Alec's POV:

I hadn't moved. The top half of my body was practically limp on Magnus's chest. He held me tight and securely. It felt like he would never let me go, I was okay with that, I was glad to be in his warmth. I didn't want him to let me go. Neither of us had said a thing even though almost an hour had past, it was clear that Magnus was simply giving me my own time even though he was right beside me. It's weird how you could sometimes need someone so badly and yet need to be completely alone at the same time. Somehow, Magnus knew how to give me both. He knew how to keep his space even if we were deeply tranced in a hug. The warmth of his embrace was familiar, as though I had just come home from a long time away. His scent lingered in the negative space between us, his sent was what I would always remember about him. The day I woke up, remembering nothing, I could smell that exact smell, it was like a gateway between me and my other life. At first it confused me, why the scent was so familiar, then I started to spend more time with him and I understood why it was so comforting. Why I so desperately wanted to be back there. 

But how could this be? How could Max be gone? It's always hard to imagine burying a sibling, even harder when they're younger than you. I've always imagined Max living long after I die, long enough to have a second life without me. He would've gotten married, got a job, had kids. He would've grown old with his wife or husband.

He could've been so much more. That boy was a genius, his ambitions were huge. He inspired me the way no one else ever did, how could he be so young yet so charismatic? He had so many dreams that he never had the time to accomplish. One doesn't have goals at such a young age, well at least I didn't, but Max did.

But the thing that I hated the most, his time on earth wasn't enough. He didn't have the time to know who he was and accept it, whether that's straight, gay, gender queer, whatever it was. We never even spoke about anything like that. The amount of things that he must've been scared to tell us about... things about himself, who he truly was. It wasn't fair on Max. It wasn't fair.

After pondering in my thoughts for a while, I looked up at Magnus, who had the most empathetic look smothered on his face. He looked down at me.
"You okay now?" I shook my head.
"How can I be? Max is dead. My brother is dead." As these words fell out of my mouth, I could feel Magnus's clutch around my body strengthen, strengthen to the point where I could feel his heart beat echo though my body.
"I'm sorry, Magnus I-"
"Alec, you apologise too much, you don't have to."
"Sorry." I stupidly replied.
"You know what? You're not allowed to apologise. You're not allowed to apologise for mourning your brother. There is no shame in that." He kept steady eye contact the whole time. "Do you hear me, Alexander? No shame." I nodded along with what he was saying as it set into my brain.

I closed my eyes, buried my head in his chest and took in a deep breath. I looked up at him and slowly kissed him. I held back the tears as I brought my wandering mind back to where I was, with Magnus. I kissed him over and over again, trying to keep my mind away from a place I hated. He pulled away, holding my chest back.
"Why don't we go to bed? You're clearly still a bit drunk, wouldn't want you making the wrong decisions."
Magnus was always understanding, no matter what it was, he'd accept that people can make mistakes.
"Yeah, sor- I mean yeah, let's go." He gave me a smile and helped me up. We made our way to bed and slept close through the whole night.