Chapter 19
Esmera squinted as she followed Anjarah and Samier out of the office. Sunlight flooded the passages. The morning had matured since she entered that office and agreed that some unknown man's details be presented as hers on a form that would change her life.
SUAF had also awakened. A woman with frizzy curls brushing the tops of her shoulders stood behind the desk where Esmera had first seen Anjarah, nodding eagerly at the couple in front of her. Other women in parsis like Anjarah's and men with tunics cut from the same brown fabric and embroidered in the same dark blue thread bustled about.
Their voices blended as they answered questions. Their hands whooshed through the air as they directed those who were lost. Their quills scratched against pages as they filled in forms.
Esmera simply stared, letting the sounds of their work sweep her up like a tsunami. She couldn't imagine doing so many things at once, certainly not with a smile that lit up her face and every room she went to.
Falling into step beside Tauram, Esmera pulled her hood over her head. She scanned the hallway for anyone who may have spotted her, who may have recognised the Finnaz in her that she didn't even recognise in herself, but she needn't have worried. SUAF's employees had their patrons to see to, and their patrons had their giggling, grinning children.
Lundas skulked at their heels, growling at any infant who stared too long or any toddler who ventured too close. Samier hurried up ahead, a bright, gleaming beacon of feathers cleaving a path to a flight of stairs with his distinct call.
"I hope you've been keeping your fitness up." Anjarah flashed a grin at Tauram and started up the stairs, the fudge-brown edge of her parsi fluttering at her heels before Esmera could admit that she hadn't.
Tauram glanced at her before steering her ahead of him. With no choice, Esmera followed Anjarah.
"Where exactly are we going?" she called up to the other woman.
"The aviary. It's on the top floor."
Esmera nearly choked. "That's what, four floors from here?"
"Five."
Anjarah wasn't even breathless, but Esmera's blood was already thudding in her ears. Even Tauram's breathing had grown heavy behind her. Beside them, Lundas was a golden streak in the dimness.
The mere thought of ascending even a single staircase more winded Esmera, but she gritted her teeth and trod after Anjarah, taking slow, deep breaths. She hadn't let the stairs stand between her and what she wanted when she fought the rain to get to Tauram's apartment, and she wasn't about to be defeated by them now.
The stairs evened out as they reached the first landing. Every hair on Esmera's body stood on end at the scratching of thousands of legs on glass and the flutter of hundreds of wings. She didn't dare look past the doorway that emerged beside her at the countless eyes no doubt staring her way.
This must be the level where the insect familiars were kept. Life had been cruel to Esmera, but at least it hadn't been so cruel as to bind her to a creepy crawly, and that was something to be grateful for.
Anjarah must've related in some way because she didn't stop to catch her breath before sprinting up the next flight of stairs.
The landing above smelt like water and salt. Esmera would guess it was the aquatic familiars' section from the gentle sloshing she imagined came from fins sliding through water, but before she could be sure, Anjarah was starting up the next staircase.
Esmera thought she heard the croaks of frogs as they approached the next landing, but again, Anjarah was too fast for her.
Now Anjarah and Tauram were almost as breathless as Esmera. They all slowed down as they passed the mammal section of the shelter. Esmera caught flashes of fur and muzzles belonging to animals she couldn't name. One peered through the door, dark eyes inquisitive. It looked like a small donkey, but it probably had a different name around here.
Finally, just when Esmera thought her legs could no longer hold her up, they arrived at the last landing. It stood at the centre of a room bright with the sunlight flowing between the pillars that contained it.
Esmera blinked, and when her eyes adjusted to the brightness, she saw that the room was filled with cages, some rounded, some sharp and rectangular, some simple and straight bars, some pretty with curlicue bars. They each contained a bird as unique as they were.
Their gentle twitters wrapped around Esmera like cotton wool as she gazed around at all of them. Some were bright like Samier, some were dull. Some were big and some were small. There must be one of every species of bird in Milatanur in this room, inside the cages piled on one another.
Then a green-brown missile was flying at Esmera, his feathers shimmering. Lundas hissed and Tauram gasped his alarm. Esmera's heart lurched as she ducked, and the bird turned in mid-air, landing in front of the group on light feet. He hopped nearer, his head cocked.
Esmera knew those bright little eyes that were fixed on her. She knew the feathered horns on either side of the head and the sparkling green feathers.
She would've known her lark on sight even if she had never seen him before just from the energy that passed between them when they locked gazes. She would've known some part of them belonged to each other even if they hadn't met previously.
Anjarah fell to her haunches, resting a finger against the lark's head. Samier remained beside her, keeping a watchful eye on the strange bird.
"Jammas, why aren't you in your cage?" There was a moment of silence as Anjarah listened to the reply in his thoughts. "Oh, the lock broke? And you have no idea how that happened?" Anjarah raised her eyebrows, sceptical.
She was right to be so.
There was an unmistakably mischievous glint in Jammas's little eyes when he glanced at Esmera. Within that look was a secret nobody but them would ever share.
Esmera couldn't resist a smile. For the first time, she had someone she could trust. It made her feel warm in a way she had never felt before. Except when Tauram had given her his coat, the simple exchange that had started all of this.
Anjarah followed Jammas's gaze, still suspicious even though she had no proof of the lark's transgressions, that he had not only escaped his cage but Milatanur on several occasions. "Look who came to claim you."
Jammas shook off her hand and hopped over to Esmera. She knelt and held out her cupped hands. With a flutter of his wings, he landed within them, his claws scraping against her skin.
Esmera let out a breath. "Hello, Jammas."
The lark said nothing but cocked his head. Esmera swallowed, a sickening unease taking root in her stomach. Lundas spoke to Tauram through snarls and growls. Why was her familiar so quiet?
Esmera must've worn her thoughts on her face because Anjarah put a soft hand on her arm. "Jammas doesn't speak. We think his voice was damaged during a fight he had with another bird when he was a hatchling." The gentleness of her voice couldn't take away the sting of her words.
Tears burned in Esmera's eyes. This perfect little creature who had been made for her had gotten hurt because of how long she had taken to retrieve him. But it wasn't her fault.
It was the fault of the person who killed her family. Whoever they were, they had taken too much from her. She may possess enhanced hearing, as a śradūgara, but what use was that when her familiar couldn't speak any words for her to hear?
Almost as if he had heard Esmera's thoughts, Jammas took flight from her palms and dove between two pillars, out into the warm, welcoming morning.
"Jammas!" Esmera lunged after the lark, but she was too slow. She pushed between two cages and hung out of the window he had disappeared through, but he was nowhere in sight.
Jammas didn't need to be ashamed, Esmera wanted to tell him. Her life before she met him had damaged her too. She also had scars.
His scars made him beautiful. They made him a fighter just like Esmera was.
Before Esmera could gather her thoughts to speak them, Jammas flew back up, a flower stem clutched in his glossy beak. He landed on the windowsill and offered it to Esmera. She accepted the vibrant blue bloom with trembling fingers.
It was just like old times, except when she raised the flower to her ear, she understood the whispers drifting from between the petals.
The language they spoke wasn't Milatanuran or English. They didn't express anything that could be put into words, but their sound was joyful, like a welcome, like a happy reunion.
Esmera blinked away tears as she held her hand out to Jammas. They were finally together.
Never again would a bigger bird maul him because Esmera would protect him. Never again would Esmera feel lost because he would anchor her when she was at risk of forgetting herself.
She cradled him in her palms, and he rubbed his feathered head against her. Her heart swelled. She felt whole again, like the missing pieces of herself had finally slotted together, though they were a little worn at the edges.
"What's his power?" Esmera turned her gaze to Anjarah.
Lundas could teleport anywhere in sight. She hoped her familiar might be able to do something as interesting and useful.
"He can hear lies when they're spoken," said Anjarah. "He has also adapted to communicating with flowers since he has no voice. That's not really an ability though, just his ingenuity."
She smiled at Jammas, and he buried his head against Esmera, modest in a way she could never be if she possessed his incredible powers.
For the first time, she didn't feel like her auditory powers were lame because if she had been any other kind of sorcerer, she and Jammas wouldn't be able to talk at all. She was the strut for his weak points, and he was hers, and that was how she knew that they would be the exceptional team the gods had meant for them to be when they bound them.
"I want to try it," came a voice from behind Esmera.
"What?" She spun to face Tauram.
With Jammas's entrance, she had almost forgotten the Prince was there, watching her with those eyes that seemed to find the humour in every situation.
Tauram slid his hands into his pockets, leaning against a nearby pillar. "I want to test Jammas's power."
The lark fixed his little eyes on the Prince, cocking his glittering head. Then he looked up at Esmera.
When the silence dragged on around them, Esmera realised Jammas and Tauram were waiting for her permission.
"Nobody can use a familiar's ability without their bound sorcerer's consent," said Anjarah.
That sounded like a clever way to prevent familiars from being used for wicked ends. The gods who had created Milatanur had thought of everything except for how to regain control of a usurped kingdom without destroying it. No, for that, they needed a mortal prince and the clueless heir to a weapon of immense power.
"Sorcerer" still didn't sound like a word that should be used to describe Esmera. Even so, she cleared her throat. "Let's hear what Tauram has to say."
Jammas turned his gaze to the Prince.
"I am the rightful King of Milatanur." The words burst from Tauram so quickly that Esmera had to wonder how long he had been holding them back.
If he needed a reminder of who he was all these years since he had been banished from his homeland, Esmera didn't blame him. Ten years would be enough for anyone to forget where they came from if they were uprooted violently enough.
Jammas's eyes were steady on Tauram, his body completely still.
The silence felt somehow sacred until Anjarah broke it. "That's the truth."
The fearful fragility on Tauram's face was replaced by a mischievous smile in Anjarah's direction when he directed Jammas's next challenge at him. "Anjarah is still in love with Belaren."
Now it was Anjarah who reacted quicker than anyone else. "Don't be an idiot." She smacked Tauram's shoulder. "Jammas can only detect your lies because he can read your beliefs. He can't pass judgement on what anyone else may have said about themselves to you or what you think about them."
Esmera gazed down at Jammas, who was glancing between the two bickering sorcerers before him.
"Let me try." Esmera met Jammas's keen gaze.
His power had its limitations, as all good things did, but Esmera thought she understood how it worked.
She took a breath. "I'm okay. I've left my past behind me, and I'm okay."
Jammas's feathers stood on end, turning him into a ball of agitated energy. He tossed his head as if trying to shake off a cobweb or something else as light and sticky.
"And that's a lie," said Anjarah.
Not only to Jammas but to herself. Just like Anjarah had said.
Esmera sighed. She had thought that two months away from Stephan would be enough to change her back into who she was before she met him, but this was something beyond the reach of the magic at her fingertips. It was something that needed more time, more healing.
Esmera looked up at Anjarah and Tauram, only to see that they both studied her, pity mingled with surprise in their eyes. Clearly, they hadn't seen what a wreck she was until then, but she didn't feel worthy of their pity.
Jammas did. He had been injured because of factors out of his control. Esmera had made every choice that broke her, and she deserved to suffer for it.
Esmera looked away from the others, smiling down at her lark instead. He was the only being alive who wouldn't judge her, who could make her feel better and stronger without needing to try.
She smoothed his ruffled head and held him close to her. He was so warm and soft in her hand, a comforting weight in her palm.
"But I'm a lot better now," Esmera whispered. "Now that I have you."
This time, Jammas rested his head against Esmera's chest, basking in the truth of her words.
It was the start of a promising future. Esmera could feel it... but what sort of future would it be if Milatanur was due to be decimated in a week?
She pushed the thought out of her mind, choosing to prolong this rare, happy moment instead.
Samier made a call to announce his departure from the room. He scurried out, followed by Anjarah.
Esmera started after them but a hand grabbed her elbow, stopping her short.
"Esmera..."
She turned to Tauram. "Yes?"
A stray gust of wind flicked at the hair that had fallen over Tauram's eye, but Esmera met his gaze. Even in the aviary's light, even with nothing between them but the words they held onto, something blocked his eyes from hers, keeping her from reading them.
He bit his lip before giving a hasty smile. "There's a feather in your hair." He slipped past her, out of the aviary.
She stared after him. That couldn't be all he had meant to say. Why the elbow grabbing? Why the long stare?
Esmera started after him down the stairs. Jammas took flight, freeing her hands to run through her hair until she found the offending feather, staring after Tauram's shadowy form all the while.
He may have answered many of Esmera's questions since they arrived in Milatanur, but he was still the man she had met in his apartment on Prince Avenue—a man who only shared as much as himself as he had to.
He was a mystery, but it was by choice. Esmera shouldn't be so intrigued by him, not when she had her past to unravel. She had finally arrived in Milatanur, the place that held all her secrets, and that was not to be taken for granted. That was what she had to focus on.
Not on how her stupid heart leapt when he said her name. Not on the way his hand on her had been as warm as Jammas resting within her cupped palms.
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