It's Exhausting to Know Everyone's Thoughts
His thoughts are racing at a million miles an hour. I don't want her to go. How do I tell my mom? What if something happens and we break up? What happens when she goes to college? I can't leave her behind. I listen and he closes his eyes. I leap onto him and throw my arms around his neck. I kiss him and he secures me around my waist. I inhale the scent I'm becoming too familiar with.
Between kisses, he says, "We'll figure this out okay? I won't leave you unless you want me to. We'll figure it out as we go." He kisses me again and I wrap my arms around his waist.
"I can take this day by day if you promise not to leave during the school year. You have to stay through graduation," I tell him.
He reluctantly nods his head and holds his pinkie out to me. With a smile, I grab onto it with my pinkie and tell him, "You can't break a pinkie promise." He smiles too and leans down to kiss me again. When I open my eyes, I don't see him. I feel him around me but we've disappeared. I pull away from him and suddenly we are both in full sight.
"Did you walk me to my car last night? At the stadium," I ask.
"I just wanted to make sure you got to your car safely, but I didn't want Harper to spot us," he grabs onto my hands and adds, "I didn't want to fight when I told you about this Ellie, I just wanted you to know why it took me a little while to tell you."
I nod and he pulls me over so we can both sit back on the bench.
"That's the exact reason I haven't told anyone my secrets," I say as I lean onto his shoulder, "I don't know what their reactions would be if they found out. It becomes exhausting to know everyone's thoughts all the time. It's hard to have a conversation with anyone. I used to love finding out secrets about people and then file them away in case I ever needed them, but now, nothing is a mystery. I know everything about everyone and I know what everyone thinks about me. It's definitely made me grow thicker skin."
"I am with you there. Being the poor kid with an absent father generated a lot of thoughts from the people in our old town. I was a pity party to people all the time. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't wait to get away. I was so glad when mom decided to get the hell out of that town."
"So your dad has no idea about what you can do?"
He shakes his head, "Nope. My mom has even made it clear that if he found us, I am not supposed to share a detail of what I can do. To be honest, I think it freaks her out that I can openly read her mind so she chooses to stay away from me. She's made a lot of mistakes in life and she doesn't like me knowing about all of them."
"Yeah, I would never tell my parents. I couldn't watch their reactions or listen to how they honestly felt about me cheating my way through life." It's weird to finally say these things out loud. These secrets I've held so close to me for years just flow out of me now. And what's amazing is that I don't feel like I am being judged.
I pull a penny from my pocket and place it in Liam's hand. I imagine a dime is in his hand and soon he thinks that's what he sees.
"You're still holding a penny," I tell him "I've just made you think it's a dime." He runs his finger along the edge and smiles, "Yeah it's smooth. There are no ridges." I turn the penny into a quarter and he smiles.
"And now you're the only person who knows how my trick works," I say as I grab the penny from his hand. "Have any of the others you've met had only the ability to read minds? Or did they all have multiple talents?" I ask as he leans his head against mine. The light breeze is attempting to cool us off and it's nice to be alone.
"I think all of them have the ability to read minds and then, as far as I know, they only had one other talent, like you do. I'm still the only one I know with three," He looks out toward the grassy field beyond the swing set and continues, "I always wondered if I developed this talent through thinking about it. When I was little my parents used to have loud scary fights and I'd wish I could become invisible and leave the house without them noticing. I was stunned when one day I could actually do it." His fingers trace the lines in my palm and all the angry energy is gone. His touch is soft and his lightness gives me goosebumps.
"How much did your other girlfriend know?" I know it's a sensitive subject but I ask anyway.
He smiles and looks down at me, "I knew that earlier girlfriend comment was lingering in your mind and I'd just like to clarify that I was fifteen, just turned sixteen. Nothing is ever serious at that age." I laugh but I know I took Derek seriously when I was sixteen. I was just doodling his last name attached to mine on my notebook a few weeks ago.
As soon as I think go on, he does, "Stephanie knew of my talents but not my whole Iowa upbringing. I met her in California and she was also using her talents to make money and she eventually wanted to use mine as well. It's easy to know someone's intentions when you can read their mind, so shortly after I found out she was using me, I picked up and moved again. I haven't spoken to her since."
So that's that then. His first girlfriend wasn't who he thought she was. Much like my first boyfriend.
I continue to pepper him with questions throughout the afternoon and when the sun disappears under the trees, I know it's time to head home. This day was not only an emotional roller coaster but also a very informative one. I make sure Liam has nothing else to hide and he lets me in his head the entire car ride home. It's like listening to the radio on low volume when he starts to sing a song in his head. I follow along to the words and bob my head as we drive. When we arrive back at my house, he opens my car door and holds my hand until we get to the front door. I look up to the night sky and see a few stars peeking out. One catches my attention as I point to the sky. Make a wish I realize Liam can just hear what I wish for anyway.
"I won't listen to your wish Ellie, I promise," he tells me. I take in the evening and revel in the beauty of one of the last summer night skies. The air is finally pleasantly warm and I know we only have a few more weeks until fall welcomes us. I take a deep breath out and close my eyes. I wish that we will all be okay on Friday. That no one will get hurt.
I look back to Liam but his focus is still up at the stars.
"I had to make a wish too," he whispers as he looks back at me. I lean in for a kiss but he steps back, "Before you go inside, I have something I've been meaning to ask you." He has my curiosity peaked and I raise my eyebrows. With a charming smirk, he asks, "Will you, Miss Eleanor Grace Adler, take me as your boyfriend? Will you allow me to call you mine?" I can see the sarcastic twinkle in his eye and I refrain from rolling mine.
I laugh at his nonsense as I nod, "I thought you already were my boyfriend. I certainly already call you mine." He laughs as he grabs onto the sides of my face. He kisses me but we both have huge smiles on our faces.
Once he lets my hands drop, he leaves me standing on the porch as he walks back to his car. He is almost to his door when he sprints back to me and grabs me to kiss me again. I finally come up for air and say, "We're going to have to figure out a way to restrain our lips and hands when we're together."
Derek's shiny blue Jeep crawling past my driveway catches my attention and we watch as he slowly drives by. Liam grabs my face to kiss me again and I wave to Derek while his lips are on mine- putting the cherry on top of my day.
Once we hear Derek speed off, Liam runs back to his car and this time opens the door and drives down my driveway. I'm practically floating as I open my door and I run into the living room to find my mom standing by the coffee table.
"Liam asked me out!" I shriek and she starts laughing at my excitement.
"Oh! Well, that's great then, but I thought you two were already doing the whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing?" She asks with a flicker of confusion. I flop onto the couch after she gives me a big hug, enjoying my enthusiasm.
"So is he your date for homecoming now too then?" She asks.
"No, his suspension lasts through the dance so they aren't letting him go," I answer as I sprawl out on the couch. I push a plush pillow underneath my head and prop my legs on the coffee table. My mom quickly swats my legs down before plopping down next to me. I can feel her warmth as she starts playing with my hair.
"So how are you two planning on telling Harper you're an item now?"
I hadn't thought about it. We had agreed to wait until homecoming was over to pursue anything but I guess it doesn't matter now that he's not going.
"I honestly don't know. You might have to pick me up from the hospital after she founds out."
She laughs but I'm only kind of kidding.
"I think you just need to be honest with her Ellie. I know it will be the end of the world for a minute, but then she'll be focused on the next thing," she states plainly. I nod as I stare at our spinning ceiling fan. It will certainly be the end of the world when Harper finds out.
"Or, I can wait until after we graduate and we'll be in different states by then," I suggest.
"You only have a couple more months together Ellie, then who knows what will happen with the lot of you. I think the only things you should be taking seriously are your classes and college acceptances," she tells me.
"Mom, the only things that matter are boys and appearances. The rest is all secondary," I say and I catch her side-eye.
"I want to think you're joking there Ellie," she says flatly as I roll off the couch and walk into the hallway.
"Goodnight mom!" I shout as I walk up and into my room. I want to tell her I'm joking but it seems the important things in my life right now aren't "in the moment" things. Figuring out my abilities and sharing my secret with someone is important. Stopping violence at school is very important. Finding out a way to keep my face safe from Harper is also important.
I walk into my closet to grab some pajamas and the garment bag my dress is hanging in stops me. I pull it out and carry it over to the bed. I drop the bag down and unzip the long zipper, watching the black glitter ❤️spill out of it. I run my hand over the beading and fall in love with the dress all over again. I'm sad Liam isn't going to get to see me in it and I imagine him in a tuxedo.
I then think I'm even sadder about missing him wearing a tux than I am about him not seeing me. I am zipping the bag back up when I get an idea and scramble to find my phone. I remember I left my purse downstairs in all my excitement so I fly back down the steps to find it. I scroll to Liam's number and wait for him to pick up.
"Miss me already?" He asks as I race back upstairs for some privacy. I close my door with my heel and cross back over to my bed as I say, "You can be my date for homecoming!" I hop back onto my bed and throw myself against my plethora of pillows.
"You know I would Ellie, but they said I couldn't go to the dance."
"Yeah yeah yeah, I know but they wouldn't know you were there if they couldn't see you." The light bulb takes a second to click on in his head before he replies, "Oh, yeah I guess it wouldn't be hard to sneak in. Are you going to be sad if your date is invisible?"
"As long as you're there I don't care. You still have to wear a tux though."
"Alright I can do that," I hear the smile in his voice and I'm excited for next Saturday.
"Okay! Well, I'll let you go. We'll figure the rest out later. Goodnight." I hang up the phone and toss it onto my bed. I quickly text Harper and Lily to make a plan to go get the rest of our homecoming stuff tomorrow at the mall. I walk back into my closet to stuff my dress away before carefully selecting my choice of pajamas, just in case I wake up to any more surprises tomorrow.
I pull my hair up and crawl into bed thinking of homecoming. Dread slowly creeps over me when I think about telling Harper about Liam tomorrow. It's suddenly making it much harder to fall asleep.
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