her eyes off River and quickly looking at Jackson. "Bad exes and such. Did you need somethin'? The kids alright?"

"They're fine, I was just hoping I could head out to get mom her requested items." He held up a piece of paper. "Would you mind keeping an eye on the kids for a few minutes? I'd take them with but they all seem like they're having a good time."

Welcoming the distraction, River nodded and stood. "We'll come outside. No reason to break up the party." She forced a smile.

"Why don't you go with Riv?" Amanda blurted. "Get some fresh air."

Taken aback by the abrupt suggestion, River crossed her arms over her chest. "Ah," she started and tucked her hair behind her ears, looking down self consciously. Although spending time with Jackson sounded nice, she was not exactly in the best state of mind. 

He looked at her and waited. She could see the hope lingering on his expression but he remained silent, letting her make the move as he said he would. Thankful for his follow through on the promise he had made, she relaxed a little and let out a breath. Maybe fresh air would do her some good. 

"Okay."

"Want to walk?" he asked, smiling.

She nodded in agreement and followed him out the front door. Nieman's was only a few blocks away so it would be a fairly quick trip, regardless of if they drove or walked. They hit the sidewalk and fell into step. She turned her face upwards, letting the warmth of the morning sun soak into her pores, concentrating on willing away all the bad and welcoming the good. The new. Or the old, she supposed.

"You okay?" Jackson asked next to her.

She glanced at him. "Yes, sorry. I guess I'm the one who needed a minute this time."

"Understandable."

"Can I ask you something?" she asked, suddenly curious.

"Sure."

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?" he asked quizzically.

"You know... change who you are. How did you do that?" His brows knit and she bit her lip, hoping she hadn't crossed a line.

"Well like I said before, you helped. A lot. I meant what I said. Your words really stuck in my head. I guess I just decided I didn't want to be the person I had become anymore." He tucked his hands into his pockets. "Then JJ was born, and I realized I couldn't look at him and think that he'd be proud to have me as his dad." He paused, and shook his head. "He deserved better than that."

She nodded. "Having kids sure changes everything doesn't it?"

He chuckled. "You could say that again. I wouldn't change it for the world though. I just wish things had turned out different." He seemed lost in thought for a moment then looked down at the sidewalk.

"Same here. Except I can't help but feel like the way things turned out for Jilly and I is all my fault."

He looked up at her again. "Why do you say that?"

"I should have done things differently. All those years ago. If I had, then we might not be... in the situation we are now." She still couldn't bring herself to tell him about Frank, even though she knew she would have to eventually.

"I highly doubt that," he said sincerely. She sighed and crossed her arms, putting one foot in front of the other, feeling defeated once again despite his blind faith in her.

Jackson's arm looped in under hers and he tugged lightly, successfully dislodging her arms from each other, pulling her into his side as they walked. She glanced up at him and he smiled down at her, waving his other arm out in front of them dramatically. "Fresh air. Sunshine. Breathe it in."

She chuckled and closed her eyes briefly, breathing in deep, his warm leathery scent invading her senses and a smile quirked her lips. She curled her arm up and wrapped her fingers around his bicep, squeezing. A honk sounded from down the street and she opened her eyes to see her Dad's truck pulling up next to them.